Full Circle (Shattered Lives, Book Five)

by Rissa Blakeley

  She would never experience Henry’s love again.

  No more caresses, gentle touches, or the soft feel of his lips all over her body. The whisper of his voice, telling her how beautiful she looked as she writhed under his expert ministrations. The rough scratch of his five o’clock shadow against her cheek as he settled on top of her. The oddly cool feel of his breath and body.

  Shaking herself out of her thoughts, she dropped the clean clothes onto the bed and stripped out of his sweaty smelling gym clothes, folding them neatly, just as he liked.

  Elaina looked down at her naked form, running her hand over a breast, down her stomach, around her hip. The silvery lines of the stretchmarks stood out, which she proudly earned while pregnant with Nicky. She turned and gazed into the mirror, noting what she felt was truly what she saw.

  Her breasts were no longer heavy with nutrition for her son. She hadn’t nursed him since Henry died, so she seemed to have dried up. Her waist cut in farther than before. Turning, she gazed at her ass, smiling that it was still there, even if it was obvious she had lost weight. “At least Henry would be pleased about this,” she whispered, caressing the supple skin, just as he did when things were good with him. She could never walk away without him at least running a finger over her ass.

  She frowned again, missing the closeness, his touch, the togetherness, the bond they had. It was a connection like no other. She knew she would never give it up or allow someone to steal her heart again. She might as well have had the crematorium take it and burn it with Henry’s body because that was where it would always be.

  She slipped on her undergarments, then the tank top. Easing her jeans over her hips, she realized she’d need a belt. Reaching around the closet door, she grabbed one of Henry’s. She stared at his button-down, dancing her fingers over the black buttons, then flicking the collar. When her eyes welled, she slapped her hand over her mouth in an attempt to keep the sob in.

  “God, Henry…,” she said, choking. “Why is everything so hard without you? It was so hard with you, but it’s so much worse not having you here.”

  The tears streamed like rivers that would never dry. At this point, they were nothing more than second nature. Every single one was just another drop in a bottomless well of sadness. She didn’t think she had the strength to save herself.

  Not yet.

  After weaving the belt through the loops on her jeans and buckling it, Elaina slipped Henry’s shirt over her shoulders, admiring the smooth feel of the cotton blend. She rolled the sleeves past her forearms, buttoned the two middle buttons, and tied the bottom into a knot. It felt comforting, as if Henry were there, holding her through the rough times.

  Elaina turned and faced the mirror, picking up the brush from the silver tray on the dresser, running it through her hair until it lay flat and smooth. She pulled it back, tying the long, black locks into a high ponytail. She gazed down at the wooden makeup organizer. The neutral eye shadow palette, black mascara, and nude lip gloss looked appealing, but she didn’t care enough to bother. She knew she wouldn’t stay at Gunther’s too long, so why spend time making herself up just to listen to everyone say wonderful things and share happy memories about Henry?

  She exhaled a sigh and turned, facing the window. She tried to talk herself out of looking, but nothing would stop her. Elaina reached out and lifted a slat on the blinds…

  The fucking shed.

  Still stained with Henry’s blood. Still standing there, quiet and tall, mocking her on a daily basis.

  It had become a habit to look out the window a couple times a day. Elaina had no idea what she hoped to see, but she felt she needed to check.

  Maybe it was his bike sitting idle under the cover.

  Maybe she thought the rainy fall weather would take the blood away, even if Cora had already tried bleaching it. Gunther painted the shed, but the blood seeped right through, reminding her of the horrid memory.

  Elaina dropped the slat, shaking her arms, freeing some of the nervous energy. She dried her tears and headed out of the bedroom.

  Jogging down the stairs to the living room, she saw Anne wrestling with Nicky on the couch, trying to dress him.

  “Mumma!” he squealed.

  “I’ll hold him. You put the jumper on.” Deftly, Elaina grabbed the blue sweater, pulled it over his head, then worked his waving arms through the sleeves. Anne sighed in relief. “Thank you. I’ve been trying to get that on him for five minutes.” She stood and hoisted Nicky on her hip, tapping him on his nose. Drool dripped from his lips as he clapped and giggled. “You are such a bugger! Just like your daddy.”

