Pieces of Love

by PJ Sharon

  “I knew you were special from the start,” Ethan said softly. He sat up and leaned toward me, studying my face. Then he pushed a strand of hair off my cheek. “I could see that underneath all that tough girl exterior, there was someone sad and lonely just waiting to come to life. Someone who’d been hurt and needed healing. Kind of like a bird with a broken wing—trying to figure out a way through the cage doors so she could fly free, but too afraid of falling to try.” His gaze roamed over my features and my heart soared. “What’s important now is that you’re taking control of your life and trying to be the best you can be.”

  A warm rush of emotion and heat scorched through my body. It was as if he were looking into my soul, and what he saw there was the me I wanted to be. Tears rose and the words I wanted to say next stuck in my throat. Ethan laid a hand on my cheek. I leaned into his hand, unable to resist melting toward his touch. Then I closed my eyes.

  “I don’t know if I can be the person you want me to be, Ethan.”

  And that was the awful truth. I was so afraid of letting down the people I loved, I’d either made sure I set the bar low, or I tried not to care at all. Now, I finally understood that I couldn’t live my life in the shadow of other people’s expectations, and I didn’t have to be defined by the actions or character flaws of my family. I needed to choose my own path, and for the first time, I could see where a new path might lead.

  “You’re the person I want to be with,” he said pulling my attention back to his voice. “And it doesn’t matter to me whether you’re Lexi or Ali, or even if you want me to call you Avril.” His grin added tiny creases to the corners of his eyes. “Don’t you get it? Did you think I would have put up with all your crap if I hadn’t fallen in love with you the minute I saw you?”

  I knew I should be insulted, but instead my head floated for a moment with the meaning behind the words. My jaw dropped and nothing came out. Then his mouth was on mine. Hesitation fled and I melted my body into him, diving deeper into the kiss, not caring if I ever took another breath. His hands threaded gently through my hair as he rose up on his knees and brought me towards him. My hands went to his waist and then wrapped around the hot bare skin of his torso. Struck by the contours of the smooth, taut muscles of his lower back, I dug my nails into the flesh, drawing a groan from deep in Ethan’s throat that vibrated through me like a freight train. We pressed our bodies together, sinking completely into a long, slow kiss that had my heart pounding and my head flying with ideas about what came next—about what I wanted.

  But warning signals wormed their way in. I tried to ignore them, to pretend Maddie’s voice wasn’t in my head, making me promise to be responsible, telling me not to make the same mistake my parents made. With all the strength I had, I pulled away from the kiss and flashed an embarrassed smile at Ethan as I heaved in a breath. “Maybe we should try to get some sleep.”

  “Right,” Ethan huffed out as he dropped back on his heels and put a foot of unwanted distance between us. Tugging the covers up in front of him, he stuttered. “Definitely. Absolutely...” the words fell out on each labored breath he took, as if he was trying to convince himself that sleep was an option.

  We settled into our respective positions, him lying on top of the covers with an extra blanket over him, and me snuggled beneath them, the decision clearly made that nothing else would happen between us no matter how much we both wanted it to. Ethan tucked a single pillow between us and then wrapped an arm across my waist.

  “Is this okay?” he asked.

  “Definitely...absolutely.” I giggled, teasing him with his own words. I heard a low rumble of laughter and reveled in the feel of his warm, minty breath at my neck. I sank into his arms, the covers and pillow between us just enough of a buffer to keep him honest and me from squirming any closer.

  Ethan gently stroked my arm until sleep took over.

  I dreamed of dolphins taking turns leaping out of the sea—of being safe and happy—and feeling lucky to be alive.

  Chapter 39

  The next day was a day at sea. Ethan and I slept in, both of us exhausted from the previous few days’ events. I woke first so I slipped out of bed and sat on the deck outside our room, enjoying the sunshine and warm breeze while I worked out the last of the song I’d been composing the past week. Through the open slider, I watched Ethan sleep. The morning sun shone on his golden tanned skin, and his long dark lashes framed his eyes in perfect half-moons. He looked so relaxed, peaceful—almost innocent. And so handsome, I could hardly breathe. I wondered what D.D. and Sami would say.

