Secrets (Sea Crest Book 3)

by Carrie Banks

  “What? You’re drinking with a benzodiazepine in your system?”

  “A benzo what?”

  “It’s the class of drug Xanax is. Christ, Tess, it’s time to go.” He’s suddenly angry. His jaw tics as he looks down at me. I wobble in my heels, feeling like my feet are stepping in tar. I was so relaxed in his arms, sleepy. I feel drunk or high or maybe both. Either way everything is unfocused…I’m in the clouds.

  Grabbing a few bottles of water from the bartender, Ry nods to Barron letting him know we are leaving.

  “Slow down. Ryan, you’re dragging me.” I try not to trip in my heels.

  He just keeps going until we reach the valet, handing him the ticket stub to fetch his Range Rover. “Drink,” he orders, unscrewing the water bottle and giving it to me. My eyes widen when Ty comes back with the Rover idling at the curb.

  “Tessa? Are you okay? Did this guy drug you?”

  Ryan’s face turns dark. “What did you just say? Did you just imply that I drugged my girlfriend?” His fist is cocked and this time I know there’s no stopping them. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.

  “Yeah I did. I don’t know you, but I do know her. She’s not a drinker. I’ve never seen her like this at any parties.”

  “Tyyyy—” I try to talk but my tongue is rubber too. I’m slurring my words, and everything is happening in slow motion.

  “Tess…” He moves to me, but Ry blocks him.

  “Stay away from my girl. Stop looking at her like she’s yours.”

  “Y-y…ourrrr…. being….a-an ass.” I finally get out, dumping the bottle of water on the pavement. A few sloshes reach his expensive, shiny shoes. His nostrils flare and his dark eyes smolder. His body is wound tight as he looks at me.

  Shit.

  “She needs a hospital.”

  “No. she just needs me. It’s nothing I haven’t seen or done before.”

  “Seriously, man? Sounds like you’re really good for her.”

  “Here.” Ty reaches into his back pocket and hands me his bottle of water. Ryan snaps. He bends and rams straight into Ty, pinning him against the side of the SUV. Ty tries to put him in a head lock with one hand while throwing low punches with his other.

  I feel sick.

  I bend over and heave.

  Everything comes up.

  “Stop. Please.”

  The two of them finally notice I’ve been sick.

  “I-I’m sorry. I don’t feel well, and I just want to go.”

  “Ease up, man.” Ty pushed Ry off and picks up the water from the ground. I drink it gingerly.

  “It’s my fault Ty. I took some pills and drank too much champagne.”

  “Brentwood. You’re fired. Get out of here.”

  Ryan smirks, reaches into his wallet and throws hundred-dollar bills on the pavement. “Later, asshole.”

  Ty ignores the money and walks away.

  “Ry? What was that? That was so… demeaning. Embarrassing and uncool. It was so Pine Point of you.”

  “So what? He wants you.”

  “So? Emily wants you—I didn’t taunt her like that.”

  “No. You just self-medicated instead.”

  I hang my head. This is the first time I’ve seen this side of him. And I don’t like it. In his custom-fitted tux, he looks like the privileged asshole I first thought he was.

  “You’re being such a jerk.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “To find Ty and apologize.”

  “Like hell you are.” He grabs my elbow, swinging me around.

  “Let me go.”

  “Never.”

  His lips bruise mine.

  His show of arrogant dominance both repels and turns me on. I’m so confused. I might be with him but I’m also from the south side where words and insults hurt. Especially when coming from privileged pricks like him.

  Finally, I jerk free to run after Ty. I pause only to slip off my heels and hold them in one hand while shouting for him to stop.”

  “TY!”

  “Go to him and we’re done,” Ryan growls from behind me.

  But I don’t stop. I can’t. I need to make what happened right somehow. Ty saved me in that closet and I’ll never forget that. I hope Ry is bluffing. Actually, I know he is… this thing between us is too strong to burn out over as stupid fight like this. I feel drained and a complete mess. Over my shoulder, I lock eyes with Ryan. His fists are clenched by his side. The streetlight illuminates the sharp planes of his handsome face. My heart hurts. But I keep moving towards Ty.

