Cold Feet: The Lost Years

by Carmel Harrington

  ‘I’d hoped he would.’

  ‘He might bring Bill with him.’ Jenny winked then made an obscene gesture with her groin.

  ‘I should have known Adam would have told you!’ Karen said. ‘Oh, I’m mortified now. It was all a misunderstanding . . .’

  ‘I believe you! Not!’ Jenny said. ‘Spill!’

  ‘Another time, another place, maybe I might have been tempted. But I promise you, we’re just friends,’ Karen said.

  ‘Pity, because if you married Bill, then you would be Adam’s stepmother and Rachel’s mother-in-law. Ha! I can just imagine Rachel’s face.’ Jenny said. Then stopped, realising what she’d said. Sometimes she forgot Rachel was gone. ‘It’s weird not having her here, isn’t it?’

  ‘Nearly every memory in my adult life has her in it,’ Karen replied. ‘I still can’t quite get my head around the fact that she won’t be in my future.’

  ‘I feel guilty that I wasn’t there at the end. I should have been with you all, in the hospital. I never got to say goodbye.’

  ‘You did that at the funeral. You came back as soon as you heard. There was nothing else you could have done,’ Karen reassured her.

  They sat in silence as they both thought about their friend.

  ‘I don’t want to lose you too,’ Karen whispered. ‘Promise me that won’t happen.’

  Jenny reached over and clasped her hand. ‘I promise.’

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  The total eclipse of the rat and the caramelised walnuts

  Pete and Jenny’s House, Didsbury, Manchester

  It was a horrid day. The wind howled and rain teemed down. As Audrey kept saying, it was a day for nowt else but the slippers and a hot fire.

  But it was also Chloe’s christening. And this time, Pete and Jenny wanted the day to be perfect. The sun might have shone for little Adam’s christening a few years back but the day ended with dark clouds. Pete’s father had died on the way to the ceremony.

  Jenny worried that the day might be too difficult for Audrey, but she was her usual unfazed, happy self, busy making salads for the buffet, now that they were home from the service.

  ‘I have walnut, feta and poppy seed salad, devilled eggs, cooked ham, homemade coleslaw and potato salad, pear and blue cheese salad and some smoked salmon. Do you think that’s enough?’ Audrey fussed in the kitchen.

  ‘Don’t forget I’ve got trays of hors d’oeuvres too,’ Jenny replied, silently offering up thanks to Marks and Spencer’s catering department.

  ‘The cake is fabulous Mum,’ Pete said, admiring the intricate detailing on the white topped fruitcake that Audrey had made and decorated for them.

  ‘I don’t know what we’d do without you,’ Jenny said.

  Audrey beamed at them both. She couldn’t be happier, right here in the middle of everything, helping them.

  ‘Wasn’t the service wonderful?’ Audrey said. ‘I do like that priest.’

  Jenny walked over to Pete and leaned in for a hug. ‘It was lovely, wasn’t it?’

  ‘David’s speech was a bit . . .’ Pete said.

  ‘I know!’ Jenny replied. ‘He was quoting all sorts. I kind of lost track halfway through. I think I might have nodded off.’

  ‘Me too, love. But the bit at the beginning and end was good,’ Pete said.

  ‘Ooh, yes. I liked that. What did he say again?’

  ‘Something about how he’d always be there to inspire Chloe . . .’

  ‘To fill her heart with wonder . . .’ Jenny mimicked his plummy voice.

  ‘And to give her wings to fly!’ Pete finished on a snort.

  ‘Stop, he’ll hear us,’ Jenny said, holding her mouth. ‘Aw, he was sweet. He probably spent hours writing it.’

  ‘On that white cloud of his in heaven,’ Pete said, quoting another part of the speech. They both collapsed into each other again.

  ‘What’s so funny?’ David said, walking into the room, a smile on his face, ready to join in the joke.

  Pete and Jenny looked at each other in horror.

  Audrey stepped in and said not missing a single beat, ‘I farted. It’s the eggs, you see. Gives me terrible wind.’

  Jenny and Pete started to howl with laughter even harder. And David joined in, waving his hand in front of him. ‘There is a dreadful whiff now that you mention it!’

