Conflict of Interest

by Jae

  "What makes you think that I haven't been the good cop?" Aiden teasingly objected.

  "Call it a hunch." Dawn grinned. "So, are you through with your shift?"

  "That's why I'm calling," Aiden answered. "I'm about to go wall climbing at my gym, and I thought maybe you'd like to come with me and try it?"

  Dawn let her forehead sink onto her knee. Shit. The first time she suggests an activity, without me prompting or asking her first, and I have to tell her no. "I'd love to try it sometime, but right now isn't good for me. I'm babysitting Jamie and Tim."

  "Oh."

  For a few seconds, Dawn could hear only Aiden's breathing. She sighed. "Sorry, it's just bad timing."

  "No. No, it's not. I mean, I don't want to intrude or anything, but if you still want the company – my company – I could come over and help with the babysitting," Aiden suggested.

  Dawn stared at the phone for a moment and then over at her nephew, who was busy rearranging every piece of living room furniture that he could reach. Her niece had just planted another sticker tattoo on her arm. Her ex, Maggie, had always preferred to flee the premises whenever Jamie and Tim were around. Either that or she acted as if she was making a huge sacrifice on behalf of world peace by spending half an hour in the company of two kids. Now here was Aiden Carlisle, who was offering to postpone her own plans and help her babysit after a stressful shift.

  "Dawn?" Aiden asked when the silence grew between them. "Hey, it's okay if you don't want –"

  "But I do!" Dawn said hastily. "I do want you to come over."

  "Okay. Can I bring anything?"

  Dawn looked around the living room. "A cleaning lady?"

  Aiden's laugh made Dawn smile. "Sorry, can't help you there. Anything else?"

  "No. Just yourself and a healthy appetite – we're ordering pizza," Dawn decided.

  "Yeah!" Jamie almost hit her aunt in the face while pumping her fist in a victory gesture. "I want pepperoni and mushrooms."

  "Me too," Aiden announced with a chuckle.

  After hanging up, Dawn called her favorite pizza place, and then she and her niece spent the next thirty minutes out-fidgeting each other, waiting impatiently for the ringing of the doorbell. I'm not waiting for a pimple-faced delivery boy, though. Dawn knew there was a great big smile on her face in anticipation of Aiden's visit.

  When the doorbell finally buzzed, Jamie jumped up.

  "Ah, ah!" Dawn shook her head at her. "No running around in socks!" The way to the door was an obstacle course of toys, and she didn't want Jamie to hurt herself. When she peeked through the peephole, Dawn's smile grew brighter. Standing in front of the door, bouncing on the balls of her feet, was Aiden.

  Dawn directed a quick gaze down her own body, skeptically inspecting the baggy sweatpants that she wore and the results of Jamie's beauty contest: each and every finger- and toenail had been painted in a different color nail polish, and sticker tattoos of dragons, horses, and flowers covered both of her arms. If this doesn't scare her off, nothing will, Dawn decided and opened the door.

  "Don't touch her!" Jamie screeched before they could even say hello.

  Dawn stopped and turned, throwing an irritated glance back at her niece. When Jamie waved her hands, she finally understood and turned back around with a smile. "Don't worry, she's not homophobic or anything. She's just afraid that I'll smear the nail polish she so artfully applied."

  Aiden bent down to inspect first Dawn's and then Jamie's toenails. "Artistic talents seem to run in the family, huh?"

  Disappointment and relief warred within Dawn when she returned to her place on the couch. She liked the warm, protective hugs Aiden gave, but their greetings and good-byes were often a little awkward, each of them not really sure where the other's limits lay. "Seems like you're on your own; I'm not allowed to play hostess until my nail polish is dry."

  Dawn looked on as Aiden took off her leather jacket. I wonder if she suspects my secret – or maybe not so secret – addiction to her leather jacket?

  "I brought dessert." Aiden held up two boxes. "Ice cream for us and cookies for Tim since I wasn't sure if he could have ice cream."

