The Disappearance of Ember Crow

by Ambelin Kwaymullina

  He choked off an incredulous laugh. “So your solution was to leave me? Do you really think that didn’t hurt?”

  I swung to face him. “At least you were safe.”

  “I never asked you to keep me safe!”

  “You never had to,” I shouted. “I could have killed you!”

  We glared at each other, caught in the same tangle of anger and pain we’d been in before I went to the wolves. I’d left because I was terrified I’d do something to him that a Mender couldn’t heal. I was still terrified. He still wasn’t. “Connor, I can’t … Ember’s missing, and I have to see my grandpa. There isn’t time for this.”

  In my head those words had sounded reasonable. Out loud they sounded like an excuse.

  He stepped back, jaw clenched, and gestured in the direction of the lake. “Go ahead, Ashala. Run away. Again.”

  I snarled at him, an instinctive wolf reaction to someone prodding at an unhealed wound. Then I stomped off into the forest, leaving him to follow. Hoping he wouldn’t.

  Not a bit surprised when he did.

  We went on in angry silence. When we reached the water I strode right in, as much to get away from Connor as for any other reason. “Grandpa?” I called. “Are you there?”

  Everything was quiet. The lake rippled where I’d disturbed the shallows but the purple depths of the centre were still. Was he angry because he’d been calling me for a while and I hadn’t come? Either that or I was doing this wrong. My grandfather lived here and spoke on the wind, but I’d never actually seen him appear in this world. The first time I’d encountered Grandpa, I’d been close to death. I’d met him in the greater Balance, the place where everyone’s souls go when we die. Or at least, that’s where I thought I’d been. The whole experience had been pretty weird.

  I waded in further. “Grandpa! Come out!”

  Was that movement beneath the surface? I took another step.

  Something seized hold of my leg and yanked me under.

  Water rushed into my mouth and up my nose as I was dragged through the lake. I choked, flailed and stupidly tried to yell. Then whatever was pulling me along let me go. I was deep underwater, only I wasn’t drowning.

  It should be impossible to breathe. To float, neither rising nor sinking. To see as clearly through water as I would through air.

  Except nothing seemed to be impossible when it came to Grandpa.

  Light shone and eventually resolved into a single sinuous shape. The shape coiled and curved until I was staring into the reproachful eyes of an enormous blue-scaled snake. You did not come when I called.

  “I know. I’m sorry, I was–”

  And you are throwing away my gift.

  “You never gave me a … oh.” He meant Connor. Because Connor had died when we escaped Detention Centre 3, and it had been grandfather, working through me, who’d brought him back to life.

  We have been speaking, he and I. You should not have left him.

  “I was trying to protect him!” I was getting really tired of having to say that. “And since when do you talk to Connor anyway?”

  Grandpa tilted his massive head to one side. He is of the forest. You are of the forest. You will both be needed in what is to come.

  I wasn’t sure what that meant, and I didn’t want to talk about Connor. “Listen, about my friend Ember–”

  He interrupted. I have been travelling.

  A picture of a giant snake slithering through the streets of Gull City flashed into my head. Except that was ridiculous. I wasn’t sure how he moved through the world, but he had to do it in a way no one could see. “I hope you had a good trip, Grandpa. About Ember–”

  I am concerned about this world. So are the others.

  He was trying to tell me something in his usual cryptic way. I pushed my worry for Em aside for a moment. “Others?”

  Ancient beings from the many lands of the world before. I was not the only old spirit to come through the great chaos. None of us wishes this world to become like the last one.

  The great chaos was what Grandpa called the Reckoning, the environmental cataclysm that had destroyed the old world. “You do know everything’s different from how it was before, right?” I wasn’t sure how much he understood about the way things were now. After he’d sung the Firstwood into life, hundreds of years ago, he’d gone into a deep sleep, and he’d only been awake for about six months. I tried to explain. “The only reason the, um, great chaos happened at all was because people abused the environment and broke down the life-sustaining systems of the Earth. No one does that anymore.”

