Hailey's Bali Diary

by Hailey McPherson

  Liam could always secretly come to Hong Kong to be with Livia, but when she’s not living in my apartment she’s in her apartment with Hiram, her boyfriend. There’s no place for them to get together. They’d have to go to a hotel every time and Liam’s too cheap for that.

  While I was thinking over all the possibilities and overanalyzing every scenario, I decided that it just wouldn’t work out. Even if you somehow get all the technical difficulties out of the way, Liam’s just not Livia’s type. She wants her man to be successful and powerful. Liam’s a struggling musician. Her boyfriend has a real office job. I hate to say it, but Hiram packs more equipment than Liam — and Livia knows it. I’ve seen what Hiram’s got since he likes to show off just as much as Liam. I’ve told Livia that there’s more to her boyfriend than mine.

  Liam joined me in the shower and wanted to have sex — or at least get a blowjob, but I couldn’t do anything while I was thinking about him and Livia together and Hiram’s merchandise. I know it was just a dream, but if it wasn’t about them then what was it about? I secretly want to be a dolphin? My innate fear of tuna?

  I left Liam to take his shower by himself and I got ready for dinner.

  We decided to go to a restaurant for our last night in Bali before we knew it would be a rainy day. I think the rain was a good thing overall since it was a Friday night but not crowded at all. We went to a restaurant that I heard about back in Hong Kong. I made early reservations since I assumed it would be busy on Friday.

  Our taxi guy picked us up at the villa in record time. I think he might have just stayed there from when he dropped us off. He knew we would want a ride to dinner, but we told him it would be a couple of hours. I guess he didn’t have anything else to do — or maybe it was just easier to wait.

  It was a nice restaurant — much fancier than anything we usually go to. Liam’s idea of a special meal is to order a pizza. I like a good pizza as much as anybody, but there’s nothing romantic about it. This restaurant was romantic, classy and very expensive.

  Bali seems like the kind of place that would be expensive, but everything was pretty cheap. Our villa was the price of a normal hotel room. You can easily find a single hotel room in Hong Kong for a lot more. Our taxi guy barely charged us anything. We gave him as much money in tips as his fee to take us all over the place. Most of the food we ate was nothing compared to Hong Kong prices — and Hong Kong food is pretty cheap if you don’t eat at the tourist places. Everything we got at the grocery store was less than it would be in Hong Kong. Most of the tourist souvenirs were overpriced, but you get that anywhere in the world.

  One of the biggest ways we save money when we travel is to eat where the locals eat. It always costs a lot less than where the tourists eat and the food is usually a million times better. Everybody charges tourists way too much because they think everyone who visits them must be rich. That’s definitely not true. People save up for years to go to places like Bali. Most of the Americans who go there aren’t even close to rich. They might seem rich compared to the people who live in Bali, but they’re not rich at home.

  It’s not only the prices. A lot of places in Asia feed the tourists worse food than what they eat themselves. They charge more because they want all that tourist money. I understand that, but I don’t understand why they give them food that’s not as good as what they eat.

  Some people like to eat what they’re used to, so when they travel they try to find something similar to what they get at home. Tourist restaurants know these people don’t want authentic local food. There are a million restaurants in Hong Kong that claim to have authentic Chinese food, but they’re for the tourists. The food you get there is nothing like the Chinese food people who live in Hong Kong eat.

  The restaurant we went to in Bali wasn’t a tourist restaurant, but it wasn’t the kind of place where the locals eat often. It was more a special occasion restaurant. We saw a family there that looked local and they were celebrating a birthday. That’s probably the kind of thing that happens there a lot.

  There are a few ways you could tell it wasn’t a tourist restaurant. Nobody was wearing a t-shirt and board shorts. Everyone was dressed appropriately. It wasn’t on the beach or on a shopping street. It was actually pretty hard to find. Even our taxi guy had a hard time finding the street and he’s lived there all his life. The restaurant has a good enough reputation that they don’t need to be on a busy street.

