Crazy, Undercover, Love

by Nikki Moore

  ‘What? Just like that? Turnaround of the century!’

  ‘She wasn’t going to get the money she wanted and she told me Layla just got in her way anyway.’

  ‘That’s vile.’

  ‘You’ve got it,’ he nods, expression outraged. ‘I didn’t have time to think, the flat wasn’t childproofed at all, I thought I had a few weeks to sort that out, and then you—’

  'Turned up to talk.'

  ‘I panicked,’ he admits, shivering. ‘I didn’t know what to deal with first, or what I was going to do about work. I was completely unprepared. All I knew was, after years of fighting and conflict, I had my daughter, however temporarily. But I’m really sorry you got the raw end of the situation.’

  I nod. It makes sense. I squeeze his wrists. ‘You love her, she’s your kid. You had to put her first and you didn’t know how to do that without putting me last. I get that.’

  ‘So you can also accept I’d do anything to protect her and make her happy?’

  This is where he gives me the brush-off. Backing out of his reach. ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘Especially now she’s going to be living with me permanently.’ His voice holds a mixture of trepidation and joy as he pulls me back to him.

  ‘You’ve got full custody?’

  ‘Yes. It’s done. Louise has signed, I’ve signed, it’s been filed.’

  ‘Did she decide Layla’s better off with you?’

  He laughs. ‘Not exactly.’

  ‘What then?’

  He shudders, yanks me closer for warmth. ‘God, it’s cold. Layla was cramping her style. She’s on the hunt for a new man.’

  ‘But won’t she just ask for her back when she’s landed hubby number two?’

  ‘No.’ Alex shakes his head.

  I frown. ‘How can you be so sure?’

  ‘I paid her off.’

  ‘Huh?’ I’m shocked. I thought Alex would be the last person to give in to emotional blackmail.

  He quirks an eyebrow, reading my thoughts. ‘I know. Everything in me said not to. But I sat down and thought about it. Really thought. I didn’t want to pay her off because she deceived me, hurt my pride, hurt me. But at the end of the day, I have the money. And it’s not that I’m buying my daughter, I’m simply paying to protect her. Layla’s well-being is more important than my pride.'

  ‘Good for you. I’m so pleased. So, will Louise get access rights?’

  ‘No.’ His lips look a little blue and a shard of guilt scratches at me. ‘She doesn’t want any.’

  ‘What? How can she bear to be away from her own child? Layla’s still practically a baby.’

  ‘Louise is fond of her but I don’t think the bond’s there. She’s too selfish to be a good mum. In a way, this is her putting Layla first. With me, our daughter will have stability. And Layla needs that now, especially after being carted around all these years. Which is why I thought long and hard about what a certain beautiful red-head once told me about only having one chance at this world and changing my situation if I could. So I talked to my parents.’ He tips his head forward, heated blue eyes running over my face. ‘I’m going to be relinquishing some of my duties – most of them in fact – so I can cut down on travelling.’

  ‘You are? You talked to them about it. You did it. And do you feel guilty?’

  ‘No, strangely not as much as I thought. It’s funny what you can do when you have the right motivation.’

  ‘And Layla is yours.’

  ‘Yes. But I also told them how I felt. How relentless it is. How unhappy I’ve been.’

  I smile in disbelief. ‘And did your dad keel over from a heart attack?’

  Alex smiles back, rubbing my cheekbone again. I go gooey. I’ve missed him, against all of my better intentions. ‘No. My father is alive and well. He understood, battled with the same feelings himself. I never knew because he always hid it so well.’

  ‘And your mum?’

  He laughs wryly, shaking his head. ‘It was amazing. She just smiled at me like I’d done something to make her really proud. My brother Kristian is going to be given a senior role and do most of the travelling. He’s more than pleased about it.’

  ‘He is?’ He’s never told me much about him, but I got the impression from the gossip mags he was one of those European playboys. The kind of guy I mistook Alex for when I first met him. I was so wrong.

  ‘Yes,’ he sighs, frustrated. ‘I never knew. I didn’t realise how jealous he’s been of me. I thought he liked his freedom but he’s been bored for a long time. It’s interesting what you find out when you stop and talk to people. Really talk.’

  ‘People can surprise you if you let them,’ I agree, easing away from him. ‘So what are you going to do?’

  ‘I’m going to head up community projects, including an apprenticeship programme. In the UK. That’s why I didn’t track you down sooner, I’ve been sorting everything out for handover and I wanted to see you once it was all done.’

  ‘You’ll be brilliant.’ I avoid his last comment. It sounds like he has it all figured out. Something I’m further away from than I have ever been. What am I still doing out here with him? He hasn’t offered me anything. He hasn’t told me he wants to be with me. He’s talked about protecting Layla. Now I need to protect myself. ‘Well, I should go. Thanks for apologising. I understand Layla’s your priority. I hope it all works out for you.’ Dejected, I move away and crunch through the snow towards the door.

