Pieces of Love

by PJ Sharon

  I took in a sharp breath and tossed the charm bracelet into the sea.

  ∞∞∞

  After Ethan dropped me off at my room, my head swimming with dark thoughts, I tossed and turned, unable to sleep. As much as I hated the idea of sleeping alone our last night together, I didn’t think either of us would be able to stand one more sleepless night of not fooling around. Caught up in more than a few serious make-out sessions, we’d both reached our limit of frustration. Hands had strayed and our self-control was slipping. Although Ethan’s ability to shut down when things got too hot both impressed and frustrated me, I wasn’t so calm and cool.

  Restlessness took over and I slipped out of bed. Donning my bikini and shorts, I stepped into my flip-flops and grabbed a towel. I found my way to the uppermost deck where the hot tub beside the pool was sure to be vacant at such a late hour. Other than a few crew members, who flashed weary glances as I passed, no one seemed interested in where I was going or what I was doing wandering the ship at midnight.

  Finding the hot tub empty, I flipped the timer on for the bubbles, tossed my towel onto a lounge chair, and dipped in a toe, pleased that it was hot enough to sting. Maybe a good soak would do the trick. Slowly, I submerged into the steamy pool, hoping it would relax me and wash away the tension that had my body strung tight. Returning home came with bittersweet thoughts and more questions than I had answers to.

  Would my mother be okay? Or would she fall apart again if I stepped the least bit out of line? I could see myself walking on eggshells, waiting for her to implode, terrified of disappointing her. Still uncertain if I had it in me to fight the urge to smoke pot again and quit permanently, I shuddered at the thought. And how was I going to explain the new and improved me to my friends—the only people who had really stood by me through everything? I closed my eyes and breathed a sigh, letting the heat of the water and the steady pressure of the jet at my back, melt away my worries. No sense in obsessing over the unknown.

  From behind me came the sound of a familiar voice clearing his throat. I spun to see Ethan standing there, a wary grin edging his lips and his eyes sparkling blue-green in the reflection of the dim lights emanating from the pool.

  “Great minds think alike, right?” He tossed his towel onto a chair and approached, sending shivers along my skin. I sank back down under the bubbling water, immediately aware of how little my bikini actually covered. “Mind if I join you?” he said, not waiting for my answer.

  I nodded as he stepped into the hot tub, his board shorts hanging low and the dusting of dark hair drawing a line downward from his belly button capturing my full attention. He dipped down into the water across from me and hissed as the steaming water covered him from waist to chin.

  “You couldn’t sleep either?”

  “I always have trouble sleeping the night before I travel.”

  “Nervous about the flight, or about going back home and preparing for dorm life?” The thought of him going off to college scared me far more than it likely did him.

  “When passengers aren’t throwing up on me, I actually enjoy flying,” he chuckled. “And as for dorm life it won’t be any different than boarding school...except for the beer and the wet tee shirt contests.”

  I rolled my eyes, unwilling to engage in his teasing or show signs I was jealous.

  He grinned and leaned his arms up over the edge of the hot tub, which showcased the definition of his arms and chest. My mouth went dry and butterflies erupted in my belly. He continued, apparently unaware of his effect on me.

  “I’m only kidding. We already know I’m too much of a lightweight for the party scene, and you’re the only girl I want to see in a wet tee shirt.” He waggled his brows, drawing a reluctant curve to my lips.

  “So what’s keeping you awake tonight?” I asked.

  “I have visions of oversleeping and missing my flight. Then where would we be?” He laughed.

  “You could always get a job on the ship. I hear your stint as a Bingo caller is legendary.”

  “Only if you stayed on board with me and became a lounge singer.” Ethan’s dimples deepened and the edges of his eyes crinkled, sending another wave of affection to my heart.

  It was fun to imagine floating off into the sunset together, but both of us knew that life had other plans for us. “Wouldn’t that make our parents happy?” Sarcasm being preferable to the alternative, which was to accept that our time together was nearly at its end, I closed the distance between us and slipped into Ethan’s ready embrace. Bubbles swirled and splashed up over the edge of the tub onto the deck.

