Midwife...to Mum!

by Sue MacKay

  How do I look Megan in the eye next week and say of course we’re only friends. Even friends with benefits doesn’t cover it. I’m falling for you and I need to be pulling back, not stepping into a deeper mire.

  ‘Ally, relax. Everyone’s aware you’re moving on and I’m staying put. Jerome thought it would be more comfortable for you to go with me as there will be others there you haven’t met. That’s all there is to it.’

  ‘You’re ignoring that couple word.’ Didn’t it bother him? Because he was so comfortable in his life that he thought it ludicrous to even consider he was in a relationship?

  Flynn set his glass carefully on the bench and ran his fingertip over her lips. ‘Sure I am. It was the wrong word to use. We’ve spent a lot of time together since you turned up on the beach that first day. You’ve given me something special, and I’m going to miss you, but we’ve both known right from that first kiss that whatever we have between us would never be long-term. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. It’s no one’s business.’

  Where was the relief when she needed it? Flynn had saved her a lot of hassle by saying what they had going was a short-term thing. But the reality hurt. A lot. In her tummy, especially in her heart. Her head said the best thing for everyone was that she’d be leaving. Her heart said she should stay and see if she could make a go of a relationship with Flynn and his son.

  ‘Ally? Would you please come to the barbecue with me as my partner for the night?’ When she didn’t answer he added, ‘People know we’ve been seeing each other—going out for meals, taking Adam to the beach and other places. It’s not as though this is going to be a shock for them or the source of any gossip.’ He drew a breath and continued. ‘I want this last week with you.’ His smile was soft and yet determined. It arrowed right into her chest, stabbed her heart.

  And made everything even more complicated.

  How could she say no when she wanted it, too? In the end it was Flynn who’d be left to face any gossip. In the end it would be agony to leave him whether she went out with him again or not. She had to grab whatever she could and stack up the memories for later. ‘I’d love to go with you,’ she said quietly.

  The days were flying by and Ally was withdrawing from him. Flynn hated it. Sure, she still came home with him for the night, but there seemed to be a barrier growing up between her and them as a twosome. She’d already begun moving on in her mind. There, he’d said it. He’d started denying the fact she would be leaving soon, even when it was there in black and white on the noticeboard in this office. Kat would return home on Friday—tomorrow. She’d take over the reins on Saturday and Ally would leave the island and head for her next job. He knew all that. He’d signed the contract with Ally’s employers.

  But knowing and facing up to what her leaving truly meant were entirely different. He refused to admit the other half of his bed would be cold and empty again. Wouldn’t contemplate sitting down to an evening meal with only Adam for company. Daren’t think how he’d fill in the weekends without her laughter and eagerness for fun pulling him along.

  ‘That needs photocopying so the hospital in Melbourne have records.’ Ally dropped a file beside Megan. ‘Hey, Flynn, got a minute?’

  ‘Of course.’ Always got hours for you. Had he been hasty in thinking she was putting space between them? Did she have a plan for what they might do on her last nights?

  ‘I’m concerned about Chrissie.’

  So much for plans and hot farewells. ‘Come into my office.’ He nodded at the patients sitting in the waiting room.

  Ally got the message. ‘Sure.’ The moment she stepped inside his room she spun to face him. ‘Chrissie’s doing great physically. But she’s got attached to me already and that’s not good. She says she doesn’t want to see Kat.’

  ‘Strange. Kat gets on with everyone.’ Like Ally. ‘Did she give a reason?’

  ‘Something about Kat’s sister and Chrissie being rivals at school.’ Ally shrugged those shoulders he’d spent a long time kissing last night. ‘I was wondering if you could see her, maybe talk sense into her. I’ve explained that Kat would never tell her sister a single thing about the pregnancy, but Chrissie’s not wearing it.’

  ‘I’ll talk to Chrissie, maybe with Angela there.’ But he wondered how much of this had to do with Kat and how much was due to the way Chrissie had taken to Ally. ‘You handled the situation very tactfully and sympathetically at a time when Chrissie was beside herself with worry. This could be about her not wanting you to leave.’ He didn’t want her going. Adam wouldn’t, either.

  A soft sigh crossed Ally’s lips. ‘There’s not much I can do about that. I am going.’

