Air I Breathe (Hudson and Emmy Book 1)

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  “Nothing! Hud… I'm sorry. I received the first message right before our first date, when you took me to the Chinese restaurant. I was just admitting to myself that I wanted us and I thought that It would rock the boat. I didn't want that, Hudson. I wanted us to have time to just be together. Just you and me.”

  My chest heaved with a sob that crawled its way up my throat and I closed my eyes, willing my emotions in check. If this was the end for us…

  “Look at me, Darlin'.”

  His voice sounded much closer than before and I swore I could actually feel the heat emanating from his body, seeping into my skin.

  “I'm sorry, Hud…”

  “I know you are. I'm not angry with you.”

  My wide, wet eyes snapped open at his words and when I saw the affectionate warmth swimming in his beautiful blue gaze, I felt my entire body sag with the relief of it.

  “When I saw you, I knew I shouldn't have gone there. I knew that if I let myself wish for something as pure as you, I would be done for. I know you've been let down before, baby and I can't take those memories away from you,”

  He paused to let his fingertips trail down my cheek, his hand gently holding my face as he shook his head, in a way I'd come to recognize as bewilderment. He thought he didn't deserve me but he was so wrong.

  It was me who wasn't deserving.

  I had let my past and my worry of getting hurt in the future get between us and in doing so, I'd hurt this beautiful, crazy man. All he'd ever done was protect me and I'd kept pushing him away.

  As he gave me a soft, reverent kiss on the top of my head, I swayed into the touch knowing that this was it. This was the moment I stopped pushing happiness from my otherwise void life. I was ready to let him in. If anyone was capable of carrying a woman like me, it was him.

  My Hudson. I would never push him away, again.

  “If you let me, I will make sure you are never hurt again, Emberly. But this is it, Darlin'. No more secrets. No more lies. No more walls. You're mine, got it?” I loved that even though his words were raw and his eyes were hard with determination, his voice was filled with the adoration I knew he felt for me, an affliction I felt in my own heavy, fastening heart.

  “Yes.” I pled in desperation, arching my neck in order to reach his mouth, my hands grappling for traction around his shoulders and I kissed him; pouring every ounce of regret and aching need into the connection of our lips.

  “Em,”

  No sooner had he uttered the cracked whisper that he had me lifted onto the cold, granite island and tugged my sleep shorts from beneath me, leaving them dangling loosely around my ankles as he nudged my thighs apart, making room for him between them. Feeling the callused fingers of his tanned, hands gliding up my legs, I clenched my core tightly, an oh so delightful ache in the place I longed for him to claim.

  “I need you.” Sparks flew beneath my skin as he dropped his head to my heated skin and licked a long, tortuous trail up my inner thigh leaving a delicious burn of his stubbled chin over my flesh. It was rough and sweet and it was Hudson. As I reached for his hair and tugged gently, I wanted so much more than he was giving me. There was not another word spoken before Hudson wrapped his hands around my hips and urged me to part my legs wider for him.

  “More,” he whispered and I obeyed, opening to him and moaned cathartic ally while he began kissing down my lower belly to my core. I ached for him so much.

  “You are so fucking beautiful, Em, baby. I can't get enough,” he murmured as his mouth came in contact with my opening. He rubbed up and down, teasing me and then finally, God, he settled in to taste me. Slow, long licks and soft nips to my flesh almost drove me to the point of a crushing climax, almost had me tumbling over into the abyss- but not quite.

  Hudson hummed against my core, pressing two fingers inside me and rubbing in slow, deep circles. My skin lit up, my heart soared, and my sex clenched around him in an effort to make him go faster. I need-

  “Aah - yes!” I called out suddenly as Hudson licked and pulled and devoured me in that wonderful way of his. I climbed higher and higher to ecstasy, so high that I knew this was going to be a high I'd never touched before.

  “Please… Feels… Going to come, baby. Faster…” I moaned as the waves crashed through me, ripped me open and made me soar into orgasm.