  ‘Hey!’ Jenny said, taking offence, only stepping back when Pete grabbed her arm.

  ‘Everyone’s got a drink. But I’m worried you’re in here working and forgetting about yourselves. Shall I pour one for both of you?’ David asked, holding up a bottle of prosecco.

  Jenny looked at him, and her heart melted again. He was a softie really. ‘Aw. David. You are so good.’ She leaned up and kissed his cheek, feeling bad for making fun of him. ‘Come on, Pete, and you too, Audrey, let’s go have a drink with our guests. We’ll bring the food out to the dining room in a bit.’

  She accepted a glass of prosecco from David and followed him out to the others. The room was full, with the adults standing chatting, sipping their drinks and the children all in the middle of floor, in a mosh pit of cuddly toys and arms and legs.

  Chloe was flaked out in her bassinet, looking darling in her white christening robe, the same one that little Adam and Pete had worn.

  Ramona and her boyfriend Jean-Luc stood in one corner of the room, chatting to Robyn. Ramona was wearing a skin-tight white dress, with her two large breasts threatening to spill out if she leaned in any direction. Jean-Luc couldn’t keep his eyes off them, which, after all, was her intention. This dress was her good-luck charm. She was yet to find a man who could resist her when she wore it.

  ‘Nice dress . . .’ Jenny said to her, mumbling at the end, ‘that you’re almost wearing.’

  ‘What you say to me?’ Ramona asked.

  ‘I just wondered where you bought your dress,’ Jenny improvised, shrugging innocently when Pete shot a warning look at her.

  ‘I buy in store, that Daveed buy dresses for Karen in,’ Ramona said. Then she turned to Robyn, ‘Sorry. He buy you dresses there now too.’

  ‘It’s quite all right,’ Robyn said, smiling. She thought Ramona was hilarious.

  Ramona turned to Jean-Luc and explained, ‘Daveed was married to my Karen. But now he with Robyn. Anyways.’ She flicked her hair and Jean-Luc nodded and smiled. He hadn’t understood a single word she’d said, so he just stared at her boobs some more and wondered how soon they could leave this strange party and go back to her room.

  Robyn looked mortified, so Jenny said to her, ‘Come get another drink. You’re almost empty.’

  Robyn was grateful for the escape. ‘I know Karen and David love that woman, but I find her both hilarious and frightful.’

  Jenny laughed. ‘That just about sums her up. You and I are going to get on just fine. Come on, let’s get you that drink.’

  She reunited Robyn with David, leaving to find a new bottle of prosecco.

  ‘All okay darling?’ David asked. ‘I hope it’s not too difficult here, I know you don’t know everyone.’

  ‘I’m having a great time. Jenny’s a hoot.’

  David said, ‘Yes, she is, quite.’ He nodded across the room, pointing out Adam and Pete, who were holding their babies in their arms, measuring them against each other.

  ‘Sometimes, I imagine that one day, these two might get married,’ Pete was saying to Adam.

  ‘Aw, the lordship here would be very lucky to win the heart of your wee princess,’ Adam replied. ‘Looks like grub is up.’

  Jenny and Audrey were bringing all the prepared food out into the dining room, lining up the dishes in a row. A pile of plates and cutlery wrapped in pink napkins flanked the food on either end.

  Pete handed Chloe to Jenny’s sister Sheila, her godmother, and went to help.

  ‘You’ve done your daughter proud,’ Audrey said.

  ‘And you’ve done your son proud. And me too,’ Jenny replied. Their mutual appreciation society was still in full swing.<
br />
  ‘All I did was help. This is all you.’

  Jenny didn’t often feel like a Susie Homemaker, but today she felt all woman. She thought to herself, I’ve created life, I’ve dressed that gorgeous life in a cherished white gown that so far she’s managed not to get dirty, I’ve helped create a feast, unlike any that has been in this house before, and to top it all, I am blissfully happy.

  She looked at the living room that was full of people she loved and who loved her. Or at least liked her. Mostly.

  ‘Will I call everyone in?’ Audrey asked.

  Jenny nodded. She couldn’t wait for the praise that she hoped would come her way. She’d be gracious, as they all filled their plates and marvelled at how she pulled all this together. She was proud.

  And that, of course, is always a mistake, because a fall is never far behind that sentiment.

