The Accidental Witch

by Jessica Penot

  “What’s going on, Candy?” I asked in my therapist calming voice.

  “This bitch won’t give me my oxycodone. I’m in pain!” Candy shrieked.

  “Calm down for a minute,” I said softly. “You’re going to pass out. Just take three deep breaths.” Candy shook her head and opened her mouth to fight, but I cut her off. “No one is going to help you until you calm down.”

  Candy took her deep breaths and her face turned from alizarin crimson to a soft pink. Tears of frustration formed in her eyes.

  “Now listen,” I said softly. “You can leave if you want narcotics, but we won’t give them to you. You didn’t have them when you came in and there is no reason for you to have them now, and cursing at Sandy isn’t going to change that. Do you want my help finding a place to go? Do you want the doctor to get you stabilized on your medication so your moods are under control? Or do you want us to discharge you to the streets and see how things work for you there?”

  Candy took two deep breaths. “I want help,” she whispered.

  “Then take the meds you’ve been given and go eat your breakfast,” I said.

  Candy nodded and reached up to the counter to take her medication. She swallowed her pills and wheeled away.

  “Thanks for that,” Emma said. “I was just about to kill her.”

  “I can see why,” I said.

  “How are you doing?” Sandy asked. “I heard a rumor, but I know it can’t be true.”

  “What rumor is that?” I asked.

  “I heard that you and Dr. Becket are a thing,” she said with the devilish smile she got when she’d found a particularly delicious piece of gossip.

  I smiled and shrugged.

  “Nooo,” Sandy said in a southern accent that wrapped around the word like icing.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Well, someone’s been busy,” Sandy said.

  “Shame on you,” Emma said with a delighted tone. “And you didn’t even tell us. That ain’t very nice, you know. How long ya’ll been going out?”

  “Less than a week,” I said.

  “That is one fine lookin’ man,” Emma said. “Does he look as good with his shirt off as he does with it on?”

  “Shame on you,” Sandy said, but you could tell she wanted me to answer.

  I leaned over. “He looks even better,” I said.

  “Damn,” Emma said. “If I weren’t a married woman, I would give you a run for your money, you know?” Emma was well over fifty and had grown children that were older than Dr. Becket, but that didn’t stop her from looking. She kept herself up pretty well. Her platinum blonde hair was always pretty and she had long fake nails with little hearts on them. She was always the first to comment on what a waste it was if a good looking man wandered onto our floor. I couldn’t help but like Emma.

  “I’m glad you’re not single,” I said. “I don’t think I would survive the competition.”

  “Oh, honey,” Sandy said. “You do just fine with competition and you know it. It’s about time you got over that man up in Chicago. All of us were tired of seeing you drag around here like there was nothing more to life than saving these people.”

  “You can’t save ’em all, you know that, don’t you?” Emma added. “You go crazy trying.”

  I smiled broadly. “I’m on a bit of a roll these days. I’m gonna save everyone,” I said as I walked toward Ellie’s room.

  That day was a disappointment all around. It wasn’t that anyone was doing worse, but they weren’t doing any better. Ellie, George, and Candy were disappointingly spinning in the same circles. Candy was belligerent, Ellie was weepy, and George was George. I had been expecting a repeat of the first spell, but there didn’t seem to be any magic that day. I must have done something wrong.

  When I left work, I went straight home and picked up the book. It was a long day and I got home late. The workers had all left and the house was quiet. Aaron had already stopped by and left flowers on the front porch. I took them inside and put them in water. I found the book and sat down with a beer and opened it. There was an introduction. Shit. It was really long and it was badly written. Since I left graduate school, I had made a specific point of avoiding any book that was educational. I had caught up on my novel reading because I had spent the better part of my life buried in books I really didn’t enjoy reading. I had promised myself that I would enjoy reading again and I had, until I started on the introduction of that spell book. It was worse than graduate school.

