Cold Feet: The Lost Years

by Carmel Harrington

  David relaxed for the first time since he arrived. He’d been so nervous.

  ‘I’ve enjoyed these past few months,’ David said. ‘Being your friend again.’

  Karen’s eyes filled with tears and he looked stricken when he saw them. She quickly reassured him, ‘No, I’m fine. Stop worrying. I am emotional, but only because I loved spending time with you too. And I want you to know that I’ll always be grateful for all the support you gave me. I leaned heavily on you, I know that.’

  He nodded. ‘I’ll always be here for you,’ David said. But he needed to say something else too, out of respect for Robyn. It was time to put her first. ‘I might need to take a little step back for a while. For Robyn’s sake. Can’t have been easy for her, me over here so much.’

  Karen knew that she was on borrowed time, calling David up to help out with plug changes or to provide a shoulder to cry on. He’d moved on, and so must she. And while she felt nervous about this, she was also excited. It was time for a new chapter in her life. On her own, with the children.

  ‘You have to put Robyn first,’ Karen insisted.

  ‘The children will always be my priority though,’ David promised.

  ‘I know that.’

  ‘And if you ever need me, all you have to do is call.’

  ‘I know that too,’ Karen said, smiling at his use of words. He’d be singing next.

  The room fell silent, but it was one of those wonderful companionable ones that only two people who know each other as intimately as they did, could sit in.

  ‘When will you propose?’

  ‘I want to do something special for her. I thought perhaps I could hire a yacht, then maybe . . .’ David paused, when Karen placed a finger over her mouth.

  ‘Don’t tell me how. Robyn should be the first person to know about that. And remember, she won’t care what or how you propose. She’ll just remember what you said.’

  For the first time, since David told her of his plans for Robyn, she felt sad. She remembered his proposal to her, all those years ago. They were young, but oh so in love. She’d thought their love could withstand anything. David was her entire world and she would have followed him anywhere, just to be close to him. Her throat tightened and to her surprise, tears fell.

  She looked up, ready to apologise to David, but his eyes were damp too.

  He whispered, ‘I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you.’

  ‘You remembered?’ Karen said, completely taken aback. David had just quoted, word for word perfectly, Wentworth’s proposal to Anne from the novel Persuasion. He had borrowed that quote for his own proposal to her all those years ago. She’d thought it was the single most romantic thing anyone had ever done for anyone.

  ‘Shameless stealing of Austen’s words, but at the time, I thought they were appropriate.’

  ‘They were beautiful. And quite perfect. She’s always been one of my favourite authors,’ Karen said.

  They both fell silent again.

  Karen thought about the world that David imagined.

  If it did exist, she hoped that other version of themselves were happy and still quoting literature to each other. She hoped that they were kinder to each other than they’d been here. And she hoped that they realised how much they had to lose, before it was too late.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  The pretty woman in red and 007

  Robyn’s office, Didsbury, Manchester

  Robyn’s secretary Paul walked in, carrying a large rectangular cream box. It had a large, floppy red velvet bow wrapped around it.

  ‘David has asked me to give you this,’ Paul said. He was grinning from ear to ear, obviously in on whatever secrets it held.

  Robyn opened the box with shaking hands, wondering what surprise he had in store for her. David was such a romantic. She’d never dated a man before who made such extravagant gestures. Flowers had been delivered to the office on several occasions.

  When she lifted the lid of the box, inside was a dress. It was the colour of the bow, pillar-box red, and made of soft velvet. She pulled it out to examine it and realised it was an evening gown. She peeked at the label quickly, to check the size.

  ‘It’s the correct size, don’t worry,’ Paul said. ‘David checked that with me.’

  She should have known that he would ensure every detail was correct.

  She found a small hand-written note in the box.

