Falling Softly

by Maria Duffy

  The shop assistant looked confused as they ushered Doreen in and asked to see the ring again. Holly couldn’t blame him. He was probably used to couples coming in together to choose the ring, holding hands and kissing over the perfect fit. Or men coming in alone, clueless but determined to find something to surprise their girlfriends. Holly wondered how many mammies had come in to give their seal of approval.

  ‘So what do you think?’ David asked, watching as his mother examined the ring. ‘Let Holly put it on and you’ll see how perfect it looks on her.’

  Doreen sniffed and they waited. Like two children in a sweetshop. Eventually, having inspected the ring thoroughly, and inspected it some more with her glasses on, she handed it over to Holly to be modelled. Holly put it on and again she was struck by how comfortable she felt with it. How perfect it was.

  ‘Couldn’t you have picked a gold one?’ Doreen said, an accusatory look on her face. ‘Silver doesn’t seem right.’

  ‘Oh, I can assure you, Madam,’ the assistant couldn’t help himself, ‘this ring is gold. It’s white gold rather than the red gold you’re probably familiar with.’

  ‘White gold? I’ve never heard such rubbish. It’s as silver as the knife and fork I eat my dinner with.’

  The assistant balked at that and opened his mouth to speak but David took charge. ‘Mum, it’s gold all right. As the man said, it’s just a different type to what you’re used to. Now, I hope you like it because, to be honest, we both do and I think we should buy it.’

  ‘Well, then you don’t need my opinion.’

  ‘Mum, please. Don’t be like this.’

  ‘It’s not me who has to wear it so do whatever you like. I’m popping back to Brown Thomas to treat myself to some Jo Malone so come in to me when you’re done.’

  All three of them stared as she turned and exited the shop without a backward glance. Holly was mortified. The shop assistant must have thought they were the weirdest family ever, and Holly sort of agreed with him. What had they been thinking bringing her with them in the first place? What had David been thinking?

  ‘So …’ ventured the bemused assistant, looking nervously at Holly’s hand. He probably thought they were going to do a runner with the ring still on. ‘The ring?’

  Holly looked at David and half-expected him to say they’d have to think about it, but to her surprise and delight, he pulled out his wallet and slapped it down on the counter. ‘We’ll take it.’

  ‘Will we?’ said Holly, surprised at his decisiveness.

  ‘Unless you’ve changed your mind?’

  ‘No, no. I mean, yes. I want it. I haven’t changed my mind. I love it, David. It’s perfect.’

  ‘Well, then it’s yours.’

  A few minutes later they were walking back towards Brown Thomas and Holly linked her arm through David’s. ‘Thanks, love.’

  Although he usually spurned public displays of affection, he pulled her closer to him as they walked. ‘For what?’

  ‘For putting me before your mother. For knowing what I want. And just for being all-round lovely.’

  ‘Well, you’re going to be my wife soon. The woman I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. Mum will get over it.’

  Holly felt happy as she glanced down at the ring on her finger. She hadn’t really wanted to wear it home. She’d hoped David would take it away and give it to her in a romantic gesture over dinner or something. But he’d felt it would be safer on her finger. He had a point. Safe and secure. Sensible. It was good to have a partner who was all of those things.

  Chapter 4

  ‘Remind me to never, ever move again,’ said Josh, as his back almost broke beneath the weight of some of the boxes. ‘Or at the very least, remind me never to move while my girlfriend is pregnant.’

  ‘Don’t be cheeky,’ Stephanie chided, as she sat on the wall outside the house, watching him lift box after box into the van. ‘I’m just taking a break. I’ve been doing my fair share.’

  ‘I know you have, Steph. I’m just teasing. Right, I think we’re almost ready for our first trip.’ He shoved one last box into the back of the van they’d rented for the weekend. ‘I don’t think there’s room for any more.’

  ‘Great. Let me just grab my bag and I’ll come with you.’

  ‘Why don’t you stay here? I’ll unload and be back as soon as I can.’

  ‘No, I’ll come with you. I want to –’ Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she pulled it out to answer it. Josh watched as she checked the screen, rejected the call and stuck it back into her pocket.

  ‘Who was that?’

  ‘Nobody.’

  ‘Well, it was definitely somebody.’ Her face had changed. She looked awkward. Upset. The phone rang again but she completely ignored it this time and walked into the house. Josh followed her. He couldn’t help being suspicious. It wasn’t the first time something like this had happened. He’d been in Africa last summer on a charity building project and when he’d come home, she’d been acting a little strangely. There’d been a lot of phone calls which seemed to upset her. She’d dismissed them as work-related issues but he hadn’t entirely believed her. But then she’d got pregnant and he’d been so happy that he’d forgotten all about the phone calls. Until now.

  ‘So who keeps ringing you?’ he persisted. ‘And why aren’t you answering their calls?’

  ‘It’s just a girl I did an acting job with last year. She keeps ringing to ask me to go to some stupid audition with her next month.’

  ‘Why is it stupid?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You said the audition was stupid. You usually tell me that all auditions are opportunities and even if you don’t get the job, they give you valuable experience.’

