Air I Breathe (Hudson and Emmy Book 1)

by Amanda Kaitlyn

  If he woke up.

  “Emberly.”

  The sound of the heavy, rumbling voice that came from behind us had shivers of longing shoving my fears at bay and after kissing Ashlee's cheek and gently releasing her, I turned my head to meet his eyes; the eyes I knew held just as much worry and love as my own did.

  “I need my woman, now.”

  Nodding, I turned my gaze back to Ashlee's, watching her regain her composure on the cusp of the emotions she must have been struggling with. She shook her head gently once and then leans forward to wrap her arms around my neck again. Feeling her shaking breaths against my hair had me holding her just as tightly as she held me and when she pulled away, I had to force back the sudden emotion clouding my eyes at the thought that the loving person she was would be lost if we lost him.

  He had to be okay.

  “He needs you, too, Em. My moms here and Tristan's sisters are on their way. I'll be fine.”

  “We'll only be a phone call away, okay?”

  Sniffing back the sudden tears clogging my throat and slipping slowly down my reddened face, I squeezed her once more before letting her go.

  I was pretty sure I didn't even breathe until his arms locked around me, the ferocious strength and safety I always found in them giving me solace I hadn't known I needed.

  “He's going to be okay, right?”

  His minted breath met the skin of my neck as he tightened his hold on me, even more.

  “I fucking hope so, baby.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Hudson

  “HE CAN HEAR you, honey. Talk to him.”

  I looked up from my feet at the sound of my mothers voice and I nodded.

  She'd arrived soon after Tristan was admitted, having gotten the call, she came right away. I didn't even have to ask, that was just the person she was.

  Kind, loving, always supportive.

  The fact that she was here for me meant I didn't have to do this alone.

  Because she was my mom.

  She could see right through my strength and my nonchalance.

  Because she was my mom.

  “I'm fucking scared, Ma. What if he doesn't wake up?”

  Her hands landed on mine against my lap and I blinked quickly, refusing to show emotion right then. I would have plenty of time later on to worry about how his condition would effect us.

  For now, I needed to be here for him.

  How many times had he stayed by my side?

  Through the thick and the thin.

  That was our motto.

  It was my turn to return the favor.

  “Have faith, Hudson. You have to have faith that it will be alright. Maybe it won't happen today or even tomorrow. But eventually, he will wake up. And when he does, he'll need you.”

  I wound my arm around her shoulders and dragged her in close, saying without words how fucking grateful I was for her presence.

  Her arms wrapped around my waist as we stayed like that, gaining strength from one another that I knew we'd need when the doctors finally told us the news we'd been waiting on for hours now.

  “Thank you.” I pressed the words through my clogged up throat, trying to push through the rawness of emotion slowing my heartbeat and quickening my breath.

  I couldn't lose him.

  He was so young, so stubborn, so good.

  And he had Ashlee.

  He wouldn't leave her, right?

  “I'm so sorry, my boy. I know how much you care for him.”

  Nodding, I kissed her hair, savoring the calm before the storm I knew was just on the horizon.

  I just hoped Tristan's life wouldn't be a casualty.

  “Where's this girl you've been telling me about?”

  Her question had bright, warm light rushing through my body, the cold fear and stilted worry in my chest weakening as my need for my girl overshadowed those feelings.

  “She went to get us some dinner in the cafeteria downstairs. Should've been back by now.”

  Felt her gentle fingers on my chin as I looked toward the slightly ajar door of the hospital room, my gut suddenly tight with a different sort of worry. Worry for my girl.

  “I'm sure she'll be back soon.”

  “You gonna meet her when she does?”

  I asked, instead of doing what I was inclined to do, which was set off in search for her. There was something wrong, I could fucking feel it. But this was my mom. I didn't want to leave her here, alone.

  I felt her nod and it had a smile; one I hadn't felt on my face in the hours since getting that call, spreading.

  It may have been a simple thing, my mother meeting the woman I loved, but it was something to look forward to and in the wake of the darkness our world was shadowed with, I held tightly to it.

  Time seemed to slow while we sat there and prayed as we waited for his doctors and though it was the worst circumstances, I was glad my mom would finally to meet my girl.

  It was about time.

  #

  I let an entire thirty minutes go by before the instinctual worry in my gut couldn't be ignored, any longer. It was this feeling, one I couldn't explain.

  It wasn't longing or sadness or grief. It wasn't the fact that my arms seemed heavier to carry without Em between them. It wasn't the deeply ingrained instinct in me to be near her, because I always had that feeling with me.

  No, it was this crushing weight on my chest that told me she needed me right now. And I would be a fucking fool to ignore it.

  “I'm going to go find her, Mom. Will you be okay here for a while?”

  Bright, blue eyes looked up at me as she sat beside me, her small, dainty fingers resting against one of Tristan's hands; the one that wasn't all twisted up with wires.

  “Of course I will.”

  I bent to press a lingering kiss at the top of her head before responding to her.

  “Be back soon. I have my cell on me if anything changes.”

  I stilled as I felt her warm hands come up to cradle my face, the way she has always done when she felt words were inadequate.