  Grinning like I’d won the lottery, I put the finishing touches on my song, woke Ethan with a soft kiss on the cheek, and headed for the shower, leaving him smiling sleepily at me as I closed the door.

  When I came out, he was gone. A note, written in neat left-handed scrawl, lay on the pillow.

  Best night ever! Thanks for letting me stay. Meet you at breakfast.

  Ethan

  Xoxoxo

  ∞∞∞

  After a hardy breakfast, Ethan made a call to his father, who let me talk to Maddie. She sounded tired but good, and another wave of relief and gratitude rolled through me. She would fly home the same day as me, and I would meet her at the hospital in L.A. when she arrived. Ethan’s dad would make arrangements for a driver to pick me up at the airport. It seemed everything was covered.

  I had already determined I would stay with Maddie for a few more weeks to help take care of her once she was well enough to go home. Mom and Mitch deserved a chance to spend some time alone when she got out of the hospital—which she’d said would be soon when I called her to update her on Maddie’s condition. I looked forward to getting to know my father through Maddie’s eyes and seeing pictures of him growing up.

  Relieved of the burden of worrying about all the details of our immediate future, Ethan and I enjoyed our day. We hung out by the pool, played a couple of vicious games of Ping-Pong, and spent a ridiculous amount of time playing Minecraft. I felt lighter—and completely relaxed with Ethan at my side. With new hope for my future, it seemed the cloud I’d been under had lifted.

  Later that night, after another amazing dinner, we ended up in the Crow’s Nest. The room was already crowded. Mr. and Mrs. Feinbaum waved us over and asked how Maddie was doing. Having fielded the question several times throughout the day, Ethan jumped in to give them the rundown. It seemed his heroic deed of saving Maddie’s life had spread among the ship’s passengers and Ethan was somewhat of a celebrity. He handled it humbly, but I could tell it made him feel good to know his quick reaction had made a difference in saving a life.

  Tommy—apparently recovered from his bout of laryngitis—caught my attention. I excused myself.

  “You had such a great reception here the other night. Do you want to play a set with me?”

  I glanced at Ethan, proud to have him as my date and thinking this might be the perfect opportunity to show him how much I appreciated him. I pulled my song out of my pocket and unfolded the paper.

  “You think we can play this one?” I gave Tommy a few instructions on chord structure and key changes while I checked the tuning on his guitar and he looked over the music. Ethan looked up and smiled, then made his way over to a seat near the window, the dark night and moon-drenched sea behind him. Anticipation lit his eyes and the room grew quiet.

  Tommy played the intro and I strummed in, shifting my gaze over the audience, the tables all full and people standing in the entryway. I let out a long slow breath and spoke softly into the mic, barely aware of my own voice over the pounding of my pulse in my ears.

  “This is called, Because of You.” I glanced at Ethan and a shy smile took my lips. I drew in a deep breath and let my heart sing.

  When I look into your eyes

  I see the window to my soul

  You show me who I am

  And suddenly I’m whole

  And I want you to know

  You see the me I never saw

  You see the
me no one knew

  You see the me I am today

  Because of you

  You showed me how to smile

  You made me laugh again

  Through the tears we shed together

  I know I’ve found a friend

  You gave me courage to look back

  Courage to face the ugly truth

  That love can’t save us from ourselves

  My life before is surely proof

  And I want you to know

  You see the me I never saw

  You see the me no one knew

  You see the me I am today

  Because of you

  When this day is finally over

  And our journey finds its end

  We’ll both go on to bigger things

  But I’ll always be your friend

  ’Cause love knows no distance

  And love knows no bounds

  All you have to do is call on me

  And I’ll always be around

  And I want you to know

  You see the me I never saw

  You see the me no one knew

  You see the me I am today

  Because of you

  Chapter 40

  Messina Italy and Mount Etna, our final port of call, couldn’t have been any more interesting, even if we were both missing Maddie’s quirky wit. We saw sites like the graceful Orion Fountain dating from 1547, the ancient cathedrals, and the Orologio Astronomico, an astronomical clock in the bell tower that fascinated Ethan. Our time together was especially bittersweet—it being our last day before taking off on separate flights to opposite sides of the U.S. It was unlikely we’d see each other again for at least a month. The thought of being apart for so long tore at my heart.