  “Let go, Darlin'. I've got you,” Hudson whispered and when he sucked my clit hard and fast, - I fell.

  “Oh, god!” I cried out, letting my eyes fall closed as I laid rapt in the pleasure he'd given me.

  “Bed,” he murmured into the hollow of my neck, before he scooped me into his arms and carried me towards the bedroom, weightless and oh so loved.

  Chapter Twenty

  Emberly

  “HOW DO YOU feel?”

  I blinked my eyes open against the soft light of my bedroom and I rolled gently over so my head rested against his shoulder. Looking up at him, I saw the gentility and possession in them, like the two sides of him were fighting each other within his eyes.

  The soft- blue and bright, filled with playful mischief and humor.

  The hard- a deeper shade of blue that was filled with hunger and an intensity that stole my breath away. I was coming to like both sides of Hudson and as I lifted up to kiss him, I felt his chuckle against my lips.

  “Answer me, baby.”

  “Wanted.” I murmured, my confession hung in the air between us heavily.

  “Emberly.” He groaned, pulling away from my mouth before taking my face into his grasp with a rough touch.

  “You'll never feel anything less again. I'm going to cherish you”

  Nodding, I leaned against the hand holding my face and somehow, found myself believing him.

  I would let myself doubt this tomorrow, but for now I was content to believe in the moment, in this night with him.

  “I know.”

  When he swept his mouth over mine again, I sighed into the kiss, but it ended way too quickly.

  “Let me make you some dinner.”

  “Okay.”

  * * *

  “Are you going to take me home now?”

  I asked, my head resting against the back of the couch after a heaping meal of roast chicken and winter squash. Hudson stood against the large, wooden doorway of the living room and he smiled, slowly at first until that smile split across his face and the sight of it knocked my heart into over drive.

  He had to know what that smile did to me. I thought to myself.

  “No,” He moved in front of me before lifting me by my hips until I was yet again, settled against his large, hard lined body.

  “I want to spend the day with you.”

  Excitement bubbled in my chest as I nodded and with a gentle tug of his hands on my shoulders, he kissed me. The kiss wasn't like our last; soft and sweet after he'd made me come better than I ever had. Oh, no.

  The kiss he gave me now was a claim. An owning. A passionate dance of lips and soft breath and his delectable tongue taking a long pull from my mouth before he drew back.

  “I can't fucking think when I'm around you, Darlin'.”

  I blinked up into his heated gaze and felt the deep, scarlet blush rush to my face. My body hummed from the sensation of his kisses and his gentle touch at my hips, my waist, my belly. Awareness rushed into my veins to chase away the warmth his touch had given me when I felt his large, searching hands skim over the slight bubble in my mid section.

  “I love your body.” He whispered, his deep, rough toned voice next to my ear helped ease my nervousness a moment before.

  I knew he liked me and I loved that he did.

  But my self awareness of my curves was something hard to ignore, even with his hands on me. The therapist I had been seeing for the past few years had helped me with those feelings of unworthiness.

  But they still lay under the surface as I tried like hell to ignore them. I felt Hudson's fingers move to my chin and take hold before moving my face to the side and up to meet his stare.<
br />
  There was hunger and softness laying in it and instantly, any other emotion within me vanished but the feeling of safety he brought me.

  No one made me feel truly safe in my life, but somehow, he did.

  “I love your eyes, so bright and full of life.” He said on a slight growl and heat began to pool between my legs again. My want for him was taking over every molecule and cell, every inch of my heated skin and each breath I sucked through my lips. My mind wrapped around the word he had now said twice and cautious, almost undetectable hope begun to form inside of me.

  I wrapped my arms around his strong, tautly muscled shoulders and he spoke in my ear, the rough whiskers of his beard rubbing against my face and neck.

  “I love your kind heart. You care so much, maybe more than you should and it makes me want to be better, so that I can deserve you.”

  He edged away from me and I sagged, my knees feeling weak from the loss of our physical contact and his deep, rumbling voice.