  “I'm so proud of you, Hudson. The man you have become has surpassed my hopes, in bounds. I always wanted you to grow up to be a strong, good man with values and the ability to love and care for those around you, but I never pictured it, until now. You've made your father and I very proud.”

  Blinking away the moisture that clouded my eyes at her admission, I nodded within her grasp. Dropping my head to the top of hers, I kissed her there, knowing words wouldn't suffice.

  “Love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, my boy. Now go.”

  After another hug, I let her go, striding out of the room as quickly as possible because what I really wanted to do was run. The dread inside of me intensified with each step I took toward the bank of elevators behind the nurses station and I cursed the fact that I'd let her leave without me, in the first place.

  I was so consumed in my best friends well being that I'd barely looked in her direction all afternoon, having her presence by my side was enough.

  But Emberly deserved better than that. I promised her that she would never be hurt again. If she had gotten hurt because of my own selfishness, I would never forgive myself.

  Goddamn it, I was supposed to protect her.

  Both physically from the sick fuck that had been trailing our every move for months now and from anything else that could hurt her.

  Because losing my girl was not an option.

  I wanted her, too much.

  I dropped my head as the elevator doors closed and muttered a foul curse at that thought.

  I didn't just want her.

  I was fucking in love with her.

  And I knew I had to tread lightly because she would run.

  She'd been put down by someone in her past, I knew that much. She'd been mentally abused for years, I just didn't know who had done it. Her anxiety had told me that, because she hadn't. My Em tried to put on this front to everybody around her, so that they wou
ldn't see what I did.

  Someone had tainted her image of herself, to the point where she couldn't see beauty if it hit her upside the head.

  But I saw it. And one day, I would make her see it, too.

  “Excuse me?” I stopped at the nurses desk and asked the brunette behind the counter for help, knowing walking around in circles wasn't getting me to her any faster.

  “Hi, can I help you with something?”

  “Yeah.” I took a breath, realizing I'd been holding mine since walking out of Tristan's hospital room, the ache to get to Em overshadowing my need for air.

  Sounded corny as fuck, but she was my air.

  She was everything to me.

  She just didn't know the extend of it, yet.

  “I'm looking for my girlfriend. She's about five foot, two, shoulder length blonde hair? She would have been heading to the cafeteria about forty minutes ago, but she never came back to the room.”

  A sliver of hope curls its way into my veins when the girl's eyes light up and she nods.

  “Yes! She headed into the bathroom a while ago, I didn't see her come back. She left her purse with me, so I would have seen her come back to retrieve it.”

  Fuck!

  “You're sure it was her?”

  “Yes, sir.” I didn't waste another second asking her questions and took off toward the closed bathroom door, the instinct to find her driving my long strides and intent focus.

  Adrenaline pumped through my veins when I pushed the door open, the bright, florescent lighting in the bathroom allowing me to scan the area quickly but I didn't see anything amiss. Not until I saw a shoe laying on the ground in front of one of the sinks that lined the wall. My eyes took in every detail of it and there was no doubt in my mind.

  It was hers.

  “Em, baby?”

  My voice was hoarse and rough, hard edged from the fear that filled my chest and occupied my every thought.

  Emberly.

  “H…Hud?”

  The voice was so small, I wouldn't have heard if it wasn't for my intense focus on hearing it or my familiarity with the sound her voice made.

  My chest constricted in pain at the sound, the pained whimpers that followed worsening the affliction until I couldn't feel anything but the agony of her soft cries.

  “Open the door, Darlin. I'm right here. I'll always be here.”

  “I…I'm scared. Is he still here?” Bewilderment permeated my worried thoughts at her words and I scanned the area of the bathroom once more, only then seeing the smattering of dirt on the otherwise clean, tiled floors and the spots of red on the edge of one of the sinks, as if…

  I caused this.

  I was distracted and worried in light of the news of Tristan's accident and because of that, I'd taken my eyes off of what should have been my only priority.

  Keeping my woman safe.

  I knelt down by the locked bathroom stall door and outstretched my shaking hands underneath, desperation to calm her fueling me. And then I held my breath, because I was powerless.

  Powerless, because I'd failed her. My hands laying bare on a bathroom floor, in hopes that she would let me help her.

  I was asking her to trust me, knowing damn well that I was undeserving of it.

  And I hated myself, because her being hurt was the last thing I would have ever chosen.

  I was going to ruin the man that dared to touch a hair on her head.

  My girl.

  My fucking world.

  I didn't know how much she meant to me until now.

  Because if she chose not to trust me, again?

  If she yelled and screamed and hated me after this, I would never recover from it. There would be no moving on. No getting over her.

  I'd be ruined.

  Forever.

  But then I felt the unmistakable sensation of her fingers locking with mine, the soft pads of her thumbs gliding over the skin of my wrists and her hands, so much smaller than mine, squeezing three times as if to say I trust you.

  I felt her stand up, one of her clammy hands loosening around mine and releasing its hold, only to go to the metal lock on the inside of the door to unlock it.

