Reserved

by Tracy Ewens

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Sage was already sitting on the yellow couch when Makenna arrived at Lux on Sunday morning.

  “Where’s Paige?”

  “Gracie and the babies. She never wants to leave the farm now.” Makenna took out her phone and showed Sage more pictures.

  Sage took the phone and thumbed through the pictures, oohing and ahhing. “Can you blame her? I wouldn’t want to leave the farm either.” Sage held up the phone, and the screen was filled with a shot of Paige sitting on Garrett’s lap.

  “Oh dear Lord.” Kenna snatched her phone back and threw it in her purse.

  Sage laughed, and Makenna got in line for her tea. She was still trying to like the damn tea.

  “So, how are things?” Sage asked tentatively and sipped her latte as Makenna sat down.

  “Things are good.”

  Sage tried to catch her eye, but Kenna was certain if she looked at her friend, she’d start to cry.

  “That’s not incredibly convincing.”

  “Well, it is what it is. We’re fine.” Makenna broke open her cranberry muffin and took a bite. “It’ll get better. I just need more time.”

  “You know, you’ve been my friend for a long time and I love that you call me out on my bullshit, so I’m going to return the favor. You love that man. Did he screw up? Absolutely, and you should be enjoying watching his ass grovel, but what you’re doing has nothing to do with him. You’re blaming him for every letdown in your life, and that doesn’t seem fair.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to be my friend?”

  Sage laughed. “I am being your friend. You’re not going to be able to just clean him out of your life. He’s deep inside you, honey, and I think you have to face that, don’t you? Maybe you need my therapist. Do you want to talk?”

  “No. I just want to go back.”

  “Yeah, well, you can’t. What’s done is done. You love him, he loves you, and now the work begins. You’re all about work, so get in there. You’ve already had one great guy. I’m not sure you’re going to get another one if you two can’t figure this out.”

  “I’m fine on my own. Paige and I are actually better than ever.”

  “Again, babe, bullshit. You’re a sulky, distracted mess, and last week you hit the bathroom tile with a toothbrush. If that’s not a cry for help, I’m not sure what is.”

  Makenna laughed. “I was just trying out this stuff I bought from an infomercial. I hate the grout in that bathroom.”

  “Find a way to forgive him.”

  Makenna started to cry and Sage pulled her into her arms.

  “Fix this, honey, because I love you so much. Sure, you’ll survive without him, but it’ll break my heart to watch it, and after all, it’s all about my heart.”

  Makenna laughed and wiped her tears on Sage’s orange sweater. “Have you always been this smart?”

  “I really have.”

  They both laughed.

  “That, or I just read too many of those ‘be your best self’ books.” Sage finished her coffee and got up for another.

  Makenna finished her muffin and split the side of bacon Sage returned with. They played a couple of rounds of their “What’s his story?” game, and Makenna cried again when Sage asked her to describe Travis if he walked in. He was no longer the hungover bachelor; his details were so vivid and she missed him.

  “Did you really close your profile?” Makenna changed the subject.

  “Yup, I’m officially off the market. I never liked shopping anyway.”

  They both laughed.

  “Besides, my cocktail contest is coming up. Can you believe it’s already October?”

  “No. Any ideas yet on what you’re going to make?”

  “I’m thinking of making something with rye.”

  Makenna looked at her and Sage put on her very best confused face, but she wasn’t buying it.

  “Maybe you should just tell him, you know?”

  “Tell who?”

  “Cut it out. Just be honest with him and say, ‘Garrett, even though you smell like a cross between dirt and sweat most of the time and even though I will never get you in a suit unless it’s for a funeral or a wedding and even though you have never shown one moment of interest in giving a woman what she needs or wants, I’m desperately in love with you and would like to have your children.’”

  “Yeah?”

  “I think you should go for it.”

  “Oh, shut up.” Sage ate the last piece of bacon.

  Travis spent Sunday letting Brick kick his ass again. He’d scheduled an extra session because he needed something to do, something to get his mind off of how the hell one field day had blown everything up. He still wasn’t sure how to deal with his completely jacked up panic attack or his family. He needed help, so after he crawled out of the gym shower, he called the one person he knew would have some ideas.

  He watched Logan walk past the front window of Libby’s and then take a seat across from him.

  They both ordered coffee, and suddenly Travis didn’t know where to start.

  “You look like shit.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So, how are things?” Travis winced at the stupidity of his question, but it was all he had.

  “Huh, well, things are great with me, but you’ve been in a pretty big shitstorm lately. I’m hoping that’s what we’re here to talk about; why I left my warm fiancée alone in our bed on my one day off. Please tell me you have something more than stupid chitchat.”

  “I don’t know how to get her back. It’s like there’s all this space between us and she won’t let me in.”

  “Right, well, you left her.”

  “What? Oh man, are you going to bring up the damn field day?”

  “No. Maybe. It’s not the field day, but I’m guessing it’s how she’s processing it. Maybe I should back up. I’m not sure what you know and what you don’t know. You know the story of our mom. She left and blah, blah.”

  Travis nodded.

  “You might not know Makenna’s side, though.”

  “Her side?”

