Full Figured 8

by Skyy

  “How much for them all?”

  I heard a voice whisper behind me. I turned around and almost jumped out of my body. Kevin stood behind me with a large smile on his face. He looked amazing with his various medals from the Air Force adorning his jacket.

  “Oh my God.” I threw my arms around my friend. He laughed as he held me tight. All the emotions I felt came flooding out. I held on to him unable to let go.

  “I guess you missed me huh?” Kevin laughed as he continued to hold me.

  Realizing I wasn’t letting go, Kevin finally pulled me back. My face was covered in tears. He used his hand to wipe the tears from my face. “It’s okay, doll, stop crying.”

  “I just can’t believe you are here.” I sobbed like a little girl.

  I didn’t realize how much I missed my friend. I turned around to see Loyal and Kelis standing there with Bianca and a few others who all witnessed the reunion. I saw tears in Bianca’s eyes, which was different because she never cried.

  Loyal looked at me with an inquisitive look. I realized he had no idea who the guy was who just gave me the biggest shock of my life. I decided to use it to my advantage. I put my arm around Kevin. He held on to me as he greeted Bianca and Matthew. I no longer acknowledged Loyal’s existence. It was all about Kevin and he soaked up the spotlight. No one could resist a beautiful man in uniform.

  I never had so many emotions going on in one night. I wanted to be happy that Kevin flew in just for the night, and I really wanted to celebrate the fact that my sculpture had a bidding war going between two different people. I continued to float around the building, smiling and socializing while my eyes shifted until they met Loyal’s face. Kelis never seemed to leave his side. They looked like the perfect couple, and made a lot more sense than Loyal and I ever did. The realization was settling in: Loyal would never be mine.

  The other piece of me was furious. Loyal wasn’t dumb by any means so he knew that showing up to my gallery opening with another woman would hurt me. However, he took it a step further and not only showed up with another woman, but with the one he already knew I had a sensitive spot about. I couldn’t hide behind any smoke and mirrors. He had slapped me with the truth and I couldn’t hide from it even if I wanted to. The undeniable truth was Loyal just didn’t give a damn about me at the end of the day.

  I didn’t care about the exhibit anymore. I wanted to get out of the building before I had a complete breakdown. I needed some fresh air. I dipped out the side door hoping that no one saw me. The crisp air alerted my senses. I took a deep breath only to get a strong whiff of cigarette smoke.

  “Needed a break too huh?”

  I turned around to see Pashun’s tall frame appear from the side. Pashun walked closer, dropping his lit cigarette on the ground before pressing his foot on it to extinguish it.

  “Yeah, a break.”

  “Yeah.” Pashun nodded his head. “I can dig it. These things can be a bit hard to handle.” He paused for a moment while I stared at the lights on the tall buildings in the distance.

  “Especially when the person you care about shows up with someone else.”

  My body froze. I turned my face toward Pashun to see the serious look on his face.

  “Was I that obvious?” I could feel my hands starting to tense up again. If Pashun noticed I knew in my mind that others had to notice as well.

  Pashun shook his head. “Na, you weren’t that obvious. I am just very attentive at times. I could tell you were upset. I really wanted to fuck ol’ boy up.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. Pashun put his hand on my right cheek. The simple touch warmed my soul. “Don’t let some nigga ruin your night. Trust me he will be back. How could anyone stay away from you? Let’s get back in before they call your name as winner and you aren’t there.”

  “Whatever.” I laughed as I followed Pashun back into the building.

  I walked back in with a boost of confidence. The crowd was gathering around the stage. My eyes instantly went to Loyal who was finally standing without his date. Bianca grabbed my arm as it was time for the winners to be announced. She quickly freshened up my makeup before I walked on stage with the other artists. I stood next to Pashun who put his arm around me. I couldn’t help but notice the smirk on Loyal’s face.

