The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus

by Michael Anderle

  “It wouldn’t hurt to tell me a little. As you pointed out the other night at dinner, without my help the AET might have been up Shit Creek the last few fights.”

  Maria snorted. “That’s how you’re going to play it?”

  “Just saying I’m a curious guy. I want to know a little more about the Drow and how they stacked up against everyone’s favorite bounty hunter.”

  The cop thought about that for a few long moments, her face scrunched in concentration. “It’s not like it’s any big secret other than the brass wanting to keep shit quiet, and fuck Dannec knows a lot of it, so it wouldn’t hurt if I passed along a little information.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay, then, Tyler. Ask what you want, but I’m not guaranteeing I’ll answer.”

  He shrugged. “Fair enough. First of all, how tough were the Drow individually?”

  “Easily would have been level-five bounties. Crazy shadow magic, partial flight, blades, ranged weapons, and defensive spells. Even when we got to them, the damned bastards regenerated.”

  “And you and Brownstone took them on at the same time?”

  Maria shook her head. “They got the drop on him before we could get there. We showed up just in time to save his ass.”

  Tyler didn’t even bother to hide the grimace. His nemesis had been that close to dying, only to be saved by a woman who supposedly hated him.

  “So even the great James Brownstone’s just a man in the end.”

  “Sure. A man who took on three bastards who could probably hold off an entire AET team individually, but sure.” Maria shrugged. “We threw the works at them. Didn’t have our drones with us, but stun rifles, bullets, anti-magic bullets, and railguns, and that included Brownstone having worn them down before we showed up. Dannec gave me a little party favor that helped.”

  “And that was how you won?”

  Maria shook her head. “Nope. We won because of Brownstone’s quick thinking.”

  Tyler’s face twitched. “Seriously?”

  “The Drow tried some super-spell. Don’t even know what the point was. I think they were trying to suck out Brownstone’s soul or some shit. They were ranting about it, but only Brownstone was close enough to make out most of it, and all he said was that they really wanted his ass dead.”

  “Guess they aren’t so bad,” Tyler muttered.

  Maria smirked. “Anyway, they blasted him, but this artifact he had on him absorbed it, and he used it as a little magical bomb, and then the fuckers…” Her smile vanished. She leaned forward, and her expression turned icy. “If you breathe a word of what I’m about to say to anyone, this place and the neutrality are done. You understand?”

  Tyler sat up, startled by the woman’s sudden vehemence. “I value our working relationship, Maria. I’m not going to fuck that up.”

  Plus, I want a chance at something more than a working relationship.

  She eyed him for a few seconds before nodding. “The assholes were doing some seriously messed-up magic. To be honest, I think they were about to blow all our asses to Hell, and I mean that literally. Another cop got off a lucky shot at them, but the level of magic…” She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “These Drow could have flooded the county with demons or shit like Tessa Vansant’s monsters. If it hadn’t been for Brownstone’s quick thinking, I’d probably have gotten torn apart by some fucked-up thing that my mind couldn’t even imagine.”

  Tyler grimaced, bile rising in the back of his throat. “Damn. That’s fucking intense. I’m glad you took those assholes down.”

  “From what we’ve been told, the Drow won’t be stopping by Earth again anytime soon. I don’t know all the ins and outs of Oriceran politics, but the guys at the consulate were very, very pissed over all this shit.”

  “I can’t imagine anyone working there wants demons flooding Earth any more than we do.”

  Maria let out a pained laugh. “Yeah, I’d hope so.”

  Tyler took a deep breath. This wasn’t the time to be impressed with Brownstone. He needed information he could monetize somehow.

  “You said you had to save Brownstone’s ass? He must have been pretty torn up.”

  “Not as torn up as you’d think. Look, the reality is, if there’d only been two of them I think he could have won, but even one of them would have been enough to give us trouble. I hate to say it, but that’s how tough he is.” Maria shrugged. “Why the sudden interest in the Drow shit?”

  “I like to know what’s going on in my town. It helps me keep my eye out for troublemakers.”

  Maria snorted. “Like yourself?”

  Tyler grinned. “Yeah, like myself.”

  6

  James made his way to a back table at the Leanan Sídhe. Every once in a while, another patron gave him an appreciative nod.

  Fuck. Are they nodding because of my bounty hunting or because of that Bard of Filth shit?

  He couldn’t be sure. It felt like everyone had looked at him differently ever since his delivery of dirty limericks, but it might all be in his head.

  The amulet whispered something. He didn’t understand it, but he could perceive the irritation. Maybe the amulet was a prude.

  Fuck you. I had to do it. I owed the Professor.

  The bounty hunter muttered to himself as he dropped into a chair across from the Professor. James frowned as he looked up at the other man. The Professor stared back at James, his face serious and no scarlet dotting his cheeks. There wasn’t even a glass or mug of beer in front of him.

  A chill ran up James’ spine. A stone-cold sober Smite-Williams was damned unnatural.

  “Good evening, lad. Thanks for coming on such short notice.”

  James shrugged. “Got nothing else going on, especially since Shay’s out of town doing shit for you.”