  ‘Please be my ‘‘Pretty Woman’’ tonight and wear this gown. A car will be outside to collect you, at 5.30 p.m. All my love, David. X’

  He’d remembered how much Robyn loved this movie. It had taken them two attempts to finish watching it and he’d teased her relentlessly about it, saying it was a load of sentimental tosh. Yet, here he was, using it as inspiration for whatever romantic evening he had planned for her. She couldn’t wait to ring her mother to tell her. She had despaired of ever seeing Robyn settle down and had high hopes for this relationship. She wasn’t the only one.

  She looked at the gown in her hands, almost identical to the one that Julia Roberts had worn when she went to the opera with Richard Gere. She, however, was no Hollywood actress. She looked at her watch. One hour to make herself look beautiful, if she was going to pull this look off.

  ‘Paul!’ she looked up, ‘I need a—’

  ‘Appointment to get your hair done in the next ten minutes?’ Paul replied smiling.

  ‘Yes!’ she breathed.

  ‘I just so happen to have a friend waiting outside, ready to do your hair and make-up,’ Paul said. ‘By the time he’s done, you’ll give Julia a run for her money, I promise!’

  Robyn knew she’d made the right choice hiring this guy. She stood up to kiss his cheek, but he grabbed her two arms and started bouncing up and down with her, giddy with the excitement of it all. ‘Do you think he’s going to . . . ? Paul asked, breathless at the romance. He couldn’t wait to go tell all the other PAs about it.

  ‘Don’t jinx it by saying that out loud!’ Robyn declared. But her heart leapt at the thought. What if that’s what he was planning? Would she say yes?

  ‘The divorce lawyer finally gets her man,’ Paul squealed, winking as he walked out. ‘Just saying!’ He started to hum ‘Here Comes the Bride’.

  An hour later, he walked her to the waiting car outside. She had never felt so beautiful in her entire life. Paul’s friend had swept her blond hair up into a loose chignon. Her skin was flawless, thanks to his make-up. She did feel like a movie star.

  ‘Go get your man,’ Paul said, kissing her cheek.

  Robyn had no idea where she was going to and normally she hated surprises. It was unnerving, letting herself be vulnerable. She was going to have to just go along for the ride. She suspected she was going to enjoy every moment.

  Twenty minutes later, the car slowed down to a halt as it reached the waterfront. David stood waiting for her, wearing a black tuxedo. He never looked sexier or more handsome.

  He opened the door and helped her out, offering her his arm.

  ‘Oh David,’ she breathed. ‘What have you done?’

  ‘Are you ready for an adventure?’

  She nodded, afraid to speak.

  David had chartered a yacht, one that had been used in a James Bond movie. And as they stepped on board, Robyn felt like the leading lady for the first time in her life.

  As twilight became evening, and lights twinkled on the dark waters of the Irwell, their hired yacht took them on a tour of Manchester.

  They passed famous Mancunian landmarks – Spinningfields and the Salford Quays. Their glasses were topped up continuously from a never-ending bottle of rosé Dom Pérignon that their own butler served.

  He’d thought of everything. That was her absolute favourite champagne.

  A CD played music in the background and, of course, i
t was from the soundtrack of the movie Pretty Woman. ‘It Must Have Been Love’ by Roxette filled the air around them. She leaned into his arms as they watched beautiful Manchester sail by them.

  Then, the song ‘Fallen’ by Lauren Wood came on.

  ‘Oh you’re killing me!’ Robyn said. ‘You know how much I love that song! The lyrics . . .’

  ‘You might have the world conned that you are a hard-nosed divorce lawyer, but I know your secrets, Robyn,’ David whispered into her ear.

  Then he said, ‘Wouldn’t it make the night even more magical, if the music was live, rather than on a CD?’

  Robyn protested, ‘It’s beautiful, no matter how the music is played.’

  The butler moved back, as they smooched to the music. David knew her. This man really knew her. And it made Robyn quite breathless.

  Then she heard the door opening behind her and a man walked out, singing the Lauren Woods song, ‘Fallen’. His voice seamlessly blended in time to the CD. And when he reached their side, the CD was switched off and only his voice filled the deck.

