Full Circle (Shattered Lives, Book Five)

by Rissa Blakeley

  It all felt like excuses.

  After a quick shower, he dressed in his usual attire—trousers, button-down shirt, sweater vest, jacket. Not only did it keep him warm, it gave the appearance of a normal weight.

  He had a moment of dizziness, causing him to grip the chair in the bedroom until it passed. Then the headache came back.

  “Fucking hell… Pull yourself together, Carlson. You can’t be doing this right now.”

  He straightened his body and attire, then reached to the nightstand to grab the file folders he had read and re-read when he finally crawled into bed last night. Worry trickled into his mind over some of the symptoms he had been exhibiting as of late.

  It could all lead to many things, particularly questions from the team. He would deny everything that could infringe on his work, dismissing the symptoms as stress-related. If they continued or became worse, he’d sneak a blood sample.

  Heading out of the flat, Erik cleared his thoughts by opening the folder and reading a medical article about suspended animation.

  Exiting the elevator, Erik walked down the hall toward his office, his nose in the folder. Steps from the door, he heard a throat clearing. He looked up, holding in the sigh when he saw Dr. Barter leaning against the doorframe.

  “Morning,” Erik said, opening the door to his office.

  “I just saw Luke. He was awake, so I extubated him.”

  “Oh, good. He’s doing well?”

  “Levels seem about where they should be,” Dr. Barter said, sitting in the chair across from Erik’s desk. “I want to continue treatment for the virus right away.”

  Erik dropped the folder on his desk and stared at the doctor. “What? Why would you recommend that?”

  “Well… I think we should kick this process into high gear.”

  “Luke died yesterday, Scott. Thankfully, Michelle acted fast. Otherwise…” He leaned close and whispered, “we would’ve had an undead on our hands.” He dropped into the chair, the leather creaking under his slight weight.

  “What do they say?” He waved his hand through the air, shrugging. “Go big or go home.”

  Shoving his fingers under the frames of his glasses, Erik rubbed his eyes, wishing the headache would subside. He shook himself and pushed the glasses back up his nose, then leaned forward, elbows on the desk.

  “He needs to be stronger before we give him another treatment. In all honesty, this is kind of surprising coming from you.”

  “And that’s exactly why you hired me,” Dr. Barter said, grinning.

  “Let me get a bag into him and have him do a little exercise. With continual IV fluids, I would say he’d probably be good to go in a couple days, but I want him closely monitored for every little thing that could creep up.”

  “A bag of what?” Michelle asked, peering through the doorway, startling both men.

  The doctor and scientist exchanged a glance. “Fluids,” Erik said. “I want to make sure Luke is hydrated so he will be strong enough for the next procedure.”

  “Oh… Okay,” she said, eyeing them both curiously.

  “Today, he can rest. Tomorrow, I want you to get him on the treadmill. A little walking should do him well.” Erik smiled at the nurse.

  “Will do.” She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. “I’m going to walk down to the café and grab a pastry and coffee. Do either of you need anything?”

  “No. I don’t eat that garbage,” Dr. Barter grumbled.

  “I’m all set, Michelle. Thank you for asking.” Erik smiled again.

  “Yeah… You’re welcome.” She glared at Dr. Barter, then spun around and stormed off, grumbling the entire way to the elevator. “Fucking twat.” Then she mocked, “I don’t eat that garbage.” She punched the button, waiting impatiently for the car to arrive. She tapped her foot, jaw clenched, staring up at the arrows.

  When the door slid open, she stomped inside. Once it closed, she let out a loud grumble of frustration, crossing her arms, waiting for it to come to a stop.

  As the door opened again, she wasn’t paying attention, stalking out and running right into Tess, knocking her over.

  “What the fuck?!” Tess yelled, hitting the tile floor.

  Michelle gasped. “I’m so sorry.” She held her hand out to help her to her feet.

  Waving her away, Tess grumbled, “Where’s the emergency? Christ. Like I can be missed with all this.” She touched the fiery orange tips of her bright blue hair. Tess stood, cranking her neck from side to side. “Bloody hell. I’ll need to go get an adjustment from the chiropractor now. That’s coming out of your pocket.”

