My Sister My Momma My Wife

by Lipsey, Shelia E.

  “Oh, that was nice of you. You’re so good to me, Tim.” She lifted her head slightly and looked over at her husband.

  “You make it easy,” he said and glanced quickly over at her.

  “I wonder what he’s going to say, Tim. I mean, do you think Pastor is going to fess up and tell me the truth? Or do you think he’s going to be so shocked to see me that he’s going to play the silent role?”

  “Well, he’s definitely going to be surprised to see you. I mean, he hasn’t seen you in months and it’s not like you talk to the man that much either. But that just might work in your favor.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He may be so shocked that he won’t have time to lie. And I’m sure Stiles told him how things went down so that’s even more reason for him to believe that he won’t be hearing from you anytime soon.”

  “I just want to confront him. Get the truth straight from him. The whole truth. And then I want you to get me away from them as quickly as possible, and I never want to go back, Tim. Never,” she stated.

  He reached over and with love and tenderness he massaged her cold hands. “Calm down, baby. See, this is why I didn’t want you to go to Memphis. I don’t like seeing you like this. It’s not good for you. I want your life to be as stress free as possible.”

  “I know you do, and so do I. But I have to do this. I have to get this behind me once and for all.” Francesca picked up her cell phone from the console and started twiddling it between her fingers. She looked at the clock on the dash. “We should be there in, what? About another twenty minutes, or so?”

  “Yeah, that last sign said we had twenty-five miles to go. And we’re already on the outskirts. I say we should make it to your father’s apartment in about thirty, no later than forty minutes.”

  Francesca exhaled. “I’m glad Jackson is only a short distance from Memphis.”

  “Are you getting ready to call him?” Tim eyed the phone she held briefly before focusing back on the road.

  “No, I told you that I don’t have his number.”

  “Oh, yeah, that’s right. My bad. I forgot.”

  “It doesn’t matter because we’re going to stay in Memphis until I see him. I don’t care if we have to wait all night.”

  Francesca’s voice sounded harsh. She sounded like the old Francesca. The Francesca that used to rule the women she messed around with. The Francesca that had her female lovers cowering when she got angry. She used to have a bad temper and there were times in her past that she didn’t hesitate to let it loose. She would strike without warning. Rena could attest to that. But since she’d repented and recommitted her life to God, with His help she had been able to maintain self-control. Plus, Tim wasn’t the type of person who brought out that wicked side of her. Tim was gentle, kind, understanding and patient. He had an easy going personality and was very non-argumentative. He had a way of keeping her calm and composed. Like now, Tim recognized she was becoming agitated so this time he burst out singing with the radio when he heard the tune by Tyrese. “Ooh baby, be my sweet lady…”

  Francesca couldn’t help it. She looked at Tim and burst out laughing. “Okay, okay, I promise to stop stressing if you promise to stop singing,” she said between bouts of laughter. “You are messing up Tyrese’s song.”

  “Me? How can you hurt my feelings like that?” he joked. “You are my sweet lady. I can’t believe you’d rather listen to him,” he said pointing at the radio, “rather than me. Check it out” and he started singing along with the radio again. “I'll be there if you need me, you can call or believe me.”

  She lightly tapped him on his thigh. “See, you don’t even know the words.” She laughed even louder this time. “You need to stick to your white boy songs or something. Don’t be going around messing up our songs.”

  “Oh, so now we’re a little racist. How can you be racist against your own husband?” Tim enjoyed seeing Francesca laugh. She had a way of brightening up a room with her laugher.

  “Whateva,” she replied. “You can call it what you want, but you are not a soul singer. I love you and all, but please, stick to your day job.”

  “Okay, if you insist,” he said. “But you’re still racist.”

  “Yeah, right. But I only have eyes for you, white boy. Only you.”

  “And let’s keep it like that.” He smiled.

  They turned into Pastor’s neighborhood.

  Tim made several more turns before he arrived at Pastor’s apartment complex. He followed the car in front of him when the gate opened and made it inside the complex before the gate closed back. Pulling into an empty space, he turned off the ignition and then focused all of his attention on Francesca.