  The food was a trendy mix of Indonesian, Malaysian, Thai and some other Asian cuisines. There was nothing tourist about it. They didn’t have French fries or pizza and there weren’t any license plates or old milk cans hanging on the walls.

  Liam didn’t recognize anything on the menu so I ordered for him. He doesn’t feel any less manly when I order for him. He likes it because it’s easy and if he doesn’t like the food he can blame me.

  I didn’t really recognize much on the menu either, but I was more adventurous and I listened to the waiter’s recommendations. Liam never does. He thinks they’re always just trying to sell whatever’s old that they want to get rid of.

  The food was pretty good, but a little too expensive. I don’t have any strong opinions about fusion cuisine one way or another, but I don’t think you should have to pay extra just because the chef combined one culture with another. I eat Japanese food from food stalls in Hong Kong all the time and pay pennies. It’s not fancy and the food is served on sticks and in bags, but it’s still technically fusion.

  The taxi ride back to the villa was pretty romantic. I don’t know if it was because we just had a romantic dinner or if it was the rain on the small quiet roads or if it was the music the taxi guy was playing. It was some kind of lilting Indonesian music. I asked Liam after we got back to the villa if he had the taxi guy play that music on purpose, but he said he didn’t.

  Liam wanted to make out in the taxi. That’s not unusual. His dream in life is to have sex with an audience watching. We weren’t going to have sex in that taxi even if I wanted to — which I didn’t. That’s Liam’s dream, not mine. There was just barely enough room in the back seat for two people to sit. There’s no way anyone’s doing it there.

  I don’t have a problem with public displays of affection — as long as he’s not trying to dry hump me or stick his hand in me. I’m ok with kissing and G-rated making out in public. I like it when a guy can kiss me in public. It shows he’s not worried about what his buddies might think. It’s also a good way to see if a guy’s embarrassed to be seen with you. If he’s got his tongue down your throat at the Metrodome and everyone can see you on the jumbo screen, he probably doesn’t mind if people know you’re together.

  There are a few reasons a guy might not want to be seen with a girl in public. It’s usually because he’s cheating on someone.

  I was also comfortable with our taxi guy. He took us around the island and we spent some time talking with him about a bunch of things. I even changed into a bikini in front of him, but he couldn’t see anything.

  When you’re in a taxi you’re not really in public. It’s more like you’re in a tiny room with some guy you don’t know. We kind of knew our taxi guy at this point. We’re not all best friends and we’re not going to all take a cruise together or something like that, but I was comfortable enough to kiss my boyfriend in his taxi.

  I didn’t even mind when Liam started putting his hand up my skirt. He was sucking on that part of my neck where the jaw and neck meet and he knows how much that turns me on. I had my arms around him and it felt only natural for his hand to go further. The way I was sitting there was no way his hand was getting any further than just starting to touch my panties, so he moved on to my boobs.

  I didn’t even notice when he unbuttoned my blouse. I was paying too much attention to digging my nails into his shirt. I wanted him to feel it, but I didn’t want to tear his clothes. So I had to find the right balance between making scratch marks and soft touching. It was only when he put his face in my cleavage that I noticed my blo
use was open.

  I looked over at the taxi guy and he couldn’t see anything. I was sitting behind his seat, so even if he was staring in the rearview mirror he wouldn’t see much. He could tell we were making out, but I’m sure he already knew that. It was dark and raining, so I’m sure he was smart enough to watch the road anyway. Any professional driver should know that watching his passengers is never worth crashing.

  While we were kissing, Liam reached behind me and undid my bra. The further he went, the more aware I was that we were in a taxi and the more self-conscious I got. It felt good and I didn’t want to stop, but at the same time I didn’t want to go too far in a taxi. By the time he pulled my bra down and uncovered my breasts I was sure the whole world could see us.

