The Hockey Player's Heart

by Will Knauss

  Aaron laughed at Pam’s stern face. “You never were one for science. How was your day? I heard there were issues at lunch.”

  Pam rolled her eyes, entered, and set her bag and jacket on a desk. “I felt like I was living a real-life version of Mean Girls. I’ve never heard such things from kids this age before. I suspended two fourth graders and put three others in detention. It was ridiculous. Tomorrow I get to meet with the parents. I’m sure that’s going to be awesome.” She seemed annoyed just thinking about it.

  “Want to go unwind with some coffee?”

  “I’d love that.” She said, sounding as if he’d just made the best suggestion ever. “I’ve missed that this week, with you on hockey duty. How’d that happen, anyway? I know you like hockey, but to help out?”

  Aaron gathered his things as Pam talked. “I got recruited at the same time Caleb did.”

  “Did he force you into that?”

  “No,” he answered quickly, because Pam seemed ready to pounce on Caleb. “I offered all on my own, thank you.”

  “Okay. Sorry.” Pam eyed him suspiciously. “It’s just not like you. I know you like your afternoon time to decompress and get things set for the next day.”

  “This is kinda fun, though.”

  “I should come watch. See you two out there together.”

  Aaron didn’t know what to say. If Pam saw them together, would she notice anything but friendship between them? Aaron’s guard was down more and more as he lost the battle against Caleb’s gentle kindness, like how he’d worked with Bryon during the geometry lesson. On the ice, since Aaron spent time standing around and directing traffic, he’d end up watching Caleb if nothing was happening around him. More than once Caleb had caught him and sent a smile his direction. Aaron had to stop doing that. Caleb didn’t need to feel led on.

  “I’ll meet you at the café,” Pam said as they walked out and Aaron locked the door.

  He was more confused than ever about Caleb. Coaching—and teaching—with him was far better than he’d imagined. Granted, he wasn’t exactly coaching with Caleb, but they were a part of the same activity. Teaching together had left Aaron exhilarated. They’d been in perfect sync, and Caleb’s idea to go outside for a real-world demonstration had been inspired.

  How would Pam feel if he and Caleb became a thing? She’d been his sounding board for years during high school and college, and he wanted advice. But he didn’t want to upset her, and most definitely couldn’t have her talking to Caleb about it. She’d always been good with keeping his secrets, so that was less of a concern than her being pissed that he wanted to go out with her little brother. He’d seen her protective side when she’d griped about Caleb’s choices—and she’d been pretty harsh about some of Aaron’s too.

  She’d be more upset later if Aaron kept it from her and something did come from it. Aaron shook as head—where had that come from? Nothing could come of it. Sometimes his brain didn’t know what it was talking about.

  They drove to the café, got their coffee, and settled into their favorite table, alongside the big window that looked out on Main Street.

  “We got the final tally from the school carnival,” Pam said proudly. “It was the most successful fund-raiser in school history.”

  “That’s fantastic,” Aaron said. He knew that Caleb’s celebrity would help their local event, but couldn’t have imagined how big of a draw he’d actually be.

  “Even better,” she said, leaning in conspiratorially, “today the school received a huge check from a certain hockey player who we both happen to know. He matched every dollar we raised!”

  Of course he did.

  Caleb was generous and kind. Talented and irresistibly attractive.

  Like a sexy knight in shining hockey gear, he’d ridden into town, all perfect and noble, seeming determined to wear down Aaron’s resolve. Aaron was no swooning damsel in distress, though if he were honest with himself, being swept up in Caleb’s muscular embrace held a certain appeal.

  “You don’t look pleased.” Pam held her coffee cup in two hands and looked over the top of it at Aaron. “What’s going on?”

  “What’re you talking about?” There was no way she hadn’t heard the defensiveness in his tone. Was there?

  Pam gave him the look she gave to students who were sent to her office for doing something wrong. The one that said she could wait it out until he spilled the beans.

  “That won’t work on me.” He looked at her, willing himself to not succumb.

  After a minute or so of the staring contest, she relented. “No fair. You’ve been around me too much.”