  As if recognizing his own name, the ten-month-old crawled across the rug, grabbed one of Aiden's jeans legs, and pulled himself up into a half-standing position. "Mom-ma!"

  Dawn laughed as she watched Aiden blush. "Don't worry, he doesn't want you to adopt him. He calls every woman he likes 'Mom.' Sometimes, he even does it to men."

  Aiden chuckled. "And here I thought I was special."

  "You are," Dawn said quietly.

  Aiden looked up from the little boy holding on to her leg, and their gazes met and held.

  The ringing of the doorbell interrupted the moment.

  "Pizza!" Jamie shouted and raced to the door.

  Aiden lifted an eyebrow. "Didn't you feed her today?"

  "Feed her? Let me put it this way: my refrigerator looks like yours every time Jamie leaves after a visit," Dawn said over her shoulder, looking for her wallet. Every time she had visited Aiden's apartment, the fridge had been empty except for yogurt, leftover takeout, and various beverages.

  When she returned with the pizza and her niece in tow, Aiden had picked up Tim and was bouncing him up and down on her hip.

  "I could put him in his high chair while we eat," Dawn offered even though her nephew didn't look as if he wanted to be taken away from this new, interesting person so soon.

  "No, it's okay for the moment." Aiden sat down on the couch and settled the baby on her lap. "If you think it's okay, of course. I don't have much experience with babies."

  Studying the content ten-month-old on Aiden's lap, Dawn found that hard to believe. "It certainly doesn't show." She began to put slices of pepperoni and mushroom pizza on plates for Jamie and Aiden, whose hands were busy with the bouncing baby. She watched with astonishment as Jamie sat down next to Aiden and shared pizza from her own plate with her.

  "Are you Auntie Dawn's new girlfriend?" Jamie asked around a mouthful of pizza.

  Aiden almost choked on a mushroom and directed a wide-eyed gaze at Dawn, who preferred the silent approach since she was very interested in what Aiden would answer. "Uh... well, I'm a girl, and I'm her friend, so I guess that makes me her girlfriend, doesn't it?"

  "No, silly!" The nine-year-old girl laughed at her. "I mean her real girlfriend, with kissing and everything."

  Aiden stalled, taking a moment to rescue a slice of pizza from being grabbed by eager baby hands.

  "Aiden is a really, really good friend," Dawn finally came to her rescue, "but she's not my kissing buddy, so don't even think about starting with that annoying little song, rug rat." She poked her giggling niece into the side. Not yet, at least.

  Later, with the pizza long gone, Dawn leaned back on the couch, an indulgent smile on her lips as she watched Aiden. The tall woman lay stretched out on the floor, letting the ten-month-old crawl all over her while she gently tickled him. The boy giggled and squealed as she lifted him up with both arms, making him fly above her head.

  Jamie shook her leg to get Aiden to look away from her brother and toward her. "Me too, me too!" she demanded.

  Before Dawn could protest that Jamie was much too big to be picked up, Aiden set the baby down and stood, sweeping the girl up and around the living room in circles.

  God, it would be a crime if this woman never raises a child. She's so good with them. "You didn't have to do that," Dawn said to Aiden as she finally fell back onto the couch next to her. She tried not to notice the slight sheen of sweat above the two open buttons on her polo shirt and the way the shirt clung to Aiden's damp skin.

  "I could paint your nails for you," Jamie offered, gracing Aiden with a smile. "It's really pretty."

  Dawn had to force herself not to laugh out loud at the expression on Aiden's face. She looked positively panicked. She had never seen Aiden wear anything other than clear nail polish.

  "I never paint my nails. They're too short for it," Aiden
said.

  Jamie didn't let that discourage her. "Then I'll paint your toenails." She tugged at Aiden's shoes.

  Aiden looked down at the girl with rising alarm. "Uh..."

  Dawn laughed. "What's the matter, Detective? Afraid that this could hurt your reputation? Rough, tough cops don't have purple toenails?"

