Full Figured 8

by Skyy

  “Why are you here, Loyal? You obviously have others. Why are you here? What am I to you?”

  Loyal shook his head. “Rayne, I told you this shit was going to happen,” Loyal said as he got out of my bed.

  “Loyal, I have not changed. I am still the same person. I don’t need you to be my man, but I need to know what the fuck am I? Is this some casual-ass shit that doesn’t mean anything at all?”

  Loyal walked up to me. His cologne was making me weak in the knees. “Rayne, if you were some random piece you think I would stay over like I do? Do you think I get comfortable at some random bitch’s house? I spend time with you. I sleep with you. So what are you to me? My friend, or at least that’s what I thought.”

  I felt my jaw twinge. One side of me felt terrible that I was acting like a jealous girlfriend, while the other side felt I was being fed a load of garbage. The worst part was that each side was equal, so I had no idea which to believe in.

  “Rayne, you are my friend. I don’t say that too often especially to women but I think we are more. I told you that fucking you would do this.”

  I watched Loyal pick up his things. My heart dropped. I might have been upset but the one thing I didn’t want was for him to leave me.

  “Loyal, I just wanted clarity. We are cool.” I grabbed his hand. I didn’t want him to leave me that night. It was as if gravity was pulling me closer to him. A part of me knew it was best to let him go, but a bigger part knew I couldn’t let him walk out.

  The bigger part won.

  Chapter 15

  Things weren’t getting better at work but I couldn’t focus on it. Not only did the girl feel the need to come over on all her breaks but she was becoming cool with my other coworkers. Even if Loyal wasn’t around or was stuck on a phone call she had other people to talk to besides him. I maintained my distance by always focusing on my work or drawing in my pad whenever she came over.

  Loyal told me he wouldn’t sleep with a woman who acted like her, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had slept with her. I’d seen my other coworkers who were dating people in different departments and it was the same as she was. They spent time at each other’s desks, brought snacks and little presents. She wasn’t missing a beat. Every day there was some new treat that she found at Whole Foods that she knew would cater to his love of healthy foods.

  “Hey, Rayne, so your show is right around the corner isn’t it?”

  I truly hated that she felt so comfortable talking to me. “Yeah, three days.”

  Kelis smiled. “That is so awesome. I really am going to try to make it,” she said as she spun the chair from side to side.

  I faked a smile before turning back to my drawing.

  “So have you decided to go yet, Lo?”

  I cringed. Not only did I hate the idea of her attempting to bring Loyal to my opening as her date, but the fact that she used nicknames on him irritated me to no end.

  “I don’t know. I’ll probably roll through for a second. I think I have something else to do that night.”

  I smiled. Loyal knew I would kill him if he showed up with her.

  “Well you should let me know. I can get us tickets.” Kelis playfully hit Loyal on his knee.

  Kelis stood up and pushed the chair back under the desk. She said her good-bye before her usual sashay back to her own department. I rolled my eyes causing Loyal to laugh.

  “I really wish you would tell your little girlfriend to stay the fuck away from this bay.” I rolled my neck with attitude.

  “That’s so messed up. This girl is nice to you and even trying to come to your exhibit but you wanna call her names.” Loyal smiled.

  “She can come to the exhibit all she wants. By herself.”

  Loyal laughed. He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, she is offering to pay for me.”

  “Loyal, don’t play with me.” I stared at him. He didn’t flinch. I had no idea if he was playing.

  “Well I’m just saying this girl has offered to take me out to dinner and pay for the evening. I don’t know if I can pass that up.”

  I wanted to think he was playing but the look on his face led me to believe that it was a distinct possibility that he would take her up on her offer.

  “I will leave a ticket at will call in your name. Now you have no reason to come with anyone because your ticket is already taken care of,” I folded my arms and huffed.

  “Aw isn’t that sweet of you.” Loyal winked at me and smiled. I shook my head. He was charming and I hated it almost as much as I loved it.