  Blah, blah, magic is a sacred privilege. Blah, blah, magic is dangerous and powerful and taps into forces from beyond that are unimaginable to most people. Oh, dear God, twenty pages of the power of magic and then, something useful. Before magic can be used with full efficiency, you must open yourself up to the other side. People are born closed to the spirit world, to the world of magic and power that lurks just beyond our realm of perception. We can touch it occasionally, but we are unable to reach it or perceive it. There was a spell that could open the spellcaster to the other side. The spell was simple and once the spellcaster had cast it, they would be able to reach into the spirit world and use magic in its purest form.

  I flipped through the rest until I got to the actual spell. Open Sesame, the Third Eye Spell. I looked over the ingredients. I would need sandalwood incense, a purple candle, sesame oil, and tiger balm. I had those things out in the cabin. I picked up the book and walked as quickly as I could to the old cabin. It didn’t take me long to set everything up. It was a silly spell and I felt ridiculous doing it. I began to think that maybe everything had been a coincidence after all.

  I opened the jar of tiger balm and put it on the altar with the candle and the incense. I visualized myself as a flower that was opening up and seeing the sun for the first time. I chanted.

  “Allfy layla wa layla

  Alfy layla wa layla

  By the moon, during a silent night

  By the silence of ancient sites.”

  I tried to stay focused, but I kept thinking that this had to be bullshit. I had just gotten lucky before. Coincidence is a tricky beast and I had been suckered in by a stupid book. I continued despite these thoughts. I continued because I felt like I couldn’t stop.

  “By the secrets of arcane rites,

  By the flicker of candle lights …

  Ifta, ya simsim!

  Open sesame!

  Open my third eye, open my mind’s eye

  Release my sixth sense.

  Help me to see the unseen

  Let me Be as I have never been,

  Let me See as I have never seen.

  Open my third eye; open my mind’s eye,

  Open my Self to understanding.

  Alfy layla wa layla

  Alfy layla wa layla

  By the power of moonlight,

  By the power of clear sight,

  Ifta, ya simism!

  Open Sesame!”

  The candle exploded into flame and I fell backwards. I closed my eyes. What the? When I opened them again, I saw him. I had no idea who or what he was, but he was there. He was dark. He was more shadow than form. He looked like a man locked in a dark cloud. His piercing black eyes stared at me across the cabin. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, but he was still there. He stepped towards me. He touched my cheek. He was quite lovely.

  “You are awake now, little spellcaster,” he whispered. “They will answer your call and so will I.”

  I must have fainted, although I couldn’t see myself fainting. I’m not really the fainting sort. I woke up in the dark on the floor of the cabin. It must have been a dream. I dusted myself off and cleared the altar of the open sesame spell. I lit the candles on my healing garden one last time for George, Candy, and Ellie and walked back to the house. The clouds covered the moon that night, but I could see my way back as if it was bright as day. I felt strange, like I had slept too long. I shook my head. I really wasn’t sure what had happened. As I entered my house, it occurred to me that I shouldn’t have le
ft the candles lit in the cabin and I turned to blow them out.

  “Where have you been?” Aaron asked.

  Aaron had been waiting for me on my front porch.

  “Walking,” I answered.

  “I was worried,” he said.

  I shook my head trying to remove the disorientation that clung to me like dust. I looked at my watch. It was 9 p.m.

  “Listen,” I said softly. “I really like you, Aaron, but I’m not ready for this level of relationship just yet. I need some space, you know? You’re an amazing man and I know I’m lucky to have you, but this is moving too fast. I’m not used to having to answer to someone else when I take a walk and I’m not even sure that’s what I want.”

  I walked over and sat on Aaron’s lap. I kissed his forehead and then his lips. His lips parted and our kiss lingered.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I don’t know what’s come over me. A couple of hours ago, I just had to see you. I don’t want to rush anything. I just can’t get enough of you.”

