Loving Bad

by Regan Ure

  I rolled onto my back and let out a heavy sigh. For a while, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling in the darkness, trying to come to some sort of decision. He'd said if I was interested in taking advantage of him, I could let him know. I wanted to get rid of my virginity, and I wanted to experience sex. He'd offered me sex, so that left me with the choice.

  I was going to lose my virginity—that much I'd already decided, but the question was who was I going to lose it with? I could meet some random guy who could help me with that, but I couldn't help thinking sex with Sin would be awesome. Did I just want sex or did I want the ground-moving type?

  Jordan had warned me about him, but it wasn't like I was going to date him. I had to suppress a laugh at the thought of my brother's face if I brought Sin home and introduced him as my boyfriend. My brother would have a heart attack.

  No, I wasn't interested in dating Sin. I wanted no-strings-attached sex for one night, and then I'd walk away and he would be able to move on to the next girl. I didn't have to hear all the rumors about him with tons of girls to know that he knew his way around a girl's body. I bit my bottom lip at the memory of his hand sliding up the girl's thigh to her butt.

  My decision was made. I still felt a little nervous because he was so experienced, and I wondered if my inexperience would put him off. Maybe guys liked girls with some experience. I didn't have a number for him, so the only way I could talk to him was to go to his house.

  I was nervous for most of the next day, trying to work up the courage to go through with my decision. It was only when I was standing outside the front door of the house he stayed in the next day that I realized how crazy my idea was. What if he laughed in my face? I took a deep breath while I wrung my hands. As I let it out, I stepped forward and knocked before I could talk myself out of my crazy idea.

  Nervously, I waited. I heard sounds coming from inside the house, and before I could prepare myself, the door opened. It was the guy who had caught me trying to sneak out of the house after the first party.

  "You back for more?" he asked with a smirk.

  I swallowed hard, feeling my cheeks blush. It was at times like these that I wished I didn't blush so easily. I couldn't exactly explain to this stranger that I hadn't gotten any the first time.

  "S-Sin..." I began to stutter. I felt like such an idiot, and I was making a total ass out of myself.

  Maybe it would be better just to turn around and walk away. His eyebrows rose as he waited for me to complete my sentence.

  "Never mind," I muttered and turned around. This was a bad idea.

  "Wait," he said, grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving and I turned to face him. I crossed my arms over my chest.

  "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you off," he said. He replaced the smirk he'd worn earlier with a welcoming smile as he ushered me into the house.

  "Sin!" he yelled, looking up the stairs. I held my breath, feeling more nervous now that I was standing inside his house waiting.

  I turned to see two other guys that I remembered from the party where I'd first seen Sin. They were playing video games, but their attention was now focused on me, the video game having been forgotten. Just when I didn't think it could get any worse. Great, I'd have to do this with an audience! I felt the burn of embarrassment in my face as I stood there waiting for Sin under the curious looks of his friends.

  My nervousness increased when Sin appeared at the top of the stairs. He looked surprised to see me. His eyes flickered to his friend, the one who answered the door and who was still standing beside me. Then Sin's gaze settled back on me as he descended the stairs. His friend walked into the living room and joined the others. I was ready to make a dash out of the door and forget I'd even considered this ludicrous idea.

  "I never expected to see you again," were his first words to me as he looked at me with curiosity. He was probably trying to figure out why I was here.

  "Hi..." I said. I threw a glance at the three pairs of eyes that were watching us from the living room. Sin's eyes took our audience in.

  "We can talk upstairs," he suggested, shaking his head at his friends’ inability to give us privacy.

  I quietly followed him up the stairs and to his bedroom. Once inside, I couldn't help thinking the last time I'd left it I had never thought I would be back here again. Sin closed the door and turned to face me. One moment of silence turned into two while I wrestled with my words. He cocked his head to the side and studied me.

  "You don't have to be nervous," he said as he stepped closer.

  If I was nervous before I was even more nervous now standing in front of him. Up close with his eyes on me made me feel so aware of him and I struggled to put together the words I wanted to say.

  "I wanted to...ask...you," I stuttered under his intense gaze.

  "What do you want to ask me?" he said, standing confidently in front of me. I swallowed.

  I couldn't exactly say, "I want to have sex with you" so instead I said, "I want to take advantage of you in a sober state."

  He didn't look like the type who was easily shocked, but there was no mistaking it, he was shocked this time. He blinked and then he smirked at me.

  "You want to take advantage of me?" he asked, his smirk widening into a smile.

  Worried I'd stutter again, I just nodded my head. There, I'd told him what I wanted, and now the ball was in his court. I tried to meet his gaze without looking as nervous as I felt. His eyes slowly raked over me as he contemplated my request.

  "I'm not one to turn down an offer like that," he began and I waited with butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

  "But you don't look like you've ever taken advantage of anyone," he finished. How on earth did he know that? Was it written in my forehead?

  "So what?" I said. I wasn't going to lie to him about it. He would eventually find out the truth, and I wanted him to go into this with his eyes wide open.

  "As stunning as you are and as much as I’d like to take you up on your offer…" he started, and I felt my stomach begin to sink at the realization that he was turning me down.

