Close To Falling

by Paige P. Horne

  “Maddie,” Ellie says, grabbing my attention.

  “Yes?” I say, looking up at her.

  “You’ve come such a long way from that girl in my office, and I’m just so happy I got to see it. I’m proud of you.”

  “Thank you, Ellie. I owe so many thanks to you,” I say, reaching for her hand and squeezing it.

  ***

  We stand in front of the judge, hand-in-hand, as we promise to love and respect each other. To be there through the bad times and the good. If we get upset, we promise to take a breath and count to ten. To apologize when we are wrong and forgive when the other apologizes.

  “When life gets hard and I get scared, I promise I won’t run away. I’ll run toward you,” I say to River.

  “I’ll always protect you. I’ll always find a way to make you happy,” River says.

  The judge pronounces us man and wife, and River shows me his dimples before he grabs my face and kisses my mouth. Our family claps, and I rest my forehead against his.

  “Tell me,” I whisper.

  “I love you, wife.”

  Epilogue

  Five Years Later

  “Mom.” I hear and look down the hallway at Bre. She’s got my heels on and lipstick all over her face.

  “Bre Dawson, what the heck are you doing, girl?” I ask, putting down my pencil and moving toward her. She grins wide, and I see blue teeth. “Fisher, did you give Bre a cupcake?” I ask, looking toward the living room.

  “No, Mom, she got it herself,” he says, looking away from the TV. River walks through the door and grins.

  “What did you get into, Bre?”

  “Cupcakes and Mom’s lipstick.” She grins at her dad, showing him her dimples and bright green eyes just like his. He laughs and messes up Fisher’s hair as he walks toward me.

  “Hey,” he says, kissing me.

  “Hey back,” I reply. “Fisher, would you mind cleaning Bre up for me, please?” I ask, following River to our room.

  “I guess,” he answers.

  “Thank you!” I yell back toward him. I shut the door and walk into the bathroom where my husband is.

  “He called me mom again,” I say, smiling.

  “Really?” he asks, mirroring my expression.

  “Yep, that's a good twenty times now. I think it's going to stick.”

  “I hope so, baby.” River turns the shower on and removes his shirt. Walking over to me, he lifts his hand and rubs my face. “You’ve got black smudge all over you.”

  “That’s the norm,” I reply, walking by him and looking in the mirror. I see it’s on my nose and forehead. Geez. He walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. Rolling his hips, he presses into my back.

  “Wanna get in the shower with me?”

  “The kids,” I say, looking back at him as the mirror starts to steam up.

  “Fisher has Bre. Come on. It’s been a while.”

  “Are you feeling neglected?” I turn around in his arms.

  “Between the kids and your work, yes, I am,” he says, leaning down and spreading kisses on my neck. I giggle when he bites, and his hand starts to travel below my waist. I’ve got blue jean cut-offs on, and he undoes the button and slips his hand inside after he unzips them. He runs his hand over my most private place and circles his thumb. Heat trails across my cheeks and down my neck when he enters me, and my legs grow weak. “You want to come, B?” he asks, his voice husky with want.

  “Yes,” I murmur. He removes his hand and slides my shorts and panties down my legs. Lifting me up and setting me on the counter, he spreads my thighs before he leans down and kisses me where I want all of him. I moan, and the back of my head hits the mirror. He sucks and bites, circles and kisses, then puts his fingers back in and curls them. His lips touch the inside of my thigh as my legs start to shake, and I grasp the back of his neck. His tongue traces along my center, and I bite my lip to keep quiet, curling my toes as I orgasm.

  He stands up straight, giving me a sexy grin. I exhale before I grab his belt, and he helps unbutton his jeans. I remove him from his pants, and River steps forward, grasping my hips and pulling me to the end of the counter. He slowly sinks in and groans, “Fuck, you feel good.” He starts to move and takes hold of my thighs as he pushes forward. I clutch the edge of the counter, and my other hand holds on to the mirror behind me as River keeps going. Tingles run up my calves, and fire spreads across my lower back. My legs tighten around his waist as a second orgasm breaks through me. He kisses my mouth and picks me up. Opening the shower door, he steps inside with me in his arms and shows me love all over again.

  ***

  Friday nights used to mean parties and doing things we were too young to do. Campfires by the beach with kegs and drunk teenagers. Popping pills, smoking joints, and laughing at how stupid we all were. But those things weren’t funny, and picking up any drug can lead to serious problems later in life. Some people can’t do it just once and be okay. An addictive personality is no joke. It can ruin your life and the lives of people around you. Making bad choices is what most teenagers are known for, but that doesn’t have to be the case. You can say no. My bad choice is something I have to live with every day. When times get tough, I have to fight to stay clean. Pills are always at the back of my mind because I’m an addict and that thought doesn’t go away. David was right all those years ago. It doesn’t necessarily get easier. You just get used to how difficult it can be, and you push through it. I have my family to keep clean for, and I smile thinking about how much my Friday nights have changed. They now consist of laughing at my husband and playing dress-up with my little girl.

  I’m in the living room picking up my little girl’s toys when the front door opens and I see Fisher and Pops.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey, Mom,” Fisher says as he sets his board down.

  “That doesn’t go there,” I say.

  “I’ll move it,” he calls back to me. I roll my eyes and look at Pops.

  “Thanks for letting me take the kids tonight,” he says.

  “Sure. They love being around you.” I smile. “Want a drink or something?”

