Falling For Fear (A Grim Awakening Book 4)

by Michelle Gross

  I felt the truth splash over my cheeks. I bit the inside of my cheek. “Don’t act like that,” I hissed. “You’re not the only one that’s hurting right now!”

  “Jesus, I’m going to have to teach you how to be somewhat normal,” he muttered then he grabbed me. I wrestled him, trying to keep the spell but it was a pointless struggle. He blew out a frustrated breath and it hit my ear. That alone sent a wave of heat through me. “Will you stop?” he told me. I ignored him, though. “You crazy, selfish creature—stop! Nobody’s getting their memories wiped tonight.”

  He had the spell now. I looked down when I felt my eyes water. I didn’t want to cry. I wasn’t going to cry.

  When I looked back up, he had the tube open as he brought it to his nose to smell. I gave him a funny look but then his eyes did that sexy thing I got off on when he was pissed. The witch started running for the back door. Ryan shifted into Fear. He grabbed her by the tail to prevent her from going anywhere as he stalked to where she was.

  “What are you doing?” I asked him quickly.

  He ignored me. The witch tried casting some sort of spell on his tail then she was panting frantically and screaming. Her eyes widened as he grew near. “I want to know,” he said, gripping her shoulder. “What you were trying to poison her with?” So, it hadn’t been a memory spell?

  The witch started begging, “I wouldn’t have if I had known she was someone you knew.”

  “So, it really is poison?” He looked frightening. Why did I love it so much?

  “Don’t kill me,” she said, shaking her head. “She didn’t take it! She didn’t take it!”

  Fear smiled. “You really shouldn’t have messed with what’s mine,” he told her. “Didn’t you see the mark on her neck?” he asked, and her eyes roamed over me until they landed on his mark.

  “No, I hadn’t noticed.”

  Fear looked back at me. “Lift up your shirt and show her some of the others,” he told me, and I scowled. “Do it, she needs to know,” he said again. I wasn’t even wearing a bra, but I did as he asked and lifted my shirt. He looked pleased as he glanced back to the witch. “See,” he said. “She’s covered in my marks. That means she’s mine and you just tried to kill her.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Open your mouth,” he ordered her but when she didn’t, he forced her mouth open.

  “Stop, please—” she begged as Fear forced the poison she had given me down her throat. She started convulsing immediately and within seconds, she was dead. He dropped her body down on the ground and turned his attention to me.

  I was nervous and excited as he stalked toward me, and all I could think about was having his hands on me again. But if he wouldn’t forgive me…

  He shifted back to normal. “So, you wanted to forget about me?” he asked.

  “Ryan,” I whispered. “The more I think about it, the easier it seems to just forget about you.”

  “Did I say you could?”

  “You’re never going to get past me killing you, and even before knowing, what was I to you then?” I met him halfway, never taking my eyes off his. “Was I just someone you were sleeping with? Just something Fear brought home and left you to deal with?” My stare turned to gloom. He dared to smile. “See, you’re driving me crazy—”

  “Don’t even blame your crazy on me,” he cut in. “You were crazy way before I met you.”

  I glared. “Do you love me or not?” I huffed. “Are we going to get past this or not?” I didn’t give him a chance to reply when I said, “Forget it, I’ll just find another witch to make the memory spell and one of us will take it.” I tried to walk away from him but he stopped me.

  He laughed then abruptly stopped. “You know how sexy you look in those tight black jeans right now?” he asked me suddenly, and my heart leaped.

  “What?” I looked up and mumbled. Then one of his hands were in my hair and the other against my back. The flush of heat that spread through me was immediate. “Ryan?”

  He pressed his lips against my neck. I gasped then wound my arms around his neck. “Missed this,” I thought I heard him mutter. Before he snapped out of whatever this was, I lifted his face up and brought our lips together. I could have cried when he kissed me back. I whimpered when he invaded my mouth with his tongue, biting and nipping my lips and tongue with his teeth. This was too perfect with him. Now I was even more positive that I couldn’t live without him. He made an addict out of me.