  Robyn gasped, looking at David, who was beaming with delight at how well his plans had come together.

  As the man’s voice sang out, filling the air around him, two men appeared, their arms full with bouquets of flowers. They placed them on the seating on either side of the couple.

  The butler stepped up, this time with a tray of tiny, exquisite canapés.

  Robyn looked at the door to the galley and laughed as she wondered out loud, ‘How many more are hiding down there?’

  And as the tenor held the final note, David stood up from their seat and dropped to one knee, pulling a small square box from his pocket.

  He opened it and Robyn held her breath, hoping that the ring inside was beautiful, but vowing to herself that if it was horrendous, she’d be gracious. And change it later.

  She held her breath as David said, ‘I thought you were magnificent the first time I saw you. The way you took control over what was a difficult time for me. And since then, I’ve fallen deeper and deeper in love with you.’

  Robyn looked at him, her heart dancing its way around her chest. Was he really going to do this . . .

  ‘Would you do me the great honour of marrying me?’ David finished. He looked unsure as he waited for her answer.

  She didn’t need a moment to think. Without hesitation, Robyn shouted in joy, ‘Yes, oh yes!’

  David sat beside Robyn and placed the ring on her finger, which was a perfect fit.

  ‘It’s beautiful.’ It was a flawless square cut diamond, surrounded by smaller diamonds. Robyn sighed with relief. She loved it.

  The water on the Irwell was dark, inky and still.

  Lights bounced on to it from offices and apartments that they passed on the water’s edge.

  David had arranged one more surprise. The tenor returned to sing ‘Sempre Libera’ from Verdi’s La Traviata. Robyn thought she might just faint in that moment. This song was the one from the opera scene in Pretty Woman, which always made her cry, then snort with laughter, moments later.

  When the song ended, they both clapped and cheered. The singer moved back below deck, and the CD came on once more, playing background music courtesy of Roxette.

  ‘I brought the opera to you, my Pretty Woman,’ David’s voice thickened with emotion. His plans had come off beautifully.

  Robyn replied, in a perfect American twang, mimicking the famous scene with Julia Roberts, ‘It was so good, I almost peed in my pants!’

  David thought he’d never been happier. ‘I’m so glad I found you.’

  Robyn nodded. ‘Me too.’

  ‘I know I come with a lot of responsibility for you – three children . . .’

  ‘Don’t forget an ex-wife, plus a group of ever so slightly bonkers friends,’ Robyn added.

  ‘Yes, all that . . .’ David laughed. ‘But I promise to love you and to make your happiness my goal in life. I’ve spoken to Karen and explained that I can’t keep going over there. She understands. She really does.’

  ‘Thank you, David, and I promise to try my best to understand when you are pulled in another direction. I will never become the wicked stepmother to the kids either. I’ve grown rather fond of them.’

  ‘You’re wonderful with them. Josh prefers you to me now when he comes to stay!’ David said, one hundred per cent serious.

  ‘He wanted to have a sleepover at my place the other day,’ Robyn said. ‘It was so cute. He’s so cute. And I adore the girls. They are very sweet.’

  ‘You spoil those two. You can’t keep spending your money on clothes for them.’

  ‘Well, don’t be cross, but I saw the most darling outfits yesterday and I had to buy them. The last ones, honestly!’ Robyn turned away from David and looked out to the still water. She would never have thought it possible, how much fun it was when they were all together. ‘Being with your children has awoken a part of me that I didn’t know existed.’

  David was deeply moved by her admission; he pulled her back so that she was facing him again.

  ‘I find myself wondering, more and more, what it would be like to have children,’ Robyn whispered. She’d never said that out loud to a living soul before. In fact, she had never said it out loud to herself.

  David thought when the girls came along that was it. No more children, three is enough for any family. But that was before he met Robyn. Now, he found himself contemplating a world with his and Robyn’s children, too.

  ‘I like to think that any children we had together would be quite spectacular,’ David said.