  “What?” She looked at him looking at her. “Why are you staring at me like that?” She reached for her door handle but Tim stopped her from getting out the car by holding on to her elbow.

  “Look, there’s one thing I want to ask you to do?”

  “What’s that?” she said.

  “Listen to everything he has to say before you go off or jump to your own conclusions. Like I said, I do not, and I mean do not want you getting yourself all upset. We know what Stiles said and all you’re here to do is listen to what your father has to say about it all. Okay?”

  Francesca was quiet momentarily like she was pondering Tim’s words in her mind. “I promise. Now, can we go in?”

  Tim nodded. They walked along the walkway toward Pastor’s apartment. Tim knocked on the door.

  Pastor answered the door within seconds. “Well I’ll be. Isn’t this a pleasant surprise,” he said and invited Francesca and Tim inside.

  He tried to kiss Francesca when she walked into the apartment but she leaned back to avoid him. He didn’t say a word. Instead he focused his attention on Tim.

  “Hello, Tim. How are you?”

  “If I don’t consider the fact that the latest round of drama in the Graham household has stressed out my wife, then I’d say I’m good. But we both know that’s not the case.”

  Pastor cleared his throat. He looked uncomfortable. “Come on in the living room. Can I get y'all something to eat?” He looked at his daughter. “Drink?

  “I’m fine,” she said.

  “So am I,” Tim answered.

  “How long y’all been in Memphis?” Pastor sounded more like he was probing.

  “Just long enough to be sitting here. Pastor, how could you? Why did you do it?” Francesca quickly lit in on him after they had barely taken their seats.

  “I don’t know what all Stiles told you, but I did what I thought was best at the time. That’s all we can do, honey. As a child of God, I prayed hard about my decision and my advice to your mother. Audrey was the core of my life and you know that, so I would never do anything that I thought would hurt her.”

  Francesca started twisting her hands together, an obvious sign of her mounting frustration with all that had transpired over the last few weeks. She was fed up with her family’s secrets and the way they went about doing things. It was like there was always something they were hiding and then they always wanted to justify their actions by putting God in the midst of their mess.

  “But obviously your advice didn’t help now, did it, Pastor? I mean your wife hated me. And really, I can’t say I blame her. I mean, if I had been attacked and raped, gotten pregnant by my rapist and then made to keep the child, I would probably have been just like her. I would hate me too. But that’s what you did. You were the reason for this.”

  “But you’re here. Yes, she could have aborted you and then we wouldn’t be sitting across from each other right now. Francesca, please try to understand. I know your mother had a tough time dealing with the decision she made, but she made it. And, you should know your mother. If she really didn’t want to keep you, there’s no way she would have. Once that woman made up her mind about something, nobody, not even me could make her change it. So, I won’t take full responsibility for it. And I’m not sorry about it either. I love you.
You’re my daughter.”

  “No, that’s where you’re wrong,” Francesca suddenly yelled. “I’m not your daughter. And you’re not my father. You’re just a bully dressed all up in your God clothes. All the while you forced her to do something she didn’t want to do. You forced her to carry me in her belly for nine months.”

  Tim reached out to console his wife but Francesca jumped up off the sofa before he could grab hold of her.

  She got up and walked over to Pastor who was seated in his recliner. “You’re a fake, a hypocrite. You and Stiles are cut from the same cloth. You’re nothing but wannabes. Always want folks to think you’re so high and mighty. But I see right through your mess. And…”

  It was Pastor’s turn to stand up and he did as quickly as his legs could move. “Don’t you talk to me like that, young lady. Don’t you ever talk to me like that. I know who I believe. I am a God fearing man. You want to blame all of your mistakes on me? Well, I won’t have it anymore.”

  “You won’t have it? Oh, see that’s the problem right there, you never took ownership of anything. You’re a coward.”

  Tim jumped up and grabbed hold of Francesca as she spat venom at Pastor over and over again until Tim could see him start to tremble.

