I laughed darkly, shaking my head at my delusional thoughts.
Mythical creatures would be walking around the world before that ever happened.
I let out a breath that I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding and revved the engine, pulling out of the parking lot toward my own school.
Where she would be.
I smiled, and sighed longingly as I thought again of when I’d kissed her. The urge to act on that impulse was still a mystery to me. I didn’t even feel that way three years ago when the girl I thought I had lo—
No.
Not going there.
I still couldn’t get my mind around the pull she had on me, and I knew kissing her felt right.
Too right.
I groaned at what I would have to do to make sure she wasn’t a distraction anymore. My whole being was reluctant to do it. Mind, body, and soul were screaming in protest as I pulled into the lot. My mind was desperately trying to find a way around this. As my brain incessantly rummaged through various strategies, a certain train of thought emerged.
Why couldn’t I just explain it to her?
Tell her to give me some time, just wait for me while I got a grip on the tightrope that was my shitty life.
But how would I say it?
“Listen I think you’re really hot, and your lips felt heavenly, but right now my Mom’s a heavily depressed drunk and my sister’s an emotional twelve-year-old who depends on me to make everything better, but I have no idea how to do it, and so I have to figure this shit out before I can think of anyone else.” I snorted to myself; she’d think I was an emotional dick, then I’d definitely lose her. I hadn’t even considered what she’d be like when I saw her. What if she went around screaming down the halls that I kissed her? It didn’t really bother me; for some unfathomable reason I would feel almost proud that she’d wanna flaunt that shit.
It would just make it worse for her after I pretty much blew her off. It would just make her confused, and she’d probably cut my balls off or whatever she does when she’s angry, and I really wouldn’t be able to deal with it this morning. I was equally confused.
I had never felt this way before. All I could think about were those warm lips, and the feel of her silky skin under my touch, and what it would feel like to have her underneath me, me pressing against her body, and her moaning in my ear as I grazed my teeth against her neck, and her raspy groans in my ear as I wrapped her thigh around me and . . . damn!
The last thing I needed was to be sporting a raging hard-on in the middle of school. I had two hours to sort things out before I saw her again.
12. CRUSHED EXPECTATIONS
Suranne
To say that I was a wreck Monday morning would be an understatement. I had no idea what to expect at all.
I didn’t know whether to even acknowledge Kane that morning. Would I speak to him, or would he speak to me? Would I smile, just to let him know that I wasn’t ignoring him? What if he just acted as if nothing had happened?
I couldn’t deal with the nerves fluttering in the pit of my stomach; I had no idea what to do.
And I didn’t have a clue what I would do if he ignored what happened last night, especially when I knew I wouldn’t be able to. Last night as I lay down on my bed, different questions swirled in my mind. Was it just a test for him to see if he could kiss future female targets after I confronted him about it Friday?
Was I just some human lab rat for his experiments? But if that were the case why didn’t he test it on anyone else? Hell, there were definitely enough girls for it.
As I walked down the halls, I spotted Lawrence and Kate speaking by my locker, and I approached them catching their current conversation.
“. . . yeah, so my dad says I gotta buy these damn flowers for my mom to prove that I quote “appreciate” her and crap.” Kate snickered, rolling her eyes before turning to me and smiling warmly.
“Wow, that sucks. But you should totally buy carnations, they’re subtly elegant and majestic. Even though some people think they lack class, they’re actually an exceptionally beautiful flower.” Lawrence spoke nonchalantly, with a shrug of the shoulder and a smirk on his face whilst Kate and I just gaped at him. Both in worry and in awe. We continued staring at him for a few seconds, frozen by his words.
“Lawrence . . .” Kate breathed, “you have never sounded so much like a girl than just now.” She choked, her jaw slack and her eyes wide, eyeing him worriedly. I could feel the laughter bubbling up in me, but hurting Lawrence’s feelings wasn’t something I wanted to do. However, that was before he’d spoken.