  “I said I’m sorry!”

  “Bird…” She circled her hand in front of Michelle’s face. “Put all the twuntitude away.”

  Michelle narrowed her eyes. “Twuntitude?”

  “Yeah… Twaty cunty attitude. Duh.” Tess rolled her eyes.

  “You all are so goddamn peachy to work with!” Michelle shouted before heading to the front entrance.

  “Mutual feelings!” Tess hollered back, flipping her the bird.

  “Whatever,” Michelle muttered, pressing her finger to the print reader, unable to leave quickly enough.

  It was a rare sunny morning in the East End. Needing a moment to collect herself, Michelle sat at the café before heading back to check on Luke. While she should’ve been enjoying the warm rays on her body, she couldn’t think of anything but him.

  She picked up her latte and took a sip. Setting it down, she stared at the pastry, then poked it, getting a little glaze on her fingertip. Normally, she would’ve eaten such a treat in seconds, but the endless flashes of Luke lying on the bathroom floor ruined her appetite.

  “He’s alive,” she whispered, as if needing to convince herself. Reaching up, she tucked her hair behind her ears, her hand grazing her cheek. She realized she had a few tears falling.

  “Everything okay?”

  Michelle gasped and looked up. “Erik? What…? I asked…”

  “I realized I needed a break.” He settled into the seat across from her, a cup of coffee in hand.

  Now that she had a good look at him in natural lighting, she noticed he looked extraordinarily pale. “You aren’t looking well. Are you coming down with something?”

  He smiled. “No. Just stress. Lack of sleep. I came down about six times last night to check on Luke. You were sound asleep.”

  “I just couldn’t leave…” She fiddled with a napkin, unable to look Erik in the eyes.

  “It’s okay. I’m glad you are so dedicated. It’s what he needs.”

  “I probably should’ve told you, but I don’t handle losing patients well…at all.”

  “I understand. You’re compassionate. That’s a highly respectable way to live life.”

  A few more tears leaked from her eyes. “When I saw him on the floor…” She shook her head. “I once lost a patient whom I had taken care of for ages. It was devastating. I felt like I lost a friend.”

  “It’s okay to look at Luke that way, as well.”

  She patted her cheeks with the napkin. “Just before he coded, he cracked a joke. His vulnerability really showed. It was the first time I realized how invested I was. He’s so much more than just a miserable bellend getting treated.”

  Erik let out a quiet chuckle. “You will find that he’s… Hmm, how should I put this?”

  “Difficult?”

  “Well, yes, that is very true. He can also be charming, though. He never had an issue getting a woman’s attention.”

  “So you know him more personally than just as scientist and guinea pig?”

  “Sort of…yes,” he said, rubbing his temples.

  She narrowed her gaze. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine, but thank you. Just a headache.”

  “Hmm… I would imagine working one-on-one with Dr. Barter is a headache in and of itself.”

  Erik chuckled again. “He is challenging at times.”

  “For a doctor, his disrega
rd for Luke’s life is just odd.”

  “Scott likes to fix things, doing whatever possible. He believes the human body is much more powerful than we give it credit. He pushes boundaries. Due to Luke’s illness, I needed someone who would be willing to go beyond normal medicine.”

  She leaned forward. “What’s really wrong with him?”

  “I’m sorry, but I can’t say. It’s classified information.”

  “So the government’s involved?”

  Smiling, Erik stood. “Let’s head back.”

  Leaving the pastry on the table, Michelle grabbed her coffee. She caught up to Erik as he wandered down the sidewalk, heading back to the facility. “You aren’t going to tell me, are you?”

  “That would be a negative.”

  “Maybe you will trust me enough someday to fill me in.”

  “It’s not whether I trust you, Michelle. I wouldn’t have brought you on if I didn’t. If word gets out, he and his family would be in more danger than they already are. I just can’t risk it.”

  “I can understand that, I guess.”

