Wine & Whiskey: Everything for You (Surviving Absolution Book 2)

by Nikki Belaire

  “I’ll be back as soon as I can. I love you.” A shiver runs up her spine at the brooding in his eyes when he kisses her goodbye. The faint whisper of “fuck” under his breath as he closes the car door.

  “What’s that about?”

  She accepts Carrie’s hand again, letting her lead them into the house. Rather than chase after him and try to ease the anxiety he bears for her. Because of her. That he won’t allow her to relieve. “He thinks I’m doing too much. You know how he worries.”

  Her friend smirks, her bubbly laugh bouncing through the hallway before they enter her old bedroom. A comforting feeling, yet not quite as cozy as before. Not really her home anymore. Not without Nick. “What? Nick worry? Nooooo…”

  She doesn’t hold back her smile at the teasing. It feels good to relax, to laugh a little bit. Feel normal, if only for a few minutes. “Come on. Let’s see what Sabrina sent over.”

  After an hour of playing dress-up, Carrie scribbles on her notepad, listing the last shoe/gown combo. “I think that’s it. I’m glad you went with the yellow. It looks good with your—”

  A faint buzz echoes from the kitchen, alerting them to a visitor at the gate seeking admission to the neighborhood. Her gaze meets Carrie’s frown. Nick can’t be back already. “Who’s that?”

  Carrie shakes her head and drops the papers and marker onto the bedspread. “I have no idea. I’ll check.”

  Before she can stand up, Nathan steps into the doorway. Doubt flickers in his normally confident expression as he glances from Carrie to her. “It’s Jason.”

  Heat flushes her body. All this time, after everything she’s gone through, and now, he shows up. She swallows, trying to bring back moisture to her suddenly parched mouth. “Why?”

  “He’s worried and wants to talk to you.”

  “How does he even know I’m here?”

  “I told him. I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to, but he called after you were in the hospital. It was all over the news, and he was freaking out.” Nathan’s gaze flicks to the floor, even more unnerving than looking her in the eye, because she knows she won’t like what he says next. “He said he knew it would be a bad idea to go to Nick’s.”

  Another jab against the man she loves. The flames move to her cheeks. He still can’t accept her decision, and she can’t deal with him today. Her heart unable to withstand any more abuse. “No.”

  His eyes widen. Not expecting her to disagree. Not be her normal, docile self. Which she’ll probably regret later. But right now, hurt overrides her manners. “Come on, Shae. He’s here. Just talk to him. All he wants—”

  “Enough Nathan.” Carrie stands up, her cheeks spiking rose under her honey tan. “She doesn’t need any pressure from him. Or you.”

  Now, his face reddens, his chin lifting, ready to argue. “It’s not pressure. He’s—”

  Guilt swells in her stomach at her friends arguing over her. Again. “I’ll talk to him.”

  Carrie swings around to face her, worry blazing in her dark eyes. “Are you sure? You don’t have to. He can get over it.”

  “No. It’s fine.”

  After Carrie follows Nathan into the hallway, she grabs the purple gown, folding it over before laying the dress on top of the blue wrap. Trying to hide her shaking hands and racing heart. Losing Jason was almost as difficult as her mom. Her mother was ripped away. No choice. No chance to say good-bye. Yet, Jason chose to leave her. Made the decision to walk away when she needed him the most.

  “I heard you could use a friend.”

  She hasn’t heard his voice in months. The lump in her throat grows at the sorrow breaking in his. It still hurts, no matter how much he disappointed her, to know he’s suffering too. “I could have used one two months ago.”

  “I deserve that.”

  “Yes, you do.”

  He nods, slow and remorseful, seeming to accept her frustration with him. After motioning toward the sitting area, he meets her gaze. “Can I come in?”

  “I don’t want to fight. I can’t take—”

  The palms of his hands fly up, blocking his body in defense. “No fighting. I promise. I just want to talk.”