  Harm to the Earth was not all that ended what you call the old world. Everything connects, Granddaughter. But not everyone sees those connections. He twisted away, rolling through the water. You must learn to understand your power.

  That was one piece of advice I didn’t need. “I know. Don’t you think I know? I could barely manage when I wasn’t having nightmares!”

  Sleepwalking is your ability. It is not your power.

  “Then what’s my power?”

  He swirled upwards, surrounding me in glowing coils until all I could see was shining blue light. His voice floated down from somewhere above. Some truths cannot be told. They can only be discovered.

  “What does that mean?”

  He didn’t answer, which meant I was supposed to figure it out for myself. I was still puzzling over it when he spoke again. Your friend is not lost.

  My heart leaped in hope. “Ember? Grandpa, do you know where she is?”

  She is where she has chosen to be.

  “Can you help me find her?”

  Silence again. “Grandpa,” I called desperately, “if you know anything that would help, please tell me!”

  He came swooping downwards until his huge head was level with mine. Beware the angels.

  And he vanished.

  I was alone in the cold depths of the lake, and I couldn’t breathe. Water surged, pushing me upwards to the surface. Within seconds I broke through and sucked in a lungful of air. On my second breath, an invisible force seized hold of my body, propelling me out of the lake and onto the shore.

  I collapsed onto my knees at Connor’s feet.

  “Are you all right?” he demanded.

  “Yeah.”

  Air swirled, drying out my clothes until they were damp instead of plastered to my skin. I shifted into a more comfortable position on the sandy ground, watching as Connor sat at my side. “Thanks for pulling me out.”

  He stared at me for a moment longer, making sure I really was okay. Then he asked, “Did you find out anything about Ember?”

  “Kind of. As usual, Grandpa wasn’t making a lot of sense. He did say that Em’s not lost though. She’s …” I paused, trying to remember the exact words. “He said, ‘she is where she has chosen to be.’”

  “That probably means she’s all right at least.”

  “I hope so.” And he said that I should beware the angels … Only I couldn’t tell him that. Because Grandpa might have been talking about Connor.

  I’d thought of Connor as an angel ever since Georgie pointed out how his perfect features resembled the old-world statues that flanked the entrance to the Gull City museum. Except why would Grandpa tell me to beware Connor? The only reason I could think of was because I might hurt him. Again. And if I told Connor about Grandpa’s warning, he’d know I was thinking that, and we’d end up in the same fight for the second time today.

  “Did he tell you anything else?”

  Had Connor sensed I was hiding something? “Grandpa wasn’t really interested in Ember,” I said quickly. “He’s worried about, I don’t know, the world. He was going on about connections. I didn’t understand it.” I rested my arms on my knees and added, “Maybe you could ask him. He said you’d been talking.”

  There was an accusatory note in my voice and I winced to hear it. I hadn’t intended to sound that way, but I couldn’t take it back now.

  “I could hardly talk to you,” C
onnor pointed out coolly.

  I flushed and stared at the ground.

  After a moment, he sighed and said, “Your grandfather and I have been speaking about when I was dead. And then not dead.”

  My head jerked up. “You’re okay, aren’t you?”

  His lips curved into a smile. “I’m fine. Just different.”

  “Different how?” I grabbed hold of his arm. “Are you sick? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I’m not sick. And I didn’t tell you because you won’t talk about my death.”

  “Oh.”

  “I understand why, Ashala. It was worse for you than for me.”

  “How could it possibly have been worse for me?”

  He covered my hand with his own. “You were the one left behind. I know what that’s like. I watched you nearly die twice in Detention Centre 3.”

  I should have pulled away from him. I couldn’t. It was taking every scrap of willpower I had not to move closer. “Connor. How are you different?”

  “I am both more of this world and less than I was before.” He stared over the water. “Sometimes I am so … present in this place that I could tell you the individual shapes of every leaf on every tree. Other times it’s as if I am closer to something else. A greater spirit that underlies what is. But,” he added, his gaze shifting back to me, “you understand that. Don’t you?”