  “Da-da!” he screeched.

  Smiling, Anne leaned over and picked up the diaper bag. “He used to give me such trouble getting dressed. He preferred to run around in the nude.” When she locked gazes with Elaina, Anne pursed her lips. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to keep myself in check.”

  “No… It’s fine. I want him to know all about Henry. The good stuff, at least.” She walked out the front door.

  “Are you ready for this?” Anne asked, moving past her.

  “No.”

  Dawdling behind them as they walked to Gunther and Cora’s, Elaina looked as if she were tagging along, not like a prominent part of the family. As they got to the front porch, she pushed ahead. Without even knocking, she walked right into the house.

  Anne stood at the bottom of the steps for a moment, wondering if this little get-together would be a catalyst to Elaina’s already frail emotional state.

  Not paying attention to her surroundings, Elaina sidled up to the dining room table full of every food imaginable. Tiny sandwiches cut into cute triangles and squares. Salami and cheese platters. Fresh vegetables. Dip and hummus in every possible flavor known to man. Crackers and chips. A massive bowl of fruit salad. Cakes and cookies. Hunger pangs made her realize how little she had eaten over the past couple weeks.

  Cora walked out of the kitchen, carrying a tray of brownies, stopping short when she spotted Elaina. She expected her not to show. As Anne walked through the doorway, she and Cora exchanged a quiet nod.

  Placing the tray on the table, she said, “Hello, Elaina. So glad you could make it.”

  Not even gazing in her direction, Elaina’s response sounded calculated and robotic. “Thank you.” She grabbed a small plate, adding a few vegetables and a spoonful of dip.

  When Elaina rushed into the living room to take the only open chair, she walked past several people, including Edge employees. She had absolutely no desire to talk to anyone. The moment someone started jabbering on about how kind Henry was, she wouldn’t be able to hold it together.

  Elaina could feel their stares, but she couldn’t bring herself to give them a glance.

  Watching her, Cora sighed and shook her head. She turned her attention to Anne. “Hey, hon. How are you holding up?”

  “I’m exhausted, but we’re doing okay.” When Nicky squirmed in her arms, she set him down.

  Cora smiled as he toddled around. “You look so handsome, Nicky. If I’m not mistaken, I see a little bit of daddy in those wild eyes.”

  Anne laughed. “I was just telling Elaina he is a bit of a bugger, just like Henry was at the same age.”

  Cora reached out and clasped Anne’s shoulder, squeezing. “Gunther has told me about…” She glanced at Elaina sitting in the living room, “how she isn’t helping much. If you ever need a break, please, come over. You don’t even need to call. I’m here almost all day, every day.”

  “Thanks.” She pulled Cora into an embrace. “You two have been such a wonderful support system for us.”

  “I couldn’t imagine not being here for you.” Cora pulled back. “I need to go upstairs and check on Gunther. He’s been struggling with his emotions all morning. This has been tough on him. He lost his cool with the kids at breakfast, which is so unlike him. He’s been upstairs ever since. Anyway, help yourself.” Anne’s eyes widened, gawking at the loaded table. “I made plenty, and our guests
brought food, as well. You will be taking some of this home with you.”

  “Thanks.” Lips drawn tight, Anne headed into the living room.

  Cora let out a shaky breath, feeling sadness for her friend. She turned and headed up the stairs.

  Gunther stared at his reflection in the mirror attached to the dresser. It had been a trying day already, and he fought to keep his emotions tight; however, he was beyond overwhelmed. He rolled up the sleeves of his light blue dress shirt, then tucked it into his dark gray pants.

  When his phone rang, he dug it out of his pocket and answered, not even looking at the number.

  “Erikkson.”

  “Gunther… It’s Wade from Source Protein.”

  “Hey.”

  “I got your message about Henry. First, I’d like to extend my condolences to his family and yours.”

  “Thanks,” Gunther replied, jamming his finger and thumb into his eyes, hoping to stay in control.