  "I don't do virgins," he finished.

  "Okay," I mumbled as I tried to step around him and make a hasty departure, but he caught me by the arms.

  "Find someone special to share it with," he suggested.

  "No, it's fine. I'm sure I'll find someone who can help me," I replied, pulling out of his hold and getting out of his room as quickly as I could. He wasn't the only guy who could help me, and if he wasn't prepared to do it, I was sure I'd find someone who would.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Taylor

  It took me a few days to get over Sin’s rejection. I hadn't thought that my virginity would be something that would make him turn down my offer. I knew some guys, especially the types who didn't do commitment, had a thing against screwing virgins. I wondered why. Did they feel taking someone's virginity made an emotional connection that made it harder to keep the girl's expectations in line with casual? In general, girls were more emotional about sex, and every girl remembered the guy she had sex with for the first time.

  I could understand to a certain degree why Sin had turned me down, but it didn't help the feeling of being hurt. I barely knew him so I didn't know why he'd been able to bruise my ego as badly as he had.

  I'd been very quiet and subdued when I'd gotten back to my dorm room. Jordan had noticed something was wrong.

  "What's up?" she asked, studying me closely.

  "Nothing, I'm just feeling a little under the weather," I lied. I couldn't tell her I'd asked Sin to help me get rid of my virginity and that he'd turned me down.

  Finally, after a couple of days of mulling over my bruised ego¸ I decided that there were plenty of guys out there who would jump at the chance to help me. I didn't need Sin. He couldn't be the only guy who was good at sex.

  I was on my way to one of my classes when I heard someone shout my name. I stopped to see Caleb running down the hallway to catch up with me.

>   "Hi," he greeted, still sounding a little out of breath.

  "Hi," I greeted back, smiling at him.

  "Did you have a good weekend?" he asked, trying to make conversation as we continued to walk down the hallway side by side. We had the next class together.

  "It was okay," I replied with a shrug. I couldn't help the embarrassment I still felt every time I replayed asking Sin to sleep with me.

  "How was yours?" I asked. I wasn't used to talking to the opposite sex a lot, so I still got a little nervous and I struggled to think of what to say.

  "Fine," he replied. I wished I could have said the same as I shook my head, trying to get rid of the memories of the rejection.

  "I was going to call you this weekend," he revealed as he ran his hand through his hair. I felt my stomach dip at his words.

  "So why didn't you?" I asked, smiling at him.

  "Something came up," he replied as my eyes glanced down the hallway.

  I was about to look at Caleb when I spotted Sin a few feet away. He was facing our direction, leaning against the wall with his shoulder, talking to a girl in front of him. I was shocked to see him. I didn't even know that he actually went to the same college. I'd never seen him around before. He did live nearby the college, and there had been a couple of college parties at his house. It shouldn't really have come as a shock, but it did, and at that moment I wished I could disappear so he wouldn't see me.

  Don't look up, I begged myself while I tried to hide behind a curtain of my hair.

  As I said the thought in my mind, his eyes lifted and met mine. The impact of his eyes on me was powerful. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, and my cheeks burned red with the embarrassment from our last encounter. I pulled my eyes from his and turned my attention to Caleb.

  "You okay?" Caleb asked when he saw that I was a little distracted.

  "Yeah, I'm fine," I replied, determined not to let Sin affect me. It didn't help that my body didn't get the memo and I could still feel the butterflies fluttering inside my stomach as I felt the heat of Sin's gaze on me when Caleb and I walked past him.

  "You want to go to a movie sometime?" Caleb asked, and I tried to ignore the feel of Sin's eyes on me.

  "Yeah, that sounds nice," I replied. I hoped Sin was within hearing distance. I don't know why it mattered, but it did. I wanted Sin to hear Caleb ask me out; I wanted him to know that I wasn't that desperate girl who couldn't find a guy.

  "Great," Caleb replied as we entered our class together.

  "Just let me know when," I replied as I sat down in my usual seat. Caleb sat down in the seat next to me.

  "This week is a bit hectic so how about sometime next week?" he asked as he leaned back into his seat.

  "Sounds good," I replied, feeling a little more confident now. One guy had turned me down, but another was asking me out, so I started to feel a little better.

  Our class started, and I tried to concentrate on what the lecturer was saying, but I couldn't stop thinking about Sin. It was so frustrating that I was thinking about him and not the boy sitting beside me who'd asked me out. Deep down I knew the reason why. The attraction I had for Caleb wasn't anywhere near as powerful as the attraction I had for Sin. Stupid hormones!

  I felt a little jealousy at the girl Sin had been talking to. I couldn't help thinking that he'd screw her if she asked. No matter how much I tried to stop thinking about him, I couldn't. Maybe it was a little unfair to go out with Caleb when I couldn't get Sin off my mind. But then I thought about it. Maybe it was exactly what I needed. I had to get out and meet more guys.

  Just because I didn't feel the powerful attraction for Caleb didn't mean I couldn't have a good time. And that was part of the college experience. I wasn't really looking to find someone to start a relationship. I wanted to be young and reckless. I wanted to experience life.