  “Ha!”

  “Seriously, though. What’s up?”

  “Please don’t get mad, but I really need someone to talk to.”

  “Oh my God. Are you in trouble? Did someone die?”

  “No. No.” He shook his head as he laughed nervously. He took a deep breath before blurting out “I think I might like your brother.”

  There. He’d said it. He’d gotten it out.

  “Of course you do,” Pam said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “You’ve known him forever. You’ve been—” She stopped cold. She was never at a loss for words, so Aaron expected the worst. “Oh, wait. You like like him. That’s fantastic!” A huge smile spread across her face.

  Aaron examined his coffee, trying to hide from anyone who might be looking their direction since Pam was rather loud in her proclamation.

  She put her hand over her mouth as she realized it too. “Sorry,” she said, restraining her voice. “Why on earth would you be worried telling me that?”

  “I’ve seen some of the reactions you’ve had to his boyfriends.”

  “Totally different. This is you.”

  Again, his heart betrayed him. He shouldn’t have said anything, and yet he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. “Can I tell you something else, then, as my friend and maybe not as his sister?”

  “Um. Okay.” She sounded as dubious as Aaron felt.

  “First, we’re not dating or anything, but I think I want to even though I’m not sure if….” He drifted off. There were some things he wasn’t comfortable telling Pam. “I can’t tell if he wants a real date. He might be flirting, or maybe I just want to believe he is. I don’t know if it’s right to even ask him. I live here. He’s in New York. He’s a major hockey star, and I’m just a schoolteacher who can barely stand up on skates sometimes. There’s no reason to think it could last. But—”

  “He makes your heart do somersaults in your chest,” Pam interrupted.

  “Exactly.” He couldn’t lie about that.

  “Let me tell you about my brother. You know the guys he’s dated over the past few years? The ones I’ve mocked as not being right for him? You know, sometimes those are a setup, right?”

  Aaron nodded. “Yeah. He told me that over dinner.”

  “Oh, okay. He usually keeps that under pretty tight wraps.”

  “He also said he wasn’t doing that anymore.”

  Pam’s eyes widened. “Good for him. Anyway, even guys he’s actually dating haven’t made him happy. They either don’t know what it means to date someone who travels like he does, or they expect it to be a lot more glamorous than it is. I honestly don’t even know the last time he was on a date.”

  Aaron wondered if maybe dinner had been more of a date than either of them had realized. “I don’t know how I’d do in a relationship with someone who lived somewhere else. Travel’s one thing, but he doesn’t even live here.”

  “Have you two talked about that?”

  “No. Oh God!” This time it was Aaron who was too loud. “It’s hard enough talking to you. I think we’re both dodging that discussion. He seems less hesitant that I am, but… I don’t know.” He cast his gaze down to his coffee mug.

  “You two need to talk. He’s only got a week left here. Don’t let that get away. I think you’d make a great couple. He’s more like you than you might think. He’s not the big-shot athlete with
an ego to match. He’s just Caleb, and I’ve never seen him behave any other way.”

  “Thanks,” Aaron said. “Just between us, right?”

  “Best friend’s honor.” Pam held up her hand to swear. “If he asks me anything, though, I won’t hesitate to tell him that to go for it. Just like I’m telling you.”

  Aaron nodded before moving them on to safer topics, like what had gone down on this week’s episode of The Voice.

  Chapter Twelve

  WATCHING Caleb, who was dressed in sweatpants and a sleeveless T-shirt, his face glistening with sweat and the edges of his blond hair damp, captivated Aaron. All he could think about was how Caleb might look after a round or two of hot sex. He banished those dangerous thoughts as quickly as possible.

  “My God, that feels good.” Caleb’s face showed pure happiness as he glided to a stop next to Aaron.

  “You make that look so easy. Like you’ve never been away from it.”

  “I usually hate rehab skating, but I’m kind of enjoying it. There’s some soreness that I have to work out afterward, but it’s nothing I haven’t been through before. What’s going to be fun is skating with the kids.”

  “They’re going to love that, but make sure you stop if you need to.”