  “I will deserve you, Em.”

  Hudson cupped my chin again and pressed his face to mine until our foreheads were touching.

  A soft breath left my lips as my mind cleared and I whispered.

  “You already do, Hudson.”

  He smiled, one of those heart stopping smiles and sure enough, my heart beat halted for a few seconds as the intensity of his stare and the connection, electric and full of possibilities, hummed between us.

  Taking my hands in his, he pulled me back into his chest and whispered in my ear.

  “Come back to bed with me.”

  Nodding, I couldn't think of anything I wanted more than to do just that.

  “Okay.” I followed him up the stairs and couldn't help feasting my eyes on his round ass the entire way.

  God, I wanted him.

  I always would, I thought to myself.

  The loud, sudden sound of his cell phone ringing fell between us and he turned to face me, his hand going to the front, left pocket of his pants to fish out the device.

  “Fuck, I'm sorry. Do you mind if I take this?”

  Shaking my head, I kissed his whiskered cheek before going into the bedroom ahead of him. I didn't want to intrude into his phone call, though I knew he wouldn't mind if I had. One thing I had learned about that man was that he was an open book. He was upfront and honest with me from the moment we met and that was something I admired.

  I hoped I could give him that same respect when the time came to tell him of my past, my family, the real reason I had left my small town life and moved to the big city of Austin to work at the hospital.

  I just didn't think I was ready to tell him yet.

  Slipping past the door, I shed my jacket and shoes and hummed in appreciation as I got into the bed. My body sank into the soft mattress and my head rested on the plush memory foam pillow I loved so much as I waited for Hudson to join me.

  I wondered what the phone call could be about at this hour of the night.

  It could have been a call from the station or maybe his mother checking in on him. I hadn't even met the woman that raised him yet but I knew, just from the way he spoke of her that he adored her. She had raised a hell of a son, after all. My legs shifted on the bed and time seemed to go on and on as I waited there.

  * * *

  Sitting up from the pillows, I sighed.

  What was taking him so long?

  Was everything okay?

  A loud ringing sound stopped my train of thought and I begrudgingly got out of the bed and padded on bare feet to where I left my jacket, I saw Hudson's sister, Harper was calling me. We had met up a few times for coffee or drinks at a local bar and hit it off instantly. While Hudson was brash and protective, his younger sister was fierce and kind hearted.

  “Hey, girl. How was your date?”

  She'd been on a date with her girlfriend, Bryn. They were the cutest couple and I loved seeing them together, smitten with one another.

  I settled back into my spot on the bed as I spoke, excitement filling my belly to hear all the juicy details of her night.

  “It got cut short, Em. I don't know how to tell you this.”

  My breath stilled in my throat at the sound of her choppy voice and instantly, I knew something wasn't right. I had expected her to be excited and happy, like she always was after being with Bryn.

  But something must have happened because none of that was in her voice, now. She was upset.

  A gnawing feeling sank low in my gut then and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt that something wasn't right.

  “What happened, Harper?”

  “There was an accident, Em. The doctors don't know if he will be okay. I know y-your with Hudson tonight but-”

  “Who was in an accident? Are you okay?”

  “It… it wasn't me. Tristan and Ashlee met us at the restaurant since we were both drinking and offered to drive us home. Tristan was taken to the hospital.”

  Oh god, no.

  I shushed Harper as she cried over the phone, my shaking hands already pulling a clean pair of jeans up my legs, my heart in my throat.

  Tristan was just as much a brother to her as Hudson and I knew how shaken she was by the news. I gasped as I realized just how hard it all would hit him.

  “I'm coming to you, okay, Harper? I'll be there before you know it.”

  “You don't have to-”

  “Yes, we do. I'll see you soon.”

  I hung up before she could hear the tears in voice, my fear so palpable it felt as if a fist was squeezing my heart in a vise grip.

  This couldn't be happening. I thought to myself. I was pulling my jacket and boots back on when the door was pushed open and Hudson's footsteps rushed inside the room.