  I shook my head and kissed him. I hadn’t meant to drive him crazy. I wished I could reduce the power of the love spell. I would have to look into it, but as his arms wrapped around me, I forgot all my good intentions. He kissed me and I forgot everything.

  My cell phone beeped in my pocket and I looked at it. Seventeen messages. Amongst Aaron’s messages was a reminder that I was supposed to meet Millie at the Waffle Hut at 9 p.m. Why had I agreed to that? I must have been high.

  Aaron lifted up my shirt and kissed my waist. I leaned my head against his and moaned. His skin felt so good. “I can’t,” I whispered breathlessly.

  He didn’t stop.

  “I have other plans and I am already late,” I said.

  “Okay,” he said. “You are like human cocaine, did you know that?”

  “I have to go,” I said again, pushing my way out of his arms.

  “Will I see you tomorrow?” he asked.

  “Yes,” I said. “Be here at seven.”

  I went upstairs and cleaned up a little and then got in the car. I really couldn’t remember why I had said yes to Millie. I guess it was because I said yes to almost everything. I didn’t mean to. Lord knows I didn’t always want to say yes to everything. It was just easier to say yes than no. It hadn’t been as much of a problem lately since people rarely asked me to do anything, but it had been an enormous problem in my youth.

  The Waffle Hut was the shittiest restaurant in Dismal. It basked in an ugly neon light that made the entire room glow a goose shit green color. Millie sat in the corner with the most unlikely gathering of people I had ever seen. There was Millie, Demetrius, who worked at the pharmacy as a tech, Meredith, who was a pet groomer, and Phillip Parsons, the local dentist. To my enormous surprise, Diane was also sitting with the odd group. As far as I could tell, the only thing the odd group had in common was that they were all drinking coffee and eating toast.

  I sat down next to Diane and gave her a hug.

  “Hey, kiddo,” I said. “How are you?”

  “Good,” Diane said. She had an uncharacteristically serious look on her face. In fact, the entire group looked quite serious. I wanted to laugh, but I kept my face hard. The group looked ridiculous. Meredith was wearing a University of Alabama T-shirt that said Roll Tide and she had little kittens tattooed to her neck. Her few teeth stuck out of her mouth at odd angles and her serious look twisted her face up into a sneer. Demetrius dressed like many young men. His pants were too large and falling off of him. I knew that was the style, but I was old enough to think it looked ludicrous. His baseball cap was askew and the last time I had seen him, he’d been yelling at his girlfriend, who was a regular in our detox unit. Dr. Parsons looked way too much like Mr. Rogers to be taken seriously by anyone. He was wearing a cardigan sweater in the Alabama summer heat and his face was friendly even when he was scowling.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “It has come to our attention that you have been practicing the dark arts,” Millie said with a cruel emphasis on dark. Millie was as big of a bitch outside work as in.

  “What?” I said.

  “You’ve been practicing magic,” Diane said softly as she gave Millie a glare.

  “I think some of you missed your medication tonight,” I said.

  “This is no joke,” Demetrius said. This was beginning to feel like an intervention.

  “Oh?” I said. “It isn’t? Well, you could have fooled me. Magic? Really? Even if I was practicing magic, why would it be any of your business?”

  “We are the local witches’ guild,” Demetrius said.

  I couldn’t take it. I broke out in laughter. I leaned over and guffawed. I laughed so hard, tears pooled at the corner of my eyes. I was just wiping the moisture out of my eyes when the waitress came over.

  “What can I get you, sugar?” she asked.

  “I think I’ll take a coffee,” I said as I regained my composure. “Black.”

  The waitress nodded and sauntered away and I tried to stop giggling like a little girl.

  “We aren’t joking,” Millie said.

  “Okay,” I said, still smiling. “You are the witches’ guild. Did I forget to pay my dues or something? Do I need a license to practice magic?”

  “No,” Diane said. “It’s just not that common and we were concerned.”

  “Concerned?” I asked.