  "Well, it's not exactly part of our standard uniform, that's for sure." Despite her protests, she slipped off her shoes and socks and wiggled her toes at Jamie. "I surrender. Just no pink, please."

  Dawn leaned down to help her nephew crawl into her lap and took the opportunity to study Aiden's feet. She has cute feet. She watched the bare toes curl into the carpet. Somehow there's something almost intimate about sitting next to a barefoot woman.

  Half an hour later, Aiden put on her socks and shoes, covering her green, red, blue, and silver toenails. "I'll head out now," she announced. "Thanks for the artful pedicure, Jamie." She nodded at the girl, scoring major points with Dawn's niece for not trying to tousle her hair as many adults did.

  Dawn watched as Aiden stood, slipped on her coat, and then turned back to her. This time it was the sleeping baby in her arms that prevented Dawn from hugging Aiden. "If you want, we could go wall climbing tomorrow," Dawn offered. She didn't want to overwhelm Aiden, who was used to spending most of her free time on her own.

  "Well, after that pizza, I could certainly use a little training," Aiden agreed. She buttoned up her coat, and then there was nothing else to do but to say good-bye, turn around, and leave.

  "Should I call you tomorrow morning?" Dawn asked in an attempt to stall a little.

  "Around nine?"

  Dawn grinned. "I'm not sure I'll be up by then. I tend to sleep in on Sundays." She could see Aiden as an early riser, someone who couldn't be kept in bed past eight, and she absentmindedly wondered if that would ever be of any importance between them beyond the planning of joint activities. "How about ten?"

  "Ten, it is. See you tomorrow." Aiden leaned down, careful not to wake the sleeping boy in Dawn's arms.

  Dawn's breath caught, very much aware of Aiden's closeness and the air of insecurity lingering between them. The warm but quick hug that had become their usual greeting was impossible since Dawn's arms were held captive by her nephew.

  After a few seconds of hesitancy on both sides, Dawn decided that it was up to her to establish any form of contact between them. She leaned forward and quickly pressed her lips against Aiden's cheek for a fleeting peck before she sank back against the couch again. "Thanks for keeping us company."

  "Oh, you're welcome," Aiden answered with a smile, moving backward toward the door. "It's not every day I get my nails done." She winked at the giggling Jamie, and then she was gone.

  A few minutes later the doorbell rang again. Dawn cautiously slipped out from under the still sleeping baby and settled him onto the couch.

  "Hi, Dawn." Her sister-in-law hugged her and then looked down at her fingers, arms, and toes. "What happened to you?" Eliza asked with a laugh.

  "Your daughter," Dawn answered dryly.

  Jamie ran forward and wiggled her toes at her mother. "I did mine and Aiden's, too!" she announced proudly.

  Dawn grimaced. She hadn't wanted to tell her family about her friendship – and certainly not the possibility of more – with Aiden just yet.

  Luckily, Eliza just nodded, obviously assuming Aiden was the name of one of Jamie's countless dolls or stuffed animals that she housed at Dawn's. "Okay, sweetie, why don't you start packing up your things; your dad's waiting at home."

  It was still a little strange for Dawn to hear Eliza referring to Rick, her husband of two years, as Jamie's dad, a title that would have been her brother's had he lived. But she pushed back her feelings, knowing that Rick was the only father Jamie would ever know – and a good one at that.

  She watched as Jamie pouted a little but obediently went to pick up her things from the bedroom. "I could watch her again next weekend," Dawn offered. She knew that Eliza and Rick hardly got to spend any time together as a couple.

  Eliza smiled down at her sleeping son, but then looked up at Dawn with a frown. "Not that I don't appreciate it, but I really don't want to impose. Don't you need a little time for yourself right now?" She looked at Dawn in concern.

  "You think Jamie is just a distraction for me?" Dawn bit her lip. It hurt when other people reduced all her feelings to those related to the rape as if she didn't have other things that were important in her life anymore.