  Wade sighed. “Mac, A.J., and I had a long meeting over the sponsorship. Just know that I battled hard for you and Edge, but majority rules. I volunteered to break the news to you since we have a good rapport.”

  Gunther dropped his hand. “Fucking hell… I’m don’t like the sound of this. Can you fill me in a bit?”

  “The sponsorship is being pulled.”

  “What?! Are you serious?” Gunther threw his head back and slapped his hand over his face. “Why?”

  “Henry committed suicide. The idea behind this campaign and sponsorship was that you two beat the odds and brought a new, refreshing light to the fitness industry. We signed you and Henry as a team. Team Edge.”

  “Fuck me,” he grumbled, pacing in front of the dresser, clenching his fist at his side.

  “I’m sorry. I tried hard to convince them to stay on board because you are what this brand is about. I have never met a more determined and driven individual who wants everyone to experience a positive turn-around.”

  “I just hired two more trainers and an accountant. I counted on that money to pay them.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. All I can offer is an apology.”

  “This is bullshit, mate.”

  “I agree one hundred percent. Edge has brought in some serious cash flow to the company with heavy profits for our entire product line. Your gym is outselling others by a landslide. It’s truly remarkable.”

  “We have about two-thirds of our clientele on at least one of your products.”

  “This is why I’m frustrated with Mac and A.J. It doesn’t make sense to take this business risk. I wanted them to null and void the current contract and start another with just you, but they want a team, not an individual.”

  “May I ask why the contract would be null and void?”

  “If you read it over, it states Source Protein can pull out anytime in the event of either or both of your deaths.”

  “Shit. To be honest, I didn’t even read it. Henry did all that stuff. He had a great business mind. Made all the arrangements, calculations, and objective decisions. I just signed where he told me to. Lesson learned. Well, thanks, I guess…” Gunther trailed off when a light knock sounded on the door. He glanced over his shoulder as Cora peeked in. “I’ve got to go. I have company coming over for a remembrance for Henry.”

  “Well, hell. I apologize for my poor timing,” Wade said. “Take care, Gunther. I hope we can do business again in the future.”

  “Yeah… Same here.” Gunther hung up and tossed the phone on the dresser.

  Walking into the room, Cora considered his posture, noting the slump of his shoulders. “Who was that? You look upset.”

  Gunther dragged his gaze up and down her body, thinking how fit she looked in her flirty, bright green sleeveless, V-neck dress. The pleated skirt grazed her legs just above the knee.

  “Wade from the protein company. They pulled the sponsorship.”

  She gasped. “What? Why would they do such a thing?”

  “The contract stated that in the event of one of our deaths, they could pull out. They want a team, not an individual.”

  “Oh, Gunther… I’m so sorry.”

  “Yeah. Thanks,” he mumbled.

  “Let’s talk about this a little more later. Everyone is here, including Elaina. Maybe not mentally, but she’s here.”

  As her hands landed on her hips, she watched his gaze travel up and down her body. Blushing, she looked away.

  “You look… Wow. Absolutely stunning.” He strode up to her and picked her chin up with his finger.

  She stared into his eyes. “Do you mean it?”

  “Fucking hell, bird.” He walked her to the mirror and stood behind her, gripping her waist. “Look how beautiful you look in this color.”

  She glanced away from her reflection. “It’s hard to feel beautiful when you’re covered in kid goo all the time.”

  He took her hand and spun her around, placing his hands around the back of her neck, his thumbs touching the edge of her mouth. Leaning down, he brushed his lips across hers. “Don’t ever think you’re not beautiful because you are certainly well above that mark.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered against his lips before kissing him again.

  “I know I’ve been stressed, but you have been brill this entire time. Thank you for being so patient and understanding. It means the world to me.”

  She stared up at him. “I’m worried about you.”

  “I’m fine. It’s just a lot of work.” He stroked her flushed cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Let’s go give Henry the sendoff he deserves, yeah?”

  Cora nodded and took his hand as they walked out of the room.

  Chapter 21

  As Cora broke their grip and headed into the kitchen, Gunther walked toward the living room. He weaved his way through the crowd, whispering “Excuse me” every two steps. Taking position at the fireplace, he gazed down at Elaina. She stared at her plate, not making eye contact with anyone.