  The director of the gallery came on stage with the mayor and a few other high-profile people in the art community of Memphis. They made speeches about how amazing we all were and about how we should preserve the arts in the city. I found myself wishing I’d opted for flats as my feet were killing me.

  Finally it was time for them to announce the awards. Suddenly nothing else mattered. I didn’t care about Loyal who was now back with his date. I knew I didn’t need to look in his direction. I glanced over at Kevin who was standing with Bianca. He gave me a thumbs-up. I smiled, took a deep breath, and waited for the name to be called.

  Pashun won.

  I hugged him as the cameras flashed and people cheered. I watched as my friend accepted his award. He thanked everyone and even mentioned how he felt like we were all winners. I was disappointed, but not nearly as upset as I thought I would have been. I couldn’t be upset about anything else that night; my mind wouldn’t allow me to be.

  Kevin wrapped his arms around me when I came off of the stage. “I’m sorry, boo.” His baritone voice provided a comfort that was welcomed.

  “It’s cool. I think we all knew who was going to take the prize.” I smiled. It was one of the first times I didn’t feel the need to actually force the smile on my face.

  Camille punched away on her phone. “Well here is something to be very excited for.” She held her phone up.

  Kevin’s mouth and mine dropped open at the same time. My paintings and sculpture sold for close to $12,000. I hugged my best friends. Suddenly Loyal didn’t matter. I had better things to think about.

  Chapter 17

  Kevin wouldn’t take his eyes off of me. We sat on my bed eating popcorn and drinking wine while I informed him on the whole Loyal fiasco. He didn’t move; he just listened as I poured all my feelings out with the bottle of wine I had already consumed.

  Even hearing myself talk about it was surreal. I had allowed myself to fall for a guy who made it perfectly clear that I would never be more than a friend he fucked. I bamboozled myself into believing I could be intimate with someone without having actual feelings for him. I felt incredibly stupid.

  “Stop it.”

  I looked up to see Kevin still staring at me.

  “Rayne, will you stop internalizing this situation?” Kevin poured some more wine in my glass.

  “What do you mean?” I asked as I sipped.

  “Sweetie, you sleeping with this man was not the reason that you are in the situation you are in now. You didn’t fall for him over sex; hell you don’t even like sex like that.”

  “I liked it with him,” I confessed.

  Kevin frowned. “I’m sure you enjoyed whatever you guys did but that is because you are an adult and sex is great. But the reason you are hurting is because you let him in on a intellectual level, not sexual.”

  We sat in silence while I pondered the thought. Loyal was the first guy I allowed into my art space since Kevin.

  “I did feel a connection before the sex.” I nodded my head.

  “That’s because you fall for people because of their personalities not because of what they can do to you sexually. Even with your ex-girlfriends, the ones you were most in love with were the ones you had a friendship with first.”

  Kevin got off the bed. He put the wine bottle on my dresser. “Rayne, this dude isn’t your friend. He’s a coworker you occasionally screw. You need to treat him as such.”

  “But he is the one who said that he values my friendship.”

  “He doesn’t value shit, Rayne. If he did he never would have shown up tonight with the other chick. You don’t do that for someone you care about. You don’t purposely hurt them. Tonight he acted like a coworker you occasionally fuck
, not as a friend. So from now on treat him the same way.”

  I stared at my best friend. Kevin had been there for me since we were in elementary school. We never crossed the line even after all the years of being friends. He stood in my mirror brushing his hair wearing a simple white T-shirt and a pair of designer lounge pants that seemed to hang on his body just right. I’d never looked at him in a sexual way before.

  “Kevin, why have you never tried anything with me? Let’s face it; there’s been plenty of drunken nights that you probably could have.”

  Kevin turned around with a frown on his face. “Why would I want your drunk pussy?” He shook his head.

  “You know what I mean.” I threw a pillow at him, which he caught with one hand. “You haven’t said anything about how it feels to know all of this is happening and it’s with a man.”