  As soon as he started licking my nipples I stopped him. Our taxi guy couldn’t see anything behind Liam’s head, and I don’t think he really cared. No one outside the taxi could see anything. We were almost constantly moving except for a few red lights and it was too dark and rainy for anyone to see inside the taxi. It was still too much for me.

  I put my bra back on and buttoned my blouse. I could tell Liam was disappointed and it looked like he had an erection under his pants, but I don’t know what he was expecting. No one talked for the rest of the drive back to the villa.

  “We’ll need a ride to the airport tomorrow afternoon,” I told our driver when we got back to the hotel. “But we’re not sure if we’re going anywhere before that.”

  Liam got out of the car first and I had a second to talk to the driver alone.

  “I’m really sorry about our behavior in your cab,” I told him. “My boyfriend’s not trying to be offensive. He just doesn’t know the difference.”

  “Is no problem,” the driver told me. “But are you alright? Are you safe here?”

  By “here” he meant with Liam. From the driver’s point of view, Liam was being too aggressive and I was an innocent little flower. Little did he know.

  He could tell that I was upset and he seemed genuinely concerned. I thought that was touching. He’s definitely my favorite taxi driver.

  I wasn’t really that upset. I think Liam was more upset that he didn’t get laid in the back of a taxi. He wasn’t really that upset either. He knew it was a long shot, but figured we were in a romantic moment and it was worth a try.

  The only thing that really bothered me was that he thought it was actually going to happen. He should know me well enough by now to know that I’m not having sex in the back seat of a taxi.

  DAY 5

  HOME MOVIES

  Since Liam’s a guy, I knew he was going to get cranky after not getting any in the taxi ride back to the villa unless I did something to make him happy. So I told him he could pick the movies we watched.

  The villa had a DVD player and the hotel had DVDs we could borrow. We talked about watching a movie sometime, but spent most of the trip away from the TV. So we planned to watch a movie or two after dinner on our last night.

  The selection of DVDs in our villa was pretty limited, so Liam went to the front desk to get something else. While he was gone I made some popcorn that we got earlier in the day at the grocery store.

  Liam knows what kind of movies I like and what I don’t like, so I trusted him to get something good. It’s better if he picks the movies than if I do because it’s easier for me to watch something I don’t really like than it is for him. If I don’t like a movie I can usually still deal with it. If he doesn’t like it, he hates it. I figured if he got something I didn’t like I could still sit there and be with him while he enjoys it. If it really sucked then I could always go for another swim in the rain.

  He came back with Ocean’s 11 and Ocean’s 12. They didn’t have 13. We’ve seen all of them, but he said the hotel didn’t have a lot of options.

  We sat on the sofa and watched the movies while eating popcorn and just hanging out together. It was nice to just sit there and not do anything. It was like being back in Hong Kong — only with a nicer TV and sofa. I miss having him there and just watching TV together. Since he moved to Fuzhou we never just sit around anymore. On the rare times we see each other in person we’re always doing something.

  After the movies he told me he had a special surprise. The hotel also had porn DVDs and he got one.

  I don’t like porn. It’s not that I think they exploit women. The women in them know what they’re getting into. Nobody’s forced to do it. That’s the kind of job that only takes willing volunteers. If anything, they exploit men. The men in porn get paid less than the women and they’re never the stars. People want to see the women. The men are just equipment.

  What I don’t like is watching total strangers have sex. I don’t know these people. I don’t know anything about them. There’s no story, so there’s no reason for me to get invested in their characters. If there is a story it’s usually pretty stupid.

  It’s like watching people eat. I like to eat and sometimes I really enjoy eating, but I don’t want to just sit there and watch strangers eat. I’m just not interested.

  Liam likes to watch strangers have sex. That shouldn’t surprise anyone. He’s a guy. Guys like porn. I don’t get it, but that’s because I’m not a guy. They don’t understand what we see in shoes and I don’t understand what they see in porn.