  They all walked in and, as she predicted, they started a chorus of oohs and aahs in appreciation of the feast before them. Little Adam and Josh begin piling cocktail sausages and sausage rolls on to their plates, ignoring the salads.

  Pete said, ‘Incredible, love.’

  Jenny was just about to murmur a modest, ‘Oh it’s nothing,’ when Pete’s face turned red. He started to shout, ‘Oi, oi, oi!’ Then he ran from the dining room, into the kitchen and out the back door, picking up a sweeping brush as he went.

  ‘What in God’s name has got into him?’ Audrey said. And the room moved closer to the window for a better look.

  Pete appeared in the garden with the broom held high in his arms, then began hitting the bushes with ferocious intensity. With each whack he shouted, ‘Oi! Oi!’

  ‘Should I go out to him?’ Adam asked, not moving. He’d not seen anything like it before. Was his friend having a breakdown of some kind?

  Pete moved back from the bush and began pointing to the ground, shouting into the house, for help. ‘Adam, David, quick!’

  ‘Look, Mummy, it’s a mouse!’ Josh shouted, climbing on to a chair so he could get a better look.

  ‘What?’ Jenny gasped, her heart leaping into the back of her throat.

  And then they all saw it.

  Not a mouse. But a big black rat that appeared to be doing the cha-cha-cha with Pete as he tried to bash its brains in with the broom.

  Pete paused for a moment and gestured manically at Adam and David. ‘Some help here, please!’

  Adam reluctantly passed Matthew to Karen and grabbed David.

  ‘Choose your weapon.’ Adam grabbed a mop from the store cupboard. David looked around for something useful, but nothing stood out.

  Adam pulled a soup ladle from the kitchen drawer and handed him that. ‘Beggars can’t be choosers mate.’

  Josh and little Adam sat side by side at the window, noses pressed right against the glass, shouting with glee as they looked out for the rat. Every now and then, they’d shout directions to their daddies.

  ‘Over there, Daddy!’

  ‘Not in there, Daddy! Behind you!’

  Jenny watched the three men do a dance with the rat for five more minutes. Then it decided enough was enough and made its escape, scurrying down the front drive, ready to torment their neighbours.

  The three men returned, all windswept and muttering about vermin, like they were conquering war heroes back from the battlefield.

  Everyone’s attention was on them, rather than on the lovely buffet.

  ‘Eat up!’ Jenny said, dismayed at how attention had diverted so easily from her feast. She was beginning feel less woman-like with every passing minute.

  ‘I did what anyone would do,’ Pete said, as he accepted praise for his bravery.

  Jenny knew she was fighting a losing battle. All eyes were firmly on the window and the possible return of the rat, instead of on the plates they held in their hands. Nobody seemed hungry any more.

  Jenny decided to fish for a compliment, to try to get things back on track. ‘What do you think of the ham, Pete? I cooked it myself, in a bottle of club orange.’ She’d seen Jamie Oliver do that. And was quite proud of the result.

  ‘Nice one,’ he answered, one eye looking out the window.

  Jenny gasped at the use of the word ‘nice’. Audrey patted her arm in sympathy.

  ‘The walnut and feta salad, have you tried that? I even caramelised the walnuts,’ Jenny said to the room. She’d normally ignore the part of the recipe that involved anything fiddly like that, but had decided to do it properly. And they were the most delicious walnuts she’d ever tasted.

  Pete moved his fork, ready to spear some salad, then shouted, ‘Did you see that?’, dropping his plate on to the table again with a rattle.

  He ran out the door, followed by David and Adam too, who were roaring like they were extras in the movie Braveheart.

  ‘Never mind dear,’ Audrey said.

  ‘I’ve been totally eclipsed by a bloody rat!’ Jenny said.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

  Wentworth, Anne and the alternate universe

  Karen’s House, Didsbury, Manchester

  ‘You’re early,’ Karen said, opening the door in surprise to David. ‘Ramona isn’t back yet with the children from their walk.’

  ‘I wanted a chat, just the two of us, if that’s okay with you?’ David asked.

  Karen smiled, happy to see him and they walked into the kitchen.