  Caleb nodded. “I don’t think I’ve got to worry about overdoing it with them. And you’re looking confident. How’s it feel?”

  “Better. Less wobbly.”

  They’d worked with Ian for about fifteen minutes before the previous practice. The refresher on skating basics was exactly what Aaron had needed. At least he wouldn’t be a burden while he was trying to help.

  Caleb put his hand out as if he wanted to dance. “Skate with me.”

  It was an invitation, but it also wasn’t a question.

  “Okay.” Aaron pushed his nerves away and put his hand in Caleb’s. Despite the chill of the rink, Caleb’s hand was warm and enveloped Aaron’s. He’d avoided touching like this so often over the past few days that with the pent-up anticipation, Aaron vibrated with excitement that he hoped he could keep from Caleb. He hadn’t felt like this in a long while. Maybe it was time to allow it.

  “Here we go. Slow and easy around the rink to warm up.”

  Aaron nodded. There weren’t words for the mix of emotions he felt. He was scared he’d stumble and wipe them both out. There was also the incredible energy pouring from Caleb. It threatened to make him giddy.

  Aaron maintained his composure and managed to remain upright. When Caleb gently sped up, he followed suit.

  “You’re doing great,” Caleb said on the third lap.

  “I think the lesson on the proper stance to maintain my center of gravity is what did it.”

  Caleb’s extra squeeze on Aaron’s hand sent shockwaves through him. This could’ve been a date, a real romantic date—that is, if they weren’t about to be besieged by a couple dozen kids.

  “Let’s try something different.” Caleb released Aaron, and it was like a lifeline had been lost. Aaron resisted the urge to reach out as Caleb skated a few paces ahead and spun around to face him.

  “Show-off.” Aaron smirked but didn’t lose his speed or balance.

  “All part of the training package.” Caleb smirked right back. “Now, do your best to keep up.”

  Caleb sped up, and Aaron cautiously did the same. It was difficult not to focus solely on Caleb effortlessly gliding backward, even as they moved around the curved areas of the rink. It took less than a full lap, though, for Aaron to maintain a fairly equal distance from Caleb. They did so for a couple of laps as Caleb varied his speed, requiring Aaron to constantly make adjustments.

  “Ready for the advanced class?”

  “Bring it.” Aaron’s nervousness stayed away. Instead, he smiled with pride as Caleb simply nodded, with a twinkle in his eye that Aaron liked a lot.

  “We’re going to move away from the boards and go more zigzaggy.” Caleb didn’t wait for a response. He led Aaron across the ice in seemingly random patterns. It wasn’t too fast and Caleb was a lot smoother in the diagonal moves, and Aaron did okay. “Looking good. Let’s speed it up.”

  Caleb was suddenly a number of strides away from Aaron, and he tried to use the skills he’d learned to seamlessly add the needed velocity. He sputtered at first, but soon had closed the gap between them. This game went on for several minutes until Caleb declared they would stop in the corner.

  Caleb came to a smooth stop, but Aaron had issues with the hockey stop they’d practiced last time.

  “Just do the snowplow,” Caleb called out as he saw what was happening, but it was too late. As Aaron struggled to stop, he saw Caleb brace for impact. Caleb caught him in an embrace as Aaron’s remaining momentum pushed them into the boards. “I’ve got you.”

  Aaron planted his feet firmly under himself as he stood face-to-face with Caleb. “Thanks.” He sounded out of breath, partially because of the terror of being out of control, but also because Caleb held him and they were close enough to kiss. Aaron relished looking into Caleb’s deep blue eyes. He was gorgeous and being this close made that abundantly clear. “Um. I’m. Well. Sorry.” Aaron was mortified and would be happy if he could simply melt into the ice.

  Caleb offered a shy smile but didn’t avert his eyes. “It’s okay. I’ve had far worse hits.”

  Despite the fact he liked it there, Aaron pushed back just enough that Caleb dropped his hold. “I’d never hear the end of it if you got hurt again trying to teach me to skate.”

  “As long as you’d play doctor, it’d be okay.”