  “I'm sorry, I have to go-”

  My head whipped in his direction at his words and I saw his wide, pain filled blue eyes take in my appearance before his body was charging forward and into mine.

  “Fuck, Darlin'. Don't cry. It's gonna be okay.”

  He swept me close by large, sure hands on my hip bones and I went eagerly into the embrace he gave me. My face landed on his chest and my hands clutched at his leather jacket. My hold on him was desperate and his was unwavering.

  “Did Harper call you, too?” I whispered after my heart beat had returned to a some what safe level. I felt him shake his head and then his mouth pressed a kiss to my nape, calming me with the gentle touch of lips.

  “My mom did. They are all at the hospital with Tristan. We've gotta go, now.”

  I nodded, inwardly trying to calm myself. As he rubbed my back and whispered in my ear that it would all be okay, I eventually felt calm enough to move away from the solace of his arms. The moment I did, Hudson took my hand in his and kissed the inside of my wrist.

  “He's going to be alright, he's a fucking fighter, baby.”

  Nodding, I let him lead me out to the car.

  #

  My hand was captured in Hudson's much larger one when we parked outside of the hospital. Somehow, it felt different to me to be here. Though I spent half of my time in this very hospital, it didn't feel the same to me.

  I felt Hudson tug on my hand that rested against the arm rest between us and my eyes lifted to his. Concern was etched across his face, that smile he'd given me not even an hour before was no where to be found. I knew we were both filled with worry, but I still hated seeing it mar his handsome face.

  “You ready?”

  His deep voice calmed my erratic heart as I nodded. I had to be.

  Our friends needed us.

  The bright halls of the hospital were lined with patients and family members when we entered the emergency room where Hudson's mother had told him to meet her. That gnawing feeling in my stomach only grew the further we walked and I hoped fervently that Tristan was okay.

  “Emberly! Thank god, you're here.”

  Ashlee stood by the window across the room and breaking away from Hudson's hold on my hand, I rushed toward her.

  She was a
mess. I never would have told her that out loud, but it was the first thought that flew through my mind as I wrapped my arms around her and felt her bury her face in my shoulder on a low sob.

  “I'm so sorry, Ash. I came as soon as I could”

  “I know.” She whispered, moving away after a few minutes and wiping her face with the cotton sleeve of her sweat shirt.

  “How is he?”

  Hudson's voice was behind me, deep and tinged with worry and sadness.

  I reached my hand for him and came up empty.

  I looked back at him but he had his intense blue eyes trained on Ashlee as she struggled to maintain her composure.

  God, I hated this for her.

  “They placed him in a temporary coma to let his body heal. He was driving and some asshole hit us head on. We had no where to go, there was no way he could have seen the guy coming.”

  Another fat tear fell from her eyes and I pulled her in my arms again, gently rocking her in hopes of calming her down.

  “He's a fighter. It will be okay.”

  She sniffs into my t-shirt and vigorously shakes her head.

  My heart was squeezed in a vice grip as I held onto my best friend, knowing I couldn't make any of this better for her. If the worst happened…

  Would she be okay?

  Would Hudson?

  To anyone else, it wouldn't seem like his loss would be as great.

  Sure, they were partners.

  Sure, they broke down doors and made arrests side by side.

  But Tristan wasn't just his partner at the police station.

  He wasn't just a guy he spent hours on end with or a man that he scarcely knew.

  He was his best friend.

  His brother, in almost every sense of the word.

  They were thick as thieves and had a friendship built on mutual respect, trust and brotherhood.

  If his injuries were too severe and his doctors weren't able to stitch him up, if the very worst of outcomes happened, it would shatter him.

  “I love him, Em.”

  “I know, Ash. We all do.”

  Her cries muffled in my shoulder as she leaned into my body for support and I let her. I let her break down in this moment, because I knew she needed it. She needed to know that she could feel the pain of this news and be stronger for it when Tristan would need her, the most.