  I pulled away from him just enough so that I could say, “Please, let me be with you.” I ran my hand through his hair as I looked at him. “I know I can make you happy. Let me erase my past with you… Let me be Blue again.” My eyes were wet. “Please let me be Blue. I liked being her, and I liked how you looked at me when I was her.”

  “No.” I swear I could hear my heart shattering. “It’s Molly that I fell in love with, Blue just happens to be the name I call her sometimes.”

  I became a mess of tears when he smiled at me—the smile I’ve been aching to see him give me again. The one I wanted nobody else to have but me. “Ryan,” I cried, pulling him down into my arms and squeezing him with all the strength I had. I’ve never felt this much relief and happiness in all my years of being dead or alive, or dead again.

  He hugged me back. “Remember the night you told me your name was Molly?” he asked with his mouth at my ear.

  “Yeah?”

  “When I heard your name, I thought of the ghost-girl from the past, but of course, I couldn’t imagine my Blue ever being her. My mind was tricking itself because how could I have not known you were her?” He tilted his head back and just looked at me. “Especially with Fear marking and bringing you home…”

  “Ryan—”

  “I wasn’t bringing it up for you to apologize,” he told me with a smile. “I just meant, it crossed my mind that night and I ignored it because I didn’t want to ruin what I had with you… I’m saying, I’ll shoulder the mistakes you and I’ve made together, because I want to be with you.”

  I knew he was too good for me, but I’d make up for that by loving him with everything in me.

  “Just me and you?” I asked.

  “Just me and you.” He nodded.

  “Just so you know, I’m not ever—ever, ever, ever, letting you go or sharing you with someone else. I know you have needs as Fear, but I can give them to you.”

  “Glad that’s out in the open because you’re mine and only mine. And I’ll need a list of all those that’s held you captive or hurt you in any way.”

  I lifted my brows. “That’s going to be a long damn list.”

  “Good, you know how I get off on killing demons.” He waggled his eyebrows.

  I smiled. “Can I help you?”

  “Only if you let me fuck you while we force them to watch or maybe standing over their dead corpses?” he contemplated.

  “Deal.”

  “You’re my kind of girl,” he told me and I laughed. “I fucking love your crazy ass.”

  “I fucking love you too,” I told him.

  Then we kissed, and he took me home where he bent me over the couch cushion until I was a hot mess.

  It was amazing, and just my kind of wonderful.

  Epilogue

  Ryan

  Several years later…

  I followed behind Grim as we walked through the piles of dead demon bodies, most of them were killed by me. “We were too late,” Grim muttered as he glanced around the small village in the Underworld that was in ruins by the demons we were too late in killing.

  “What were they after?” I wondered aloud.

  He brought me along a lot just so I had something to kill. If I wasn’t killing for him or Melanie, I was doing it in cage fights. Don’t ask me how she did it, but Molly was now the owner of The Den. She won it by betting on herself in a fight with Darrian for it. I nearly killed her when I found out, I was so pissed. Darrian had been too after losing his pride and joy to her. I felt a little more relaxed now that
I knew she was the owner instead of one of the fighters. I could rest a little easier but not much since she was a handful after all. One that I loved and worshiped more and more with each passing day. No matter how much I tried to tell myself to play it cool with her, there was just no way. She drove me up the wall.

  Nobody might understand us and that was okay. She fit the monster I was so well that I practically purred around her.

  “I don’t know,” Grim said then sighed. “The entire village was massacred before it was any of their time to part from this world. We will have to bring Melanie back here to ascend the ones deserving.” He rubbed his skull before shaking his head. “And I didn’t want her to have to see this.”

