Falling Softly

by Maria Duffy

  An hour later they were tucking into their mixed vegetables with black bean sauce while watching Graham Norton, and he knew he’d be still hungry when he was finished. He wasn’t a vegetarian but Stephanie was, and lately he’d been avoiding meat when he was with her because she said it grossed her out. Under normal circumstances, he’d have ordered a meat dish anyway, but with her being pregnant, he cut her a bit of slack. She threw her head back and guffawed at something Graham had said and he was reminded of why he loved her.

  The last few months had been difficult for him. Stephanie’s pregnancy hadn’t been planned and when they’d found out, she’d been inconsolable. As a model and actress trying to make a name for herself, the last thing she’d wanted was a baby. Josh, on the other hand, had been delighted. Of course he hated to see her in so much turmoil but he believed in fate. Fate was giving him a second chance at the life he wanted and it just felt right. It had taken a number of weeks to convince her that everything was going to be okay but, eventually, she’d accepted the pregnancy and had even begun to get excited. Now her biggest fear was getting fat or developing stretchmarks, but looking at her stunning figure with just the beginnings of a tiny bump, Josh couldn’t see that happening.

  She muted the telly when the ad breaks came on and turned to him, placing her half-eaten food on the coffee table. ‘Are you getting excited about the move?’

  He couldn’t lie. ‘I’m excited about the baby. But you know how I feel about moving.’

  ‘It will be a fresh start for us,’ she pleaded. ‘A new life for you, me and the little one.’

  ‘But we don’t need a fresh start or a new life. What’s wrong with this one?’

  ‘I told you, Josh, this place just doesn’t feel right. The house, the area, everything. It’s your college digs. Your first bachelor pad. It wouldn’t feel right to bring our child up here.’

  ‘But you’ve been happy here, haven’t you? Seven happy years we’ve lived here together and you never once said you wanted to move.’

  ‘It’s different now.’ She patted her barely swollen stomach. ‘And besides, the rent on the new place is only slightly more and it’s far more suitable for a child.’

  He relented. Again. It was an argument he wasn’t going to win. It felt as though he’d been battling with her about everything from the moment she’d discovered she was pregnant, and once she’d gotten it into her head to move, there’d been no changing her mind. She’d been like a bulldozer, steaming ahead with plans – finding a house, negotiating rent, giving notice to the landlord and even picking out some new furniture which they could scarcely afford. The new place was just twenty minutes’ drive away so it wasn’t going to affect his job. He worked in a school just off the Navan Road so, if anything, he’d get to work a little quicker in the mornings. But no matter what he said, the move was happening so he knew he’d just have to get used to it. Besides, they’d be together and soon there’d be three of them. His mother had always said that a house was just bricks and mortar – they’d make a home wherever they lived.

  He glanced at Stephanie again and realised she’d dropped off to sleep. She could sleep on the point of a needle these days and nothing could wake her up. It made him nervous for when the baby came along. He didn’t mind mucking in with night feeds but he certainly didn’t want to be the designated night-time parent. She’d already said that she didn’t want to breastfeed, so he had a sneaky suspicion she was grooming him for the night shift.

  ‘Come on, Steph. It’s bedtime for you, I think.’

  She didn’t budge, so he gathered up their plates and glasses and brought them into the kitchen. He discarded the uneaten food and loaded the dishwasher. He wouldn’t claim to be a domestic god, but he was pretty well house-trained. He wiped down the counters and stuck the heating on for an hour. Their room was at the front of the house and it always seemed to be freezing. Back in the sitting room, Stephanie was still fast asleep so he shook her gently until she woke.

  ‘God, Josh. What’s wrong with you? Can’t you see I’m sleeping?’

  ‘Yes, but you need to get yourself up to bed. You’ll get a crick in your neck sleeping here. Come on, we’ll go up together.’

  She turned to face the back of the sofa and curled her knees up to her stomach and he knew it would take more than words to move her.

  ‘What are you doing?’ she said, as he secured one arm behind her knees and another around her upper back.

  ‘Carrying you up to bed.’