  I put my book bag on my shoulder and grabbed my car keys. “Am I seeing you tonight?”

  I watched Loyal type away on his phone. He finally acknowledged me by looking up. “Um, probably, I’ll call.”

  He walked out ahead of me. I followed as I headed out of the call center. Loyal looked back to see me walking behind him. Something seemed off; was he trying to lose me?

  “Bye, Rayne.” He waved as he headed into the men’s bathroom right by the back door. I had a sneaking suspicion he was up to something. A large piece of me wanted to wait by the door and see when he was going to come out. I knew there would be no way for me to explain that so I shook it off and headed to my car.

  I started my car and turned on my iPod. I noticed Loyal’s car in the distance. I wanted to wait, sit back with my lights off, and watch when he came out. My hand almost turned my engine off when I saw the door open. Standing there was Kelis, and right behind her Loyal walked out. She walked with him to her car. I watched her hand him something before he gave her a hug. She sat in her car while he rested his hand on her door. I watched how relaxed he was with her. He was flashing his golden smile and she was eating up every moment of it.

  My phone rang pulling me out of the train wreck I knew I was about to witness. I drove off before answering the phone.

  “Hello?” I answered without paying attention to the caller ID.

  “Uh-oh, what’s wrong with you?” Kevin asked.

  I took a deep breath. “Oh nothing just got a lot on my mind.” I couldn’t stop thinking about what was happening back at our parking lot. How far did things go between them? Did I witness all that would happen or would Loyal take it further?

  “I figured as much. Just wanted to check in and make sure you weren’t about to hurl yourself off of a bridge.”

  I smiled. Kevin had a way of making me smile when no one else could. “Kevin.”

  “Sup, hon?”

  “If you knew a girl cared about you but you have already told her that you aren’t going to be her boyfriend, would you continue to sleep with her even though you know you will never want her?”

  Kevin paused. I knew he was trying to analyze the question. He knew that I would only ask something like that if there was a reason behind it.

  “Well, me personally, no. I’ve outgrown the days of leading women on.”

  “Yeah, but what if you aren’t leading them on? What if you have told them that there would never be a relationship and she says she’s okay with it?”

  I watched Kevin’s head shaking back and forth as I pleaded my point.

  “Actions speak ten times louder than words, Rayne. I don’t care if the girl swears up and down that it is just casual; if her actions are showing otherwise I’m going to break it off. In the end, as a grown man, I don’t want to see any woman hurt because of me.”

  I let his words sink in. “Okay, I hear you, but what if it’s the other way around? What if you are feeling a girl who says she doesn’t want a relationship, but she does things that lead you to believe that maybe she cares more than she leads on?”

  I heard Kevin chuckle a little bit. “Rayne, in the end none of that stuff matters. If a person tells me that they don’t want a relationship with me then I am ending it if I know that is what I want. Why would I invest my time, money, and energy into someone who isn’t looking for what I am looking for?”

  “Yeah, but things can change,” I added.

&nb
sp; “They can, but why take that chance when you can go out there and find someone who does want what you want? That’s the problem; so many people get involved in relationships when they are already on two different floors. So you spend the whole relationship trying to play catch-up.”

  “Okay, I hear ya.” I smiled.

  “Now who are you involved with who doesn’t want a relationship?” Kevin’s voice got deeper with the question. I knew he was concerned when I heard the lower octave.

  I wanted to tell him what was happening but I didn’t want him to worry about me. I was tired of my friends worrying about me when it came to love and relationships. “It’s nothing like that. I met someone but they said they aren’t trying to get into a relationship and don’t want one anytime soon. I was just trying to figure out if I should still consider taking them up on their offer for a date.”

  There was a long pause. I looked at the phone to make sure the call didn’t drop in a bad spot.

  “Rayne, never ever date someone you like more than they like you. A person should be one hundred and ten percent about you. If they aren’t, they don’t deserve you.”

  I could hear someone knocking on Kevin’s door.