  ‘You look well,’ David said to her. She’d put on a little bit of weight, and it suited her, because she’d become so gaunt recently. He thought about saying this to her, but wisely discarded the idea.

  ‘I feel well,’ Karen said. ‘Or at least better than I have been feeling. I’ve made some lemonade. Fancy trying some? I made it from scratch with Josh this morning, and I think it’s actually quite decent.’

  David nodded and began to fidget with his phone while she prepared their drinks.

  She could see he was nervous.

  ‘Do you ever think that in another universe, you and I are still happily married?’ David blurted out.

  Karen placed their drinks on the table silently. She gave the question some thought then replied, ‘In work, we get a lot of manuscripts in, about that subject – parallel lives. One I read recently was actually quite good. I think it might just make it into a book one day. In reality, I don’t know . . . I haven’t made up my mind yet, as to whether I believe in an afterlife, never mind that. What made you ask?’

  David took a sip of the lemonade and was surprised at how sweet it was. Ice cold and the thought crossed his mind that a slug of gin with some lime thrown in would make it a perfect cocktail. Once again, he discarded that thought and didn’t mention it to Karen.

  ‘On occasion over the years, I’ve thought about the different stages in my life. When I’ve come to a crossroads, had I taken a right, instead of a left, where would I be now? In another life, maybe, there’s a version of us where I didn’t cheat on you and we are still together.’

  Karen was a bit taken aback. It wasn’t like him to be so deep and reflective. But then again, maybe she didn’t know him as well as she thought she did. ‘The thing is, David, in that life, the one where you didn’t cheat on me, we might be together, but we are probably still deeply unhappy. Plus, you weren’t the only one making mistakes. I’d hazard a guess, we are both screwing things up in that life too.’

  ‘So it’s inevitable that we end up here,’ David said.

  ‘Maybe,’ Karen admitted.

  They sipped their lemonade again and Karen watched him fidget, as he always did when he had something on his mind.

  ‘What’s up?’ she asked gently.

  He looked at her, and for a moment, she faded away and instead he saw a long, dusty road, with a fork at the end of it. Left or right, he pondered?

  ‘David?’ she asked again.

  Her voice snapped him back to reality and he took another slug of the bittersweet drink.

  ‘Sorry. Day-dreaming.’

  ‘And I thought I was the dolly day-dreamer,’ she said, te
asing.

  Whatever was on his mind, she figured he’d get to it soon.

  ‘By the way, Josh has elevated Robyn to hero status. Wait till you hear him. She’s all he talks about these days. And by all accounts, Mrs Joyce can’t do enough for him. He says she’s always smiling at him and waving hello.’

  David laughed. ‘You know, when I dropped him to school the other day, she was all over me too. In all the years I’ve been going there, I’d be lucky to get a nod from her! Now she’s charm personified.’

  ‘Whatever Robyn said to her, it worked! Having a lawyer in the family is perhaps a good thing. She’s a keeper,’ Karen said.

  She’s a keeper. David closed his eyes and saw the road again. Left or right?

  And he knew which one he not only wanted to take, but the one he needed to take too.

  ‘Her being a keeper, is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.’

  Karen looked at him in surprise. ‘Oh?’

  ‘I love her.’

  ‘I can tell that,’ Karen replied.

  ‘And I’d like to ask her to marry me.’

  Karen had suspected that this was coming. She had wondered how she would feel when it did. She supposed you never know, really, how you are going to react until you are in a situation.

  She waited a moment to see if crushing disappointment slapped her across the face.

  But to her surprise, she felt only happiness for David. She wanted him to be happy too. She really did.

  She reached over to touch his hand and said, ‘I’m so pleased for you. That’s wonderful news.’

  David looked at her closely, worried that he might be upsetting her. And he’d hate that. ‘And you are okay about it?’

  ‘Yes. I really am,’ Karen replied. ‘A couple of weeks ago, I might have struggled, but it appears time is a good healer.’

  ‘Do you think the children will be okay with the news?’ David asked.

  ‘They will be delighted. They’re used to the new set-up, going between the two homes. They like Robyn. In fact, the girls often call me Robyn by mistake, after they’ve spent time with you both. And I don’t mind that in the least. It shows they like her. And they love you. It’s all good,’ Karen reassured him.