  “Calm down, Francesca. You’re upsetting him.”

  She turned toward Tim and gave him such a mean look that if looks could kill he would have been dead on the spot. “I know you aren’t taking up for this, this…bully.”

  “I’ve had enough,” Pastor screamed. “I’m tired of you always blaming somebody else for the mess you made of your life. You’re just like your mother.” Spittle flew from Pastor’s mouth as he spoke. His voice became louder and his mounting anger was obvious.

  “You want to know the truth? You want to hear the real truth? Then I’ll give you the real truth. Your mother was wild and untamed just like you,” he screamed. “I tried to make her into something she wasn’t. She loved the streets. She loved to party. I knew that when I met her. But I had prayed for a woman, and when she came into my life and with your brother too, I fell for her. She was a stunner. Beautiful, knew all the right words to say.”

  “Oh, so now you’re going to make this out to be her fault?” Francesca started chuckling uncontrollably. “You’re really something else. Audrey may have been a lot of things, and she may have been wild and untamed, so you say, but that doesn’t mean she deserved to be raped. It doesn’t mean she should have been forced to have a baby that she didn’t want. I really see the real you for the first time in my life.

  I should have seen it a long time ago. All wrapped up in the church but neglecting your wife. It’s your fault she was raped. If you had been home with her instead of spending all your time at Holy Rock, maybe none of this would have happened. Just like you’re the reason I was raped and molested. You,” she kept screaming and pointing a finger all up in Pastor’s face.

  “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your mother was no saint, Francesca. And the truth is she wasn’t raped,” he yelled out suddenly, seemingly stunning himself with the words that shot forth from his mouth.

  “What did you say?” Francesca asked.

  “I said, Audrey was never raped,” Pastor repeated but this time in a milder tone.

  “What do you mean she wasn’t raped? Now you’re going to tell me she asked for it? Is that what you’re trying to say? Why you, low down, evil…”

  “She had an affair,” he screamed at Francesca. “She wasn’t raped. Maybe I could have taken it better if she had been. Lord, forgive me for saying that, but it’s true. Your mother was having an affair with one of the neighbors. I had suspected it, suspected it for a long time, but I just didn’t want to face it.” Pastor’s face turned crimson and his voice began to sound deflated but he kept talking like he couldn’t control himself.

  “I guess I thought if I ignored it, that it would just dissolve by itself, go away. Me and her, we wanted a baby of our own, and we would have had one I’m sure of it, if she hadn’t messed off with Jerry.”

  Francesca almost fell backward but Tim was holding her steady.

  “And me, I guess you could call me just plain stupid. When she told me she was pregnant, I believed it was mine. I wanted it to be mine, and she let me believe it until the day I caught her and Jerry together, in my house and in my bed. I wanted to kill her and him. God knows I hated her at that moment. Me and him got into a big fight and I beat him down. She was screaming and yelling, pleading for me to stop.

  “Turns out the joke was on me, because after I bloodied him up real good, she turned on me, told me she was pregnant with his child. She was furious at me for confronting the guy the way I did. She started ranting and spewing all kinds of obscenities at me, can you believe that?” he asked but not waiting on a response from Francesca.

  “Only problem with that, Jerry already had a wife. Three kids too. He had no plans to leave Connie and his children. And he told Audrey that. Told her right in front of me. Told her to have an abortion, do whatever but he wasn’t going to mess up his family for her.

  “You’re lying,” Francesca accused him.

  “I wish I was, but I’m not. That night, she left us both standing in the middle of our bedroom. Jerry with a bloody, broken nose, and me with a broken heart. I didn’t see or hear from her for over a week. When she did come back home, I had already made up in my mind that I was going to forgive her. I had to. I mean, God forgives us over and over again. Who was I not to do the same?”

  Francesca continued to stare at Pastor. “So now you want me to believe you were some self-righteous, perfect, never made a mistake saint? Puhleeze, you sicken me. And Audrey,” Francesca chuckled loudly, “She was definitely a piece of work. Running the church and the streets at the same time.” She kept laughing hysterically.