  She nods and scoots over on the bed to make room for him. A bittersweet reminder of all the times they hung out in here, her mother randomly popping in, pretending to have a question or put away laundry. But really to confirm all was innocent. Never completely believing he was gay, and that they were drooling over the same cute guys on tour with them.

  “I’m sorry about the baby.”

  Unable to speak, she nods again and accepts his arm curling around her, resting her head against his shoulder. The wound too new and deep to hide or speak about.

  “Actually, I’m sorry for everything. I was a jerk, and now, I understand more than I ever expected exactly how much I hurt you.”

  Worry coils in her chest at his defeated tone. A deeper turmoil lingering underneath the sad smile. “What are you talking about?”

  “Stephen left me.”

  The ache in her heart throbs harder. Stephen was the man who loved Jason when he thought he couldn’t love himself. Who helped Jason accept the truth he fought and despised until the older man showed him what was missing in his life. “What happened?”

  “I never told you because I was too embarrassed to admit it, but he’d cheated on me once before. After a few weeks, he came back.” He shakes his head, the humor missing from his bitter laugh. “And I was stupid enough to fall for his groveling and begging and assurances it meant nothing and would never happen again. So fucking dumb.”

  “I had no idea.”

  Her comfort falls away as he stands up and strides to her dresser. His fingertips trace the antique frame holding her mother’s photo. Both of them missing her, especially now. “We were good for a while, but little things kept happening that made me suspicious. But, of course, I didn’t want to believe it was true, so I ignored them. But I came home from work, and he had moved out. The house was empty, and so was our bank account. I lost the gym.”

  “I’m so sorry.” She can’t hold back any more. Punishing him doesn’t lessen her heartbreak. They need each other. Her arms slide around his waist, and he engulfs her with his embrace, seeming to need the solace just as much. “Why didn’t you come to me? I would have helped you.”

  “Yeah, that would’ve been real cool of me, wouldn’t it? I destroy our friendship and then ask you for money.”

  “I would have given it to you, you know.”

  “I know.” A deep sigh blows against her hair. “I loved him so much, and I hate the fact that after all the shit he did to me, I still do. How fucked up is that?”

  She nods at his anguish. The power of love to generate the best and the worst, whether either one can be withstood or not. “I get it.”

  He draws her tighter against him and kisses her forehead. “Losing Stephen made me realize you can’t help who you love, and I should’ve supported you instead of turning my back on you.”

  She steps back, needing to see his face. Needing him to see the pain in hers. “You really hurt me.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

  “I want to. I really do. But…” She’s missed him more than he’ll ever understand. One of her only genuine friends in a world of people she can’t trust. Yet, now her faith in their friendship remains tested. Uncertain if it can be restored when a barrier remains between them. “What about Nick?”

  His body stiffens, his hands rubbing the back of his neck. The telltale sign of his unease.

  “I love him, and I can’t spend the rest of my life having you try to make me choose between you.”

  “You don’t have to. This could be your fresh start. Without him.” He grasps her hands, tugging her closer to him. “I know it hurts, but maybe it’s for the best. You can move—”

  The crack in her fragile heart bursts open, pain engulfing every cell of her body. She gasps for breath in her burning chest and curls into herself, stu
mbling backward. Away from him. Away from the cruelty he inflicts on her already trampled spirit.

  “Shae?”

  She shakes her head, the trembling overcoming her muscles and her voice. All the love, the years of supporting each other no matter what, his unwavering defense against the haters, smothered with a viciousness she never expected. The words too unbelievable to deny. Or accept. Dropping down onto the bed, she fights the sob brewing in her throat. “You think me losing my baby is for the best?”

  “Fuck. No, that’s not what I meant. I just…” He falls to his knees in front of her, trying to meet her gaze. “You’ve been through hell because of him. I had to get through a wall of his men just to see you. You’re trapped in here like a prisoner until he comes back.”

  “You don’t understand.” She shoves away his fingers trying to grasp hers. Unwilling to let him try to unite them again. “It’s not like that.”