  ‘Wait! I want you to meet Layla,’ he blurts.

  I whip around, slipping in the snow, arms windmilling. I try to get my balance but Alex is already there, arms wrapped around my waist to steady me.

  ‘You do?’ I squeak. Something in his eyes makes me jerk. I lose my footing again, lurch sideways and we scramble for purchase together. He plants his feet wide, braces me.

  ‘Yes. She’s the most important person in my life.’

  ‘I totally respect that.’ I lean back in his arms carefully. ‘So why do you want me to meet her?’

  ‘I’d like there to be two important people. And to be clear, you’re the other one.’

  ‘I am?’ Wonder holds me still and I feel something tiny and cold land on my cheek. I don’t brush it away, too fixed on Alex’s face. He is so close, long eyelashes damp, jaw starting to stubble over.

  ‘I know that me having Layla isn’t what you signed up for. I didn’t feel I could tell you sooner … I know I’ve sprung her on you. And that’s not fair—’

  ‘Layla’s not a deal-breaker, Alex.’

  ‘So will you come with me and meet her?'

  ‘I’m not sure.’ He’s told me lots in the last ten minutes but not the most important thing of all. How does he feel about me? ‘When?’

  ‘Now.’

  ‘Now?’ I make a show of looking around for her in the churned up snow. ‘Well she’s not tiny enough to fit in your pocket, so where is she? In the car?’

  ‘No, she’s too young for that. She’s with your parents.’

  Leaning back further in his muscular arms, I risk our balance. ‘You’re joking!’

  ‘No.’

  ‘But you’re so protective of her. You don’t even know them and neither does she.’

  ‘I didn’t plan to be gone long and they have my mobile if there are any problems.’ He pauses, jeopardises our safety by unwrapping one arm from my middle to brush my fringe out of my eyes. ‘And I trust them because they raised a wonderful daughter.’

  ‘Oh.’ It’s cheesy but something catches in my throat.

  ‘I needed to see you, but I couldn’t bring her here in case this went wrong.’

  He isn’t sure of me. ‘Sounds like you have this parenting thing sorted,’ I say lightly.

  ‘Maybe, but it would be nice to have some help. I’m not asking you to be her parent.’ So, what is he asking? ‘At least, not straight away,’ he tags on quickly. ‘But I am asking you to be with us, if you can forgive me for the clumsy way I handled everything that night at t
he flat.’

  ‘Be with you? Why exactly?’ There is so much hope and fear inside me I feel like my heart is too big for my chest, tears glazing my eyes as I ask the ultimate question.

  He laughs and kisses me. ‘Because I love you, clumsy.’ He kisses me again, hot and hard, then pulls back to gaze into my eyes, ‘You have my absolute trust and respect. I will always support you in doing whatever makes you happy. As long as you do it with me.’ Those are the perfect words, the very ones I needed to hear. ‘I’ve made some mistakes, I don’t think either of us is covered in glory, but—’

  With a yell of delight, I push off the ground, knocking us both over into the snow, falling on top of him. Kneeling up, I undo my coat, open it to share my warmth with the guy I love, lying down full length along him. ‘Shut up, Alex,’ I order, happier than I have been in an aeon, covering his gorgeous face in kisses, planting a sloppy one on his mouth, ‘just stop talking! Yes, we’ve both made mistakes.’ If he can say it, I can be brave enough to as well, ‘But I love you too.’ I stare deep into his eyes, starting to work my hands inside his suit jacket to run them over his sexy, strong, freezing body. He must really love me to have stood outside in this weather for so long. Poor man. ‘I love you,’ I whisper ‘and I’d rather be with you than without.’

  Wrapping my arms around his neck, I grab handfuls of his thick dark hair and drop my mouth to his for a long, hot, involved kiss. I think I hear someone arrive at one point and the front door of the pub swing open with a creak and I’m pretty sure I hear giggling but then Alex’s kiss drags me back down to my own private idea of bliss.

  When we surface at last, panting and burning despite the snow, Alex tightens his fingers around my hips, as if afraid to let go, ‘I’ll be seeing to it you get compensation for unfair dismissal as well as notice pay.’

  I push myself up, climb off him and hold out my hand, avoiding the statement. ‘Come on, you’re soaked through.’

  Grasping my hand, he hauls himself up and for once I’m not clumsy, I stand firm. ‘Charley? Did you hear what I said?’

  ‘I’m not sure how I feel about it,’ I reply, mixed emotions running through me, ‘what will people think of me getting a pay-off when they find out we’re together?’

  ‘It’s what you’re entitled to,’ he points out with calm logic. ‘Both panels got it wrong. We’ll do it all properly through HR and Legal, with a proper agreement, meaning it’ll all be confidential.’