  “Yeah, she was a little younger than Paige. She was in kindergarten and our mom picked her up at half day. She was always late, so that was Kenna’s norm, but on the day she left, she never showed at the school.”

  “Shit.” Travis ran a hand over his face.

  “Kenna sat in the school office for four hours until someone told me and Garrett and we went to pick her up.”

  Logan told the story pretty matter-of-factly, but Travis could still sense the pain—Logan’s and Makenna’s—and then it hit him.

  “School. She was left waiting at school.”

  “Bingo.” Logan took a bite of his toast. “I think that’s what this is all about, and if I know Kenna, it’s pretty deep in there, so she’s already buttoned herself back up.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “The week after our mother left, remember she was only five, Kenna cleaned her room from top to bottom. Lined up all her animals, folded all of her clothes, like she was getting ready for something.”

  Travis said nothing and pushed away his breakfast. There was no way he could eat anything.

  “She’s been that way since. When she’s bruised or hurt, it’s like she absorbs it, cleans up, and moves on. That’s the mode she’s in now with you. I’m pretty sure she knows it makes no sense that she shut you out for missing a field day, but I’m not sure she knows how to be any other way.”

  Travis ran his hand over his face. His eyes burned. “Then what am I supposed to do?”

  Logan sat back in the booth and crossed his arms over his chest. “Not sure. She’s not talking to any of us. Dad tried, but she insists she’s fine. My best advice is to use what you have.”

  Travis leaned in, hoping his friend had something.

  “You’re always around her—you guys work together. Just keep showing up. Keep being there, you know, sort of ‘up her ass’ as Kenna would say. It’s like when
we make a reduction and it gets too thick: we just keep adding liquid until it smooths out. Try that with Kenna. Dilute one field day with a whole lot of showing up.”

  Travis sat there staring at his friend.

  “Food? You’re giving me food?”

  “Hey man, you were the one who told me food was sexy, remember? It’s just an analogy. Try showing up, being there for her, and maybe she’ll work through her crap and trust you.”

  It wasn’t a bad idea, Travis thought. It was the only idea he had, so it had to work.

  Logan took the check, threw some money on the tray, and stood to put his coat on.

  “You’re leaving? That’s it? Show up is all you’ve got?”

  “Yeah, that’s it. Oh, and while you’re waiting for her to figure things out, you might want to deal with your own family. Having a nervous breakdown over a field day can’t be good. I’m guessing you’ll have a few more field days in your future, so you’ll want to figure that out.”

  Travis laughed and stood. “You think this will work?”

  “It has to, man. She’s your strawberries, right?”

  Travis felt his heart jump, and there was no way he was losing it while his friend was so damn right. He hugged him quickly and they walked out of Libby’s. Travis might not have been able to choose his family, but he was damn good at picking his friends. He drove home and did a few loads of laundry. He could get ready too. For the first time since Kenna broke things off, he was feeling optimistic; at least he had something to do. Operation Show Up was about to commence.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Makenna started her Monday morning by helping to hand out school newspapers as parents dropped their children off in the roundabout. St. Christopher’s asked that parents give at least forty volunteer hours a semester. Kenna signed up to help the paper, so she was now smiling and handing copies of The Thunderbolt to parents she’d only ever noticed before as passing cars. It was interesting to see inside people’s cars, the intimacy of their morning commute. Kenna noticed McDonald’s wrappers in backseats, and it occurred to her that maybe she wasn’t that different from the Jaguars or the BMWs after all. With only passing glimpses into her fellow school parents’ cars, she felt like maybe they were all doing the best they could. As she drove to work, it finally hit her how important showing up was to her. Dirty car or messy hair, showing up was most important and it was a common ground, a respect she found in just a couple of volunteer hours. Life was so strange, she thought, as she parked her Jeep and walked into the back kitchen.

  “Good morning!” Travis said in a voice that was so peppy, she jumped.

  “Damn! You scared me. Good morning.” She glanced at him quickly and made her way to Logan’s office to get the three boxes of stove knobs their vendor was picking up this morning. They were the wrong size, and she wanted to put them on the bar for the guy when he arrived. She looked in the office, and they weren’t on the chair where she’d left them before the weekend.

  “Did Grant already pick up those returns?”

  “No, I put them out on the bar since he’s coming in this morning to exchange them.” Travis kept chopping.

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  “No problem. I showed up early, so I thought I’d help out.” Still chopping, no eye contact.

  Kenna went to the bar, poured herself some tea, and got to work.

  For the next two weeks, Travis seemed to be everywhere. Before she knew she needed anything, he was right there to help. He’d started making Paige’s lunch again, even without the lunch box, and handing it to her in a paper bag as she left for the afternoon. He kept saying some version of “just showing up.” It was maximum effort and while Kenna tried to tell him a few times to stop or wanted to be annoyed, she wasn’t. She loved him and with each passing day, she found herself putting in the work too. Sage had her reading a book about loss and Kenna had started a journal that seemed stupid at first, but she now found herself pouring her feelings into it every morning.