  He stands up, holding out his hand. Defiance seeming to rage through his stiff body. “Then let’s go. I’ll take you to the building I’m trying to rent to get JET’s up and running again. If you’re not forced to stay here because of him then come with me.”

  “No.” She shakes her head at his arm jerking away. “I can’t.”

  “Why not?”

  She wants to scream, to make him understand what he’s doing to her, how he’s breaking every last thread tying their relationship together. But only a whisper slips out, “Please stop. I—”

  “Do you know how ridiculous it is you’re a hostage in your own home? You don’t see it, because you’re blind to it. Just like I was with Stephen. But Nathan’s right. You need to get away from him. This is your chance. There’s nothing connecting the two of you anymore.”

  Except love. The only man who accepts her for who she is and who she wants to become. “Yes, there is. More than you can ever understand.”

  “Just say it. I want to hear your excuse, how he’s brainwashed you into thinking this is okay.”

  “The miscarriage.” The tears she can’t hold back sting her cheeks. Unable to control anything from the body that betrays her. “Because of the blood and the cramping and the pain. Because he doesn’t want me to be out in public or all by myself when it happens.”

  Jason’s face falls, pale and slack, before he rubs over his wide eyes. “God, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t realize—”

  “No. You don’t know. You judge him. You assume the worst.” She’s yelling, but doesn’t care. Not anymore. Everything she believed is gone. Everything she trusted is broken. He’s not her friend. “You want the reason? He’s scared to death what will happen to me. That I’ll never be able to recover. That I’ll never be able to get over losing the baby you think…”

  The words won’t come. Overtaken by the sobs heaving in her body. Too much hope dying inside her.

  “Shae, I—”

  “Miss Armstrong, is everything okay?”

  Oscar fills the doorway, the words directed to her, but his hard gaze bores into Jason, his hand at the ready to protect her. “I heard shouting.”

  The cries still burn her throat, but she nods, trying to stop everything. Slow the whirlpool of emotions threatening to drown her. Her heartache. Nick’s fury when he finds out. Jason’s fear at the gun strapped to Oscar’s ribcage, his thick fingers floating above the shining metal.

  “Watch out.” Carrie brushes past the bodyguard with Nathan right behind her. “Let me in.”

  Nathan’s strong arms wrap around her. Maybe out of guilt, but she’ll accept his consoling touch regardless of his previous agreement with Jason’s assertions. At least Nathan’s tactics weren’t so brutal. She leans against his chest, trying to calm her breathing, squeezing shut her eyes as Carrie turns on Jason.

  “What the fuck are you doing? You said you wanted to talk to her, not fucking attack her. What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “Nothing! I just said what we’re all thinking about Nick. That now she can be free of him. It’s what we all want.”

  “You don’t speak for us. All we want is for her to be happy.”

  “Well, look at her. She’s not. She’s miserable.”

  Shae opens her eyes at his incorrect appraisal. Unwilling to let him tear down Nick any longer. Not after what Jason’s done. Who he’s become. “Because of you. Not because of him. Nick would never hurt me like this.”

  “Oh, that’s rich. All Nick’s done is—”

  “It’s over, Jason.” Nathan’s firm voice ends the argument. “You need to leave.”

  Oscar steps forward at her friend’s demand, and Jason meets her gaze, anger boiling in his. “Really? You’re going to have his bodyguard throw me out. What’s next? Is Nick going to kick my ass or kill me?”

  Too exhausted to argue against his accusations, she gives up the fight. Not allow him to hurt either of them anymore. “No, he’s going to be devastated, just like I am, that someone else we trusted betrayed us.”

  Jason jerks away from Oscar’s hand on his arm and steps toward the door. The severing of their friendship final and complete. He turns back, the sorrow darkening his expression matching hers. “For what it’s worth, I love you, and I was only trying to help. You’ll realize that someday. Hopefully, it won’t be too late.”

