The Hockey Player's Heart

by Will Knauss

  Aaron held out the mug toward Caleb. “Have some.”

  “You sure?”

  “As long as you don’t have cooties.” Aaron made the gesture again, and this time Caleb took it.

  “I was inoculated a couple months ago. I can show you the proof if you want.” Caleb reached around to his back pocket for his wallet.

  Aaron’s soft laugh threatened to make Caleb’s insides burst because it was so endearing. “That’s okay. I trust you.”

  Caleb bumped his shoulder into Aaron and laughed along with him. The cocoa sharing, the good-natured ribbing, the bump—it all felt like something a couple would do. The more these little things happened, the more he wanted to know what coupledom would be like with Aaron.

  Caleb took a sip and had to restrain himself from drinking too much. “That is so good.” He handed the mug back. “Nate should open a café here.”

  “Nate ran a café annex out at Grove Park when the outdoor rink was up this past winter.”

  “That sounds perfect. Skating, drinking cocoa. Please tell me you went.”

  “You’ve seen my skating skills, which kinda sucked until recently,” Aaron said sheepishly. “Skating while drinking a hot beverage would not have ended well.”

  “This winter I’m coming to take you out for a skate, then.” Caleb looked at Aaron, who held the mug halfway to his lips. “If you’d be into it.”

  “I’d like that,” Aaron said softly before drinking.

  The horn sounded over the big scoreboard, indicating the game was about to start. Both men turned their attention to the ice as the teams lined up for the face-off. After some grappling, the other side won the puck and the game was underway.

  Caleb occasionally made notes on his phone while they talked about what was happening on the ice. Caleb, however, was sometimes distracted by Aaron’s quiet acceptance of a skating date, which he couldn’t stop thinking about. He was also being incredibly sweet by sharing the cocoa, which they passed back and forth routinely during the first period until it was gone.

  It was like they’d relaxed to the point that they’d fallen momentarily into a future where they were together. Caleb liked it. He hadn’t been this comfortable around a man he was attracted to in longer than he cared to admit.

  “They play well,” Aaron said as the final buzzer sounded. Their team won three to one. As the game ended and the opponents shook hands, the spectators left the bleachers and either headed into the lobby or gathered rinkside to talk to the players. Caleb and Aaron continued to sit as the others left.

  “Rick’s done a good job with them. They learn quick. I want to work with them on face-offs. I think I can give them some pointers on how to anticipate better.”

  “I definitely see coaching in your future between seeing you work with the kids here and the way you taught a little geometry the other day.”

  “It’s a definite possibility for retirement. I always enjoy it.” Caleb stood. “You ready to get out of the cold?” He hadn’t missed that Aaron sometimes shivered despite the gloves, hat, and heavier jacket.

  “Yeah. Sorry, was it that obvious?”

  “Little bit.” Caleb smiled, and the smile he got back warmed him more than a coat ever could.

  “It’s a lot different when you’re not moving around, like at practices.”

  “That’s why you wear layers.” Caleb moved the neckline of his sweatshirt to show the two layers beneath it.

  “I’ll know better next time,” Aaron said as they descended the bleachers. “What are you up to the rest of the afternoon?”

  “I hadn’t planned that far ahead. What about you?”

  “I’m headed over to the park. There’s a craft fair today, and some of the students are manning the bake sale booth to fund a field trip to Albany. I want to swing by and lend some support. Wanna come?”

  “Sure,” Caleb said, thrilled to be asked. They moved quickly through the lobby. Caleb didn’t want to get caught up with any of the players who might delay them. He’d see the team on Monday.

  “So, I’ll meet you there,” Caleb said when they got to his SUV.

  “See you in five.” Aaron waved and continued on to his car.

  Caleb was ecstatic with the turn the afternoon had taken. Not only had he unexpectedly spent the game with Aaron, but now they were doing more.

