44: Book Two

by Jools Sinclair

  The second half was tough but our goalkeeper did a great job. Then, close to the end of the game, Tim sent up a perfect pass and I took the ball in, made my way around the last defender, and shot at the top of the far post, right into the corner of the net.

  The team erupted in shouts and cheers as I jumped up and down screaming. I guessed I had something to prove too. It was a sweet goal. Tim, Jack, and Bree came running up and gave me high fives.

  The game ended a few seconds later.

  “What a great goal!” Kate said, handing me my bottle of Gatorade and patting my back.

  “Remarkable,” Colin said.

  “Thanks. And thanks again, you guys, for being here.”

  Kate rubbed my sweaty head as we walked to the car.

  Colin was about her height and had light hair and an angular jaw and serious eyes. He was both smart and ambitious like her, but didn’t laugh or smile much, and was a little smug. I hadn’t spent that much time with them, but the few times we did hang out, they usually ended up talking about local politicians and city events. There was never too much fun in their conversations. It seemed kind of stressful.

  “I bet it feels great being back out on the field,” Kate said, as we weaved out of the way of cars leaving the parking lot in a mad frenzy.

  “It does,” I said.

  I unlocked the Jeep.

  “Wait. I’ll ride home with you. I have to grab my stuff. I’ll be right back,” she said.

  Colin said goodbye and they walked over to his Precis.

  I watched them for a minute. They just didn’t seem quite right for each other. There was no balance. And just like I could see if people were in love, I could also see when they weren’t.

  Kate walked up, opened the car door, and threw her stuff in the back.

  “Okay, ready Eddie,” she said.

  I started the engine and pulled out onto the street.

  It was warm and there was still a little light in the sky, with the edges of a few clouds lit up. It must have been a really nice sunset, but Kate didn’t mention it.

  “I was a little worried for you during the game. That beast was after you, trying to take you down,” she said.

  She pulled out her phone and checked it.

  “Yeah,” I said. “Good thing I have some of my speed back.”

  “The ref should have red carded him and thrown him out. I saw him trip that girl with the blonde hair.”

  She fiddled with the radio and unrolled the window. Josh Ritter started singing about a lantern and lost sheep growing teeth.

  Kate yawned, resting her head against her arm.

  “How are you doing?” I asked, glancing over at her.

  “Fine. I’m just tired.”

  I nodded.

  “How’s everything with Colin?”

  “Oh, okay. I know you can probably see that I’m not in love with him or anything.”

  I was quiet.

  “I mean, not yet, anyway. But maybe I’ll grow to love him. I like him a lot. He’s smart and interesting and ambitious. Not a loafer, which is always good.”

  I flashed back on one of her old boyfriends and smiled.

  “Matt!” we said together, laughing.

  Last time Kate had heard from Matt, the artist and professional moocher, he was living in a commune in northern California with his girlfriend and had a baby on the way.

  I turned up our street and pulled into the driveway.

  “What a great thing,” Kate said as she grabbed all her stuff from the backseat. “You playing soccer again.”

  I followed her up the steps to the porch and inside, smiling.

  It was.

  CHAPTER 5

  The sun beat down as we pushed off into the last run.

  It had been a good day. I steered us through the rapids, hitting all the right channels, and there were no close calls. The customers had been good too. They were friendly and excited about going down the river. Even the group of teenagers had been surprisingly tolerable.

  On the last run, I had three couples. They asked questions about Bend and how long I had been a guide. I told them the truth. It didn’t seem to bother them that I was new. We talked about the various wildlife in the area and then about the weather.

  We pulled off to scout the river like we always did. Amber and the others led everybody on the short trail to the Big Eddy viewpoint. Ty and I stayed back with the rafts in the shade. It was hot, but a nice breeze blew into us off the water.

  “So, Abby, when are you going out to dinner with me?” Ty said out of the blue. He was wearing those dark sunglasses so I couldn’t tell if he was joking.

  My stomach did a backflip. I was trying to think of something clever to say. Luckily before I had a chance to respond, a little kid ran up to him and asked for help tightening his life vest.

  “I’ll need an answer by the end the day,” Ty said.

  I smiled nervously. I hadn’t expected it and wasn’t really sure what it meant. Maybe it was just like a get-together for burgers after work with the other guides. I hoped so.

  We launched into the main channel and I straightened us up. The current was clipping us from the left, but I steered through it and we shot Big Eddy nicely. Large waves crashed in, soaking everybody, but it made them happy. It was a perfect day for getting drenched.

  At the pick-up point, we pulled in and said good bye. The happy, wet tourists thanked us as they headed toward the bus, some coming back down and giving us tips. I got a few. I watched as a middle-aged guy in khaki shorts approached Ty and shook his hand, slipping him a bill.

  “Thanks so much, I really appreciate it,” he said.

  Ty walked over to me and we watched the bus pull out onto the dirt road, a cloud of dust rising behind it.

  “Ha! Looks like I’ll be having a sweet weekend,” he said, snapping the $20 bill in front of me.

  “As always, Mr. Tips.”

  “Aw, I’ve been watching you raking it in,” he said. “I saw those families float some love your way.”