  She opened her mouth to protest but changed her mind and wrapped her two arms around his neck. He stumbled beneath the weight as he carried her up the stairs and placed her as gently as he could on the bed. He pulled back the duvet to roll her in and she curled up on her side and continued to sleep. He watched for a moment, envying that wonderful dreamy state of oblivion.

  Josh knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep for a while yet so he headed back downstairs and filled the kettle with water to make some tea. While he was waiting for it to boil, he was gripped with a pain in his stomach. He leaned against the kitchen counter as the pain took his breath away and he prayed for it to pass quickly. When it began to ease, he grabbed a packet of paracetamol from the cupboard and downed two quickly with a glass of water. It had started about four months ago – roughly the same time they’d discovered Stephanie was pregnant. He’d joked about it with his friend Shane, who’d suggested that maybe he was having a sympathetic pregnancy. He’d googled it and apparently it was an actual thing.

  He made his tea and took it into the sitting room, where he flicked on the telly and found a channel where they were rerunning episodes of Fawlty Towers. He knew he should get the pain checked out. Especially given his family history. And he would. Just as soon as Stephanie had the baby and things settled down. Or maybe Shane was right and his pain would disappear when she had the baby. Either way, he had enough to think about at the moment, and once the tablets did their job, he wasn’t going to worry. Stephanie and the baby were his priorities now and he was going to put all his energies into them.

  Chapter 3

  ‘Do you think maybe you should wear something a little more casual?’ said Holly, eyeing up David’s very smart navy-blue suit, complete with shirt and tie. Although she had to admit, he did look very handsome. ‘I mean, we’re just going into town for a bit of shopping.’

  ‘But not any old shopping.’ He smiled, straightening his tie. ‘I think we’ll get better attention from the jewellers if we’re well presented. Take your time. I’ll just go and give Mum a ring and tell her we’ll be on our way shortly.’

  He headed downstairs and Holly stuffed her blue ripped-knee jeans and over-sized T-shirt back into the wardrobe. Shit! When she was twenty pounds lighter, she had an array of clothes to choose from, but since her waistline had exploded, she hadn’t bothered to buy anything new. She always had a plan to lose weight. I’ll join Slimming World on Monday, she regularly promised herself. I’ll start back at Weight Watchers next week. I’ll just reduce my portion size. But none of those things ever happened, except in her head. It wasn’t that she was fat. Well, not really fat. But her previous size-ten frame had gone up to a fourteen and most of those extra inches hung over the top of her knickers.

  She eventually settled on a loose-fitting grey wool dress, which covered a multitude, and pulled on a pair of thick black tights to go with it. She wished she could say she was looking forward to the day ahead but she was actually dreading it a little bit. She’d always imagined that a marriage proposal would come complete with a sparkling diamond ring and a man down on one knee declaring his life and his love for her. But that just wasn’t David’s style, so it was never going to happen. Even a romantic day together would have been nice, choosing the ring and celebrating over an intimate lunch where she’d run her stockinged feet up his leg under the table and they’d talk dirty with their eyes. They’d giggle as the waiter poured the wine, oblivious to the foot sex going on beneath the table, and they’d rush home aft
erwards to bed. Instead, what she had was a trip to town with David and his mother where they’d all pick the engagement ring together and then take Doreen to Tesco to do her shopping on the way home. Romantic, eh?

  As they headed outside to the car, old Mr Fogarty from two doors down was walking past with his dog. ‘Well, don’t you two look lovely,’ he said, stopping while Simon, his golden Labrador, peed against the wall. ‘Going somewhere nice?’

  ‘Just into town for a bit of shopping,’ said David, scowling at the dog. ‘And we’re already running late so we’d better get going.’

  Holly’s eyes twinkled as she bent down to let Simon lick her face. ‘But not just any old shopping. Engagement ring shopping.’

  Mr Fogarty beamed. ‘Is that right? Well, isn’t that wonderful. I won’t delay you so. Be sure to make the most of your day. It’s a special time, so it is. Congratulations to you both.’

  ‘Thanks,’ said Holly, opening the car door. ‘Enjoy your walk.’

  ‘Bloody dog peeing on our wall,’ said David, zooming out of the driveway at breakneck speed. ‘I’ve a good mind to say something to him about it.’