  ‘I know.’ All too well. ‘Do you ever get tired of moving on?’

  Her eyes met his and she seemed to draw a breath before answering. ‘No. It’s how I live and there’s a certain simplicity to not owning a house or a truckload of furniture or even a carful of clothes.’ She looked away.

  Flynn couldn’t read her. He wanted to know if she felt sad about leaving him, or happy about another job done and their affair coming to an end. But as he started to ask his heart knocked so hard against his ribs he gasped. I love her. I love Ally Parker. I’m not wondering any more. I know. Asking her about her feelings just became impossible. She might ask some questions in return, questions he still wasn’t ready to answer.

  So he continued to study her while not being able to lock gazes with her, and he thought he saw no regret in her stance, her face or her big eyes. So Ally hadn’t come to love him in the way he had her. Pain filled him, blurred his vision for a moment. Rocked him to the core. How could he have fallen in love with Ally? He’d never believed he’d love again, and yet it only taken a few short weeks. Had it happened that first day when Sheba had dumped her on the beach?

  Ally’s soft voice cut through his mind like a well-honed blade. ‘I’d better get a move on. I’m going to weigh Jacob this morning.’

  He watched her retreating back, his hands curled into fists to stop from reaching after her. So much for thinking she might reciprocate his feelings. It wasn’t going to be at all difficult for her to walk away.

  Ally stayed in the shower until she heard Flynn and Adam leave for their walk on the beach with Sheba. She’d cried off, saying she had a headache. That was no lie. Behind her eyes her skull pounded like a bongo drum. Her hands trembled as she towelled herself dry. Her knees knocked as she tried to haul her jeans up her legs. It was Saturday.

  ‘Goodbye, Flynn.’ She hiccupped around the solid lump of pain in her throat. ‘Bye-bye, Adam. Be a good boy for your dad.’ I will not cry. I don’t cry. Ever.

  Reaching out blindly, she snatched a handful of tissues and blew her nose hard, scrubbed at her eyes. One glance at her hands and she knew it’d be a waste of time trying to apply make-up. ‘Go plain Jane today.’ What did it matter anyway? It wasn’t as though she’d be seeing Flynn.

  Tears threatened and she took as deep a breath as possible. ‘Suck it up, be tough, get through the day. Tomorrow will look a whole heap better.’

  Now she’d taken to lying to herself. But if it got her out of the house and on the road before Flynn and Adam returned, then it was the right thing to do.

  Yesterday she’d packed up her few possessions and the bags sat in the boot of the medical centre’s car. The key to Kat’s flat was back under the flowerpot on the top step, her contact details written on a pad inside in case she’d left anything behind. Now all she had to do was drive to the surgery to dump the car and be on her way.

  But she turned the car in the direction of Marie’s house. ‘One last cuddle with Jacob.’ So much for leaving unobtrusively. But she couldn’t bring herself to turn away yet.

  Marie opened her front door before Ally had time to knock. ‘Hey, you’re out and about early.’

  ‘Yeah, thought I’d see everything’s okay with you.’

  ‘Come in. Want a coffee?’ Marie headed for the kitchen. ‘Jacob’s just gone down.’
<
br />   ‘Then I probably should carry on.’

  There was already a mug of steaming coffee on the bench and Marie poured another without waiting to see if Ally wanted it. ‘We had a good night. Jacob only woke four times.’ She grinned.

  ‘How do you manage to look so good after that?’ Ally paced back and forth.

  ‘Mark’s coming home today.’ Marie slid the mug in Ally’s direction. ‘Excuse me for being blunt but you look terrible. What’s up?’

  ‘Nothing.’ She tried to shrug, but her shoulders were too heavy.

  ‘Ally, I don’t know you well, but something’s not right. Has Flynn done something wrong?’

  ‘No. Not at all.’ She’d gone and fallen in love with him, but that didn’t make him a bad man. She was the fool.

  ‘Good, I’d have been surprised. He thinks the world of you and would do anything for you. Apart from that hiccup the day Jacob was born.’

  Coming here had been a mistake. ‘I’d better go. I’ve to be somewhere. Thanks for the coffee.’ Which she hadn’t even tried. ‘I’ll see myself out.’