  Whatever she and Travis had fallen into lately, they were getting back to friendly, funny even. They were healing, and Kenna was starting to feel that no matter what happened, they would be in each other’s lives and they’d be fine.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Operation Show Up was a huge success, but they were slammed during week three and by the time Travis caught his breath, it was Saturday and they were heading into a second wave of dinner. Todd had called in sick, so they were shorthanded, but Makenna brought Paige by so she could show him her first school pictures. Just as he helped Paige off the counter and watched them leave out the back door, Sage came up to the serving window.

  “Your brother is in my bar.”

  “What? I need that pizza for fifteen now.” He held out his hand. Larry gave him a ten-inch mushroom, and Travis called for a runner.

  “You heard me. It’s the younger one, and he asked me to get you. I wanted to tell him I’m not a messenger, but the bar is busy and I didn’t want to cause a scene.”

  “Tell him I’ll be there when I can.”

  Sage nodded and walked back to the bar. They were an hour away from closing by the time his hands were free.

  “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming up,” Travis said, taking off his apron and walking into the bar.

  “Last-minute thing. I met with some people today, well, Dad and I met with them, and it looks like that restaurant is a go.”

  “Really?” Travis was gearing up for another round of acceptance when he remembered the feeling of his chest tightening when he walked up to Paige’s school. He remembered that his whole world hit a tailspin after that day.

  “Yeah, weird right? My brother’s a cook and I end up opening a restaurant.”

  “Bar.”

  “What?”

  “It’s a bar.”

  “Sports bar slash restaurant, that’s what the investors are calling it.”

  “Right, well, I’m guessing since you’re a football player that there’s a stronger emphasis on the bar part. Oh, and for the hundredth fucking time, I’m a chef. Trained actually. I’m not a cook.” Somewhere in his mind, Travis actually heard a cheering crowd. He smiled at the look of complete shock on Drew’s face.

  “Hell, what crawled up your ass?”

  “You know, lots of things have crawled up my ass over the years. Where’s the rest of the crew?”

  “They’re back at the hotel. There was a game this afternoon, so we all—”

  “Came down like a team?” Oh, this felt good. Travis was almost drunk with freedom.

  Drew looked a little scared. “Yeah, we go home tomorrow morning. I wanted to talk to you before we left, but since you’re being a dick, maybe I’ll just go.”

  “You show up here, without any notice, during the dinner rush, and you want me to drop everything to congratulate you on putting your name on yet another strip mall sports bar?”

  “I guess that means you don’t want to be one of my cooks or chefs or whatever you called it?”

  “What?”

  “They told me I could have a say in hiring, and I thought you might want to work for a family place.”

  “What is wrong with you?” Travis felt like a whole new man, like he was finally hearing things. “I have a better idea. Why don’t you call Mom and Dad and get the rest of the team down here. Are John and Avery with you?”

  Drew nodded.

  “Great! Get them all down here. I’ll head back to my kitchen and work on my cooking thing and once they’re all here, tell Sage. We’ll all have a little powwow in the private dining area.”

  Drew, who was an incredible athlete but not too bright, looked downright confused as he pulled out his phone. “Okay . . . I think they’ve already eaten.”

  “Oh, that’s fine. I have no intention of feeding them. Just tell them to get their asses down here.” Travis grabbed his apron and allowed years of angst to surge from his chest. He welcomed it and returned to his kitchen.

  Less than
an hour later, Travis rounded the wall into the private dining room Makenna loved. He felt her everywhere, remembered the first time he kissed her, and knew this family meeting was all part of getting her back.

  “Okay, so I want to start by telling you all that I love you.”

  “Sport, what’s this all about?” Travis’s father said as he stood in front of them.

  “Dad, I might as well start with you. This won’t take long. First of all, stop calling me Sport. Sports really didn’t work out for me, so that name no longer applies, unless you count boxing, which I’m sure you don’t, so just cut it out.”

  “Hey, wait a minute.”

  “No.” Travis held up his hand. “I’m done waiting. Sit down.” To his surprise, his father took a seat next to his mother, who looked like she was about to pass out. “Okay, so thanks for coming down. Recently I’ve had some issues that have messed with my life, messed with the woman I love and her little girl who I’m crazy about, so it’s time for me to clear the air. I need to find my A game, and for that to happen, this needs to be said.”

  Not a word, not one movement from his entire family. Travis couldn’t help but smile.

  “So, in a nutshell, it was completely screwed that you dumped me, Avery, and then married my brother. Weird, like Jerry Springer kind of crap.”

  Drew started to laugh, and John looked down at the table.

  “I’m over it though. I think you two are a perfect couple, and I’m looking forward to being an uncle, but Avery, please stop looking so damn guilty. No one cares anymore. Be happy, okay?”

  Avery nodded.

  “And John, you could call me once in a while. You’re a dick and we have next to nothing in common anymore, but I’m willing to overlook that if it means we can have some kind of normal conversation.”

  “I . . . sure. I’ll call.”

  “Great, so I guess that’s it. Oh, wait, Drew. Quit being such a cocky asshole. I would work as a line cook at Denny’s before I would ever work for you. Got it?”

  Drew laughed again. “Got it. This is fun. Do I get to go next?”

  “No,” they all said in unison.