  Biting the inside of my cheek, I mull it over. ‘And you’re not worried this is all part of my plan?’

  ‘No!’ He kisses me softly, pulling back to gaze into my eyes. ‘It’s the right thing for the company to do. But… um…’ he rubs the back of his neck, ‘I should probably tell you that even with the confidentiality clause, there’s still a risk it’ll all come out.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because when I threw Tony out, I kind of assaulted him,’ He admits sheepishly. ‘So he threatened to go to the police and the press.’

  ‘Hang on. What do you mean, assaulted him? That’s not like you. Didn’t security throw him out?’

  ‘Yes, but once we got outside I sort of lost control of my better instincts. The things he said about you … I, well—’

  ‘What did you do, Alex?’ I’m worried now. How badly did he hurt him? And what impact is it going to have on Alex and his family? Their reputation?

  His mouth quirks and he mumbles something under his breath.

  ‘Pardon?’ I move closer.

  ‘I said I kicked him up the arse and he fell over.’

  I snort, ‘Sorry, you what?’

  ‘It sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? A bit like that scene in Bridget Jones where the two guys have that girlie fight.’

  ‘You’ve seen Bridget Jones?’

  ‘I don’t mind rom-coms,’ he defends, and I think he actually blushes.

  ‘Oh my,’ I shake my head, ‘I have so much to learn about you. But,’ I walk my fingers up his damp shirt, ‘I think you may be the ideal guy.’ Strong but vulnerable, sweet but sexy. I get serious, ‘Aren’t you worried what Tony will do though?’

  ‘No, I’ll deal with it if I have to,’ he says, utterly self-assured, ‘and I’m glad it happened.’

  ‘How come?’

  ‘Because,’ he tucks my hair behind my ear, ‘that’s when I realised I was in love with you.’

  Something soft and gooey uncurls inside me, but I chortle, ‘You knew you loved me because you kicked Tony Ferrier up the arse?’

  ‘I knew I loved you when the HR Manager bawled me out, told me what the consequences might be, and I told her I didn’t care and realised I meant it. And I also knew I loved you when I decided to get rid of the no-workplace relationship clause from our contracts. You were right. You can’t control people’s feelings. I know that now.’

  ‘Oh. Wow.’

  ‘Yes. And as a reward for my selfless actions,’ he says gravely, ‘you’re moving in with me straight away.’

  ‘No. I’m not, Alex.’ His face falls. But I won’t give into temptation. I need to do this myself. And after doing everything topsy-turvy with Alex so far, I’m in no rush to get it wrong again. ‘I don’t need rescuing.’ Grabbing his lapels, I make a quick decision. ‘But I’ll talk to HR,’ I agree softly, ‘I’ll accept the money, because you’re right, I’m owed it. And I’ll move back in with Jess and get my career back on track now my name will no longer be dirt. I’m guessing I’ll get a satisfactory reference.’ It all falls out of my mouth in a garble, but I know instinctively I’m right. Everything is going to be okay.

  ‘Yes. Fair enough,’ Alex responds, but there is still a shadow in his eyes.

  I wrap my arms round his neck and stand up on tiptoes. ‘I do love you,’ I assure him, kissing the corner of his luscious mouth, feeling him relax. ‘I do want to be with you,' I kiss an angelic cheekbone, ‘and I might even be persuaded to change my mind about moving in with you if you ask me again in a few months’ time.’ I tell him with my eyes how much I adore him. ‘I just want to get this right.’

  ‘I do too. Very much. Okay. In the meantime, I want to get away, just the three of us; you, me and Layla, once you've got to know each other. How do you feel about a weekend in a villa in Barcelona?’ he teases.

  I take a mock swipe at his head, ‘Barcelona? Sure. It’s my new favourite place!’

  Giggling, I take his arm and lead him to the pub door, ‘Now you’re going to have to go through the pain of meeting all the locals and letting them drill you. Then we’d better go introduce you to my parents properly and get your daughter.’

  ‘Which are worse, the locals or your parents?’

  I scrunch up my face in thought, then grin, ‘Do you know, I’m really not sure?’

  Shaking his head, he opens the door for me and we walk inside. It feels like everything in my life is finally normal, that the nightmare of the last six months is over.

  My friends stare at us as we come in, smiling at our joined hands, and it reminds me I need to phone Jess and tell her what’s happened. That I’m coming home.

  Alex squeezes my fingers and I look at him, full of relief, full of love, and grateful that over a lost weekend in Barcelona, we found each other.

  I was wrong earlier. Some risks are worth taking, even when the odds are not in your favour. Sometimes if you play hard enough and for long enough you might just win. Luck could be on your side.

  I started this journey by thinking I should have been smart enough to say no to crazy Plan B. Now I’m glad I was just crazy enough to say yes.

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  First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2014

  Copyright © Nikki Moore 2014

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