  “Not like you,” I said, smiling and bowing my head. “You are the master.”

  None of it really mattered because it was the policy among the guides to pool all the tips at the end of the day and split them six ways. It was Ty’s idea, even though he was always the one who pulled in the most money.

  He stared at me for a moment and I wondered if he was waiting for an answer about going to dinner. I was hoping that somebody would walk up. Then he suddenly grabbed some paddles and headed to the van.

  When he returned, he eyed my arms.

  “Not bad,” he said. “You’re getting there, Abby Craig. By the end of the summer your arms will be like mine.”

  He flexed his muscles.

  I shook my head.

  “Well, let’s hope not,” I said.

  I didn’t plan on looking like a wrestler.

  It was true though, that between the river and soccer, I was getting in pretty good shape. It had been a long time since I had felt strong. It gave me confidence about steering the raft away from the obstacles in the river.

  We loaded the gear with the other guides and pulled up the rafts. The dry afternoon air felt good and I was glad the day was over. I was tired. I headed back down to help pull out the last raft.

  Ty came up and started kicking at the river like it was a soccer ball, getting me all wet. He was such a goofball sometimes, especially at the end of the day. I cupped my hands together and scooped up water and threw it at him. We were both knee deep in the river and it felt good.

  I slammed the water with both hands with all my strength, soaking Ty. He laughed.

  “Okay, now you’re really in trouble,” he said.

  He suddenly picked me up and tossed me in. But as I fell under the water, it all came back.

  I was drowning again.

  I couldn’t breathe and was sinking in the dark water down, down, down to the bottom. Panic ripped through me. My heart raced as I tried to hold my breath, tri
ed not to inhale death. I started screaming, trying to push up toward the surface. But the darkness had a hold on me again. And it was trying to pull me down.

  Suddenly an arm wrapped around my waist and lifted me up above the surface. I gasped to breathe, coughing up water. Ty helped me to the shore and I fell down to the ground as I sputtered and choked.

  “You’re okay,” he said, slapping my back.

  Amber and Jake ran up, looking on with worried eyes.

  I finally caught my breath and stopped coughing.

  “I’m fine,” I said.

  “I’m so sorry,” Ty said.

  He sat down next to me and put his arm on my shoulder.

  “You know I was just joking, right? It was just meant to be fun.”

  He kept staring at me. It was the first time I had seen him so serious and upset.

  “Really. I’m fine,” I said, gently pushing him away and forcing a smile.

  Most of the water was out of my lungs now and I was suddenly embarrassed. Amber and Jake both gave me an odd look and walked away.

  I hadn’t been sure if they knew about me, but now watching their expressions, I was positive they did. They probably thought it was insane for someone like me to have this job.

  I stood up.

  “Just breathed in a little water,” I said. “I’m good to go. Sorry, Ty. You just caught me off guard, that’s all.”

  I pretended to punch him in the gut.

  “But revenge will be mine,” I said, forcing another smile.

  Ty smiled back, cautiously. Gray waves surrounded him. He was quiet for a minute. I figured he probably knew about me too.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Ty said.

  “I’m all right, nobody worry about me,” I said, quoting from the Caddyshack song.

  “Sorry, Abby. It was such a stupid thing to do,” he said. “I just, well, wasn’t thinking.”

  He gave me hug.

  He smelled good, like always, full of tropical sunscreen and river water and pine trees and sun. He smelled like summer. When we pulled away, I saw that he was back to the bright white waves that usually surrounded him.

  “Let’s finish this up and get outta here,” he said. “Take a few moments though.”

  He walked up toward the bus carrying a stack of life vests.

  I took a deep breath and walked back over to the edge of the water. I reminded myself that everything was okay, that I was safe. That nothing bad happened.

  And that’s when I saw her.

  Floating above the river, not more than 30 feet away, she stood dressed in a long white gown, staring at me with icy eyes.

  I jumped back, my heart hammering in my chest and fear shooting through my body.

  She just hovered there, above the current, her eyes drilling into me. Chills ran up and down the back of my neck, but I couldn’t turn away. It was impossible to ignore this ghost. I just stood there.

  I heard soft footsteps in the gravel behind me. It was Amber picking up the last of the paddles.

  “Sorry,” she said loudly, smiling. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

  When I looked back at the water, the ghost was gone.

  That familiar old dread swept through me like a tsunami, swift and fast and with no mercy. I stood there at the edge of the water for a while, numb and sick, trying not to vomit.

  CHAPTER 6

  I wasn’t going to tell Kate about the ghost.

  Not yet anyway. Maybe it would be a one-time thing like the others. Maybe I had invented her. Maybe she wasn’t real.

  I pulled up into the downtown parking lot and found a spot facing Drake Park. I got out and walked over to the edge of the plaza and did a quick scan, looking for Jesse.

  I missed having a best friend. This was the kind of thing I could have talked to him about. Even if he thought I was crazy, it always felt safe to tell Jesse anything. And he always gave me honest feedback. I could tell him all my secrets.

  I scanned the groups of people hanging out in the park, but Jesse wasn’t there. I walked over to Wall Street.