  ‘Don’t go,’ Marie called.

  Ally shut the door behind herself and ran to the car.

  A taxi dropped her off at the ferry terminal half an hour later. Once on board she found an empty seat out of the way of the happy hordes and pushed her earbuds in, turned up the music on her music player and pretended all was right with her world. Except it wasn’t, as proved by the onset of deep sobs that began racking her body as the ferry pulled out. Her fingers dug into the palms of her hands and she squeezed her eyes tight against the cascade of tears.

  Someone tapped her knee. ‘Here. Have these.’ An older woman sitting opposite handed her a pack of tissues.

  ‘Th-thanks,’ she managed, before the next wave of despair overtook her.

  Flynn. I love you so much it’s painful.

  Flynn. What I wouldn’t give to feel your arms around me one more time.

  Flynn. I had to go. It wouldn’t have worked.

  For every wipe at her face more tears came, drenching the front of her jersey. ‘I love you, Flynn Reynolds,’ she whispered. Shudders racked her body from her shoulders all the way down to her feet.

  This was terrible. The last time she’d cried when moving on had been the day she’d left her favourite foster-family—the Bartletts.

  The woman opposite stirred. ‘We’re docking.’

  Ally blew her nose and swiped her eyes once more, drew a breath and looked up. ‘Thank you again.’

  ‘You’ll be all right?’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ Never again. With one last sniff she inched forward in the queue to disembark and headed for her real life; the one she’d worked hard to make happen and that now seemed lonely and cold.

  Flynn felt a chill settle over him the moment he turned into his street. Ally’s car was gone. Somehow he wasn’t surprised but, damn it, he was hurt. How hard would it have been to say goodbye?

  Spinning the steering wheel, he did an about-turn and headed for Kat’s flat to say to Ally the goodbye she hadn’t been willing to give him.

  But it was Marie’s car outside Kat’s flat, not the one Ally had been using. As soon as Flynn pulled up Marie was at his window. ‘Do you know where Ally’s gone?’

  ‘I hoped she’d be here.’ He was too late.

  ‘She came to my place about an hour ago. She was very upset. I tried to find out why, but she left again. In a hurry, at that. That’s why I came around here.’

  Flynn’s mouth soured. Ally was upset? Why? Did you want to stay on? With me? No, that was going too far. ‘I’d say she’s on the ferry, heading home.’ Except she didn’t have a home to head to. Just a bed she borrowed on a daily basis.

  ‘Flynn, what’s going on? Why’s Ally upset? As in looking like she was about to burst into tears?’ Marie’s voice rose.

  Ally and tears didn’t mix. He’d never seen her close to crying. Duh. There hadn’t been any reason for it. His gut clenched. If Ally was crying, then he wanted to be with her, holding her, calming her down and helping sort whatever her problem was. ‘She’s finished her contract with us, but from what I’ve learned about her that wouldn’t be the reason for her being unhappy.’

  Marie clamped her hands on her hips. ‘Unhappy? Broken-hearted more like. Downright miserable.’ She stared at him. ‘A little bit like how you’re looking, only more so.’

  ‘I look miserable? Broken-hearted?’ Here he’d been thinking he could hide his feelings. But, then, most people didn’t know him as well as Marie did.

  Marie’s stance softened. ‘You love her, don’t you?’

  Ouch. This might not go well, Anna having been Marie’s best friend and all. ‘You don’t pull any punches, do you?’

  ‘Have you told Ally?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘What’s held you back? Anna? Because if that’s the case, you have to let her go. The last thing Anna would’ve wanted would be for you to be on your own for the rest of your life.’

  Flynn growled, ‘Since when did you become my therapist?’

  She smiled. ‘Just being a good friend. So? Spill. Why haven’t you talked to Ally about this?’

  ‘All of the above. And Adam. I’m totally focused on giving him everything he needs in life and I don’t know if there’s room for Ally. But, yes, I love her, so I guess I’ll be making space.’ Over the past weeks he’d begun to feel comfortable living here, enjoying his work more. Without Ally, life wouldn’t be as much fun.

  ‘I hope you come up with a more romantic approach when you tell Ally all this.’ Marie leaned in and brushed a kiss over his chin. ‘Adam adores Ally, and vice versa. What’s more, he needs a mother figure in his life. You’re not so hot on the soft, womanly touch.’

