The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2)

by Wilson, Gracie

  “No, Becca, I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay and I don’t think I will be again.” Jake has always been honest and upfront but seeing him so bare makes me raw.

  “Jake,” I sigh.

  “No. I need you to listen. You’re the last thing I think about every night. You’re everything I need. When I walked away, I just wanted you to be happy.” I go to say something but he puts his fingers to my lips, hushing me.

  “You asked for space. I can give you anything but that. I know what you want. Becca, I tried. God, I tried. But I can’t just forget you. Every single minute, the pain of not having you in my life eats at me. All of the things I’m doing and saying don’t change how empty I feel without you. I know you hate me and don’t love me. But baby, I need you.” Jake is holding himself up with the doorframe; it looks like it’s the only thing keeping him standing.

  “Jake, we can’t keep doing this to each other. Look at you; this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. It isn’t supposed to be this hard,” I say, trying to keep my emotions in check.

  “I’m here to say I’m sorry. I know how bad I messed things up. God, you’re everything. I let you down in the worst way. It twisted me up inside every single fucking day, Becca.” His head is hanging and I know he feels defeated.

  “Becca, I pushed you away because having you, all of you, then losing you would destroy my heart forever. You’re the first face that I see. You’re the reason I am alive. You’re all I see, you’re my future.” I bring my hand to his chest and put it gently against his heart.

  “Jacob…” He doesn’t move.

  He interrupts me. “Don’t make me be alone, because loving you is as good as it gets. My life can never get better than that. When it’s said and done, Becca, you’re my only way. The only thing that has every made sense to me, don’t you see it? I won’t go; walking away again isn’t going to happen. I will never sleep, not until you’re with me again and in my arms where you belong. I will never leave you; you’re it for me.”

  I can tell he’s trying to keep his breathing in check. He's trying to look away from me so I don't see the tears in his eyes that have begun to fall. I reach up to him and press my lips softly against his wet lips. I can feel the tears on his face against mine. "That's how we need to end things."

  I turn away from him because I can’t look at him right now. My heart is on, begging me to just let go and let Jake in.

  “Becca.” His voice is raspy and he is breathing heavily.

  “Jake, I still love you.”

  Before I know it, I am being spun around and am in his arms. His lips crash down on mine and I forget how much he hurt me. How much I’m hurting over Keegan. It’s Jake. I moan and he takes this opportunity to deepen our kiss. His tongue slips in and I feel his hands grabbing me tighter. He pushes me back and shuts the door, locking it. I feel his hand graze the hem of my shirt and every spot he touches causes heat at the contact.

  “Jake,” I say hesitantly. We shouldn’t be doing this. Everything is so messed up. “Please just let me touch you.” His words are my undoing.

  I let go.

  My hands find their way into his hair and his hands move, holding my head in place. The kiss is filled with so many things. I can almost taste the desperation coming from him. He’s trying to tell me something, but I don’t know what it is.

  “Becca. Baby,” he says, against my lips and he then continues his mouth along my jaw. He begins working down my neck. Each time he moves, there is a trail of tingling left behind. My body is on hypersensitive.

  I back up to my bed, pulling Jake with me. Grabbing his shirt, I pull it over his head, only breaking apart when I had to. Jake is watching me, taking the cues from me. My hands slide down his chest and I feel him tense at the contact. Don’t stop this, Jake. Looking into his eyes, I bring my mouth to his chest just where his heart is and I kiss the spot softly. Never breaking eye contact. I hear Jake groan and this makes my body ache.

  He isn’t taking this further; he’s just content with what we are doing now. The sweetness is not lost on me but my body is craving more. I start pulling off my shirt and I feel him gasp. My shirt is off, leaving me in my jeans and a pale pink lace bra.

  “Becca…” Jake is struggling, but I need this. We need this.

  “Please don’t stop, Jakey. I want you to touch me, feel me. You say you need me, but that’s nothing to how much I need you.” All the reservations he had leave him and he pulls me to him, colliding my mouth with his. His hand slides down my backside and sweep around to the front undoing my button of my jean slowly. He’s giving me a chance to stop him but that won’t be happening.