  She glared at him. ‘What is this, Josh? The Spanish Inquisition? I just don’t like the girl and I don’t want to go to any audition with her. Is that okay by you?’

  She stormed upstairs before he could reply and he felt slightly guilty for upsetting her. He should have known by now that her hormones were all over the place and questioning her integrity was probably the worst thing he could have done. He went up after her and she was in the bathroom with the door locked. He knocked gently.

  ‘Steph, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. You seemed a bit distressed when you got the call so I just wondered why.’

  The door swung open and she stood there, her long blonde hair pushed behind her ears, her make-up-free face red and blotchy from her tears. Josh felt like such an idiot.

  ‘Come here,’ he said, folding her into his arms. ‘Don’t cry. I’m sorry.’

  She stayed nestled into the crook of his neck and neither of them spoke. He stroked her hair and breathed in the musky scent of her perfume. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed but eventually she pulled back and looked at him.

  ‘I feel guilty,’ she said.

  ‘Guilty about what?’ A chill ran down Josh’s spine.

  ‘I feel guilty because I’ve had a lot of opportunities for jobs these last few months and I’ve turned a number of them down. I’m exhausted all the time and sometimes the thought of getting up at five in the morning to do full make-up and hair and traipse over to the other side of the city in the freezing cold to do an audition that I probably won’t even get fills me with dread.’

  ‘Oh, Steph,’ he said, relieved. ‘Is that what you’ve been thinking? That you should be doing more?’

  She nodded. ‘Yes. I see how hard you work and everything you do for me and I know I should be bringing more money into the house. And I promise I will. After the baby is born, I’ll work something out. I’ll get my mojo back and find some well-paid jobs.’

  ‘Steph, Steph, Steph. We’re a team. It doesn’t matter who brings what money into the house. Once we have enough to pay the bills and keep a roof over our heads, that’s all that matters. And I certainly don’t want you pushing yourself too hard while you’re pregnant. You’re carrying this baby for both of us. Remember that.’

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nbsp; She looked relieved and Josh was glad to have reassured her. But the truth was he was worried about their finances. Despite telling Stephanie everything was okay, he knew that his money alone wasn’t enough. But he’d work something out – he always did. The last thing he wanted was for Stephanie to get stressed while she was pregnant.

  ‘Right, I’ll tell you what we’re going to do,’ he continued. ‘We’re both going to head over to our new place. We’ll stop for a few supplies on the way and we can have our first cup of tea there. What do you think? And then you can watch while I unload the boxes. I’ll need somebody to tell me where to put everything.’

  She nodded and smiled, and his heart skipped a beat. Sometimes when he looked at her, she seemed so young with her innocent blue eyes and luminous skin. She looked exactly like she had when he’d clapped eyes on her seven years earlier. He’d just graduated from college and their eyes had met across a crowded pub. She’d been like a vision and his world had stood still. With the help of a few beers and a slug of whiskey, he’d found the courage to go and talk to her and that’s where it had all begun.

  They sat in companionable silence in the van as they headed off with their first load. But Josh couldn’t stop thinking back to those phone calls and wondering why he found it difficult to quell his suspicious mind. It was stupid, really. He should have learned to trust her by now but a little part of him still felt wary. Stephanie had a great social life and loved to flirt and, despite her assurances that she loved him and didn’t want anyone else, sometimes he wondered. From the bits she’d told him, her past was quite colourful. But then again, didn’t everyone have pieces of their past they’d rather forget?

  They took a slip road off the Navan Road and wound their way through the housing estates towards their new home. Josh felt a little bubble of excitement, which took him by surprise. It was a lovely area and maybe Steph was right. It would be good to have a fresh start. Their first proper home together – all three of them. He glanced at Stephanie to see if she was excited too but she’d fallen asleep. The pregnancy was really taking its toll on her. She’d spent the first couple of months vomiting almost every day and, although that had stopped, there were still certain foods she couldn’t face and her energy levels were low most of the time. He stopped at a petrol station to grab a few essentials and she was still sleeping when he came back to the van, her head drooped to the side, her lips parted and relaxed. They arrived at their new house a few minutes later and he reversed the van into the driveway.

  ‘God, I can’t believe I slept all the way,’ said Stephanie, waking up and stretching her arms above her head. ‘You should have kept me awake.’

  ‘You need your sleep,’ he said, hopping out of the van and going around to her side to help her down. ‘Come on. Let’s go in and switch the heating on. It’s going to be freezing in there.’

  They stood for a minute and looked up at their new home. It was a mid-terrace three-bedroom house with a small garden and driveway in front and a reasonably sized garden out back. The front of the house was covered with a rustic red brick and the window frames were dark brown PVC. The windows in their last house were wooden-framed and there was no keeping the wind out. It seemed to be a quiet street with a green area at the top and Josh could already picture himself running around with their little one, playing football or chasing or whatever made him or her happy.

  ‘A penny for them,’ said Stephanie, jolting him out of his reverie. ‘You were miles away.’

  ‘Sorry, I was just thinking …’

  ‘About?’

  ‘I was just thinking about the fact that you were right. This place is perfect. I can see us being very happy together – you, me and the little one.’ He felt strangely emotional. He was finally getting everything he’d ever wanted.