  Caleb ended up at the park first. Once he was out of his car, he looked across the green grass. With the sunny, warmer afternoon, kids were out on the playground in force, while a group of teens played ultimate Frisbee nearby. The craft fair was set up around the fountain. The fair was considerably bigger than he remembered it being the few times his parents had dragged him here. The playground was different too, with a climbing wall as its centerpiece.

  Aaron pulled his car next to the SUV, and Caleb turned to greet him.

  “You looked deep in thought,” Aaron said over the roofs of the cars to him.

  “This was probably my second-favorite place to hang out as a kid.”

  “I’m pretty sure I know what the first was.”

  Aaron was more at ease than Caleb had seen him so far on the trip. He hoped it would continue, since his time home was coming to an end in a few days. Maybe asking him on an actual date wouldn’t be the worst thing.

  “I’d always train through here too.” Caleb stayed with the safe topic of the park for now. “It was my favorite place to run lap after lap in the off-season since I didn’t play any other sports.” His gaze shifted to Aaron. “Did you come out here much?”

  “You know, I never really did.” He shrugged. “I know the town does movies here in the summer, and I’ll probably come out for some of those. As a kid, though, I wasn’t very outdoorsy.”

  “True.” Caleb nodded. “You were usually stuck in a book, as I remember.”

  “Sounds about right.”

  “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone else?” Caleb steered them away from the craft fair and into some trees. He brought them to a stop at a water fountain next to a running path.

  “Of course.”

  “When I was a freshman, I was running out here one morning before school and ended up alongside Ralph Tyler. He was a junior on the track team. Remember him at all?”

  “Not so much from school. I know him now because he owns a gym. His daughter is a fifth grader too.”

  “Oh. Maybe I shouldn’t spread gossip, then.” Caleb put his hand over his mouth.

  “You can’t start a story and then not finish it.” Aaron pulled at Caleb’s hand, which made him clamp it to his face tighter because he liked Aaron pulling on it. Finally he let him pull it free.

  “Okay. It’s just as much gossip about me, I guess. We were running and he was really pushing me because he was the true runner, after all. Anyway, we paused right here to get some water, and while I was stretching against that tree, he kissed me and I kinda kissed him back.”

  Aaron involuntarily gave a nervous laugh. “Wow.”

  “Right. I thought I was maybe into guys, but I hadn’t done anything because I didn’t want to get in trouble. It was such a fumble, but energizing at the same time. We heard someone on the path, so we didn’t kiss for long, and he swore me to never tell. Which I haven’t until now.” Caleb chuckled but stopped at Aaron’s surprised look. “Sorry. Too much information?”

  “No. I was just….” Aaron looked away, leaving Caleb sure he’d said the completely wrong thing. It wasn’t like he was coming out to Aaron, but he was left feeling like he’d screwed up instead of simply revealing part of his past. “I was such a confused basket case during high school. Terrified someone would find me out and make life more hell than it already was, being the bookish guy.”

  “You always seemed happy,” Caleb said, facing Aaron.

  “I was okay. I didn’t have a tortured high school experience. Names were called, occasionally books knocked off desks, or whatever. I made sure to stay in my lane, though, you know?”

  Caleb nodded. He’d
been lucky he had the jock role to play, which tended to keep him out of any bully’s sights.

  “When I was a freshman in college and finally taking some chances since I wasn’t at home anymore, I was at a frat party and ended up in the basement of the house with a very drunk junior member. I was newly pledged, and he ordered me to follow him, which, of course, I did. I thought we were going to bring up more stuff for the party, but instead he took me in a dark corner and started kissing me.”

  The way his features suddenly clouded over stabbed at Caleb’s heart. He took Aaron’s hand and squeezed gently.

  “You don’t have to finish the story.”

  “It’s really not a bad ending. The kisses weren’t great—he tasted like cheap beer. He groped me a little, but we were interrupted because someone else came downstairs. He quickly pulled back and shoved a case of soda in my hands and took one for himself. He made a quick retreat. He either didn’t remember it or ignored that it ever happened.”