  “I-I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault your new boyfriend is an ass.”

  I hang my head. “He’s not usually like this.”

  Ty snorts, “What are you doing with him anyway? I see it now though, I guess. I’m not good enough, right? I’m poor and have the blood of ten different races flowing through my veins.”

  “No, Ty. It’s not like that. He just…. I don’t know. I can’t control whatever it is. When I saw him—he lit my world on fire.”

  “That’s the problem with a bad love, Tessa. It burns fast and hot and leaves everything in its wake charred and unrecognizable. I barely recognized you.”

  I swallow hard. “Are you going back to camp soon?”

  “Not soon enough. I’ll see you in September, Tessa.” He shakes his head and climbs into his beat-up truck. Disappointment swims in his eyes as he cranks the engine leaving me in the fumes of his exhaust.

  I watch his taillights travel down the drive before turning back to Ryan. He’s still standing by his car with the money he threw by his feet. When I reach him, I bend to pick the bills up and hand them to him. He refuses to take them.

  “Why, Tess? Why did you go to him when you knew how much it would hurt me?”

  “I had too. He never deserved any of this. He’s just a guy trying to make an honest dollar through hard work, and you shit all over him. I hate this side of you. It reminds me of everything I hate about Hill’s Head.”

  “Look, I lost my shit. I was jealous as fuck. But you’re my girl…”

  “Am I?”

  He sighs. “Get in. We should talk in private.”

  This time he doesn’t open my door as he gets behind the wheel. I round the car and slide in. He drives to the far end of the lot facing Hemlock Hill. “I’m sorry. I thought I could control my emotions. But I can’t. Seeing you drinking and practically high was like looking in a mirror. If I’m a king of anything, it’s self-destruction. For a moment, I panicked. Seeing you like that made me want to go back. For a second I wanted to go back and get lit and high… I wanted to forget the pain in my heart that never goes away. Seeing that girl tonight was like taking a knife and stabbing the wound wide open.”

  “Okay. But that’s not an excuse to treat Ty like a peasant. Like he’s no one…”

  Ry shrugs, “I guess I’m my father’s son after all. I can’t change my background or that I was a millionaire the second I drew my first breath.”

  My head snaps back. “What are we even doing? I’m too embarrassed to even bring you to my house. I’ll never be on your level.” I shake my head, feeling insecure.

  “I told you…let’s just see where it goes.”

  “I think we both know where that is. We’ve just been lying to ourselves and enjoying the good moments.”

  Ryan looks out at the horizon. “I was scared tonight. Seeing who I used to be in you when you act like you did. I’ve come too far to ever go back. I don’t want to be with someone who takes me backwards instead of forward.”

  “Are you implying that because I’m still in high school, I’m dragging you backwards?”

  He doesn’t answer. But I guess his silence does. I swing the passenger door open needing air. The walls are closing in again. And I feel foolish for even letting him in.

  “Stop. Tessa. Please. I wanted to be the perfect guy for you. I didn’t want you to see the cracks. Please, let’s just go home and chill.”

  �
�Don’t bother taking me home. I’m going to call a man a thousand times better than you to come get me.” I yell not even looking back, feeling the hot, salty tears dash down my cheeks. Gabby was right. I don’t often fall but when I do, I go down hard without ever really looking where I’m going.

  Opening my purse, I grab my phone but before I can tap my parents’ number, a police cruiser stops at the curb.

  “Need a ride?”

  “Did you steal a real cop car?” Looking to the right, I see the familiar black Rover pulling out and stopping. Ryan starts to open his door. He’s enraged at what I’m about to do.

  “Sure Kyle, I’d love a ride.”

  Kyle gives huge thumbs up to Ryan as he opens the cruiser door allowing me to slide into the passenger seat. I wiggle my fingers out the window at Ryan as we pass him.

  “You look hot, babe.”

  Kyle has one hand on the steering wheel and the other, he puts on the inside of my thigh. As he tries to move his hand up the slit of my dress, I have enough sense left to ask him to remove it. I start panicking, my small moment of victory…is fading.