  “I love you, Jake.” My voice is raspy. “It’s you, baby, it’s always been you.” His words seal my choice. He slowly slides my jeans down and I step out of them leaving me in just my bra and undies. His fingers trail along my hipbone causing shivers to run through my body. Looking into Jake’s eyes, I see only love and affection. It’s everything I’d been hoping to see. Sliding my hands from his chest, I start undoing his belt followed by the button and zipper to his jeans. His breathing is heavy, causing my body to respond the same way. When I bring my eyes back to his I see desire but a hint of hesitation is there. My hands begin to push his jeans down but his hands go over mine stopping me. “Becca…” I know what’s coming.

  “Jake, please?” He just looks at me. “Love me… I’m letting you love me, Jake. I’m yours.” All hesitation leaves his eyes and he grabs my bottom, bringing me right against him. His eyes are glossy; there are so many emotions in them. “Make love to me, Jake. I love you. I’m ready.”

  I continue pulling his pants off him and he just watches me closely looking for any hint that I’m unsure. Finding the words to tell him how much I want this, I want him. Words aren’t going to be enough. I bring my hands behind my back, undoing my bra. Slowly I slip my panties down my legs, never looking at Jake. I back up until I’m against my bed, I bring myself up onto it so I am sitting completely naked and exposed, but I don’t hide. Bringing my eyes back to his, I slip my finger into the top of his boxers and pull him towards me. “Let me love you Jake.”

  He is now hovering over me; he hasn’t taken his boxers off so I do it for him. When he sees this, he doesn’t stop me, he just watches.

  “I missed the ever loving hell out of you too, Jake.” Just like that, he’s on top of me. He’s kissing me, sliding his hands against my flesh, leaving me craving more.

  “I’ve been waiting to hear those words for too long, Becca.” He holds himself over me, not putting his whole weight on me. I feel him harden against me and I thought I would feel embarrassed or unsure but it only makes me want him more. Bringing my hands around his waist, I grab him and pull him towards me.

  “I see you.” Jake looks confused at my words. “You told me I’m your future… I see you… you are what I see in my future, Jacob Kelso.”

  “I love you, Becca.” He is right at my opening and I push myself towards him, hinting at what I want. I feel him push slowly, filling me entirely. It is a shock at first but I welcome the feeling. He slowly starts a pace and his hands graze my breasts, causing me to let out a moan.

  “Jake.” He picks up his pace but never do his eyes leave mine.

  “Are you okay?”

  I can’t speak. I’m afraid if I open my mouth I will only moan louder. I nod and bring my mouth to his. He doesn’t slow down. He keeps going and I feel the desire in me filling. I lightly bite his bottom lip, causing him to groan in pleasure at me. Taking the opportunity, I massage his tongue with mine causing me to feel like I’m ready to fall off the edge.

  “Jake.” I plead.

  “I know, baby. I’m right there with you.” I feel my body tightening. This is new. I’ve never felt this before. He is moving faster now and I feel him panting against my shoulder. My body gives in to overwhelming sensations, falling over the edge, causing ever nerve to hum in pleasure.

  “Becca.” Jake is right there with me as we cl
imaxes together.

  We don’t move. We just stay like this, holding each other.

  “Becca.” He brings his hand over my scar from where Dillon had slashed me with the knife. All those memories coming rushing back. The pain I caused Jake. I don’t deserve to be this happy right now. I roll away from Jake.

  “Becca, what’s wrong?” I feel tears trying to break free and I just shake my head. “What is it?”

  “Jake, I don’t deserve this. All I’ve done is hurt those who love me.” I bring my hand over my scar and Jake rolls me back into him. He looks down at my hand covering my scar.

  “Becca, look.” He brings my hand to where he had been stabbed and I feel every emotion of that horrible night come back. “Don’t be sad. I’m not. You saved me that night.”

  I shake my head wanting to say all the things I’d said to him before about it being my fault, but instead something else comes out. “We saved each other.”