  Kevin sighed as he sat back on the bed. “I mean it’s strange to hear my lesbian friend has been turned out by some Hispanic Rico Suave but hey things happen. I always figured you would want to come back to the light one of these days; you could have picked a brotha.”

  We both laughed. Kevin sat back resting against my headboard. I moved closer laying my head on his legs. I closed my eyes as he ran his fingers through my hair.

  “I’ve created a mess of a life haven’t I?” I sighed.

  “Na, you actually are doing pretty amazing. You just need to see what we see and it will be all good.”

  I fell asleep in Kevin’s arms. He was right about something: there was a big difference in being a friend and being more. With Kevin I knew what a real friend looked like in a man. I wasn’t going to allow Loyal to claim something he didn’t deserve.

  Chapter 18

  I spent the next day with my two best friends. It was a welcomed distraction from thinking about Loyal or the mess that I had waiting whenever I decided to actually talk to him. As the day went on I found it hard to hide my feelings. I thought not talking to him would be the worst, but knowing that my phone hadn’t rung all day was even worse. Not only did he hurt me but he hadn’t tried to call or text me to give me a reason as to why he did.

  The whipped cream in my coffee had completely melted into my cup. I watched as the remaining white color created its own art against the light brown coffee. I smiled. I loved finding art in the simple things of life.

  “I was offered Australia.”

  Kevin’s voice brought me out of my trance. He walked back to the table putting his phone down before sitting down.

  “That’s great, Kev.” I smiled. I noticed he wasn’t smiling back. “What’s wrong?”

  “I think I might need to stay around a little longer.” Kevin stared at his phone screen.

  I looked at Kevin and Bianca. Their serious faces let me know exactly why he was considering staying. I realized the whole day had gone by and Bianca hadn’t mentioned her upcoming wedding at all. My friends were in protective mode.

  “Take the job, Kevin. I will be just fine.” I put my hand on top of his hand.

  “I could really use the break.”

  “No, Kevin, you have wanted Australia for as long as I can remember and a little drama isn’t going to keep you away from bringing me back a shot glass, boomerang, and koala bear. I will be fine, guys. In fact”—I stood up and motioned for the waitress to bring the check—“I am feeling really good about everything. So I fell for the wrong person, it happens. If anything, I know how to fall and get back up. And I have a hefty little check coming my way that means I can get back up in style.”

  The impossible happened: I actually convinced my two overprotective friends that I was okay. But in truth I wasn’t okay. I was hurting more than any breakup I’d had before. I felt like I had lost one of my closest friends. There was a constant debate going on in my head. As much as I wanted to hear from him, a big piece of me didn’t.

  Back at my place I listened to Kevin making his preparations for Australia over the phone. I typed away on my computer. Maybe a vacation was what I needed. I hadn’t seen any of the amazing places that Kevin had been. I still hadn’t used the passport I got years ago when I had the idea to backpack across Europe for art inspiration. The idea quickly faded when I realized I had bills that needed to be paid.

  I looked at some of the closer destinations I could go. I knew Bianca would buy her ticket instantly at the thought of us going to an island somewhere. A piece of me wanted to be alone. A week in Jamaica or Mexico on a secluded island where I felt like I was alone sounded like paradise to my ears.

  “What are you doing?” Kevin appeared in my doorway.

  “Just contemplating an escape from reality.”

  Kevin walked over and looked at my computer screen. “I think a vacation is a great idea. There are some pretty cool places I can recommend in Jamaica and Mexico for you. I think you would love Fiji though; it’s got some amazing secluded villas and waterfalls.”

  “Oh you know me so well.”

  My phone rang. My whole body froze as I saw his face appear on the screen. Knowing that Kevin had to be looking at me, I pressed ignore and started typing in Fiji in the search bar.

  “I never thought about Fiji. Oh do they have any of those huts that are completely surrounded by water?”