  After my little chat with myself, I started to feel better. But I still couldn't stop myself from scanning the hallways when I left my class. Caleb said goodbye before he rushed off to his next class. I was glad I was done for the day.

  When I got back to the dorm room, I got started with my assignments and managed to forget about boys long enough to complete them. An hour later I picked up my phone to call my brother.

  "Hi, Tay,” he answered.

  "Hi," I replied.

  "Everything okay?" he asked, his tone laced with concern.

  "Everything is fine. Can't a sister phone her brother just to say hi?" I asked. The truth was I knew how much he worried about me so I thought I'd call him for a change.

  "Of course you can. It just doesn't happen that often," he said. He was right. I rarely phoned him. I made a mental note to phone him more often.

  "So how are things?" I asked conversationally as I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling.

  "Busy. How’s college?" he asked. It was the answer I often got. He was always busy.

  "Good."

  I kept my answer short and to the point. There was no way I was sharing more than that with my brother. He'd have a heart attack if he knew I'd propositioned a guy to take my virginity.

  "How is the love life?" I asked, knowing he was way too busy wrapped up in business to actually date.

  "It's okay," he lied, and I knew it.

  There hadn't been anyone significant in his life since his high school sweetheart. I didn't know why they broke up, but I knew that despite them being so young they had felt very deeply for each other. That had been about six years ago. I'd asked him once a couple of years after they broke up what had happened, and he'd refused to elaborate. All he had said was that it hadn't worked out. I wished he would find someone special to share his life with. I didn't want him to be a rich guy with no one in his life. No one stuck around long enough to achieve the label of girlfriend.

  For the next few days, I couldn't help looking out for glimpses of Sin everywhere I went on the college campus, but I didn't see him at all.

  I was looking for my phone in my bag. I knew if my brother phoned me again and I missed the call, he would do what he'd threatened to. Unable to find it in my bag, I turned abruptly to head back to my dorm to go and get it before Connor called when I bumped into someone. Hands reached out and gripped my arms to steady me. I looked up to see the guy who had caught me sneaking out of the house after the night I spent with Sin.

  "Shouldn't you be looking where you're going?" he asked me with a grin as he released my arms.

  "Yeah, sorry, I was a bit distracted," I replied quickly. I made a move to walk past him, but he grabbed my wrist.

  "Aren't you the girl who came to see Sin?" he asked. He cocked his head to the side and studied me for a moment. There was no getting away from the guy.

  "Yeah," I answered. There was no point in lying. He grinned at me.

  "How about we swap names so the next time we bump into each other I won't refer to you as ‘the girl I caught sneaking out of the house after a night with Sin’ and you won't have to refer to me as ‘the guy who caught you sneaking out of the house’?"

  I couldn't help smiling.

  "Sure, my name is Taylor," I replied.

  "I'm Slater," he said. It was a nice name. Then I remembered why I'd bumped into him. I needed get back to my dorm room to get my phone before my brother called.

  "Well, I gotta go," I said to Slater as I moved past him.

  "My company that bad?" he teased. I stopped and turned to face him.

  "No, I just forgot something I need to get before my next class," I explained, shaking my head.

  "Fine. Listen, we're having a party at the house on Friday. Why don't you come?" he asked out of the blue.

  His request took me by surprise. I wasn't sure why he was asking me to come, but did it really matter? If the party was at their house, then there was a good chance Sin would be there, and I didn't think that was a good idea at all.

  "I don't think that is such a good idea. I think it might be a little awkward," I admitted to him, trying to turn him down
gently.

  "It won't be awkward. Once Sin is done with a girl, he doesn't go back, so he won't care whether you're there or not," he explained with a shrug of his shoulders.

  The truth was Sin never had me; in fact, he'd turned me down. Maybe this would be another way to show him that I was over his rejection, even if it was a lie. I contemplated for a moment while Slater watched me. I'd also agreed to go out with Caleb in a week, but we weren't really dating so I could still do what I wanted.

  "Okay," I replied. "Can I bring a friend?"

  I would feel a lot less nervous if I could drag Jordan along with me.

  "Of course you can. The more, the merrier," he replied.

  "Great," I said, feeling confident in the decision I'd made.

  "I'll see you then, Taylor," he said with one last flash of a smile as he turned and walked away.

  I'd forgotten about my phone. I rushed as fast as I could back to my dorm room to get it. Thankfully there were no missed calls when I found it on my bed.

  For the rest of the week, I didn't see Slater again, but I did see Sin briefly. This time he ignored me totally, his attention fixed on another pretty girl. It reinforced that my presence didn't affect him at all so going to the party wouldn't be a problem.

  Later that day when I was talking to Jordan in our dorm room, I told her about Slater and the invitation to the party.

  "Slater invited you to the party?" she asked, looking at me suspiciously, like there was more to the story than I was telling her.

  "Yes," I confirmed.

  "Does Sin know you're going?" she asked. It felt like I was being interrogated.

  "I don't know," I sighed. "This isn't about Sin. This is about a guy inviting us to his party."

  "I don't know if Slater's reputation is any better than Sin's," she muttered.

  "Come on, don't be like that," I said, crossing my arms over my chest. "We're just going to his party, it's not like he’s asking me to date him."