  Holly laughed. ‘To the dog? I’m not sure he’d take you seriously.’

  David shook his head but Holly could tell he was amused. He was so serious at times and Holly loved nothing more than to disarm him and make him smile. David expertly navigated the traffic as they headed to pick up his mother at the other side of the village. Holly knew she’d have something to say about them being late but she wasn’t going to let it spoil their day.

  ‘Are you excited about choosing a ring?’ he said, glancing at her briefly. ‘I can’t wait to get it onto your finger and tell the world we’re getting married.’

  Holly’s heart melted a little. ‘Yes, I’m excited. And I can’t wait either. I love you, you know.’

  ‘I love you too, Holly. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I’ll never let you go.’

  Perhaps the day wouldn’t be so bad after all. She’d loved seeing that spark in him the previous night. He’d been attentive and loving and had made her feel wanted. Maybe the engagement had made him realise that she was his future and, although his mother would always be there, she wouldn’t be the centre of his life any more. She felt buoyed up by David’s words and was filled with generosity of spirit as Doreen came out her front door and headed for the car. She was pointedly checking her watch but Holly wasn’t going to give her the chance to complain.

  ‘Doreen, why don’t you sit in the front?’ said Holly, hopping out to get in the back. ‘You’ll have more room to stretch your legs.’

  ‘Thank you, dear. That’s very kind.’

  ‘Your hair is gorgeous pinned up like that, by the way. Very modern.’

  They headed off and Holly’s generosity continued. ‘David and I are delighted you’re coming along today to help us choose a ring. I know you have such good taste.’

  ‘Well, as I said to David,’ she said, staring straight ahead so that Holly had to look at the back of her neck, ‘we don’t want you ending up with something gaudy.’

  ‘I was thinking, Mum,’ said David, just as Holly’s generosity began to wane, ‘why don’t we park in the Brown Thomas car park and you can have a look around the store while Holly and I do a few things. We can all meet up after an hour or so.’

  She looked at him uncertainly. ‘Wouldn’t it be better if we all just stayed together? And what few things do you and Holly have to do?’

  Holly bit her tongue and willed David to be strong. ‘Oh, just a few things we have to sort out in the pharmacy. We need to pick up some stuff and I need to talk to the pharmacist about a … a thing.’

  Holly almost wet herself in an effort to stop a peal of laughter from escaping her lips. She couldn’t see Doreen’s face, but judging from the red blotches on the back of her neck, it was safe to assume she’d turned scarlet. Nothing more was said until they parked, and David kissed his mother on the cheek, assuring her they’d see her at the door of Brown Thomas in exactly an hour.

  As they headed out onto Grafton Street, Holly noticed that some of the shop windows were already displaying Christmas decorations. Soon the street lights would be turned on and the excitement of the festive season would begin. Holly adored Christmas. And this year would be all the more exciting because she was engaged to be married. Married! She, Holly Russo. About to become somebody’s wife. There were times when she’d thought she’d never see the day.

  ‘So, come on then. What’s this thing you have to talk to the pharmacist about?’

  ‘Shh, will you?’ David looked cagily over his shoulder. ‘She has supersonic hearing, don’t you know? And I wouldn’t put it past her to be following us.’

  ‘So what are we really going to do then? We have a whole hour to ourselves.’

  ‘We’re going to go and look at rings. Just you and me.’

  ‘But what about your mum?’

  ‘Well, I think we’d be saving her the job of traipsing around the place with us. If you pick one out that you like, then we can bring Mum to see it.’

  Holly’s heart leapt with excitement for a second until the reality of the situation sank in. ‘She won’t like it. I guarantee you, whatever we pick out, she’ll have something to say about it because she wasn’t involved.’

  They arrived at the door of Weir and Sons on Grafton Street and David took Holly’s hand and pulled her to him. ‘And I guarantee you, if you choose a ring you love, I won’t let her change your mind. This is our engagement, your ring, and we should be the ones to choose it.’

  ‘But I thought –’

  ‘I know you think I pander to Mum too much but I just want to keep the peace. I know the right thing to do and, although I’ll make her feel as though she had some input into this, it will be solely our decision.’