“Yeah, you can put your vagina away now, Lawrence,” I snickered and gave in to the laughter, doubling over with giggles as Kate and I imitated the sincerity in his words.
Lawrence’s smirk disolved and was replaced by a frowning grimace.
“Screw you,” he muttered, dropping his head slightly and shoving his hands in his pockets, only causing us to laugh even harder.
“Oh crap,” Kate panted, one hand over her stomach “I can’t . . . breathe.”
I continued giggling uncontrollably, but the look on Lawrence’s face was becoming more and more sombre, so I tried to control my laughter by taking calming breaths. The same however, couldn’t be said for Kate.
“Why couldn’t you just say ‘Dude, get these’ rather than getting all pansy on me?” she snickered, wiping the tears from her eyes. She finally took a deep breath and straightened up with an evil smirk on her face. “Don’t worry,” she said, patting him on the shoulder, still smirking, “we won’t tell anyone.”
“Tell anyone what?”
My body stilled automatically as his gentle voice rang in my ears, shimmering in my mind and tingling in every nerve of my body. Knowing there was only one person who had this effect on me, I let out a small sigh as his scent engulfed me. I opened my mouth to speak but was stopped short by Lawrence.
“Nothing dude, don’t listen to ’em,” he said, giving Kate and me pointed glares that quite obviously said, “if you say anything I will kill you.”
I smiled at him before chancing a peek at Kane, looking up at him through my lashes to find him smiling crookedly down at me, giving me a small wink that made my heart literally stop before running a sprint in my chest. Flashbacks of his lips molded to mine began attacking my mind, and I silently chided myself to get a grip.
I smiled back, but taking a closer look at his face, I couldn’t help but frown. He had a crease in his forehead and dark shades under his eyes.
“You look tired,” I whispered, frowning up at his face. My fingers twitched to touch him but I kept them to myself with much effort.
He stopped smiling at me and his face took on a defensive edge. Narrowing his eyes, his lips parted to speak whilst his eyes flashed with something that was too quick for me to distinguish. I stared back at him questioningly with a hint of concern, and a slight chuckle escaped his glorious form.
“Yeah, well, someone,” he cocked an eyebrow at me meaningfully before he continued, “kept me up until three in the morning,” he mused mockingly with a smirk playing on the edges of his lips.
I blushed but smirked back, “Well, you don’t seem to be complaining,” I quipped, raising an eyebrow in return, earning a very sexy, very beautiful grin, which spread across his face, causing my breath to hitch. I bit my lip and watched, smugly, as his eyes flitted to my mouth and his warm, chocolate-brown eyes darkened slightly in color. A sudden clearing of the throat brought me back, and I realised that Kate and Lawrence were still present. I wasn’t sure, but it seemed that Kane had been just as distracted as he blinked and refocused on his surroundings.
I turned to find the irritating culprit who pulled me out of my Kane Richards-daze only to find both Kate and Lawrence peering between Kane and me suspiciously. I bit my lip again and blushed faintly at the attention, causing Kane to chuckle throatily again.
“Dude we should probably go man, coach is all over me saying that I’ve been slac
king. I need my main man to help me out a bit,” Kane said, playfully punching Lawrence on the shoulder.
Lawrence merely nodded in reply, still glancing between us before shrugging and murmuring a quiet “catch you later” to Kate and me and heading off towards the gym.
I stared after him, and when I didn’t immediately see Kane retreating I snapped my head up, only to find him staring at me intensely. His face was twisted in confusion and something near frustration, all the while keeping his eyes locked on my lips. He snapped out of it when a tall girl with copper hair and large gold earrings strutted up to him and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.
“Hey, Kane,” she purred in a voice that I supposed was her trying to sound seductive. I however found her voice rather repulsive but couldn’t help the stab of jealousy that pierced through me. Then I remembered that it was me he was kissing for the first time since . . . God knows, and that it was my face he had cupped in his hands at two o’clock in the morning, and internally grinned at my smug thoughts.