  The quiet murmur stopped when he cleared his throat. “I just want to get this started right away.”

  He watched Cora come through the doorway holding a tray of small glasses filled with champagne, passing one to everybody.

  “First, thank you all for coming to celebrate Henry’s life. Elaina, Anne, Cora, and I decided to have this small gathering instead of a funeral because, well… Let’s just be real. A sappy funeral would piss him off.” Quiet chuckles, mixed with sniffles, ran through the room. “So, to spare us from the inevitable haunting—because you know the bugger would do so—we thought a simple dedication and a toast would be exactly what he would’ve wanted.”

  “Here, here,” a few said.

  “As some of you know, Henry and I didn’t always have the best relationship. Some of you saw us go toe-to-toe a few times. I wasn’t exactly the best person in his life…” Gunther looked at Anne. He felt every ounce of sadness for each tear tracking down her cheeks. “I will forever feel guilty for some of the things that transpired between us.”

  Before continuing, he paused to shove back the emotions. He shook his head as his eyes welled, then he gazed at Cora for some sort of reassurance. When she nodded and smiled, he was able to pull in a deep breath and finish his speech.

  “Henry had many issues, a lot of which you didn’t know about. He battled a multitude of demons. Today’s world really did a number on him and he had a hard time finding his place. I don’t think any of us will ever truly understand why he did what he did. Regardless, I will always be thankful for having him in my life.”

  Once more, Gunther paused, thinking about how many funerals Henry spoke at when they lived at the school in North Carolina. He felt Henry showed such grace as he spoke heartfelt words for each person they had to bury, including Quinn and their unborn child.

  He let out a staggering breath, trying not to look anybody in the eye. Again, his gaze landed on Cora. He needed her strength, desperate to have her stand by his side.

  Gunther fought to stay compos
ed as he watched her smooth movements. She selected a glass of champagne, setting the tray on an end table.

  Cora moved through the crowd, effortlessly, flawlessly, taking her proper place by Gunther’s side. They laced their fingers as he glanced toward the ceiling.

  Flooded with emotion, he realized Quinn had sent Cora to love and comfort him in his time of need, starting with the night she died.

  He would never be alone.

  Never fear the darkness.

  Never fall into the random pattern of greed and lust he had before committing himself to feel love in his heart.

  Cora stood on her tiptoes and whispered in his ear. “You’re doing great. I’m so proud of you.” She brushed her lips across his cheek, tightening her grip on his hand.

  That was exactly what Gunther needed to hear. He couldn’t help but think where he would be if this family weren’t in his world. He nodded and pulled in one last deep breath before continuing.

  “Henry was a generous man. Loyal, passionate, and whatever it was that struck him at the moment. He cared with every ounce of his being. I hope you all can take a page from his book and return to your lives knowing he made a mark in this world. You will never find another man like him. He was honorable…and a bloody good fighter.” Gunther smirked when everyone laughed. “So, raise your glass… To Henry. May your spirit not be lost and you find the peace you truly need and deserve.”

  Another rumble of “Here, here” reverberated through the crowd. When Elaina stood, Gunther and Anne exchanged a worried look. He nodded, signaling he would handle the situation, if needed.

  “I just want to thank everyone for coming to honor my husband, my son’s father.” She paused, gazing at everyone in the room. “I miss him terribly, as do Nicky and Anne.”

  Gunther watched her struggle—the pursed lips, the visible tremble in her chin, the shake in her hand as she clutched the glass.

  “Henry was the most amazing man on the planet. We’d been through a lot together. Many ups, even more downs. He put me through so much, but his perseverance and pure determination was what saw us through everything. No matter the hard times, I will always love my husband. My heart will always be with him, and I will forever hurt for him. I wish I could’ve saved him, just as he saved me so many times. I failed as a wife, but…” She stopped, a muscle ticking in her jaw as she balled her free hand tightly. “I feel it’s okay to say how angry I am. I’ve never felt such betrayal or hurt, and I will never forgive Henry for what he has done to us. It was selfish and, quite frankly, disgusting.”