  The Professor managed a weak smile. “Oh, she’s just in the Midwest, not far away at all. She’s collecting a little something for me there that ended up in some Native American burial grounds that doesn’t belong there. I’m sure she’ll be back soon. It’s not like she’s off in the middle of the Australian Outback.”

  “Yeah, there’s that, but you called me here, not Shay.” James leaned forward. “This better not be about picking up another Clown of Doom from a pawn shop.”

  “No, lad. I only wish it were so straightforward.”

  “Straightforward? That clown almost blew me up.”

  The Professor wagged a finger. “From what you told me that artifact saved your life, and probably the lives of those AET officers.”

  James grunted.

  The Professor chuckled. “But we’re not here to talk about the past. We’re here to talk about the future, and the artifact you’re going to recover for me.”

  “Why me? This sounds like Shay shit, and you said she’d be back soon.”

  “The lovely Miz Carson is an excellent tomb raider, but this job might require a more direct and less archaeological approach.”

  “Straight ass-kicking?”

  The Professor shrugged. “That’s one way to refer to it.”

  “What’s going on, exactly?”

  “I acquired a golden plaque. The artifact is useless on its own, but it does have some use when combined with other artifacts, including a vimana.”

  James furrowed his brow. “Isn’t a vimana some sort of ancient flying machine?”

  “In this case think more flying castle, but yes.”

  “And this plaque is important to that?”

  The Professor nodded. “It’s a sort of navigational program. The problem is, I may have made an inelegant choice of whom to trust in this matter.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “It means that the plaque should have been delivered to me by one Warren Sanderson yesterday but it wasn’t, and Mr. Sanderson has been conveniently avoiding responding to my various communication.”

  James shook his head. “Wait, you telling me that you think this guy you hired took your plaque and ran?
”

  “It’s a strong possibility. I was going to have my associate Correk look into it, but he’s not available. Not only that, but this is my screw-up, so I need to eat the cost of cleaning it up.” He pointed at James. “You have a good nose for hunting people down and applying just the right level of violence.” The Professor held up a hand. “Right now I’m interested only in your availability. I still have a few last channels of communications I’m checking into before giving up on Mr. Sanderson.”

  “Alison’s coming home soon. It’s not like I can trek around the world looking for some douchebag artifact thief.”

  “Oh, it won’t be like that. It’ll be a local matter, and I should know very soon—within a day or so—if I need your services.”

  James shrugged. “Okay, then I guess I’m open. What are we talking about pay-wise?”

  The Professor grinned. “I could give you money, but you do not exactly lack that, and it doesn’t motivate you nearly as much as the lovely Miz Carson. How about something better?”

  “What’s better than money?”

  “I’ll owe you a favor, and when you come for it, this time I won’t be able to make you participate in a dirty limerick competition.”

  James grunted. “I might win next time.”

  “But do you want to participate again?”

  The bounty hunter grimaced. “Nope.”

  “We both know, lad, that you’re going to end up needing an artifact or two in the future. This will just facilitate the process.”

  Why do I have a bad feeling about all of this?

  “It’s not like you to get taken,” James observed.

  “Aye, that’s true, but we all make mistakes now and again.”

  James shrugged. “Okay, I’ll stick around town the next couple of days.”

  The Professor smiled, but James’ stomach tightened. Something about the whole thing smelled off.

  It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the Professor. The man had been honest with him for years. It took a few seconds and a hint of derision from the amulet until James realized what was bothering him.

  This is the first major mistake the Professor’s made in a long time, which means this Sanderson asshole isn’t some lucky small-timer. This shit might be tough.

  The amulet’s eagerness was hard to ignore.

  What are you gonna do if I end up dead, asshole?

  “Quiet night, Maria?” Tyler asked from behind the bar.

  The woman laughed. “Yeah, quiet night. Between the Drow and Tessa Vansant things have been tense lately, so it’s nice that LA is sticking to the old-fashioned kind of assault and murder that doesn’t need an AET team.”

  Tyler poured her a drink and set it in front of her, hoping his eagerness wasn’t showing. A night of careful thinking had finally produced a useful idea on how to make some more money off Brownstone, but since Maria had joined Team Brownstone, he needed to be careful how he probed the issue. Not only that, but his plan might also require a little help from AET.

  “That armor you wear on the job is pretty badass,” he began.

  Maria shrugged. “It’s useful and light-weight, but damn it doesn’t exactly breathe. Let’s just say I’m glad I’m not on an AET team in Phoenix.”

  “But it’s got all those cool features. Radio…fuck, it has a built-in camera, too, right?”

  “Sure, but that’s not all that impressive. Pretty much every LAPD officer has a body cam. We just have a headcam instead.”

  Perfect. That means a shitload of different guys getting video of every incident from different angles. It’s like having a whole film crew there.

  “I was thinking the other day about what you said about Brownstone,” Tyler continued. “And how that Drow shit went down way out of town.”

  Maria sipped her drink. “Yeah, what about it?”

  “Well, because of that you all could really let loose, right? You didn’t have to worry about blowing up some poor sonofabitch’s car or hurting some innocent person in the crossfire.”