  Aaron flexed his hand in Caleb’s, and he squeezed gently as they gazed at each other.

  Caleb slowly leaned in, giving himself an out if Aaron’s expression changed. The sad look disappeared, replaced by a shy smile. Caleb took that for a yes, closed his eyes, and placed a soft kiss on Aaron’s lips.

  Aaron kissed him back, matching Caleb’s gentleness. As their lips stayed together, Caleb interlocked his fingers with Aaron’s. Caleb, emboldened by Aaron’s reaction, slid his tongue across Aaron’s lips, but he didn’t force it inside. The last thing he wanted was to go too far or too fast.

  Caleb pulled back just enough so he could speak. “I hope you’re not going to run away.”

  Aaron shook his head slowly. “No way. Not after my first kiss from Caleb Carter.”

  “It’s not really our first,” Caleb said, smiling shyly and feeling, for a moment, like a teenager again.

  Aaron’s brows knitted together in confusion. “What are you talking about? Of course it is.”

  “Remember when I gave you the trophy when you graduated?”

  “Of course.”

  “Well, I hugged you, and my lips brushed against your cheek when you pulled away,” Caleb whispered, close to Aaron. “I’ve always considered that our first kiss.”

  Aaron raised a hand to his cheek as if that might conjure the memory. “What do you know. I’d had a kiss from you all this time and didn’t know it.”

  “Well, it was subtle, barely a kiss at all, so I’ll forgive you for not remembering.”

  Aaron chuckled softly as they gazed at each other.

  “Come on,” Caleb said, wanting to break the moment before it had any chance to get weird. “Let’s go buy some baked goods to support a good cause.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “DIMITRI!” Caleb shouted into the phone as he connected the call. He was just off the ice from his late-morning practice and rehab session, sitting on the bleachers adjacent to the rink.

  Dimitri Stanislov and Caleb arrived in New York in the same season and became fast friends. Dimitri was traded from Minnesota, where he’d spent a couple of years after being drafted straight out of a Denver high school, while Caleb went to the Rangers from the University of Maine. Dimitri was a couple years older and was a top wing, even winning the Ross Trophy three years ago as the top scorer in the league. The two bonded over being the first out players for the Rangers and enduring the media spotlight that brought with it in their first season. Luckily it faded quickly once they proved themselves on the ice.

  “I’m surprised to hear from you since you guys are out West. What’s goin’ on?”

  “It’s good. You know, usual road stuff. We’re about to fly to Vancouver. Not the same without you, man. I miss my roommate.”

  “That just means you can have overnight guests, and I know you like that.”

  Dimitri grunted. “Yeah. But it also means I don’t get enough sleep because you don’t come back to the room to gently show them out. I was good last night, though. Phoenix didn’t put any interesting guys in my path.”

  Dimitri loved road hookups. Caleb played wingman sometimes, and other times he just let him do his thing.

  “So, to what do I owe this unexpected call?”

  “You’re really going to play it that way, huh?” Dimitri was fishing for something, but Caleb had no clue what.

  “You know everything going on. I’m still on track to be back next week.”

  “You’re kissing some guy.”

  Caleb was dumbstruck. Sure, some people in town might have seen, but—

  “How do you know about that?” Caleb hadn’t known how to talk about what was going on with Aaron, so he hadn’t said anything to Dimitri. And the kiss had only happened yesterday. He’d barely had time to process it himself. He looked around the rink and was glad it was early on a Sunday morning. There were few people around, and no one on the rink he occupied.

  “It’s all over the internet, my friend. You’d know that if you actually paid attention. I’m surprised you haven’t heard from Grant. He’s gotta be fielding calls and messages.”

  Caleb had never embraced social media. He had official Twitter and Facebook pages because the team insisted on it. He didn’t have personal profiles on any site. He preferred to see people in person or communicate with texts and emails. He understood, however, the need to have his professional life covered, which was one of the main reasons he’d hired Grant.