  “Stop the car.”

  He looks over to see if I’m serious.

  “I’m sorry. This was a mistake. Just let me out.”

  He pulls over and studies me as his hands rest on the wheel. “You can trust me. I’m almost a cop, for Christ’s sake. Let me get you home. I’m not letting you out on the side of the road at one in the morning.”

  “I know you’d never hurt me like that. You’re going to be a good cop someday Kyle. But you were a shit boyfriend.”

  “I know,” he sighs.

  Ryan wraps his knuckles on my window. He stands under the lamplight. His skin’s tight over his cheeks as he looks dangerously at the two of us sitting inside the cruiser. I make a move to open the door, but Kyle reaches over and grabs the handle stopping me.

  “Are you sure about this?” Kyle asks.

  “Let her out. Now!” Ryan’s voice cuts through the glass reaching us inside.

  “Yes,” I answer. He relents and I get out hoping I haven’t done it this time; pushed Ryan too far.

  ***

  He drives us back to the Hill’s Head house not speaking. He barely even glances my way. So, I stare out the window, wondering how we got here. A night that was so full of promise has turned to complete shit. As I sniffle, Ryan reaches over me to open the glove box and hands me a tissue.

  “Thanks,” I whisper. But his frosty silence still speaks volumes. I was right. My gut always knew we’d crash and burn but I never thought it’d be this fast.

  The tires on the Rover roll over the stone in the Fosters’ driveway. It’s the only sound breaking the silence. Ryan shuts off the car. He rests his head on the steering wheel for a moment then turns to me.

  “I wanted to be your boyfriend…not your babysitter. Maybe we need some space.”

  “Are you kidding me? We’ve only been dating a month. I only see you on weekends and you want more space? Turn the car back on and take me home. I’m done being jerked around.”

  “You’re one to talk… with that stunt you just pulled. You didn’t even hesitate to get in his car. I’m seriously questioning your judgment right now.”

  “You can’t have it both ways...want me for who I am and then say I’m not good enough.”

  “I never said you weren’t good enough. Maybe I’m the one who isn’t.”

  “What are you getting at?”

  “I was a complete disaster only months ago. There were nights Barron thought I’d die from alcohol poisoning. I won’t lie about how deep in hell I was. Hopefully, I’ve moved past that stage in my life. I don’t want to ever go back.”

  “I made a mistake drinking and taking my pills. I’ve never done that before. You said you weren’t perfect, but neither am I.”

  “I wanted… part of me wanted to take a handful of your pills and a bottle of scotch. Maybe, I’m an addict after all.”

  “No, Ry. Addicts can’t stop. They can’t quit self-destructing. It’s an incontrollable impulse.”

  “How do you know so much?”

  “My mom. She talks about her patients at the hospital sometimes. Are we breaking up?” I ask with a knot in my stomach.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “That isn’t what I want, but I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not. We’re too different—to far apart in age and life experience. We have nothing in common.”

  He grabs my face with both hands, “We have this in common.”

  His mouth is on mine and his tongue is hot and insistent as he kisses me thoroughly with it. Anger turns to desire and it crashes over us like a wave.

  He’s right.

  Despite everything, the passion we share is undeniable.

  I break away needing air.

  Ryan sits back and sucks in a breath of his own, “Why did you take those pills? I’m worried our relationship is not right for you. You said yourself it had been months since you needed your prescription, but in the past few weeks you’ve needed it what? Three times?”

  “Yes.” I answer lowering my head in shame.

  He sucks in his breath and shuts his eyes. “You don’t know who I was. I was a goddamn mess. I passed out drunk just about every night, fucked anything that walked…I lost complete control of my life. I hate to think that being with me, is causing you to spiral downward. But I’m not ready for this to end yet.”

  “Me neither, but I can’t just forget everything you said tonight, like it was nothing. You can’t talk to my friends like that.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ll make it right with Ty. But I think you should see a therapist about your anxiety. We need to recognize your triggers. Focus on how to get you in a place where you don’t need to pull your pills out every time something goes wrong. You’re going to be going to Yale in a year. It’s a high-pressure, cut-throat place. Picturing you there like this—you’d be a lamb going to the slaughter. I’m worried about you. We don’t have much time left to figure this out, but we can at least try to get ahead of it.”