  Kate and I were meeting downtown to go shopping. I didn’t really feel like going, but I didn’t want to cancel at the last minute. Besides, I needed a new pair of sandals and there was a sale at one of the shoe stores. I would have to hide the fear that was still churning inside me from her. But that wasn’t always so easy to do.

  I saw her Subaru parked in the lot and figured she was probably in her favorite store. I started walking over in that direction and a minute later found her in the back at the racks.

  “Hey, Abby!”

  “Hey, Kate. Finding anything?”

  I breathed slowly and deeply as I looked through the clothes, trying to calm down. She pulled out a gray suit jacket. I was sure I’d seen a bunch of the exact same ones hanging in her closet.

  “Maybe. What do you think?” she said, turning it around and holding it up so I could see.

  “Yeah,” I said. “It’s nice.”

  I didn’t even own one of those types of jackets and I hoped that whatever I ended up doing, I would never need one. I was happy going to work in river sandals and water-resistant shorts and T-shirts.

  I waited while she tried it on in front of a mirror. It was a nice fit.

  “Oh, never mind,” she said, putting it back on the rack. “I have a few of these already anyway. Let’s go.”

  We walked outside into the heat and down the street. The sidewalk was crowded. There was a good chance I might recognize someone from the rafting trips, but I didn’t care. It was nice to be walking around.

  “I need a coffee,” Kate said. “I have to go back to work later. Want one?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  We turned down Minnesota and walked into Thump.

  I always liked our regular coffee house. It had a good atmosphere and we had gotten to know the employees. The brick walls were decorated with local art and had a lot character. Kate and I came here often.

  I sat at a small table in the back and waited while she ordered and brought back our usuals.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  We both talked about our days. She hesitated and studied me when I told her that I had a great day. Kate was always pretty good at picking up on lies, but she let it go.

  “So we have our dinner this week with Dr. Mortimer, right?” I said playing with my cup. “You’re still coming, right?”

  Kate hadn’t said anything about it recently and I hoped she wasn’t thinking of blowing it off.

  “Oh, yeah,” she said. “No big deal, like you said. It’ll be fine.”

  She had a lot of those little gray waves moving quickly around her suddenly. She was nervous. I was glad she was still willing to go.

  Her phone buzzed and she stopped to read it, but didn’t say anything.

  Someone came in and Kate waved.

  “One of the TV reporters from the trial,” she said. “We sit next to each other all day on those stupid, hard benches. My butt is killing me. Tomorrow I’m bringing a pillow.”

  I smiled.

  “When was the last time you actually saw Ben?” she asked.

  “End of April. I stopped by the hospital and dropped off those cookies I made for him.”

  “Oh, yeah,” she said. “I remember now.”

  “He says he wants to come watch one of my games,” I said. “He’s letting me know when he can make it. It’s hard since he works nights. I emailed him my soccer schedule a few days ago.”

  Kate nodded.

  “Make sure to tell me when he’s coming so Colin and I aren’t there on the sidelines. I wouldn’t want us all to meet, if you know what I mean.”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “Let’s continue shopping,” Kate said, picking up her paper cup.

  We walked out into the sun and headed over to the shoe store. I found a pair of river sandals but they were super expensive, even on sale. I passed on them. I could find something over at Big 5. Kate looked around at the shoes, bu
t I could tell by her face it wasn’t her kind of store. There wasn’t one pair of high heels in the whole place.

  We strolled past the kitchen store and the wine shop and crossed the street, making our way to another clothes store. A shot of cold air greeted us as we opened the door and Kate headed to the back. I stayed up front and checked out the T-shirts and shorts.

  It took a minute before I spotted Amanda, looking at clothes in the bins. She must have been back for the summer. The last I heard she was going to college in California. She hadn’t seen us come in and I hid in the side aisle, keeping my head down. I didn’t want to bump into her and I knew she felt the same.

  We had been friends for a long time before the accident and I knew she was a good person deep down. But she had refused to forgive me for being with Jesse on the day he died.

  It wasn’t even like Jesse and I had done anything. But thinking about it now, I knew it was more complicated than that. I think Amanda sensed that even though they were together, Jesse didn’t love her. He still loved me. She must have known it was just a matter of time.

  That was my fault because I had waited too long before wanting him. I had waited until she was in love with him and then I made my decision, taking him away from her.

  I tried to talk to her before she left for college. I wanted to explain, wanted her to know that I didn’t mean to hurt her. It didn’t go well. She told me she wouldn’t forgive me and probably never could, and that the bottom line was that I had no business being up at the mountain snowboarding with her boyfriend. And that a real friend wouldn’t have done that.

  And if I hadn’t gone up there with him, Jesse might still be alive.

  That last part hurt. It was like she had sliced me open and pulled out my heart. Because truthfully, sometimes I wondered about the exact same thing.

  “You know, you owed me more than that, Abby,” I remembered her saying before she walked away. “That was so wrong.”

  As I watched her leave that day, it came to me that in some ways this town had broken her too. The fact that Jesse and I were together made for good gossip. Besides dealing with the pain of Jesse’s death, Amanda was embarrassed that her boyfriend had been with another girl.