  As soon as they walked into the shop, Holly knew her decision to wear a dress rather than torn jeans was the right one. The shop assistant, on realising they were in the market to actually buy a ring, took a keen interest in them and couldn’t have been more helpful. It didn’t take Holly long to fix her eyes on the one she wanted. A small solitaire on a band of white gold. The assistant tried to get her to look at others – larger stones and clusters – but her mind was made up.

  ‘It’s perfect,’ she said, holding her hand out and marvelling at how the diamond twinkled under the light. ‘I think anything bigger would just look silly on my hand.’

  David nodded his approval. ‘You have such lovely, slender fingers. It’s beautiful on you. And it won’t break the bank.’

  Holly cringed slightly at the mention of money but he was right. David was always the sensible one, keeping track of their spending and making sure they didn’t get into debt. Well, he was a banker after all, so she wouldn’t expect anything else. But there was no doubt he was right on this occasion. It would be foolish to spend thousands on a ring when they had a wedding to pay for and Holly also knew that she’d be terrified to wear a massively expensive ring on her finger.

  ‘So is that the decision made then?’ The shop assistant smiled and looked from one to the other. ‘And it looks as though you won’t need a size adjustment.’

  He was right. The ring fitted Holly perfectly. It was meant to be. But they’d definitely have to bring Doreen in to see it before they finalised anything. And Holly was surprisingly okay about that, especially now she knew David was just humouring his mother. So they told the bemused assistant they’d be back shortly and then headed out to meet Mammy Wood.

  She was waiting impatiently at the door when they arrived, checking her watch again, her lips pursed. ‘I was just thinking,’ she said, proffering her Brown Thomas bags for David to carry, ‘I know it’s a bit of a walk but we should probably go to McDowell’s on O’Connell Street for the ring. It’s a bit of a tradition in Dublin. It’s where mine is from.’

  And look where that ended, thought Holly, but of course she kept her lips sealed. Doreen began to walk
in the direction of O’Connell Street and David looked panic-stricken. Holly prayed for him to say something to stop her.

  ‘Listen, Mum. Why don’t we have a look in Weir’s first? They have a great reputation and it would save us going over to the other side of the city.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, dear. It’s not as if it’s miles away. You can look in Weir’s if we don’t find anything in McDowell’s.’

  Holly wanted to butt in. To say something. But she also wanted David to stand up to his mother and, thankfully, after a moment, he did.

  ‘Actually, Mum, we had a little look in Weir’s while you were in Brown Thomas and I think we might have found the perfect ring.’

  She stopped dead and glared at him. ‘But we were supposed to do it together.’

  ‘I know, but we just had a bit of time and couldn’t resist looking.’

  ‘But I wanted to look with you. I wanted to have input. You said I could.’

  Holly felt like she was in some parallel universe. It was absurd. David and his mum were arguing about her engagement ring. Her engagement ring. It was as though she was a bystander in her own life. They were both staring at each other and Holly knew she’d have to take charge.

  ‘Doreen, of course we want you involved. We just peeped in to see what they had and we just happened to see a lovely one. We could have bought it there and then but we wanted to wait until you were with us. Now, will you come with us and have a look?’

  ‘But McDowell’s. It’s the Happy Ring House. It’s where dreams are made.’

  Oh, for God’s sake. Now she was quoting the ad campaign. Holly tried again. ‘This ring isn’t unlike yours, actually. It’s a little bit smaller but they’re quite similar. Come on. I bet you’ll love it.’

  Doreen relented and David’s shoulders relaxed. He mouthed a thank you to Holly and she smiled in response. But her eyes warned him that she wasn’t happy. They couldn’t go on like this. They couldn’t have Doreen ruling their lives. They may have won today, but it was exhausting having to pander to her like that. And what about Holly’s own parents? It wasn’t fair to them that Mammy Wood got all the attention. Her mum and dad were elderly too and were the loveliest, most easy-going people in the world. They’d been delighted to hear the news about the engagement. All they wanted was for their daughter to be happy. They kept their noses out of her business but she also knew that they’d always be there if she needed them.