  “I’ve never thought about it that way before. It never occurred to me that my choice of a college, could trigger more attacks.”

  “Let’s go inside it’s been a long night. We’ll finish discussing this tomorrow and come up with a plan.”

  I let him lead me around the house to the dock. We board Her Majesty and walk down to our stateroom. Unzipping my dress, I carefully hang it up then cross to the bathroom. I press a button on the wall turning on the shower’s powerful jets. I take off my bra and panties, shake out the bobby pins from my hair and open the heavy glass door.

  “Hi,” I say to her, “tonight sucked. I wanted to be Cinderella at the ball, but life isn’t a fairy tale after all. I’m all screwed up and fractured inside. Most of the time the cracks hold together, and I get through the day, the weeks, being happy but they are always there inside of me, just a moment away from splintering.”

  Her emerald eyes stare into mine. I take my finger and trace her lips.

  “I wonder what kinds of things you’ve seen and heard here. There’s something about you that makes me want to confess everything, or maybe it’s just the champagne, Xanax, and Paxil still lingering in my blood.”

  “I heard you talking. Are you all right?”

  “Yep, just working things out with my new therapist.” I tell him pointing to the flame-haired goddess made from tile.

  He shakes his head at me.

  “You are crazy. But I love you anyway. I’m going get you a few bottles of water. Drink them this time, okay?”

  “Sure,” but I’m not looking at him, I’m staring at her.

  I wrap myself in a plush towel and comb through my long hair, sipping the cold-water Ryan gave me. He comes back in the bathroom with my coconut lotion and tugs my towel down. He works the thick cream into my skin with firm strokes.

  The massage relaxes me even more and he carries me to bed. He puts me down and lays over me, slowly a
nd gently kissing me. “Get some sleep,” he murmurs into my hair before pulling me in to cuddle for the night.

  ***

  I feel better, rolling over I pick up my phone scrolling to unlock it. It reads 11:25. Ryan snuggles against my back; his face is buried in the cloud of my hair.

  “We should probably head up for brunch,” he says.

  “I need coffee.”

  “I bet you do after last night.”

  “Can we just forget about it?”

  “No. I meant what I said, we’re going to figure this out.”

  “We?”

  “Yes, and control your panic attacks,” he says about to grab my lips with his.

  “Wait. I never kiss in the morning if I haven’t brushed my teeth,” I tell him.

  “Fine—I won’t kiss you then.”

  He rolls me over and spoons me, sliding my pajama shorts down to give him access to what he wants. I close my eyes at the sensation of having him so close and so deep. His arms wrap around to massage my breasts as he thrusts into me from behind. He hits the spot inside me that aches for him, pounding it over and over again. I push my hips back into his when he stops.

  “Lie on your stomach.”

  He nudges my knees apart and enters me, then lays down on my back.

  “Holy fuck!” I moan. All his weight is on top of me, and he’s in me as far as anyone could go. He hits me deeper than before. The pressure of his body forces me into the mattress and the friction of the sheets on me—as his thrusts move me on the bed is insane. My nipples move up and down, rubbing against the butter soft sheets. The sound of my panting fills the air around us. He pumps out and I feel the tip of his tongue trace my spine…he spanks me playfully, but it burns so good as he slides back into the hilt, giving me the biggest orgasm of my life.

  “I’ll never get tired of you baby,” he moans in my ear coming hard. I feel his release as we crash back down to earth.

  After a few minutes, I reluctantly get up. He gives me some privacy to brush my teeth and use the toilet. Turning on the shower I step in, adjusting the water temperature, turning it up so hot, it almost burns. Fog fills the glass stall, making my mermaid look as if she’s sitting up in the clouds. The toilet flushes then after a minute Ryan joins me. He unrolls a fresh washcloth and adds soap rubbing it in circular motions cleansing off the sticky residue left on my thighs.