  “The only person I care about right now is you,” Ethan whispered, his lips dangerously close to mine as he ran his fingers through my hair. A brush of his lips sent a spike to my pulse and then he pulled back. His gaze shifted back and forth with mine and when I smiled, he drew me into a deep kiss.

  A fire ignited inside me. The sensation of our bodies pressed tight, skin on skin, was more than I could take. If he’d wanted to in that moment, he could have had all of me and I wouldn’t have had the strength to say no, but before I could do or say anything to push us in that direction, he withdrew from the kiss. His steamy gaze met mine and his voice came in gravelly stops and starts.

  “I...we can wait.” He pushed wet strands of hair out of my eyes and a serious look of admiration took over. “What you did earlier—tossing your sister’s bracelet into the sea—took a lot of strength and courage, Lexi.”

  The words sank in, and finally, I believed them. Whatever had spurred me to make such a bold decision, I realized I had more strength than I ever thought possible. In that moment, I knew I had the power to say yes or no—to take control of my life, and to let go of anything holding me back from being the best person I could be, whatever life had in store for me next.

  Chapter 41

  On our last morning, I dragged myself out of bed and climbed into the shower, my eyes barely open. Ethan and I hadn’t lasted long in the hot tub. Fortunately, or unfortunately, the heat of the water combined with the combustible rise in temperature between us had driven us out and back to our respective rooms before any real damage was done. I stood under the hot water for a long time, waking slowly and dreading stepping onto another plane and having to leave Ethan.

  We were already docked in Civitavecchia and the shuttle would be waiting to take us to the airport. Then it would be goodbye, not knowing when we would see each other again. It was easy to talk about plans to stay in touch when we were stranded together with no outside influence. But once Ethan returned home and started college in a few weeks, he could just as easily forget all about me. A new and deepening sadness seeped into my chest.

  I threw on my comfy jeans and the baggy tee shirt I’d arrived in and packed my bags. I’d already sent Maddie’s things down with the steward and taken care of ensuring their passage back to California. All that was left to do was to say goodbye to the ship. I stepped out onto the balcony and looked past the port to the open sea beyond. An instant flood of sorrow mixed with gratitude cascaded through me. A satisfied smile curved my lips even as I fought back tears. I opened the small baggie that held what was left of last week’s joint, and memories of that night rushed back.

  I’d grown up so much in such a short amount of time. I hardly felt like myself anymore. But then, I really hadn’t felt like myself since Amanda died. Or for that matter, maybe I’d lost myself when I was six and Dad crashed into Jake Connelly, thrusting all of our lives into a tailspin. I took in a deep breath of salty air. The balmy warmth filled my lungs and hope sparked inside me, pushing away the sad memories. Maybe this was the start to finding the me I’d lost so long ago. In a moment of clarity and determination I dropped the roach overboard and crumbled the baggie into a tight ball.

  A soft knock at the door drew me back into the room. When I answered it, Ethan stood waiting, a medium sized suitcase on wheels at his side and a backpack over one shoulder.

  “You ready to go?”

  “
Ready as I’ll ever be.” Facing the next few weeks of being a caregiver to Maddie seemed a mixed blessing. It would keep me away from home and my friends that much longer—a prospect that had my head spinning with thoughts about how it would all work out. But it would also give me time to process everything I’d learned and all that had happened on our trip before going home to face Mom and Mitch. I owed them both an apology, and I wasn’t looking forward to sucking it up and dealing with all the fall-out of my legal troubles. Completing my drug and alcohol classes before my next court date would be the least of my worries.

  We disembarked with all the other passengers and climbed aboard the shuttle to the airport. I looked back at the cruise ship one last time.

  Ethan must have noticed my sad expression. “So now that you’ve cruised the Mediterranean, I bet you’ll want to see more of the world.”

  I grimaced. “Not if it entails flying, boating, or otherwise stepping off of solid ground.”

  “You managed your motion sickness pretty well on the cruise.”

  “Thanks to you and those magic pills. If I wasn’t taking them every night like you told me to, it might have gotten ugly out at sea.”