  She was trusting me.

  I didn't know how she could trust me after I'd inadvertently put her in danger, but I was grateful for it.

  Because I needed her way too much to even think about letting her go.

  The second I saw her, rage like nothing ever before coursed my veins, fueled my anger and consumed my mind.

  He was fucking dead.

  Yet, I schooled my expression, knowing now, more than ever, she needed the reassurance that I didn't see the bruises or the imaginary flaws she saw within herself. My feelings for her hadn't changed because of this and in fact, they were stronger; I knew what it felt like to face losing her, now.

  “Who?”

  I spoke roughly into the nape of her neck, my arms tightly bound around her waist, my head buried in her hair and my mind a fucking mess.

  How anyone could lay a hand on this girl, I would never know.

  But they would pay for it.

  In spades.

  “Brad.”

  One word and I knew who he was.

  Bradley Sullivan was the last collar I'd done before being assigned to Ashlee's detail. He was a sick son of a bitch and I knew from the moment I met him of what he was. He'd broken into the home of a family living in Wicker Park and tied up the mother and father while he brutally murdered their three children. He'd made them watch as he fired at each child's head before turning the gun to the father and ordering his wife to open the safe where they kept all of their savings and expensive jewelry.

  After taking every last shred of wealth they had, he shot the man and kept the woman for three days before depositing her into the river.

  I was damn glad to be able to put him away for his crimes after hearing the brutality he'd doled out to a family that had done nothing but give to the city of Austin and anyone that was in need.

  When he'd appealed the ruling three months later and was released, I didn't think anything of it.

  Because men like him were almost always repeat offenders.

  It was only a matter of time, or so I'd thought.

  “I'm so fucking sorry, baby.”

  Her blonde head came up from its place on my chest and wide, sad eyes looked at me with so much trust I was lost.

  “It wasn't your fault, Hudson.”

  I knocked my head back against the tiled wall and held her as close as I could get her. I pressed my mouth to her hair as I whispered.

  “Yeah, Em, it is.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Emberly

  1 Hour Earlier

  “YOU SHOULD EAT, Hud.”

  His eyes were stripped of emotion as he nodded from his place next to Tristan's hospital bed.

  I knotted my fingers together in my lap as I looked at him, the tightly wound ball of worry in my stomach grew the longer we waited. Tristan was his best friend and before we met, he was the one that Hudson relied on, trusted in, confided his deepest thoughts to. He had to make it through this. He had to be okay. And not just for Hudson. For his parents that were waiting in the hallway just outside of his room. For Ashlee, who loved him more than anything in the world. If we lost him, we lost each other.

  God, I'd already lost too many people in my life. I didn't want to lose him, too.

  “Hudson, baby, please. I need you to eat something.”

  My softly spoken endearment seemed to snap him out of whatever thoughts he was trapped in, because he finally looked at me. His crystal blue eyes looked into mine and a small, sad smile lifted the corners of his mouth.

  “I'm sorry, Darlin'. Come here.”

  Loosening my grip on the wall I'd been leaning against, I moved to him, my steps taking me the small distance between us. I stopped a foot away, my knees brushing his. My hands landed on his shoulders, fingers skimming over the fabric of his Austin P.D. t-shirt before moving t
o wrap around the back of his neck, tipping his head up until his haunted eyes met mine, again.

  “I know how worried you must be. I am, too. We all love him.”

  Hudson's mouth met my collar bone as his strong, harboring arms finally wrapped around my waist, holding me just as he always did; gently but fiercely, as if they would protect me from anything that threatened to harm me. I knew that they would.

  It didn't matter what we faced or how many times I worried that he would walk away from me when he learned the truth about my past, the moment his arms surrounded me, I was safe.

  Protected.

  Loved.

  Hudson never had to say the words, either.

  Every touch, every kiss, every word he said to me told me of his feelings for me.

  Did I give him the same thing?

  Did he know how much I needed him in my life?

  Did he know how much it meant to me?

  To have him?

  I wasn't sure if he truly did.

  But I'd prove it to him.

  I felt warm wetness slide down my chest and felt my heart stop in response.

  “Hudson?”

  He didn't look up at me as he wound a large, strong arm around my shoulders and buried his face in the nape of my neck, dampening strands of my hair as he let out a gut wrenching sound; a sound that was half an agonized whimper of his heart and a painful call from his soul. And I couldn't stop the sounds from slipping from his perfect lips, because I felt it, too.

  The soul crushing fear that lingered in the air around us, the coldness that speared his heart as he watched Tristan sleep, not knowing if he would ever wake up.

  Would he?

  And so, I held onto him. Just as tightly as he always held me, I rocked us back and forth in a gentle, swaying motion that I hoped calmed him because I needed to fix this somehow, for him. I never thought about what it would be like, to be on the other side of my job as a nurse. Of course I felt the pain and loss that came from losing the lives of my patients, but to feel it like this? I'd never felt this.

  “Hudson,” I whispered, my heart suddenly racing within my chest and I tried desperately to calm it, because from where his ear was pressed against my chest, he'd hear it.