  “Gotta run, sweetie; we will pick this up later.”

  “Okay.”

  “Wait, Rayne,” Kevin yelled hoping I hadn’t hung up.

  “Yeah?”

  “Just remember what I said. Know your worth, babes, ’cause you are worth millions.”

  Kevin’s words warmed my heart.

  I made it home with a new sense of purpose. I wasn’t going to wait on Loyal. Even if he called I wasn’t going to allow him to come over. I poured myself a glass of wine and decided to catch up on shows. Just as I expected my DVR was filled with episodes of shows I had missed.

  Three hours, three shows, and a bottle of wine later there was still no call and I felt horrible. I decided to turn in instead of letting my mind run away with all types of thoughts. I curled up in my bed. A familiar scent filled my nose. I smelled the pillow Loyal usually slept on. His cologne covered the pillow.

  I wanted to cry. I put myself in an impossible situation. I wanted this man more than I had ever wanted anyone before, yet he didn’t want me back. I broke the rules. I had fallen for him and I had fallen hard.

  As I held on to his pillow I knew it wasn’t sex I wanted. I didn’t care about the sex. I never cared about sex. I wanted him. I wanted to feel his body next to mine. It was him, from the way he wrapped his arms around me to the way he said my name. I wanted to laugh with him and listen to him tell me that my art was amazing. Nothing else mattered.

  Finally the Sandman found me. I fell asleep gripping the pillow he slept on, now covered in my tears.

  Chapter 16

  “Stop that!” Bianca hit my hand.

  She had already told me a million times to stop pulling at the dress I had on but I couldn’t help it. I knew she had picked out an amazing dress for me. The elegant maxi dress was form-fitting at the top, gripping my breasts just right, but the bottomed flowed freely. The black dress had splashes of color as though I had taken my paintbrush and painted beautiful lines all over it. It was perfect for the occasion, but I still couldn’t help but think that everyone would be paying attention to the rolls of fat I felt were showing. I looked at myself in the mirror again. Thanks to the miracle Spanx I was as smooth as I could possibly be.

  “You look fabulous,” Bianca gushed.

  “You think?” I raised my hand to rub my eye.

  Bianca hit my hand. “Don’t you fucking dare. I will kill you if you mess up your makeup.”

  From the evil eye Bianca gave me I knew she was serious.

  “Ladies, the car is outside.”

  We turned to see Bianca’s fiancé standing in the door. I smiled. I was happy my friend found someone perfect for her. Matthew looked like he stepped off of the cover of GQ. He had the features of many of the white men I had on my hottie list. His chiseled jaw line and gray eyes were stunning. I joked that together they looked like they belonged on the cover of a book or advertising some perfume collection.

  We got in the Town Car and headed to the event. I could feel my nerves attempting to get the best of me as we arrived. Bianca rubbed my hand telling me to relax. I took deep breaths to calm my nerves. I almost took Bianca up on taking one of her many pills but knew that would be a bad idea in the long run. I didn’t need to fall asleep while trying to show off my work.

  As we arrived I saw a few of my coworkers standing in line to get tickets. I smiled; they were actually there to support me. I had taken the last two days off. I didn’t want to be around Loyal or Kelis for fear of what I might say or do.

  I hadn’t heard from Loyal since my last day at work. He didn’t call and I didn’t either. After filling Bianca in with the whole situation between Loyal and me she said what I knew I needed to do. I needed to distance myself so I could get my feelings in check. I consumed myself with trying to relax. I watched TV, played video games, and spent time allowing Bianca to take me shopping for things for her wedding. The good thing was the distractions seemed to be working. Thoughts of Loyal only consumed me at night, before I went to bed, still sleeping with his pillow in my arms.

  I felt my hands tensing up. I wondered if he was already inside. I’d left his ticket at will call and wanted to ask as I walked in but knew Bianca would kill me if she knew that I’d given him a ticket to the show.