  "No, I don't think that at all," Eliza rushed to tell her. "I know that you love my kids. I'm sorry if –"

  Dawn sighed. Her anger still stirred too easily whenever she felt she was treated like a victim. "No, it's all right, really. And I was serious about next weekend. We want to take Jamie ice-skating if it's okay with you."

  "Jamie would love that... wait a minute! Did you just say 'we'?" Eliza studied her curiously.

  Dawn wasn't eager to discuss something that she wasn't too sure of herself, but she didn't want to lie about anything that had to do with Aiden either. She was proud to call the detective her friend. "Um... yes, I suppose I did."

  "I know you psychologists are supposed to be a bit wacky yourselves, but you're not referring to yourself in the plural, are you? So, who else might that 'we' include?" Eliza's dark eyes glittered with curiosity.

  Dawn knew that there was no sense in trying to deny anything. She had no doubt that all Eliza would hear from her daughter on the drive home would be "Aiden did this" and "Aiden did that." "I've spent a little time with Aiden lately," she told Eliza.

  "Aiden?" Eliza repeated, finally figuring out that "Aiden" was a real person. Suddenly her eyes widened. "You're dating Detective Carlisi?"

  "Carlisle," Dawn corrected automatically. "And I'm not dating her. Not really."

  Eliza studied her through narrowed eyes. "She seems to be a nice woman, but starting a relationship with the detective who investigated your case... that could get really complicated."

  Dawn couldn't deny that. It's even more complicated than you realize. She knew, from dozens of patients, exactly how hard it could be to establish trust and intimacy in the first new relationship after facing a trauma like rape. Her reservations and doubts about being in a relationship with a cop didn't make it easier, and Aiden's own issues certainly didn't help either. But still... I think it could be worth it. "I'm not trying to start a relationship with the detective," she said seriously. "I'm trying to get to know the woman."

  "And she's interested in getting to know you, too?"

  "I think so, yes." Dawn looked at her sister-in-law with pleading eyes. "We're taking it real slowly, though, so please keep it to yourself for now, okay? If my mom gets wind of it... what she'll put Aiden through would make the Spanish Inquisition look like a relaxation cure."

  Eliza laughed. "Oh, come on, your mom's not that bad. She welcomed me into the family with open arms."

  "Yeah, but you're not a cop, and you don't want to start a lesbian relationship with her only daughter," Dawn grumbled.

  Eliza's smile dimmed. "Okay, I'll keep quiet about it. But you could bring your sweetie over for dinner next Sunday. I want to get to know her."

  "You will," Dawn promised, ignoring the "sweetie" comment. "But not next Sunday. It's too soon." She knew that Aiden was not accustomed to big families. She had a feeling that under the right – or rather wrong – circumstances, it would be Aiden rather than her who would become overwhelmed by too much closeness and intimacy and run away scared.

  "Then invite her to the house at Christmas," Eliza suggested. "There will be so many people around that she won't feel like she's under a microscope."

  Celebrating Christmas with Aiden. It wasn't the first time she had thought about it, but up until now, she hadn't found the courage to ask if it was what Aiden wanted too. "I'll ask her," she promised vaguely.

  * * *

  Aiden watched indulgently as Dawn extended both arms to the sides and twirled around i
n circles, without caring that she got snow all over herself.

  "God, it's been a while since I've done this," Dawn said, nodding down at the sled that Aiden dragged behind her.

  A while? Try twenty-five years. Not that I went sledding very often, even as a child. Despite bitter thoughts about her own childhood, Aiden had to smile as she watched Dawn playing in the snow. Dawn had an almost childlike love of life, an enthusiasm that was contagious. During the last few weeks, she had spent a lot of time with Dawn – and that inevitably meant taking part in her Christmas preparations. She had bought more presents than she ever had before, had taste-tested Dawn's cookies, and had even agreed to put up a small, potted Christmas tree on a side table in her living room. For the first time in many, many years, the excitement of Christmas had come back to her. The holidays had always been something she dreaded because everything spoke of happy families – and she had none.