  He grinned and wrapped his fingers around mine, resting both of our hands onto his thigh. “Hopefully the flight home will be better than the flight here.”

  My cheeks heated at the memory of throwing up on him on the plane before we’d even met. “Be glad you won’t have to fly back with me.”

  “Honestly? I wish I was.” The longing in his voice let me know he meant it. Then he smiled again and my heart jumped. “Aside from the puking thing, you’re a pretty fun travel buddy.”

  We laughed and spent the rest of the ride to the airport talking about all the cool places we’d seen. It seemed neither of us wanted to dwell on the fact that it would be a while before we saw each other again.

  When we reached the airport, Ethan walked with me, checked my bag, and made sure I had my ticket. His plane wouldn’t be leaving for at least an hour after mine. As we passed through the security line, my palms began to sweat and my anxiety built to a crashing roar in my ears.

  Ethan led me to an area away from where first class passengers were already beginning to board the plane. He turned me to face him and laid a hand on my cheek, his palm warm against my skin and his eyes filled with emotion. “I’m going to miss you.”

  “Not as much as I’m going to miss you,” I said, certain it was true.

  “I want you to call me once you’re settled in at Maddie’s place.”

  “I promise. Although won’t you be busy moving?” He shrugged but I couldn’t let him off the hook so easily. “Are you cool with living on campus?”

  “Who wouldn’t be?” He leaned against the wall, glancing at the clock counting down my departure. “I’m used to living away from home and my dad’s never there anyway,” he added, his expression strained.

  “There’s always the holidays, right? And if he’s not around, you can come spend them with me.” My attempt to lift the mood felt forced, but I hated seeing Ethan unhappy—a fact I was sure would be my undoing someday. I ran a hand through his hair, which had grown out some and made his features softer somehow. He tugged at his lower lip with his teeth, an awkward silence falling between us. “Unless it’s going to be too hard—trying to see your dad and come see me too?” My hand slid down his cheek, and I tucked my thumb into my belt loop, unwilling to lose control over my emotions just because I didn’t want to let him go.

  “I’ll make time for both,” he said as he stepped closer and retrieved my hand once more.

  My heart kick-started into overdrive. That one small gesture and his words of reassurance meant everything. If only I wasn’t already missing him. “I want to thank you again.”

  “You don’t have to.” A tinge of pink spread up Ethan’s neck to his cheeks and his gaze fell to his sneakers.

  “I want to.” I clung to his hand, trying to find the right words. “I could never thank you enough for what you did for Maddie. As for me...” I faltered, warmth radiating up my cheeks. “Meeting you has changed my life—has changed me.”

  “I didn’t want to change you, Lexi. I only wanted to help you see how special you are.”

  “I just wish I hadn’t been so afraid.”

  “Of me?” His eyes widened in surprise.

  “No. I was afraid of me. Afraid of who I was becoming—maybe even a little afraid of living. Most of all, I was afraid of letting go of the people I’d lost because I thought it meant I didn’t love them anymore. As if somehow I would forget them, and it would be like they had never been a part of my life at all.” I thought of Amanda and about my dad and my chest ached with love and longing followed by a warmth that told me they would both always be with me. “I’m not afraid anymore,” I said. Then I leaned in and kissed Ethan’s cheek, turning the pink in his ears to a deep red that made me smile. I captured his gaze and our eyes met and lingered. The feelings overflowing my heart were reflected in the expression on Ethan’s face. “I love you, Ethan.”

  “I love you, too.” Ethan laid a tender kiss on my lips and wrapped me in his arms. We lingered there for a long moment until I heard the call for final boarding. When he pulled his lips away from mine, his green eyes glistened. “This isn’t goodbye.” He planted a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Let’s just say, À la prochaine.”

  I gave him a quizzical look.

  “It’s French. It means ‘until next time.’”

  “Let’s hope that next time is very soon,” I said, my heart overflowing with love.

  “Count on it.” Ethan kissed me again, and anything seemed possible.

  Epilogue

  The doorbell rang and I flew down the hall to answer it, running headlong into Mitch.