  “Good.” He stopped at the front entrance and touched the print reader. When the door unlocked, he pulled it open and waved her through. “Let’s go check on our patient, shall we?”

  She smiled and nodded, following Erik to the elevator.

  Chapter 20

  -Gamebridge, New York-

  “Henry…,” Elaina moaned, holding his emerald gaze as he thrust into her trembling body.

  “Oh, love… So fucking good.” He let out a groan, turning her on even more. Then he stopped, sadness enveloping his eyes as he stared into hers.

  Swiping her hand across his forehead, moving the strands of hair stuck to his sweaty skin, she asked, “What’s wrong, lover?”

  “I miss you,” he whispered, his voice echoing through her mind.

  “I’m right here, Henry.”

  “I have to go soon, but I don’t want to leave you.”

  She took his face in her hands. “Then take me with you. Don’t leave me behind.” Tears ran down her cheeks. “Please…,” she begged, her face twisting as she cried.

  “Love… I wish I could.” He shoved his arms under hers and rolled them over, still connected. “Enjoy me here and now. It will feel like forever.”

  Sucking in a deep breath to calm her emotions, Elaina braced herself, palms resting on his bulky shoulders, and began rocking her hips. Henry tipped his head back on the pillow, eyes rolling, moaning over the sensations her body gave him.

  Ecstasy rose, her nerves tingling. Tightening down on him, she let out several breathy moans as her climax rushed through her.

  “Look at me…,” he said, running his hands up and down her sides. “I want to see your eyes, my black-haired beauty.”

  Elaina leaned forward and pressed her lips against his, exchanging soft, delicate kisses.

  “I love you so much, but I need to go.” Then Henry whispered, “Goodbye.”

  Elaina leaned back. “No! You must stay.” She watched him fade into the darkness. “Henry! Henry, please!”

  Frantically searching for him, she grabbed at the pillows and linens, pushing them off the bed. The realization of her worst fear hit hard.

  She lost Henry…again.

  Starting in her chest, she released an ear-piercing scream, shattering the mirror on the dresser, the window following closely behind.

  Panting, Elaina scurried off the bed. She ran around the room, the shards of glass tearing through her feet, legs, and hands as she looked in every corner, under every piece of furniture.

  Realizing he wasn’t anywhere, another scream pushed from her body.

  Elaina collapsed onto her knees and picked up a large piece of glass from the mirror. She sliced into her bare arms and thighs, writing Henry’s name into her skin, but it healed instantly. She did it repeatedly, the horrifying bloody gashes healing each and every time.

  “No! Don’t leave me,” she cried in exasperation, throwing glass, looking for a piece that might work.

  She carved his name on her abdomen, thighs, arms, chest, over her heart. Not wanting to give in, needing to keep Henry with her for all eternity, she sobbed as the last jagged line faded away.

  Elaina slumped, falling onto her back, realizing Henry, whole and broken, was gone forever.

  Anne stood at the sink, washing the breakfast dishes. She hummed a soft tune, hoping today’s activities wouldn’t be as difficult and emotionally exhausting as she feared. She let out a sigh as she dried her hands, then peeked in on Nicky, who sat on the family room floor, looking through his books. He babbled away, acting as if he could read the words on the pages. She smiled at his innocence, wishing they could all be as happy-go-lucky as their young boy.

  A thud sounded on the floor above the kitchen, drawing Anne’s attention. “Maybe she’s getting up for a change,” she whispered, smiling. “It can only get better for us.”

  Just as she completed her thought, a horrific scream sounded from upstairs. Anne ran in and grabbed Nicky and his books, dropping him in his portable crib. “I’ll be right back, monkey.”

  Ignoring his protests, she ran back through the kitchen and up the stairs. She didn’t even bother to knock, practically breaking the door down to get inside.

  Elaina was on the floor, curled into a ball and sobbing so hard, she sounded as if she would vomit. Anne ran to her and dropped down, pulling her into an embrace. Surprised by the frailty of her increasingly thinning body, she held Elaina close and rubbed her back, rocking her back and forth, whispering loving words as she continued to sob.