  In spite of my melancholy, I tried to enjoy the day. Our tour bus ambled and bumped through the countryside. Fertile landscape dwindled into a stark lunar-like surface as we ascended up Mount Etna. Overlooking the craters and more than 250 vents in the active volcanic mountainside, Ethan and I took picture after picture, neither of us wanting the journey to end.

  I snuck a peek at Ethan as he helped Mrs. Goldfarb negotiate the hillside down to the parking area. A smile curved my lips and I sighed as he followed me onto the bus and settled in the seat beside me, taking my hand.

  “You’re such a Boy Scout,” I said, teasing.

  “Mrs. Goldfarb says I’m earning my Jesus points.” Ethan laughed and the sound of it made my heart swell—a sound I imagined I would never get enough of.

  When we reached Taormina in the afternoon, the sun was high and the sea below the cliff-top perch of Monte Tauro shone like blue diamonds, sparkling and alive. Lined with arches, columns, cupolas, and dark red cliff faces, the road up to the center of the village seemed to bring us back in time. Ethan and I had our picture taken in front of the Palazzo Corvaia, an interesting 15th century building, reflecting the typical black and white Taormina architecture. The Church of Santa Catarina stood behind us in the shot, its huge wooden doors harboring centuries of secrets. I immediately texted it to Maddie, knowing she wouldn’t have her phone until she got settled into the hospital in California. The thought of her seeing it as soon as she opened her messages brought another smile to my face—an occurrence which was happening with much more frequency.

  “What are you thinking about that has you looking so happy?” Ethan said as we settled into wrought iron chairs at a local café on the bustling main street to get something to eat and drink.

  “I was thinking about how much Maddie would have enjoyed today’s tour.” The rich, romantic Italian language surrounding us sounded like musical notes to my ear, and I determined Italy was a place I could easily call home one day.

  “Maybe she’ll be able to come back again when she’s recovered.”

  “Only because of you,” I replied, gratefully.

  Ethan shrugged off the praise as a young waitress approached our table. With a thick, braided bun that resembled a coiled snake atop her head, and dark lined eyes, she looked far too exotic to be waiting tables. She gave us a friendly smile as I ordered a lemonade and a salad. Ethan ordered a pizza with everything and made me promise to help him eat it.

  “You could use a more well-rounded diet,” he grinned.

  “And you could eat a few more vegetables, Mr. Carnivore.” I sipped the lemonade that the waitress, her nametag reading Carlita, set down in front of me.

  Ethan laughed and shook his head. “Okay, truce. I promise not to try to corrupt you, and you promise to not call me out on my meat-eating habits.”

  “Only if it means you won’t expect me to change my bad habits.” Our eyes met and an uncomfortable silence settled between us. I hadn’t meant to bring it up, and I definitely didn’t want a confrontation again about my use of weed, but I had opened the door and Ethan wasn’t one to shy away from speaking his mind—which I loved about him but found infuriating at the same time.

  “I thought you quit.” He glanced around to see that no one was listening.

  I shifted in my seat, unsure of how to respond. “I said I would go to the classes.”

  His brows dipped together. “What happened to the “straight and narrow” speech you gave me the other night?”

  “Don’t get all preachy again,” I grumbled, tearing my napkin into pieces and piling them up on the table in front of me. I still had half a joint in my room, and knowing I couldn’t take it on the plane, I’d thought about smoking it on our last night. Obviously, Ethan wasn’t interested. “I can only promise I’ll try.”