  Robyn blinked, her eyes glistening with golden lights reflecting in them. ‘Are you saying what I think you’re saying . . . ?’

  ‘Yes, I rather think I am.’

  ‘We’re going to try for a baby?’ Robyn whispered in awe.

  She felt like she was about to fall into a glorious rabbit hole. They sealed the deal with a kiss.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  The Cat in the Hat and the misplaced future

  Bill’s house, Malone Road, Stranmillis, Belfast, Northern Ireland

  Today should be a day filled with excitement. Love. Smiles. Laughter. It was a milestone in any parent’s life.

  But the thing was, the person who would have had the biggest smile on their face wouldn’t be there. And Adam was so pissed off, he couldn’t think straight.

  Rachel.

  Even the clouds were angry. They sulked, dark, heavy over the skyline, in solidarity with Adam’s mood.

  The wind blustered, looking to have its voice heard too.

  Today, his only child’s first birthday, should have nothing but sunshine and light, but instead all Adam could feel was rage.

  There’s only so much tragedy one person can take and when he should be simply feeling joy, Adam felt like he’d reached a limit. He couldn’t take any more. He wanted to shout at the world.

  Rachel and he had so few memories as a trio with Matthew. They had planned so much, but had so little time to do any of the things they talked about. They’d never get to watch him do the hotdog dance with Mickey Mouse, or build his own Lego fort. They wanted to snorkel together. Rachel had this romantic notion of holding hands as a family under water. They wanted to become regulars somewhere. With their very own Cheers bar, where everyone would know their name. They’d planned to take a road trip, with no fixed timescale or destination. Perhaps when Matthew was in university, out on his own with less need of them. They had dozens of family traditions to make of their own that Matthew could pass on to his own children one day.

  Memories. So many lost memories.

  He walked into his father’s living room and found his parents, together, kneeling on the rug in front of the fireplace, building blocks with Matthew.

  He stood and watched his son laugh and squeal with joy as he pushed another tower to the ground. Matthew had finally had his first haircut, in the end, courtesy of Mary. She’d told Adam that it had been she who’d cut his cu
rly locks for years as a child. He’d forgotten that. He reckoned Rachel would have approved.

  Matthew crawled over to his nana and tried to pull himself up, using her for support.

  ‘He’s so close to walking,’ she said, amazed at the strength in his legs.

  ‘We’ve have a few false starts,’ Adam said. ‘I thought last night he had it. But he flopped to the ground with a laugh and waddled on his arse instead.’

  Mary and Bill laughed and clapped their hands, delighted with their little havoc maker as he started to fling Lego from one side of the room to the other.

  ‘He’s just like his dad,’ Bill said. ‘Adam was forever breaking things! Do you remember?’

  ‘Of course I do! There wasn’t a cup in the house that didn’t have a chip on it, courtesy of the laddo!’

  Adam felt the ground tremble beneath him. He was on quicksand all of a sudden. Things were changing, evolving around him and he was struggling to keep up. But this time, he didn’t feel like he was going to sink without a trace, as he’d dreamt so many times.

  He had not seen his parents together in two decades and now, suddenly, they were playing doting grandparents, like they hadn’t a care in the world. It was surreal. And pretty cool.

  Bill looked up. ‘You doing okay, son?’

  Adam shrugged.

  Bill pulled himself upright, holding on to the arm of one of the sofas. And in that small gesture, Adam became aware of his father’s age. He dressed and acted like a man who was twenty years younger than he actually was. He never complained, but he was sure that Matthew and he, must tire him out. His life had been very quiet before they took it over.

  He moved forward offering his arm to help Bill steady himself.

  ‘Thanks, son.’

  ‘I know you said no fuss, that you wanted a small birthday tea, but I made a cake. It’s finished, if you want to come have a look.’ Mary stood up without a single wobble and scooped up Matthew into her arms. Matthew adored her already. He knew he had found another person he could wrap around his finger and he wanted to hold on tight to her.