  Aaron’s face heated, and he had no doubt that he was a fiery red. Was Caleb playing with him? Or—

  “Guys, look!” There was excited chatter as the team came onto the ice. “Coach Carter’s on skates!”

  “I didn’t realize it was time. I should get things set up.” Aaron made an awkward turn away and saw Ian and the other volunteers coming onto the ice behind the players. He looked back at Caleb. Aaron hesitated, and Caleb stayed focused on him. Aaron wished he could steal a quick kiss before he joined the others. “Thanks for the skate.”

  “Anytime.”

  He gave a quick nod before he took off to get the cones for warmups. He felt a lot more confident despite the almost fall. While he worked, he kept an eye on Caleb, who hadn’t seemed flustered by their close proximity. Caleb toweled the sweat off his head at the bench and put on his Rangers hoodie. Then he took off skating with the team, and they stayed near him as if he were the Pied Piper. As they went by Aaron, he could hear the constant chatter the team kept up with Caleb.

  After a few minutes, Rick came out on the ice and whistled the group together to start their drills through the cones. The players scrambled to the four corners. Aaron was already stationed at one of the corners.

  Caleb surprised Aaron when he lined up with other players. “Mind if I go first?”

  The kids nodded, and Aaron certainly said nothing. As far as he was concerned, Caleb could do whatever he wanted.

  Caleb bolted as soon as the whistle blew. He did the forward, backward, and figure eights that were required. He was fast, at least by Aaron’s measure. Caleb looked happy and ready to go again. This glimpse of speedy Caleb in his element excited Aaron. It was only a sprint down the ice, but it captivated Aaron more than seeing him play on TV ever had.

  When Caleb arrived back at Aaron’s corner, Aaron offered a subtle thumbs-up. What he wanted to do was hug him, this time on purpose instead of falling into him. Yes, he wanted Caleb. The more time they spent together, the more Aaron was happier than he’d been in—well, longer than he could remember. Moving back to Foster Grove had turned one corner of his life, and he was starting to remember what happiness felt like. There were so many challenges involved in dating Caleb, but it might be worth the risk to leave his LA baggage in the past.

  So much to think about.

  Rick blew the whistle. “Let’s go, Carter. You’re holding up the line.”

  The whistle snapped
Aaron out of his thoughts. Why was Rick yelling at Caleb? More importantly, why was Caleb looking Aaron’s direction when it happened?

  “Sorry,” Caleb called out before he took off.

  What had distracted Caleb? Was he thinking the same thing Aaron was?

  The flutter of Aaron’s heart drove home the point of what he wanted. He just had to figure out if it was right to want it.

  Chapter Thirteen

  CALEB sat in the last row of the bleachers. He liked sitting up high during games so he could see more of the ice and watch the plays develop. This was the first time he’d seen the kids in a game, and he planned to take notes so he’d have things to discuss on Monday.

  As he watched the team warm up, he worked to push away his sadness at missing yet another game with New York. He’d been out a couple dozen games, and while he was just a few days from going back, he was annoyed every time they were on the ice and he wasn’t. At least yesterday afternoon’s check-in with the local physical therapist and the Skype call with the team doc had gone well.

  “Hey.”

  Aaron’s voice startled him. He hadn’t known Aaron would be coming to the game. They’d made no weekend plans—Caleb couldn’t decide how to move forward since there were still mixed signals between them, and Aaron hadn’t discussed anything after Friday’s practice either.

  “What a nice surprise. Have a seat.” Caleb patted the empty space next to him.

  Aaron sat down, keeping his cup of hot chocolate in his gloved hands. “I wanted to see what these guys look like in a game since those start-and-stop scrimmages don’t really give much of a clue.”

  “I decided it’d be useful to give them some notes from a game, so here I am.” Caleb inhaled to take in more of the chocolate aroma coming from Aaron’s travel mug. Even with the lid on, the scent was strong. “Where’d you get the cocoa?”

  “Picked it up at FG on the way over.”

  “Figures,” Caleb said, sadly. “I should’ve thought of that. I got a cup of coffee here, and it wasn’t good.” He pointed to the cup next to him, which was hardly touched.