  It was apparent that neither of them, including Tim heard Stiles when he came into the apartment.

  “You’re lying,” Stiles yelled. Francesca abruptly stopped laughing. They all looked toward the sound of his voice. “You’re trying to save your own hide by feeding these lies to her?” he pointed at Francesca and frowned like he was disgusted by the sight of her. He pursed his lips together and took two steps toward Pastor. Tim released Francesca and jumped into the space separating Pastor and Stiles. He didn’t know if Stiles was about to strike Pastor or not. But he wasn’t going to take any chances.

  “Stop it. Everybody,” Tim yelled. “This is nonsense. Get it together. Y’all are all out of control.”

  “I’m tired of being silent about everything,” Pastor said. “The bottom line remains whether you like it or not, your mother did what she did and I did what I thought was therapeutic for her. Maybe she felt like she had been raped after Jerry walked out on her. I don’t know. I can’t say why she wrote those lies, only God knows.

  “Audrey had her own way of dealing with her mistakes. But one thing is true, I didn’t want her to have an abortion because there was a chance the baby she was carrying was mine. I couldn’t let her go through with it. But she was set on having one anyway. Said she knew it was Jerry’s and if she couldn’t have him, she didn’t want any parts of him. But ends up she was too far along and no doctor would perform the abortion. So for the next few months, I lived in turmoil.

  “Pardon my French, but your mother was hell to live with. She cried for days and weeks at a time after that. Jerry moved his family to God knows where. I haven’t seen or heard from him since. May have moved out of town for all I know. But Audrey took it hard, real hard. She even had a difficult, real difficult labor. Wouldn’t let me be in the room with her or nothing,” he said. “Right after you were born she demanded a DNA test. I didn’t want one. Plus she wouldn’t be able to test Jerry. And I was going to love you no matter what.”

  “Ohhh, how gallant and noble of you,” Francesca said with bitter sarcasm.

  Tim stepped back to his wife’s side and wrapped his arms around her waist.

  “So, what are you saying? Wha
t other lies are you getting ready to spill now?” Stiles butt in.

  Pastor looked over at Francesca with saddened eyes, ignoring what Stiles said. “Your mother was right.”

  “You’re lying. If you weren’t an old man, I’d kick your butt from here to kingdom come,” Stiles threatened. “You’re pathetic. You wait until my poor mother is dead in her grave and you want to disgrace her name now. What? You think this is going to make you look good? Think Francesca is going to love you now?” Stiles chuckled with a wickedness that penetrated the already volatile atmosphere.

  “No matter what the circumstances, the fact remains,” Francesca said softly, “she hated me. I might as well have been the child of a rapist. At least I would have understood why she hated me so much. But she hated me because the man she loved didn’t love her in return and she was forced to keep his child. A baby he walked out on.”

  “I’m sorry, darling,” Pastor managed to say as tears flowed down his ever wrinkling cheeks. “I didn’t want you to find out like this. I didn’t want you to find out at all, but I didn’t know she had written that letter. She never gave it to me. And I don’t know why she said what she said. Maybe she felt like she had been raped and violated. Who knows what was going on through her head back then. But we worked it out. She became fiercely loyal and loving toward me, and soon the past was forgotten and we went on to have a wonderful marriage. There were times we hoped she would get pregnant again, but she didn’t. God only knows why she kept those news clippings. Your mother, she always made sure she had a ram in the bush.”

  “Stop it. You’re hiding behind my mother’s death,” Stiles said with force. “You know she’s not here to defend herself, so you’re making up all these lies to make yourself look good. If the folks at Holy Rock could hear you now. I hope you rot in hell for what you’ve done to this family.”

  “Get me out of here,” Francesca ordered Tim. “I’m going to be sick,” she said and started gagging. Tim scooped her up and carried her to Pastor’s bathroom. When the two of them came back to the living room, Stiles was gone and Pastor was seated in his recliner with his head in his hands.