  He looked at the phone screen and saw two missed calls and a text from Grant. He was more than competent, so Caleb was confident that everything was under control. He’d call once he finished with Dimitri, though.

  “Yeah. Looks like I missed a couple calls while I was skating.” He nestled the phone awkwardly against his shoulder so he could unlace his skates.

  “Whatever. Let’s get to the good stuff. Who’s the guy? He looked kinda cute from what I could see. And the kiss in a park is so you on the romantic scale.”

  Caleb sighed. How did he want to put this? He could talk to Dimitri, no problem. But there wasn’t an actual label to put on what he and Aaron were doing. Plus, there was the problem that this thing was out there in the world. He’d need to let Aaron, and probably Pam, know too.

  “Did I lose you?”

  “No,” Caleb said quickly. “Just trying to figure out what to say.”

  “What?” Dimitri was surprised. “That’s never been a problem before.”

  “His name’s Aaron. We’ve known each other for forever. We’ve reconnected since I’ve been here.”

  “I’ll say. I thought your first guy was in college.”

  “He’s not my first…. He’s never been….” Caleb hated sputtering like this. “He was my tutor, and my sister’s best friend. He’s helping coach the youth team, and we’ve hung out a bit and….” Another sigh. “There’s something there. I can’t figure out how he feels about it, though he did kiss me and we hung out and ended up helping at a bake sale yesterday.”

  “That’s way too adorable.”

  “Shut up.” If they’d been in the same room, Caleb would’ve shoved Dimitri for using that singsong voice with him.

  “You know I don’t do adorable. I’d probably have had his clothes off against that tree and fucked him silly.”

  Caleb laughed. “I’ve missed you and that crudeness.”

  “Glad to be of service.” Silence took hold for a moment before Dimitri continued. “You should just let it go. You come back to New York in three days, and you won’t have time for him. Take his cute ass to bed so you can say you tried it, and then pack up and come home.”

  Caleb couldn’t laugh this time. Dimitri was crude, but he always had Caleb’s back. This time, though, he didn’t much care for the advice. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “What? Come home?”

  “No. Let it go.”

  “He’s really cast a spell on you. You’ve never gone on like this about a guy. Not even that model from a couple years ago.”

  “No
one’s made me feel like this. I almost tried to take him home last night, but I can’t do that until I know it’s something we both want.”

  “You don’t think he wants to fuck a hockey star?”

  “Dimitri!”

  Finally out of his skates, he was able to get the phone back in his hand. He slipped into his sneakers, which he kept laced so he could do just that.

  “Sometimes I forget you’re not me. I’m way out of my depth here. Knowing you, though, I think you and your tutor need to get this sorted. Maybe he’s like me and will be satisfied with one sexed-up night.”

  Caleb groaned.

  “Or, he might be like you and want to settle down after a period of courtship.”

  Caleb burst out laughing, not believing what he’d just heard. “Period of courtship? Really?”

  “I know how the world works for you romantic types, even if I don’t get it.”

  “You’re right about one thing. We need to talk. And now that the picture’s out, it’s going to have to be sooner rather than later.”

  “You really like him, don’t you?” Dimitri had rarely sounded so earnest.

  “I think so, yeah. He makes me feel settled, relaxed. You know how antsy I can get.”

  “Well, that tiny town of yours isn’t too far from the city. You could get up there a couple times a month during the season.”

  That was true. Caleb had the means to do almost anything he wanted. He was well paid and the only thing he’d really splurged on was his loft in Manhattan, and that was only because it was hard not to spend a lot on a place to live in the city. He could drive up as he’d always done or fly to Albany. Plenty of options were available if he and Aaron wanted him to use them.

  “Talk to him.”

  “Who are you?” Caleb appreciated the advice but was puzzled to get this from Dimitri. It sounded more like things Pam would say, and he couldn’t talk to her about this. Not with Aaron being her best friend. What was she going to think when she saw the picture? And it would be when not if. If she didn’t find it on her own, someone else would surely show it to her.