  He brings my hand to his mouth and kisses it softly. “Exactly.” He slowly slides his mouth down my neck, stopping every little bit to give a small kiss. He continues until he is over my scar at my hip. “Beautiful. You’re so damn beautiful, Becca.” Just like that, we make love for the second time tonight.

  We could have been like this forever. Cuddling together in my bed the way it was always meant to be, with nothing between us. I would have been okay with that but a knock comes to my door. Panicking, I get up, wrapping myself in a blanket.

  “Darn, it’s Charlotte. She was going to stop by.” I go to the door and laugh at the fact that Jake and I just got caught. “There will be no way of talking myself out of this one.” Jake laughs and I open the door.

  “Keegan.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Keegan

  Why did I come here? To be honest, I don’t have the slightest clue what I’m doing. I just couldn’t take the hate any more. I wanted to apologize for going off on her. Drinking was done that night and I wasn’t pleased that she went home with some guy. I just need to see her. I can’t explain it but it’s a need.

  I knock on the door of her dorm room and I hear movement inside before I hear laughing. Bec opens the door, laughing, in nothing but a blanket. Jake is behind her on the bed. Her mouth drops open and I am frozen. I’m too late.

  “Keegan.” Her voice still tugs at me but I’m too angry to think straight. Damn it, I was too late, and now she’s with Jake. For some reason this all seems so familiar.

  I shake away those thoughts and look into the eyes of the girl I love. She looked happy up until she saw who it was. “Screw this.”

  I go to leave but she puts her hand on my arm, causing me to still. “Keegan, I’m so sorry that you had to see this. I would never have wanted that.” My heart knows that as much as she hates me, she would never cause me harm. That’s my job.

  “Key, man, I’d tell you it’s not what it looks like, but well… it is.” Yeah, thanks for the confirmation on that one, Jake.

  “Keegan, what are you doing here?” That’s a great question.

  “I needed to see you. I know you hate me for what happened but I just needed to see you.” Her face tells me that she isn’t upset by what I say but she also isn’t happy either.

  “Why, Keegan?” Her eyes look to Jake who is just watching us. Might as well tell the truth.

  “I miss you. I love you, Bec.” She gasps, bringing her hand to her mouth and Jake just stands there silently. I’d be pissed if he was pulling this shit but he seems to just be letting me set the pace.

  “You always hurt the ones you love,” Bec says. I don’t think she is necessarily talking to me but I know she means that I’ve hurt her.

  “Keegan, the drugs…I can’t look past that. I’m sorry, you took away my choices. You put me in danger. I can’t be around someone like that.” I mentally kick myself in the ass at bringing this up.

  Jake looks at me like he’s confused. “Becca what are you talking about?” Jake is talking to Bec and I freeze.

  “Jake, I really don’t want to do this again.” She gives him a look that I hope will tell him to stop but he just glares at me.

  “Jake, let it go,” I say.

  “Wait a minute. Becca, what do you think happened with the drugs?” My anger is boiling and he’s going to screw it all up.

  “Jake, shut up.”

  Bec looks torn. She doesn’t know what’s happening and I’d feel for her if I weren’t so desperate to keep it from her.

  “Becca, what do you think Keegan did?” Jake asks.

  “Jake, are you really going to make me say it?” He nods at her and she sighs. “Keegan drugged me. Are you happy I said it?”

  Just like that, the lights go on in Jake’s head. I shake my head trying to get him to keep quiet. “Hell, no, you’re not pulling this shit, Key,” Jake says.

  “You won, so just leave it be.” I respond. “I don’t want to win because Becca doesn’t know the truth. Either you tell her or I will.”

  Bec is looking us and I see the fear on her face. I say nothing. “What is going on?” she whispers.

  “Fine, I will tell her then. Becca, Keegan didn’t drug you.” With that, everything I was doing to protect her went up in flames.

  Bec’s eyes find me and I see that she is confused. “Is it true?” she asks.

  I don’t respond. I’m worried if I open my mouth, she would hear how much seeing her like this is affecting me.