I glared at her and wondered how Kane would blow her off. I ran through all the ways he could do it. Maybe just wince and push past her, or just give her a simple “Get lost.” I actually smiled at that one. That seemed like him.
Only a moment had passed, and this . . . girl was still whispering huskily in his ear. His eyes were still locked on mine and I smiled smugly as I anticipated his reaction.
In a second flat my anticipation completely dissolved and my jaw hung loosely as Kane didn’t push her away. He didn’t pretend she didn’t exist, and he definitely didn’t tell her to get lost.
No.
Kane Richards put his arm possessively around her, and gazed down at her face, giving her the same crooked smile he gave me, causing her to giggle. Then they sauntered off down the hall without so much as a goodbye.
I stared at their retreating forms; livid and completely uncaring that Kate was still standing there and had witnessed the whole thing. I slammed my locker door shut and all but ran down the hall, leaving a bewildered Kate calling after me loudly.
As the angry tears spilled down my cheeks, I desperately tried to keep at bay the sobs that were threatening to rip through my torso. No way was I going to cry over him just like plenty of other girls had. He wasn’t worthy of my tears, and yet, the image of him casually strolling down the hall away from me with his arm draped over someone else crushed my efforts; my walls fell down as I succumbed to the ebbing pain.
I was everything that Kate and Lawrence had told me not to become, and I had no one to blame but myself.
13. I’M SORRY
Kane
Ispotted Lawrence at the end of the hall talking to none other than that pain in the ass Kate, and there was a small figure next to them with her back to me who I couldn’t quite make out.
As I dodged a couple of snotty bitches blatantly drooling at me from across the hall—had it been any other day I’d be lapping that shit up—I realized that the third figure was her. She didn’t turn, and I didn’t hear her voice, but I just knew it was her. I felt that same toxic magnetic pull she had on me.
And it was even stronger than it had been before.
I didn’t understand my physical reactions at all. The hairs raised up on the back of my neck, I’m pretty sure my eyes dilated, my heart was going crazy, my fingers were feeling tingly, and why the hell was it so hot in here all of a sudden?
I felt like I was choking on the thickening air and took a deep breath to pull myself together, thinking of what to say when I got there. Luckily enough, Kate gave me the perfect opportunity when she put her hand on Lawrence’s shoulder and murmured some shit about not telling anyone.
“Tell anyone what?” I asked, not really caring, but just using it as an excuse to hear Suranne speak. It had only been a few hours since I’d seen her, but she looked even better, and my eyes were eagerly lapping her up. I heard her sigh, and watched as her lips parted but then that cock-blocking Lawrence stopped whatever she was about to say.
“Nothing dude, don’t listen to ’em,” he muttered, glaring at them both. I don’t know what the hell they were talking about, but I could see Suranne’s lips twitch upward into a very small smirk and I couldn’t help but grin. She was so sexy without even realizing it.
She peeked up at me through her lashes, and I grinned even wider as her gray eyes pierced right through me. I reminisced about how her eyes had shone when I was at her house, and I winked at her. Her eyes seemed to widen before they tightened infinitesimally as if she was trying to keep herself in check or some shit.
And I swear to God I almost lost it when her lips pulled up and she smiled widely at me.
Damn.
And I thought it was only Ashley’s smile I loved seeing.
I would watch this girl smile all day if I could.
Her face puckered into a small frown, and her lips turned down at the edges as she eyed my face, concern now her main expression.
“You look tired,” she whispered. I knew I looked like shit, but having it told to you doesn’t really do much for your confidence. Then I felt pissed, because shit, you would be tired too if you walked in your home to find your Mom smashing glasses on the floor, completely wasted, and your sister bawling her eyes out in your room, wouldn’t you?
But I couldn’t feel completely angry, because the other reason that I didn’t get much sleep was nowhere near as bad.
And so I chuckled, and decided to give her a little reminder.
“Yeah, well, someone kept me up till three in the morning,” I told her suggestively, cocking an eyebrow, and was rewarded with a delicate blush coloring her cheeks.