  Killian and Melanie were parents to a three and one-year-old, who were both boys so Melanie was busy with them more than anything. I’ve never seen them happier. Killian was so proud of everything the boys did. Sebastian Reaper, the oldest, had blond hair like his mom and he was desperate to learn and be just like his dad. Barron, on the other hand, was dark-headed like his dad, and I was convinced the boy was destined to be an even bigger devil than the Devil himself, and he was only one! He had the attitude of a giant. Or maybe it was because of all the things I told him to do. Shh, don’t tell his parents.

  “Let’s go get Melanie,” Grim said.

  Then we heard it. “Do you hear that?” I asked him, looking around for where it could be coming from. Most of the houses were burned down except a few.

  It was a soft cry that only grew louder. “I think it’s coming from that house.” Grim pointed to the small cottage to our left. We followed the crying inside. It was surprising that we could even hear it since the sound seemed to be muffled by something.

  I looked down at the wooden floor as it creaked. The crying was coming from below. “I think it’s right here,” I said as I noticed the give in the floor where I was standing. I bent down and pulled back the loose piece of wood. There it was, wrapped in a brown blanket. “It’s a baby,” I reached down and picked it up. The baby immediately calmed down after being in someone’s arms. I peeled the blanket from his body. “It’s a boy,” I told him, covering him back up since he was naked underneath.

  “His parents must have hidden him there right before the vampires attacked,” Grim stated but I was too busy staring down at the baby boy in my arms. This baby hadn’t been in the world long but it had already been thrown into the ugly side of it… even so, I knew fate worked in mysterious ways. Something in my chest stirred, and I just knew this baby landed in my arms because he was meant to. “I’m sure Melanie will want to keep him,” Grim told me.

  “No,” I said abruptly. “I’m going to be his dad.” In my heart, in my mind, I knew it felt right. It sounded right. I hated that he lost his parents, but I was going to take care of him now alongside Molly… as soon as I broke the news to her.

  “Ryan, are you sure?”

  “More than anything,” I whispered, smiling down at the baby in my arms. He watched me with his giant baby eyes. “I’ve always wanted to be a dad. I mean… me and Molly are probably the worst two people to take care of a baby but at least we’d give him something.”

  “You’d give him a family.” Grim wrapped his arms around me as he shifted into Killian and smiled. “Welcome to parenthood.”

  _____

  Molly was already back from her Reaper duties by the time I got home with the baby in my arms. She was in the kitchen and turned, smiled, then her eyes fell on the bundle in my arms. “What is that?” The scared look she gave me told me she had a good idea what it was.

  “Surprise,” I told her, shoving the baby in her fearful hands. She held him awkwardly and looked down at him like she had no idea what to do with him. “We’re parents now, you’re a mom.”

  Her eyes widened to show her fear. “What?” she mumbled. “Ryan, who’s baby is this?”

  “He came from the village that was attacked by the vampires,” I said, looking down at the baby. “He’s the only one that survived.”

  She looked down at him with sadness this time before looking back up at me. “Ryan, we are the two absolute worst people to choose to raise a kid.” Her fear was real. I tasted it all around us.

  “He needs us.” I placed my hand on her shoulder and kissed her forehead. “We’re monsters in our own way but my needs as Fear will never hurt him. We’re perfect with each other, let’s make a future with him in it with us.”

  She looked down at him again. Tears slid down her cheeks. “He’s so tiny,” she murmured, voice full of emotion. “I’m scared,” she admitted, “I don’t want to hurt him.”

  “We won’t,” I promised. “He might get embarrassed of us once he’s older, but we’ll never hurt him.” She snorted and laughed with tears running down her beautiful face.

  “What’s his name?” she asked softly.

  “I don’t know who he was before I found him.” I wrapped my arms around her and looked down at him. “But we can give him one.”

  She nodded. “Payne,” she had already decided. “If he’s to be Fear’s son…” She looked up at me and grinned.

  “It suits him, I can tell already,” I told her.

  She looked down at him again. “Hi, Payne,” she whispered to him. “I’m going to be your mommy now, I feel so sorry for you.”