  He didn’t look entirely satisfied with my declaration but he didn’t push. His head tilted and a smile flickered as he reached over to capture my hand. “I don’t want anything coming between us. It’s going to be hard enough being apart while I’m at school and you’re in Somerville. I’m afraid once you get home, you’ll get sucked back into hanging out with the same friends as before and get into trouble again.”

  I drew my hand away. “Can’t you just trust me?”

  “I do trust you, Lexi. But if you really want to quit, you’re going to have to make some tough choices.”

  “Like my friends?” I hadn’t thought about it before, but he was right. It would be hard being around my friends who smoked and not join them. But what kind of friend would I be if I walked away from them because they smoked. It seemed pretty hypocritical to me. Besides, hadn’t I lost enough? I couldn’t imagine trying to make new friends in senior year, or for that matter, giving up my old ones. A sinking feeling hit my stomach and I leveled a gaze at Ethan.

  “I’m not making any promises. You and I will just have to respect each other’s individuality. It’s the only way a relationship can work, right?”

  “Listen to you, all mature and grown up.”

  “I don’t have much choice anymore,” I said, the reality of the past several weeks finally sinking in. “There are people who are counting on me to step up and take responsibility. I don’t want to be a screw up anymore.” I rearranged the knife and fork on the table, lining them up with the edge of my place mat. “I don’t want to hurt anyone, Ethan. I just want to be happy.” Even as I said the words, the thought of never getting high again brought me down. I sighed, suddenly afraid that my lofty goal of living on the straight and narrow might be harder than I thought.

  ∞∞∞

  Ethan and I returned to the ship and hurried to catch dinner. The kitchen and wait staff shuffled out in single file, singing and dancing their way around the room. After another fantastic meal, we walked the promenade deck, enjoying our last night at sea and watching the moon rise above the water, casting its bright light in a beam across the small waves. A school of dolphins joined us. They leapt two at a time into the air and dove seamlessly back into the sea.

  “Aren’t they awesome?” asked Ethan as he came to stand by my side at the railing.

  “Amazing,” I agreed. Ethan’s arm wrapped around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder as we watched the dolphins in
silence until they pulled away from the ship and disappeared into the inky waters. I rubbed the dolphin pendant between my thumb and fingers, thinking back to the last time I’d seen them and how I’d felt Amanda’s presence so strongly. This time, there was nothing but the sea and the boy holding me close. The charm bracelet on my wrist jangled as I wrapped my arms tighter around Ethan.

  “I don’t ever want to forget,” I whispered.

  “The dolphins or the whole cruise?” he asked, amusement and wistfulness in his voice.

  “Any of it. This has been the most amazing trip ever.” I looked up into his eyes, and he brushed a tear away that had slid down my cheek.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I just miss Amanda. Every day, she seems to grow further away, and it’s harder to remember all the little things she said and did.”

  “I know what you mean. I feel that way about my mom sometimes. But whenever I think I’m forgetting her, I look at her picture or remember how she used to make chocolate chip cookies for me after school. Or how she danced around with me, my feet resting on top of hers. It’s all right there, Lex.” He gently placed a hand over my heart. “Amanda would want you to let her go.”

  “I know.”

  I fingered the charm bracelet I’d given her, feeling the weight of all the grief I’d been holding inside. Her voice no longer whispered in my mind, and suddenly, I had a clear sense of what she would want me to do.

  The clasp resisted as I fumbled with the bracelet on my wrist. I removed the lute charm Ethan had given me when we were in France, and tucked it in my pocket. Later, I would add it to the dolphin necklace Maddie had bought me. I turned toward the sea, bracelet in hand. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I pressed my lips to the cool metal, the charms heavy as they clinked together. My words faded into the breeze.

  “I need to let you go, Amanda. I need to move on.” My jaw ached and my throat felt as if I’d swallowed a stone, but I forced the words past the pain. “I’ll never forget you, and I’ll never stop loving you.”