  Kevin’s protective stance quickly faded. He started rambling about various places in Fiji he knew I would love. His voice started to sound more and more like garble as thoughts of Loyal filled my head. Why was he calling now? Maybe he figured the smoke had cleared and I wasn’t as upset. I needed answers but knew I wouldn’t be able to get any until after Kevin was flying the friendly skies toward Australia.

  I watched my friend packing his duffle bag by rolling his clothes one by one in a tight, perfect roll. He was meticulous with the way he packed, finding a way to fit everything he needed in the one duffle bag.

  “Kevin, do you ever think about settling down with someone?”

  Kevin laughed. “I’m a lone wolf, baby.” He hit his hand against his chest.

  “I’m serious.”

  Kevin turned away from his packing. “I’ve thought about it, but I love what I am doing right now and I’m not ready to give it up. How fair would it be for me to date someone when I am never in one place? Even right now all my furniture is in storage because I didn’t see the need of keeping an apartment when I am never home.”

  “But don’t you get lonely?”

  “Not really, and if I do I’m sure I can find some lovely lady to spend a little time with wherever I am.” Kevin winked.

  I threw my pillow at him. “I don’t think I’m ever going to find true love.” I sighed. “I don’t think if I ever did find it I would know what it really was.”

  “I think we all have that fear,” Kevin said as he sat on my bed.

  “It’s too much work. I think I’d rather travel the world like you. See new things, do my art. That’s what I’d love to do.”

  “Well do it then. The only thing stopping you is yourself, Rayne. You are single, no children, no relationship, and you are old enough to do whatever you want.”

  “And spend my time traveling the world like you.” I smiled.

  Kevin had his serious look on his face. “Rayne, you have always been your biggest critic. From your art to the weight you say you want to lose. You stand in your own way.”

  His words sliced me like a knife. I didn’t want to admit that he was right. I’d always wanted to lose weight but let the fear of being in a gym with others or hurting myself stop me from doing what I needed to do. I now had the money to travel like I’d wanted to do but couldn’t help but think about what I might miss out on if I stayed.

  “I think it’s time I make some changes, for real this time.” I smiled.

  A bright smile appeared on Kevin’s face. He held his hand out. I put my hand in his and he squeezed tight.

  “Who knows, maybe after we both achieve our dreams we can just get old and marry each other.” The thought made us both laugh.

  We fell asleep
again in each other’s arms. It was what I needed. I didn’t want nor need sex from him, just the affection of having someone I knew truly cared about me was by my side.

  Chapter 19

  It was a teary good-bye as I dropped Kevin off at the airport. We hugged each other one last time before he disappeared into the Memphis terminal.

  I headed home with my mind set to specific purpose. I wanted to get away, but I wanted there to be a purpose to it. My mind drifted to Paris. As an artist the Louvre was a place at the top of my bucket list. Thoughts of spending a week in Paris, studying the art and the culture sounded like an amazing trip and great way for me to actually make it about more than just escaping from life.

  I didn’t want anything changing my mind. One phone call to Bianca and she already had her doctor father drawing up paperwork for me to take an extended leave of absence from work. I wasn’t going to return to the scene of the crime. I didn’t need nor want to see Loyal and I didn’t particularly want to hear people tell me over and over how I should have won the contest.

  I picked up a bottle of wine and a meal before heading home. Even I was amazed at how motivated I was. It only took being around my motivated friend to boost my confidence enough to do something I’d always dreamed of doing.

  I walked into the back door of my quiet apartment and set my food down on my kitchen countertop. I heard a faint knocking in the distance. The sound grew as I made my way to the front door. I peered through the peephole.

  There stood Loyal with a bag in his hand.

  My heart raced as I leaned against the wall. I didn’t know if I should open the door or just play like I wasn’t at home.

  “Rayne, I heard your footsteps.”

  Fuck ...

  I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. I set it in my mind that there was nothing this man could say to me to make me forgive him for what he did.