  My policy with Liam and porn has always been like gays in the army — don’t ask, don’t tell. As long as I don’t know for a fact that he’s watching it I can remain blissfully ignorant. Since he’s living in China he can watch porn every day and I’ll never know. At least I know if he’s jerking off in his apartment all the time he’s not going to have the energy to do anything really stupid out on the street.

  Here he was bringing porn into our beautiful tropical vacation. It almost felt sacrilegious. We had a lot of sex on this trip, so you’d think he wouldn’t be interested in any porn. It doesn’t work that way. Liam can have sex three times in one day and still want to watch people do it afterward. He’s not addicted to it. He’s just a horny young guy.

  At least Bali porn is uncensored. You can easily get porn in China, but it’s all censored. I don’t get that at all. I don’t understand porn in general, but censored porn totally confuses me. What’s the point in filming all those graphic close ups if you’re just going to blur them? I think it’s illegal to show the most graphic parts in China, but then why not just film softcore scenes? I know that’s not what guys want to see, but they’re not seeing the hardcore stuff anyway.

  When we first moved to Hong Kong, Liam suggested we make our own porn movie to make some extra money.

  “We should make a porno,” he said out of nowhere one day.

  “Come again?” I asked him.

  “We should do a porno,” he answered.

  “What are you talking about?” I asked.

  “It’s all censored anyway, so you’ll be more comfortable doing it,” he suggested.

  I’m sure he was only kidding. I hope he was kidding. Watching porn is bad enough, but I don’t want to have anything to do with making it. The fact that it’s censored really doesn’t make any difference if you’re the woman in it. You can’t see what’s happening, but you know it’s happening. A woman’s career isn’t going to be any less destroyed just because the most graphic parts are pixelated.

  Liam’s big complaint in life is that I don’t let him take naked pictures of me.

  “You need to be more comfortable with your body,” he’s always telling me.

  “If you’re going to be an actress, you might as well get used to being naked in front of a camera,” he’s said to me several times.

  He’s only partly right. I’m very comfortable with my body. I just don’t feel the need to show it to the world. As an actress I know I’ll probably end up doing some kind of nude scene sooner or later. I can’t think of a modern actress who hasn’t. Even Meryl Streep got naked in a couple of movies.

  I just want it to be tasteful and in a really good movie. I don’t want t
o do some bouncing bimbo scene in a cheap B movie. I wouldn’t hesitate to do something like Schindler’s List. The nudity in that one wasn’t gratuitous at all. Just something for Spielberg to think about. Call me when you read this, Steve.

  When I got Liam a new phone with a camera for Christmas I let him take pictures of me in my underwear, but I made him delete them right away.

  “Ok, now slowly slide off your panties,” he directed me during our little photo shoot.

  “Nope,” I told him. “Not going to happen.”

  “How about the bra?” he asked.

  “It’s staying on,” I said.

  “Just let one of the girls slip out a little,” he pleaded.

  “The girls are down for a nap,” I told him.

  “Just a little oops, did I do that,” he suggested.

  “How about a little no way in hell,” I offered.

  He wanted a lot more, but that was as much as I was willing to give. Sometimes I might seem bold and experimental, but I’m really not.

  “You know,” he told me later. “Homemade sex tapes and naked pictures helped lots of actresses.”

  I don’t agree at all. People like Paris Hilton and Pamela Anderson started their careers with sex tapes. Those aren’t the kind of actresses I admire. I don’t even know if you can call them actresses. They’re celebrities. I don’t know what they do for a living.

  No good actress ever started her career with a sex tape. Was there ever an Audrey Hepburn sex tape? I don’t think so. Something like that would only make it harder for me to be taken seriously. My acting career is only starting to take off. It hasn’t even left the hangar yet. I’m pretty experienced with musical theater, mostly through dancing and singing. Purely acting roles on my resume are few and far between.

  An actress can survive a sex tape coming out after she’s already established, but if that’s the first thing the public sees, it’s the only thing they’ll ever really see. If somehow it magically turned out that Paris Hilton could act, would anyone take her seriously?