  “Yes.” Because that was how it was for me as well. I’d felt it from the moment I arrived, long before I’d met Grandpa and realised I was descended from the ancient being who had brought life to the Firstwood. I’d always known that I was connected to this place. And now so was Connor. He is of the forest. You are of the forest … Connor didn’t have an animal, yet, and it occurred to me that maybe his link was with the forest itself. Or with Grandpa.

  “Connor? I’m sorry you couldn’t talk to me.”

  His hand tightened on mine; his blue eyes stormy and challenging. “Don’t be sorry. Be here.”

  I will.

  But I swallowed those reckless words before they could escape.

  Connor read the answer in my silence. He let go and rose to his feet. “We should search the lab.”

  This was horrible. I hated it and I couldn’t fix it. “Yeah. We should.”

  Then a voice roared into my mind, GGGGRRRRRRRRR!

  THE ADJUSTMENT

  I jumped. Connor glanced at me questioningly, and I mouthed, “Jaz.”

  Closing my eyes, I called out in my head. Jaz?

  No answer.

  Jaz?

  Oh. You can talk.

  Of course I can talk!

  I was trying to speak to you in wolf language because you’d gone wolfy. Did I get it right?

  Jaz, that’s … I mean, you can’t just growl. Who told you I was with the wolves?

  Silence. He must be far away if it was taking him a while to respond. Jaz still had trouble mindspeaking over long distances, although he was getting much better at it and had a far greater range than any of the other wild children who made up his Tribe. Of course, he’d had more practice. Jaz had been the first kid to be adopted by the saurs, which was how he’d acquired some of the big lizards’ telepathic powers.

  Finally, an answer came. Daniel. Georgie. Connor. I have to keep up with the news now I’m the leader of my own Tribe, Ash.

  In other words he’d been gossiping. Listen, Ember–

  Is missing. I know. He wasn’t having trouble reaching me anymore; he must have moved into range. I tried to contact you a little while ago and couldn’t. Georgie said you were talking to your grandfather about Em.

  I was. He wasn’t very helpful though.

  Maybe he doesn’t know anything.

  I think he likes being tricky.

  You shouldn’t talk about him that way!

  I forgot, sometimes, that Jaz – who wasn’t impressed by much on this earth – took my grandfather very seriously. Grandpa had created the saurs, the same way he’d created the trees and all the other life around here when the Reckoning ended over three hundred years ago. To the lizards, and to the children who made up the Saur Tribe, my grandfather was a creature of legend. Sorry, Jaz. I’m a bit upset about Em.

  She’s probably gone to have an adventure.

  She’s missing, Jaz. She’s not on any adventure.

  You worry too much, Ash.

  And you don’t worry enough! I sighed. What are you calling for? Nothing’s wrong, is it?

  Not wrong exactly …

  Is someone hurt?

  No, nothing like that. I need to talk to you in person, is all.

  When Jaz wanted to talk to me face to face it was usually because one of his Tribe members had been experimenting with their ability and there’d been some kind of disaster. What happened? Did Giovanni drain another lake?

  No! And it was totally unfair of you to blame him for taking that water when he was only trying to put out the fire.

  The fire you started. Please tell me nothing is burning, Jaz.

  I promised you we’d be more careful, didn’t I? I need to see you about Leader business. I’ve been waiting to speak to you for a whole week, Ash.

  He had? And “Leader business” meant something big, something that concerned both my Tribe and his. Where do you want to meet?

  On the grasslands. At the Five Sisters.

  Five Sisters was the saur name for a set of small hills grouped in a loose circle. I’m a few hours away.

  I’m almost there. I’ll wait for you.

  I opened my eyes. Connor was watching me. “I have to go see Jaz,” I told him. “Leader business.”

  He nodded, and I hauled myself to my feet. It seemed to take a lot of energy. The day felt long already, and I was no closer to finding Ember.