  ‘Thank goodness for that.’ Flynn felt something give way deep inside and a flood of love and tenderness swamped him. Ally, love, where are you? ‘She’s afraid she isn’t mother material.’ When astonishment appeared on Marie’s face, he hurried to add, ‘She’s a welfare kid, lived in the system all her childhood.’

  ‘Oh, my God. Now I get it. She was running from you. She doesn’t want to make things any worse for you.’

  ‘Yep, and I let her go.’ Actually, no, he hadn’t. He’d fully expected Ally to be waiting when he and Adam had got back. He should’ve known better. If he hadn’t diverted to the vet’s to pick up dog shampoo, would he have been in time to see her before she’d left? ‘Marie, thanks, you’re a treasure. Now, go home to that baby of yours and tell your mother to leave before Mark gets here.’

  ‘On my way. What are you going to do?’

  ‘Adam and I are taking a trip.’

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ‘THE COFFEE’S ON,’ Darcie said as she buzzed Ally into the apartment building.

  ‘Hope it’s stronger than tar,’ Ally muttered, as she waited for the lift that would take her to the penthouse. She was wiped out. All those tears and that emotional stuff had left her exhausted. No wonder she tried so hard not to get upset.

  The apartment door stood wide open as Ally tripped along the carpet to her latest abode, and she felt a temporary safety from the outside world descend.

  ‘Hey, how’s things?’ Darcie appeared around the corner, took one look at her face and said, ‘Not good. Forget coffee. I think this calls for wine.’

  A true friend. ‘Isn’t it a bit early? It’s not quite eleven yet.’

  ‘It’s got to be afternoon somewhere in the world.’

  Good answer. ‘I’ll dump my bags.’ And dip my face under a cold tap. But when Ally looked into the bathroom’s gilt-edged mirror she was horrified at the blotchy face staring back at her. ‘Who are you?’ she whispered.

  Cold water made her feel a little more alive but no less sad. She found her make-up and applied a thick layer in a misguided attempt to hide some of the red stains on her cheeks. Quickly brushing her hair and tying it up in a ponytail, she went out to Darcie. ‘Sorry about that. I needed to freshen up
a bit.’

  Darcie immediately handed her a glass of Sauvignon Blanc. ‘Let’s go out on the deck. The sun’s a treat for this time of year.’

  She followed, blanking out everything to do with Phillip Island and Flynn, instead trying to focus on what might’ve been going on at the midwifery centre while she’d been away. ‘Tell me all the gossip. Who’s gone out with who, who’s leaving, or starting.’

  Sitting in a cane chair, Darcie sipped her wine and chuckled. ‘You won’t believe what’s happening.’

  Ally sprawled out on the cane two-seater, soaked up the sun coming through the plate-glass windows, and tried to relax. Darcie was very understanding. She’d wait to be told what was going on in Ally’s life. And if Ally never told her she wouldn’t get the hump. A rare quality, that. Exactly what Ally needed right now. ‘Great wine.’ She raised her glass towards Darcie. ‘Cheers.’

  At some point Darcie got up and made toasted sandwiches and they carried on talking about the mundane.

  It was the perfect antidote to the tumultuous emotions that had been gripping Ally all morning. There was nothing left in her tanks. She’d given it all on Phillip Island, left her heart with Flynn and his boy. Thank goodness she had tomorrow to recover some energy and enthusiasm for work before turning up at the midwifery unit on Monday.

  Then Darcie spoilt it all. ‘Who’s this Flynn you keep mentioning?’

  Ally sat up straight. ‘I don’t.’

  Darcie held her hand up, fingers splayed. ‘Five times, but I’m not counting.’

  I can’t have. I would have noticed. ‘He’s one of the doctors I’ve been working with.’

  ‘Yet I don’t recall you mentioning any of the others. Guess this Flynn made an impact on you.’

  You could say that. ‘Okay, I’ll fess up and admit to having a couple of meals with him and his wee boy.’

  Darcie said nothing for so long Ally thought she’d got away with it and started to go back to her relaxed state.

  Until, ‘Ally, what else do you do when you’re not being a midwife?’