  “I’m good. Where’s the princess?”

  I hear tiny heels tapping and turn my head.

  “Pop Pop!” Bre yells and tries to run to him, but seems to be having a hard time in her little pink shoes, so he meets her halfway and scoops her up.

  “River, your dad’s here,” I call back to our bedroom. Bre tells Pops about her day, and I smile at the sight of them. Pops is big and tattooed-up like his son, he has a scar on his face and looks mean as hell, and then there is my little Bre. She has him eating out of the palm of her hand. Fisher and River walk from the back together, and River grabs him and tousles his hair.

  “Pops,” River nods toward his father.

  “Son.”

  “No bars. No bike rides and—”

  “No fun,” Fisher interrupts River.

  “That’s right. No fun.” River smiles.

  “We’ll be good,” Pops confirms. “You two enjoy your evening out. I’ll have them back tonight.”

  ***

  “I can’t believe Fisher will be seventeen soon,” I say as we step out of the truck.

  “I can’t either. It makes me feel old as hell,” River says, reaching for my hand. I link my fingers with his, and we walk down the sidewalk.

  River and I did eventually go eat with Pops, and he made every effort to try to have a relationship with us and Fisher afterward. River finally came around, and even if he wanted it to stop, I don’t think it could. Our kids love their Pop Pop, and to be honest, I’m glad they have more family. I don’t like the things that man does, but family is family, and you gotta try to hold on to the ones you got. As long as he keeps it clean around my kids, I don’t have an issue with it, even though I have a sneaky suspicion Pops is taking Fisher on bike rides. I’m pretty sure that’s why the kid wants to hang out with the old man. What other sixteen-year-old do you know is glad t
o hang out with their grandfather? Well, to be fair, Pops isn’t an ordinary grandfather. Turns out, one of the Brothers was working with the men Rozz owed money to, and Pops didn’t make the call for them to trade Rozz and money for our safety. He just said give them what Rozz owed, but those men wanted to make a lesson out of Fisher’s dad. I heard the man who made that call paid for it, but I didn’t ask for the details.

  The night air is inviting, and the streets are lightly filled with people. The green leaves from the downtown trees sway in the wind, and I pull my hair to the side as we step out into the street and walk across to the Red Door Tavern. I hear music when River opens the door for me to go inside, and the smell of pub food and beer on tap takes me back to my younger twenties.

  “Would you like a table?” the hostess asks.

  “Yes, please,” I say.

  “Follow me.”

  We do, taking our seats in a small corner.

  “This is nice,” I say, looking around.

  River laughs. “No, it’s not, B.”

  “It is, too. I mean, for a dive bar and all. It’s…cozy.” I try to find the right word for it.

  “Cozy, huh?” He grins.

  “Yeah. The dark wood and green everywhere. It’s a warm place.”

  He gives me an unsure smile, but drops the conversation as the waitress comes over. “Would you two like a drink or something to eat?” she asks.

  “One beer, a water, and some wings, please,” River says, looking at me to make sure I’m okay with it. I nod.

  “I’ll be right back.” She turns and walks away.

  We spend the evening making small talk and eating our wings. I notice someone walk up on the stage, and I grin when I see that it’s David. Time has aged him, but he looks good, and as he starts to play, I see the passion flow out of him. His voice is amazing, and the way he strums the guitar—it’s poetic. It’s art. It’s his propose. David has found his purpose again, I think to myself. I look over at River as he watches David play. Looks like I’ve found my purpose, too.

  Walking out of the pub, I see David. “David,” I say, grabbing his attention.

  “B?” He smiles.

  “How are you doing?” I ask. “You did great up there.”

  “I’m well. Thanks. How are you?”

  I look back at River and smile. “I’m well, too, David.” He nods like he knows that’s not easy for an addict to say and mean it. “This is my husband, River,” I tell him.

  “Nice to meet you,” David says, reaching out his hand. River takes it and tells him it’s nice meeting him, too. We talk a little more before I give him a hug goodbye, and River and I make our way out of the bar.

  “How do you know that man?” River asks as we walk down the street, hand-in-hand. I cast my eyes over to him before I look back at the sidewalk, musing about long ago before I answer him.

  “He’s an old storyteller,” I reply. River nods, seeming to like my answer before he kisses my hair. We then make our way back to our kids. Our home, our family, and I’ve never been happier. For once, that is the truth. I’ll always struggle with addiction, but I have people who love me, and that is why I will fight. I will always fight, and right now, I seem to be winning.

  THE END

  Acknowledgements

  Thank you, thank you! I wouldn’t be able to do what I love if it weren’t for you––the reader. I love writing and telling stories. I feel comfortable and completely myself when I am writing. I want to say thank you to my girls, Crystal and Monica. I love you two so much, and I’m so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for reading my stories before they are finished and telling me to keep going. Thank you to my family who encourages me to keep doing what I love. This story turned out completely different than I thought it would. I had a whole other idea in mind, but when I finally started getting into the flow of it, it took me somewhere else.

  If you have family or friends who struggle with addiction, then this probably hits closer to home for you than others. I have both who struggle with it in my life. It’s not an easy thing to understand, and it’s hard to be there for the person with the disease, but you do it because you care. I hope that Maddie and River crawled inside your heart like they did mine, and I hope you took something positive away from their story. Life isn’t always easy, and love can be hard, but both are worth the ride. Thanks again, always. Lots of love – Paige.