  “You should change into dry clothes,” Connor said.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re shivering.”

  “I’ll dry out on the way. It’s a long walk.”

  “You don’t have to walk. We’ll fly. After you change.Aside from anything else, I don’t think you want Jaz to see the way you look right now.”

  “What’s wrong with the way I look?”

  “Your clothes are filthy and torn, and your hair is matted. You seem … a little mad.”

  Really? I stared down at my grubby self. He has a point. And “Leader business” sometimes meant I had to talk Jaz out of a stupid idea. It was better that I seemed as if I was in control. “Fine. I’ll change.”

  It didn’t take long to reach the caves, or to put on a pair of Gull-City-blue pants plus a matching shirt and jacket. When I tried to fix my hair, the brush kept getting stuck in snarls. I made a trip to the storeroom where the Tribe kept useful things that we’d picked up on runs into cities and towns, and grabbed a pair of scissors and a mirror. Then I returned to the cavern that Connor and I had chosen as our room. It opened onto the forest, so there was more than enough light for me to see by as I started cutting through the tangles.

  When I was done, I examined myself critically. My hair was now a ragged mop, the ends barely touching my shoulders, and there were red highlights that hadn’t been there before. I moved the mirror closer, checking out my eyes. There was definitely a hint of gold around my irises. I was still a little bit wolf, and I found that comforting. The Pack was with me, even though I wasn’t with them.

  I stopped on the way out to tell Georgie and Daniel I was going to see Jaz. Well, I told Daniel – Georgie was totally absorbed in tying together bits of vine and string and objects into one of her maps of future possibilities. She didn’t say if she’d found out anything about Ember, and I couldn’t tell, because her maps always looked like giant messes to me. Then I rejoined Connor at the entrance.

  The two of us soared upwards, slow until we cleared the trees and then fast over the top of the Firstwood. The wind rushing past made it impossible to talk, which was good because it meant I could focus on staying calm. If I panicked, he’d pick up on it, and I didn’t want him knowing how mu
ch it bothered me to do this. I’d loved flying with him once. But the two of us had been hurtling through the sky when we’d been attacked as we left Detention Centre 3. Now whenever we flew, I had occasional flashes of that sickening tumble to the earth, and the sound Connor’s body made as it hit the ground and broke. If not for my grandpa …

  Trying to distract myself, I stared down at the trees beneath me. We were moving too quick to see anything except a blur of green, but the Tribe were down there somewhere. They’d be spread throughout the Firstwood at this time of the day, going about the tasks that were part of making a life in the forest. I imagined Micah and Nell and Charlie and Jin, our Leafers, tending to the food garden. And some of the cooking team would be making the long trek to get honey from the waratah flowers. They got a bit obsessed with storing honey at this time of year, before winter arrived and the flowers became dormant. Stefan and Benny and Mai, maybe. Keiko was probably with them, for no better reason than that she never passed up an opportunity to wander through the forest. I had no idea who was on washing duty. I imagined golden-haired Trix and dark-eyed Andreas cleaning the breakfast dishes in a stream. Unless one of the Waterbabies was doing it, in which case they’d bring water to the dishes rather than the other way around.

  Thinking of them all was enough to steady me as we left the Firstwood behind to fly above a sea of yellow grasses. On we went, until we finally floated down to land amid the hills that made up the Five Sisters. Jaz wasn’t here. I frowned and spun in a slow circle, searching for him. All I could see were rocky hills and long grass. And the grass wasn’t flattened the way it would be if a saur had trampled over it. He said he’d meet us!

  What if something had gone wrong, something to do with the Leader business he wanted to talk about? What if he was missing as well?

  I cast a worried glance at Connor – and gasped as a fireball appeared out of nowhere and hurtled towards his back.

  “Connor, watch out!”

  He was already moving, flinging himself to the side. The fireball blazed into the space where he’d been, stopped dead, and vanished.