  “Where’s the fire?” He pulled up short and let me pass in my mad dash to greet our guests.

  I yanked the door open.

  Ethan and I stared at each other for about two seconds as if we were both in disbelief we were finally seeing each other in person after two long months. We’d only seen each other once a few weeks after school started when I’d taken the train into New York and spent the weekend at his house, chaperoned by his dad of course, who was spending more time there of late, according to Ethan. Since then, we’d been in constant contact through texts, phone calls, and e-mails. I flung my arms around his neck and nearly tackled him.

  “You missed me, huh?” He squeezed me tight and lifted me off the floor, still carrying me as he stepped into the foyer. I could see Mitch to my side waving in Doctor Kaswell and heard him apologize in greeting, but it barely registered over the thundering beat of my heart. Ethan lowered me slowly to the ground and pulled back, studying my expression before planting a sweet kiss on my cheek. “I missed you, too.”

  I wrapped an arm around his waist and led him toward the kitchen, certain the perma-smile on my face was as bright as a hundred-watt bulb. “Maddie’s here visiting and you have to meet my mom,” I said, trying to act natural and not acknowledge the fact that my feet had wings.

  Mom met us coming around the corner. “It’s great to finally meet you, Ethan. Ali has told us so much about you.”

  “Mom, its Lexi now.”

  “So you keep reminding me.” To my utter mortification, she patted my butt as we passed and turned into the kitchen. “You’ll always be our little Ali Cat.” As much as I wanted to be annoyed with her embarrassing display, it was good to see a spark in her warm brown eyes. The fact she’d adopted the nickname from my dad gave me hope she was well on her way to forgiving him. She’d been released from the hospital a week before I returned from Maddie’s and since I’d been home, she seemed to be better—more alive. The family therapy sessions were still painful, but I figured we both had come to some kind of peace with Amanda’s death. Moving forward would be a slow process, but together we would take it one day at a time.

  When we entered the kitchen, Maddie raised her arms and all but plowed me out o
f the way to get to Ethan. “Oh, my darling boy, I can’t tell you how good it is to see you!” She hugged him robustly, and Ethan wrapped her in a snug embrace in return.

  “You, too. It’s good to see you on your feet.”

  Maddie tipped her head back and rested a hand on Ethan’s face, a sincere look in her eye. “Solely because of you.” She released Ethan and addressed Doctor Kaswell. “And of course, you too, Martin.”

  The doctor took his son’s place and hugged Maddie as if the two were old friends, which from the looks on both their faces, they were. The sudden blush in her cheeks insinuated she had formed a crush on the good doctor. No wonder, since he had invested a considerable amount of time, money, and effort to ensure her swift recovery. “I’m happy you’re feeling better,” he said. “Are you still doing your cardiac rehab?”

  Maddie looped her arm through his and led him toward the living room, laughing theatrically. Ethan and I exchanged a quick glance and grinned.

  Mom and Mitch shooed us out of the kitchen, insisting they could finish preparing the turkey dinner on their own and that I should go entertain our guests. Since Maddie had Doctor Kaswell spellbound with the details of her rehabilitation, Ethan and I escaped to the screen porch.

  I pushed the slider shut and found a seat on the futon, a lumpy old beast from Mom’s apartment before she and Mitch bought the house on Thompson Lake. It was hard to believe we’d lived there for the past four years. So much had changed since those days when it was just me, Mom, and Amanda, trying to recover from Dad’s loss and pick up the pieces of our lives. Except that Amanda never did. She’d lost herself to her grief and anger and had let it destroy her. I shivered, determined I wouldn’t make the same mistake.

  Ethan grabbed the blanket off the back of the couch, wrapped it around my shoulders and snuggled in next to me, his arm tugging me into the warmth of his body. I rested my head on his chest, stretched my arm across his waist, and squeezed in closer. A cool breeze coming in off the lake carried the scent of dry leaves and apples from the apple tree out back, the screens not yet replaced by solid windows for winter. The brisk November air raised a chill on my skin. Ethan played his fingers through my hair.