  ‘Well, are you going to let us in or what?’

  ‘Of course,’ he said, fishing the keys out of his pocket and opening the door. ‘But first I have to do this.’

  He suddenly swept her up into his arms and shoved the door wide with his foot. She squealed as he carried her inside before letting her down in the hallway.

  ‘What was that all about?’ she giggled, straightening her long white T-shirt over her little bump. ‘You’ll break your back if you keep doing that. I’m like a baby elephant at the moment.’

  ‘You are not,’ he said, kissing her on the top of her head. ‘You’re beautiful. And it’s traditional. A man should carry his partner over the threshold in a new house.’

  Stephanie frowned. ‘I think you have that wrong. It usually applies to weddings, when a husband carries his new wife over the threshold.’

  ‘Maybe you’re right. But there’s no reason I can’t do it too.’ He opened the door to the little kitchen and shivered with the cold. He flicked on the switch for the heating and hoped it wouldn’t take too long to warm up. He looked behind and Stephanie was still standing in the hall, a slight pout on her lips. He knew what was wrong with her but he wasn’t getting into it again.

  ‘Come on,’ he said, changing the subject. ‘I’ll bring in the bag of shopping and maybe you can make tea while I carry in some of the boxes.’

  She sighed heavily. ‘Fine. And bring in the box of cups too. I don’t want to use the ones that are here.’

  Stephanie had brought up the subject of marriage a number of times over the last few years and even more frequently since she’d become pregnant. It wasn’t that Josh didn’t want to marry her. He did. Eventually. But something was holding him back. Telling him to wait. To be sure. Which didn’t make sense because he couldn’t be any surer than he was about Stephanie. But he just didn’t feel ready to enter into a marriage and it had been a bone of contention between them for a long time.

  Ten minutes later, they were sitting on some of the more sturdy boxes in the sitting room, their hands wrapped around steaming cups of tea. It was only late morning but they had a lot more journeys back and forth to do before it got dark so Josh didn’t want to delay too long.

  ‘So can we stay here tonight?’ Stephanie asked, like a child anxious to try out a new Christmas present. ‘It’s warming up nicely now. I think it would be really cosy.’

  ‘Definitely not,’ said Josh, horrified at the thought of his pregnant girlfriend sleeping in those conditions. ‘It’ll take a few days to get things in order so we should wait until then.’

  ‘But –’

  ‘Seriously, Stephanie. I’m not going to have time to assemble the bed and unless you want to camp down on the floor – and I wouldn’t recommend it in your condition – then we’ll just have to wait.’

  The sound of Taylor Swift’s ‘Shake It Off’ came from the kitchen where Stephanie must have left her phone. ‘Why don’t I get it?’ Josh said, jumping up from his box. ‘If it’s that girl again, I can just say you’re not well or something.’

  ‘No!’ She pushed past him in an effort to get to the kitchen first and, again, he found himself feeling suspicious.

  But it was just her mother. She turned the phone towards Josh so he could clearly see the word Mum on the screen. He knew that once she got talking to her mum she’d be there for ages so he headed back outside to continue unloading the van.

  The early November sun was surprisingly bright and he was glad he’d thought of bringing his sunglasses. He grabbed them from the dashboard and walked out to the front of the garden to look around at what was now their new street. A woman passed by wheeling a buggy with a sleeping child and she nodded a hello. Another woman, elderly, with two supermarket bags and an old man with a Labrador on a lead went by too while he stood there. They were all friendly and Josh felt suddenly at home on the little street.

  He scanned his eyes along the houses and was pleasantly surprised at how neat and tidy everything looked. All the gardens were well kept with nice greenery and leaves neatly swept to the side. The cars in the driveways were all pretty decent and one in particular caught his eye. It was a brand new black Audi A3 and he could feel himself s
alivate as he stared at it. He couldn’t help but wonder why somebody with a car like that would live in a three-bedroom terraced house. He’d expect to see a beauty like that parked in the leafy driveway of a detached house in Ballsbridge. But then again, who knew what went on in people’s lives. Maybe they’d spent so much money on the car, they couldn’t afford a bigger place. Josh’s little Nissan Micra was going to look pretty miserable in comparison but his dream was to one day trade up to something a little fancier.

  The blinds twitched in the house with the Audi and Josh felt suddenly conscious he’d been standing staring across for the last few minutes. He must have looked like a right weirdo. He turned back to the van and began unloading the boxes, hoping that his new neighbours didn’t think he was some lecherous man trying to see beyond their windows.

  ‘Moving in, are you?’ came a voice from the end of the driveway.

  Josh looked around the side of the van and saw it was the old man with the dog who’d passed a few minutes before. ‘Yes, we are. Well, at least we’re moving some of our things. Josh O’Toole.’ He walked over and held out his hand for the man to shake.

  ‘John Fogarty.’ He nodded his head towards the houses across the road. ‘Number forty-four. And this is Simon.’

  ‘Hello, old boy,’ said Josh, bending to give the dog a scratch. ‘Aren’t you a beauty?’

  The old man nodded. ‘He’s a good one, all right. Thirteen years old, he is, but he can still run like the best of them.’