  I arrived inside to claps from my coworkers, associates, and family who had shown up for the event. I walked over to my portion of the show to find people already crowded around my sculpture. I noticed Pashun standing with a much larger crowd, but that was to be expected.

  As the night started I greeted the other artists and the movers and shakers who were in the building. In between explaining my various pieces to people I chatted with my guests and others. An hour passed and Loyal was still nowhere to be found. I forced myself to remain calm. I knew I couldn’t focus on it. I figured he was just going to make a late appearance.

  Two hours passed and it was time to start the official presentation. The crowds walked around to each artist’s section. We listened as the artist gave their presentations. I found myself looking back at the door over and over. I was going to kill him if he missed my presentation.

  Pashun’s large-scale painting caught the eyes of everyone. I couldn’t help but admire how he commanded the crowd with his words. He was born to do this.

  “I think your only competition is Pashun. That son of a bitch is rather brilliant.” Bianca walked up and handed me a glass of champagne. “Why do you keep looking at the door?”

  “I ...”

  “You are waiting on that boy aren’t you? Well rest assured, he’s here.”

  I turned to see Loyal walking in the door.

  Behind him Kelis walked in.

  My heart dropped out of my chest.

  “I am going to kick his ass.” Bianca started to walk but I grabbed her arm.

  “No, let it be. I have to get ready for my presentation and, I need you here.”

  I held my best friend’s hand as we walked back over to my section. The crowd made its way over with me. I wanted to cry but I knew it wasn’t the time for it. I threw back the glass of champagne and put on the biggest smile I could muster.

  “You got this, Rayne. Fuck him and the two-bit ghetto slut he walked in with. You are better than them. This is your night. No one can take that from you. Now go do your thing.”

  I hugged Bianca and took a deep breath. The crowd completely formed around my section. I saw Pashun standing in the back. He gave me a thumbs-up, which made me feel a little better. I tried not to but my eyes focused back on Loyal who was standing with our other coworkers. He looked at me with a smile on his face. How could he smile when he knew what he did was going to crush me?

  “Ladies and gentlemen, I want to thank you all for allowing me to showcase my talent for you tonight. As far as my theme, there really isn�
�t a theme. I started out with a theme in my head but in the end I honestly just let my emotions take control.”

  One by one I explained each painting. I watched as people’s heads nodded at the ones they enjoyed most. I made my way around the five until ending with my sculpture.

  “With the help of a friend I named this piece A Lover’s Embrace? When I started sculpting it I believed that there was true passion in the hands. I felt that there was a real connection. As I finished I realized that ...”

  I looked over at Loyal who was staring at me. I felt the ball of emotions that I swallowed trying to force its way out. I took a deep breath.

  “I realized that you can believe in something or someone but that doesn’t mean they have to feel the same way. People say that actions speak louder than words. Well with this piece I show that actions can read differently to different people. So is it or isn’t it a loving embrace? You decide.”

  Tears flowed as the crowd clapped for me. I smiled hoping that the tears read as tears of joy and not of a woman whose heart was breaking right in front of them. Pashun walked up and wrapped his long arms around me.

  “That was fucking amazing, love.” Pashun kissed me on my cheek.

  I knew the night was just beginning. I was surrounded by people praising my talent. I saw Bianca to the side busy with potential buyers. Pashun was back over in his own section, no doubt selling all of his pieces if they weren’t already sold.

  I hoped I could stay away from them. As long as people surrounded me or I looked like I was engaged in important conversation I knew he wouldn’t come over. My plan went out the window as they opened the buffet. The crowd died down as people filled their plates with finger foods. I looked away for a moment to catch my breath only to turn around to find Kelis and Loyal standing in front of me.

  Kelis wrapped her arms around me. “You were amazing, Rayne. I am so excited for you.”

  “You really were amazing, Raynedrop.” Loyal put his hand on my arm.

  I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to curse him out but remembered my surroundings. He knew I wouldn’t cause a scene because of where we were. I was speechless. I felt like the walls were closing in on me.