  “Yeah, it was a good location. Wish we could have had explosive drones with us, but it was still a good place for a showdown.”

  “So there’s a lot of value in level fives getting taken down outside of town?”

  Maria nodded. “Yeah. Innocent people don’t get hurt, and property damage is minimized. That makes the mayor happy, which means the chief is happy, and that means no one is screaming at me.”

  It also means that no one else, including the news, has a chance to record shit. That Drow battle would have been epic to witness. How much would people pay to see something like that?

  “Kind of was thinking about that the other day; what I could do to help,” Tyler commented.

  Maria set her drink down, disbelief coloring her face. “Help?”

  “Look, I’m an info broker, not some sort of sadistic douchebag, and I don’t like level-five psychos rampaging through the city. Sometimes I hear things, and I might be able to let a certain asshole bounty hunter know. Maybe I could even whisper some things to the right ears, so his bounty ends up at a convenient location outside of town.”

  “If you know about level fives, you should just tell AET.”

  The plan was almost foolproof. He could hype a fight online and then push Brownstone and a bounty together. The trick would be getting AET there in time to get video without them spoiling the whole thing. Once they had video, he could easily get his hands on it by throwing a little cash around. A little creative editing plus internet hype, and he’d be a fight promoter.

  It wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong. Level fives needed to be taken down anyway. All Tyler was doing was working an angle that’d earn him a little extra money in the process.

  Tyler nodded. “Yeah, sure, but I figure since you’re on Team Brownstone now, you wouldn’t mind him taking a whack.”

  Maria arched a brow. “I’m not on his team. I’m just not obsessed with blaming him for everything.”

  This is working great. She’s not coming to the conclusion that I have an idiot stick up my ass.

  “Just saying.” Tyler shrugged. “It was something I was thinking about.”

  “If you can steer the next asshole away from a population center, then yeah, go ahead and do it. What’s your angle here? You looking for a finder’s fee from Brownstone?”

  “I was thinking more like some sort of informant fee from AET.”

  Maria snorted. “So much for the goodness of your heart, huh?”

  “Hey, if I can profit and help you take down a scumbag, isn’t it a good deal for everyone?”

  “I’m sure we can figure something out. It probably won’t be a lot, though. Don’t get your hopes up.”

  Oh, don’t worry, Maria. The money from the video and gambling will more than make up for it. I just don’t want to leave any money on the table.

  Tyler shrugged and shot her an innocent smile. “I’ll live. Not every day can be a big payday.”

  Need to get Brownstone over here and see if I can work some angles on him.

  7

  Tyler paced back and forth behind the bar, Kathy eyeing him like he’d lost his mind.

  “Stop it,” the brunette barked.

  “Huh?” Tyler stared at her.

  “You’re freaking me out, and you’re making people nervous.” She gestured toward the bar and then around the room. “And this place has too many sketchy people. You look like you’re waiting for the cops to show up and haul us all off.”

  “It’s just…fucking Brownstone.”

  Kathy rolled her eyes. “Look, he’ll get you when he gets you. No use worrying about it now.”

  “No, it’s not that. It’s something else.”

  “What?”

  “Every time I bet on him, I win.” Tyler threw up his hands.

  Kathy side-eyed him. “And that’s a bad thing because?”

  “Because I keep winning.”

  “Money.”

  “Yes, money.”

&nbs
p; “You’re bitching about winning money?”

  Tyler nodded. “Off Brownstone.”

  “But you like money.”

  “But I hate him, and now I’m about to try and make even more money off him. That’s fucked up.”

  Kathy laughed. “So what? It’s not like normal people love every single company they invest in. You’ve got to get this Brownstone rivalry thing out of your head. Stop thinking about him as some bounty hunter nemesis and start thinking about him as an investment opportunity.”

  “An investment opportunity,” Tyler echoed. “I like that. Yeah. That will work. Time to make some more fucking money off that asshole.”

  Thirty minutes later Tyler sat at his desk and stared at his phone, Kathy’s advice swallowed with a combination of irritation and doubt.

  This is a terrible idea. This is the worst fucking idea I’ve ever had. But then again, it could make a ton of money, and I need Brownstone to make that money. If I get lucky, maybe I lose a little bit of money, but he goes away.

  Shit. If he goes away, I lose any chance to make more money off him.

  The information broker groaned and slumped back in his chair. Every time he’d bet on Brownstone he’d made money. It was like the universe was mocking him by forcing him to believe in a man he hated.

  But hate didn’t pay the bills, and he trusted his profit instincts.

  He texted the bounty hunter.

  Hey, Brownstone, I wanted to talk to you later at the Black Sun about a possible business opportunity.

  Maybe the man wouldn’t immediately respond, and he’d have time to relax.

  No such luck. The phone chimed only a few seconds later. “Sonofabitch.”

  What fucking business opportunity could you possibly have for me?

  This isn’t something I can discuss in a text message, but it’s something we can both benefit from.

  How do I know this isn’t another trick? You tried to screw me over before.

  That wasn’t screwing you over. It was just a joke. Get a sense of humor, Brownstone.