  Jake grabs his pants and shuffles them back on. “Becca, you need to talk to Keegan and get all the facts.”

  I see the panic raise in her. I wish I could comfort her but I don’t see anything other than more pain coming from my disclosures.

  “Jake...?” she begs.

  He puts his hand just over her hip. “Beautiful, remember.” She gives him a small smile and I realize I’m not meant to understand what’s going on. “I’ll be next door in my dorm. Try and not be an ass, Key.”

  Jake leaves and Becca lets me into the room. She is still wrapped in a blanket. “I feel like this is going to take longer than I’d like to be wrapped up for. Turn around and shut the door so I can get into pajamas.”

  I do as she says, still not talking. Once the door is turned and my back is to her, I hear her shuffle around. The back of her door has a small metal mirror on it and I can see her naked back in the reflection. I try not to look but I can’t seem to stop myself. I see her shirt slide down her and I look down to stop myself from getting worked up. That’s not why I’m here, but I have to remind myself that.

  “You can turn around now.” Doing as she says, I turn to find her in pajamas. I really wish she were back in the blanket right now. “So…” Bec says, and I forgot that I was supposed to be telling her something. “Keegan, I want the truth, so don’t make me get it from someone else. I think you owe me that.” God, I owe her so much more than she will ever know. I tried the lying thing and all it did was eat at me. Hopefully the truth will come out and be the lesser of two evils.

  “It was Sarah. She did this to you.” I can’t look at her so I am looking at her feet that are in some fuzzy pink puppy slippers.

  “Why would Sarah do that to me? Did you know she was doing this?” she asks.

  Here goes nothing. “No, I didn’t know about it. Not until it was too late. Why… well, she said she wanted you to loosen up and that she was tired of me looking at you. She just wanted you to not be around me and me being focused on you. The main thing was to get you out of the way. I would have stopped this if I had known. I promise you, Bec.”

  I hear her let out a sigh. “I was having such a hard time believing you would intentionally hurt me like that. My heart just wasn’t buying it but you told me flat out that it was you. Why would you cover for her?” she asks.

  I look everywhere around the room but directly at her. “Bec, I thought if you thought it was me you would hate me forever. That she would have no reason to try something like this again. I was protecting you.” By the end of that, my voice w
as cracking.

  “Oh, Keegan, I’m so sorry that I believed you when you said it. I should have known you’d never do that to me. At least now you know what she’s capable of. God, I have so much to think about. Yes, I slept with Jake, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you. I thought you were hurting me.” Poor Bec she doesn’t know the half of it.

  “Bec, I have something to tell you. But first I just need you to listen. Okay, babe?” I see the uncertainty in her eyes but she nods.

  “I love you, Bec, and love when you say it to me. I need you to know that I love you more. You opened me up. I don’t know what changed me and turned me into the person you fell in love with. But I do know that you have just cracked me open, leaving me raw. But in the most amazing way, you broke down all my walls. I hope you still feel that way about me.”

  She nods but I need more. I need to hear her say it one last time before it all goes to shit. “I need to hear you say it, Bec, please.”

  Her eyes find mine and I feel like she can see right into my soul. She brings her hand up to my cheek, resting it against me. I lean into her warmth. God, I will miss this.

  “I love you Keegan Keller.” Now comes the time where I will never hear her say those words again. I feel the tears I’m trying so desperately to hold back trying to break through but I just keep focusing on her hand and the comfort it is giving me.

  “Something happened between me and Sarah,” I say. Her hand doesn’t move.

  “Keegan, I kind have figured something happened when you moved out. At least you know what she’s like and the type of person she is.” My heart is telling me to just shut up and let it go. Leave it at this but my heart also knows she doesn’t deserve more deception.

  So I continue. “The night you hooked up with Tracey…” I feel her wince at my mention of him. “Well, when I left that night, I got hammered. Sarah called and I slept with her.” And just like that, her hand is gone but not for long. Bec just slapped me hard across the face. I welcome the pain because it’s better than what my heart is feeling right now.