  “Shhh…,” Anne said. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”

  “He left…me again,” Elaina cried through jagged breaths.

  “Shhh…,” she murmured, still rocking.

  “He was here…and left me.”

  Not understanding what her words meant, Anne continued comforting her. “Oh, Elaina. I’m so sorry.”

  Shuddering breath after shuddering breath, Elaina forced more words through. “I want…him back.”

  “I know, sweetheart. I know. I do, as well.”

  “It was real.” Elaina moved away from Anne, checking her arms and legs. Gasping, she slapped her trembling hands over her face. “They’re gone.”

  Nothing. No blood. No words carved into her skin.

  Her gaze danced wildly as she looked at the window, then the mirror attached to the dresser. Gesturing to them, she whispered, “They broke…”

  Anne gazed over her shoulder. “The mirror? The window? They’re fine.”

  “No! They broke. I used the glass to carve his name on my body…”

  Anne furrowed her brows, staring at Elaina. “Was this a nightmare?”

  “It was real. W-We were together. Then he vanished.” Elaina stood and looked around the room, turning in circles.

  Standing, Anne grabbed Elaina’s shoulders. “Sweetheart, I think you had a nightmare.”

  “It was a nightmare with him and will always be without him.”

  Anne pursed her lips and swallowed back the emotions. “I know. We’re going to get through this. We will get through the loss and, someday soon, the three of us will be happy. Laughing together, enjoying the time we have left with one another.”

  “I can’t see that in my future.”

  “I promise.” She pulled Elaina into another hug. “I love you so much, Elaina. I see you as my daughter. All I want for you and my grandson is happiness. We are going to find that for you.”

  Elaina nodded into her shoulder, then stepped away.

  “Gunther and Cora are having a small remembrance for Henry today. They really would like it if you could attend.”

  “I don’t think I can. I can’t face anyone just yet.”

  “Yes, you can. Do it for Nicky. Show your baby boy how strong his mummy is.”

  “I’m weak. Full of sorrow. Despair. Anger. It’s an endless cycle. Around and around, one blends into the next. I’m a fucking mess,
Anne.”

  “Trust me, I understand,” she said, watching Elaina’s eyes as she stared at the floor. Anne picked up her chin. “I want you to clean up, get dressed, and come with us. You also need to eat something. You’re too thin.”

  “Will this ever get any easier?”

  “I don’t know, but what I do know is Henry would be angry with you for how you are treating yourself, not caring for your health.”

  Elaina stood in silence, refusing to make eye contact.

  Anne walked to the door, not willing to enable the wallowing more than she already had. The “tough love” approach had to work at some point. She took one more glance over her shoulder. “It starts in about an hour.”

  As she headed into the hall, Elaina listened to her soft footsteps sweep over the hardwood floor and down the stairs. Looking back at the bed, she wanted to crawl back in. Maybe she could dream of Henry again. However, she knew she had to go to the remembrance. They expected her to show.

  When she flicked on the overhead light, Elaina hissed, rubbing her eyes. She rather enjoyed the dark, vampiresque lifestyle. No sun, no light…unless she was reading Henry’s words.

  She forced herself to walk to the closet and open the door, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, preparing herself to see all his clothes.

  Up until this point, she had picked stuff out of his dirty clothes to put on. She needed his scent all around her. Thankfully, Anne had restocked all Henry’s toiletries so she could drown herself in his usual dark and spicy scent.

  Sighing, she opened her eyes. The gray sleeve of one of Henry’s button-downs stood out. She grabbed it off the hanger and held it to her nose. It didn’t smell like him. In fact, it didn’t smell like anything, leaving her to frown. Searching a little deeper, she found a lace-trimmed, black tank top and a pair of dark wash jeans.

  “I suppose this will do,” Elaina whispered, closing the door, heading to the dresser. She pulled out a fresh pair of undergarments and stared at the black lace, rubbing it between her fingers. Realizing it was the same set worn on their last night together, she bit her bottom lip as a sickness rolled through her body.