  ______

  Payne had been a part of our lives for weeks now. I’ve watched Molly evolve into something beautiful around him. The first week was awkward and bumpy for her, she’d handle him with so much fear and not have a clue what she was doing sometimes. But it was because of all that fear, I knew she’d be a great mom. She didn’t want to ruin his life in some way.

  She started visiting with Melanie a lot, taking Payne with her. Melanie helped her get the hang of the life I had suddenly thrown at her. Payne stayed with me when Molly went into the human world as a Reaper and most of my time with him was spent staring down at him. And every time he smiled up at me, I turned all sappy. Every night I asked him, “What kind of demon are you?” I knew we’d find out eventually in time.

  And every time he smiled around Molly, she’d laugh and say he looked like an old man.

  Through the nights, Molly got up with him. She’d go into the living room with him every night thinking I was asleep when truthfully, I lived for the moments she got up with him. I’d sit on the floor of our room and lean my head against the wall as I listened to her ramble on and on to him about crazy stuff—beautiful stuff. Things that made my heart tighten and clamp up. I closed my eyes every night and just listened, never wanting to disturb her moments with him.

  And every single night, in her moments, I’d think, ah, this is my moment, listening to her bond with him.

  ____

  Those weeks with Payne in our life quickly turned to months. We even brought him to The Den with us every time we went and considering Molly owned it, we were there a lot. It was okay though, the Underworld was a tough world. We couldn’t hide it from him, but we could protect him and prepare him for it.

  Sometimes we’d be looking at him sitting up between us in the bed at night, and I’d wonder why I loved him so much. I couldn’t answer that question. The moment I saw him, I just felt that connection and now he was our son.

  He fell asleep on my stomach one night as I laid on the couch. Molly sat on the floor next to us, watching him peacefully when she broke down in tears. She scared me at first until she said, “You’re not the only one in my heart anymore.” She lifted her hand to his head and rubbed it softly. “I love him so much.”

  I didn’t think I could have loved her any more than I already did. I was wrong. I fell so hard for her that night.

  “What if he doesn’t love us back?” she surprised me by asking.

  I wiped her tears away. “Why wouldn’t he?”

  “Because he might look at us one day and decide he doesn’t want us to be his parents,” she whispered. “We aren’t exactly good either.”

  “That’s not going to
happen,” I promised her, ignoring my own fear of the same thing.

  I was careful with him as I moved from the couch and took him to his crib then I came back to the living room and made love to Molly. I’ve been with her years now and she still fell apart in my arms like it was the first time.

  I’d take her again, this time as Fear as she muffled her cries to keep from waking Payne. Then once we’d make our way to bed, I’d hold her in my arms and think about how easy it was to be a better guy when you had something to be happy about.

  Even though I was Fear, that didn’t mean I couldn’t still be Ryan.

  It just meant I learned to live as both.

  And Molly loved when I was better, and she loved me the days I was worse.

  I placed a kiss on her forehead.

  I’m glad you killed me too, crazy woman.

  New Series Coming!

  Seven Deadly

  Series introduction…

  Be careful of the darkness, for what lies in it will drag you in and keep you. In its depths, the Devil reigned. On the outskirts of his domain, a bothersome entity resided who had destroyed his evil time and time again. They called him the Grim Reaper, and though he used to be a man without weakness, he wasn’t anymore. His wife delivered him seven beautiful, healthy children. The Devil saw them as his chance for retribution for keeping his evil at bay, for he could never reign over the human world until the day people were more bad than good.

  On the day the seventh child was born, the Devil came to them with curses. Each would be cursed with one of the seven deadly sins.

  Grim’s three sons were playing outside the castle when they looked up and saw the Devil standing next to them. He started with the closest one, uttering the word, “Sloth,” as he pressed his finger against the blond-headed boy’s forehead. He dropped to the ground in a deep sleep. He turned and proceeded to his dark-headed brother and grinned. “Greed.” The boy’s eyes lit up with the curse. He smiled and went to the third dark-haired brother. He pressed his finger against the boy’s forehead and said, “Wrath.”