  “I mean,” Diane said. “People try to cast spells all the time and sometimes when they’re in a group, something will happen, but not much. But there are a few rare people born with the gift of spellcasting. When these people cast spells, it works. You are a spellcaster and what you’ve been doing is drawing enough energy on Dismal to summon all the minions of Hell.”

  “You have got to be shitting me,” I said.

  “I’m serious,” Diane said.

  “Are you a spellcaster?” I asked.

  “No,” Diane said. “I’m an oracle. I see the future.”

  “So there are different kinds of witches and … what are you guys? Man witches?” I asked.

  “We’re warlocks,” Demetrius said. “I’m a necromancer.”

  “You summon zombies?” I asked.

  “No,” Demetrius sighed, “I can talk with ghosts. I can talk with the dead.”

  “Zombies would have been better, if you ask me. And what are you?” I asked Millie.

  “I’m an empath,” Millie said. “I can read people’s minds.”

  “That’s why she’s such a bitch,” Diane said with a scowl.

  “Fuck you,” Millie said.

  “What about you?” I asked Meredith.

  “I’m a necromancer and so is Dr. Phil. We are the most common type of witches. People call us mediums sometimes, but anyone who knows anything about witchcraft calls us necromancers,” Meredith said.

  “So I’m the only spellcaster here?” I asked. “And you are telling me the spells I’m casting are actually working?”

  “Yes,” Millie said. “Are you stupid? We didn’t call you here to talk about your sex life.”

  “Did one of you send me the book?” I asked.

  “What book?” Diane asked.

  I shook my head. “Nothing, just a book of poems.”

  “No. That would be Dr. Becket, who you’ve completely entranced by some strange love spell,” Diane said. “Not that I’m not glad to see you dating, but go easier on the poor man next time.”

  “I’m still having trouble believing all this,” I said.

  “You cast the awakening spell tonight,” Millie whispered.

  “Yes,” I said. “So what?”

  Millie leaned over. “What did you see?” she asked.

  I would have to remember to be more careful what I thought around Millie. I tried to think of stupid things like flowers and teddy bears. I tried to think of useless things.

  “You summoned something,” Millie said.

  Damn it. Teddy bears. Fishing with my dad when I was a little girl. I had to th
ink of things that Millie wouldn’t care about. I couldn’t think about what I’d done. Millie couldn’t know. I hated Millie. The last thing I wanted was her creeping around in my head.

  “You’re in deep,” Millie said. “You have to stop. No more magic.”

  “Damn you, Millie,” I said. “I’m actually happy for the first time in years and I’m not stopping anything. Go fuck yourself and your little dog, too. I’ve never liked you, Mildred. No one likes you and I’m not pretending to care what you think anymore.”

  Diane put her hand on my shoulder. She smiled. “I understand,” Diane said. “I’m not ever stopping, either. Once you touch the other side, you can’t stop. You are luminous. You’ve changed. It was an accident. It always is. You never mean to be a witch and then you are and you can’t stop. We just think you should slow down a little until you can find someone who can teach you how to do it right.”

  “And where would I find another spellcaster?” I asked.

  “There’s always your mother,” Phillip said. Phillip was a quiet man and his words were barely audible. Silence followed his statement. Everyone was shocked, but I couldn’t imagine why. I knew why I was shocked. I had never met my mother and I thought she was as lost as she would be if she’d been dead. It was hard for me to believe these people knew where she was when my father had told me my entire life that she had vanished without a trace.

  “You know that’s a bad idea,” Millie said. “In fact, that’s the worst idea I’ve ever heard, Phil. How did you make it through college with ideas like that?”

  “There aren’t that many other of her kind around,” Phillip said. “Where else are you going to find someone?”

  “We’ll just write The Guild,” Millie said.

  “That’ll take years,” Meredith said “She’s opened up now. She’ll cast spells without even knowing she’s casting them now.”

  “You know where my mother is?” I asked.