  Chapter Seven

  Shae takes a few steps into the guest room and pauses, not expecting her search for Nick to end here. An empty whiskey glass sits by his tapping foot. Both hands rake through his hair as he hangs his head, his elbows resting on his knees. Weariness radiates off his body, overwhelming her with the urge to console him. To hold him close and soothe his sorrow just like he has all week for her.

  She kneels in front of him, her legs sinking into the plush carpet. “What are you doing in here all by yourself?”

  He looks up and studies her face before brushing his knuckles against her cheek. “Is this the room you planned for the nursery?”

  The constant ache in her heart, slightly dulled by his comforting, surges in her chest. With the cunningness of a pickpocket, grief steals their fledgling recovery before she even realizes it’s gone. She leans into his hand. “Yes. I wanted to have him close to us.”

  He nods toward the wall separating the space from their bedroom. “We could’ve put a door in right there to make it easier.”

  “That would’ve been nice.” She squeezes her fingers around his, trying to draw out the real reason behind his melancholy. “You know you’re allowed to be upset. He was your baby too.”

  He kisses her forehead before laying his head on her shoulder. His vulnerability evident for the first time since they received the news. Always focused on her, he never seeks anything for himself, refuses to accept the solace she offers. Until now.

  “I got the test results back while you were in the shower. I knew I wasn’t Emme’s father, but getting the call…” He shakes his head against her neck, her hair swaying across her back, tickling her skin. “I don’t know what I wanted.”

  Another loss. Another brief flicker of happiness smothered by circumstances they can’t control. “I understand. We had so much, and now everything feels like it’s slipping away.”

  His hand snakes around her waist while the other fists her hair, drawing her against him. Her skin warms from the intensity of his lips pressed against her shoulder. Their embrace so crushing his heart races against her chest. “Do you know how much I love you? What you mean to me?”

  She swallows down the lump burning her throat. Sorrow resurrects their old habits—she runs, he doubts. “Yes, of course I know. It’s the same way I feel about you.”

  “…everything for you.” Only the last few words of his murmur make it to her ears.

  A chill runs through her as goosebumps dot her bare arms at the ferocity of his voice. “You’re scaring me. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  Wiggling out of his arms, she cups his cheeks. A tornado of emotions twists on his face, yet she can’t make out which one drives h
is words. “Nick?”

  “I just want your life to be perfect.”

  Her shoulders droop as she shakes her head. As always, he doesn’t realize he already gives her everything she needs to be happy. “I appreciate that, but there’s no such thing. We have to take the bad with the good sometimes.”

  He stands up, pulling her with him. Long fingers trail from her temple down her cheek before resting under her chin tipping her head to face him. His eyes roam her features before he kisses her softly, attempting to distract her and end the conversation.

  Not yet. Not when he’s allowed a sliver of light to shine on the emotions he hides from her as well as himself. “Please don’t shut me out. I know you’re hurting. You don’t have to pretend for me.”

  “I don’t mean to. You’ve been through so much—”

  “So have you. We can be sad together.”

  Nodding, he pulls her to him. Peace fills her body from the warmth of his bare chest and slowed pace of his heartbeat against her cheek. The perfection he seeks for her exists right here, wrapped in his arms, each of them taking care of the other.

  After a few minutes, he nuzzles her hair. “Have fun today.”

  “Thank you.” She lifts his forearm and checks his watch. The photo shoot starts in less than an hour. “I’d better get going. Are you sure you don’t want to go with me?”

  “I’d love nothing more, but I have this meeting I can’t miss.” His fingers wrap around hers before they walk down the hall.

  Max smiles up at her from the bottom of the steps. “Ready?”

  She can’t help but match his happy expression. Having Max home brings a sense of normalcy back to their lives. Returning them back to the feeling of family they created before Spencer destroyed it. “Yes.”

  She kisses Nick on the cheek. His eyes darken, a glimpse of uncertainty flashing, before he squeezes her hand, seemingly reluctant to let her go. “It’s okay. I’ll see you when I get back. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”