I nearly groaned at the sight.
“Yeah, well, you don’t seem to be complaining,” she replied, her voice taking on a sly tone. I grinned back at her, because complaining was definitely something I wasn’t going to do.
“Especially when you won’t get the chance to do it again,” I heard my mind say to itself, and just like that, I was reminded of the shit I’d been reluctant to do all morning. And when she bit her lip I couldn’t help but divert my gaze to her mouth, wanting to do nothing more than lean in closer and kiss those damn lips till there was nothing left. When I forced my attention back to her eyes I was about to go crazy, completely lost in her stare. I gazed back, silently apologizing and willing her to understand.
Even though I knew she wouldn’t. We were both brought back to reality by Lawrence clearing his throat, and inwardly I growled at him.
Like I said . . . cock-blocker.
Suranne snapped her head in his direction, and I decided to follow suit. Both he and Kate were looking at us suspiciously. Not that I gave a shit. I would quite happily let them watch if I was about to ravage her against her locker.
But I wasn’t. I was going to screw everything up, and I didn’t want to face the aftermath of Lawrence, grilling my ears off about how much of an asshole I am, and the smug look on Kate’s face, either. I was about to ask if I could speak to her alone, and get this over and done with, but when she blushed, and bit her lip again, I just . . . couldn’t. I couldn’t do it. I needed to find another way around this shit. And I wouldn’t be able to do that if she was there, right in front of me, all tantalizing and lip biting.
“Dude, we should probably go man, coach is all over me saying that I’ve been slacking. I need my main man to help me out a bit,” I muttered to Lawrence, chuckling and punching his arm, ’cause if I didn’t get away from her now, I would break down, tell her everything, and then push her against that damn wall and mash my lips against hers. But I knew I couldn’t tell her about my mom, like I said before; she’d think of me as a dick. And even worse, she’d feel sorry for me.
And I don’t need pity.
I was vaguely aware of Lawrence walking down the hall, and Suranne watching after him, but I was still focused on her lips. I didn’t want to leave them, but if I kissed her now I’d have to explain shit and I didn’t want to.
Lips and pity
, or nothing at all?
And even though I was aware that the heavens up above enjoyed screwing around with my life, I didn’t expect that they’d go all mercifully vengeful on my ass by sending some bronze-haired chick up to me to kiss me on the damn cheek.
And I knew it was stupid, and I was going to totally regret it, but after these two shitty days I came to the conclusion that to let people in is far more tiresome, frustrating, and downright scary than to push them away.
And just like that, lips and pity became a much worse scenario than nothing at all, and I desperately tried to communicate this to Suranne using my eyes, apologizing and hoping that by some miracle she’d be able to read my mind. But she seemed far more amused with the chick hanging on my arm than anything else, and so with one last look at her lips, I did what was easiest for me. I pushed her away. And when I put my arm around the chick I didn’t even know, and saw Suranne’s jaw drop, and her face twist in what could only be pain, I knew that maybe I’d pushed her a bit too far, and that there would be no going back.
So I turned away from her, and got the hell out of there, ’cause there was nothing else I could do. With every step I took, my chest ached more to go back. But I kept walking, with only two words prominent in my mind.
I’m sorry.
14. THOUGHTLESS PAYBACK
Suranne
After a whole bloody hour of trying to pull myself together, and wiping the tears off my cheeks, I took a deep breath, crossed the field and made my way back into the school building. Second lesson was approaching, which was biology, and luckily Kane wouldn’t be in my class. He was the last person I wanted to see right now.
I heard the first bell ring and quickened my pace, trying to reach the class door. As I walked through the halls, the other students were eyeing me, half of the girls looking smug, before turning to their friends and yammering quietly, and the other half just looking at me with pity in their eyes. News obviously got around that the new little British girl fell for the famous antics of Kane Richards, and everyone was making quick work of the latest gossip.
Kane Richards Must Die Page 5