Loving Bad

by Regan Ure

  He slowly moved lower to my breasts. He slid his tongue down my cleavage, and I felt his hands slip under me to unclasp my bra. For a moment, I stiffened.

  "It's okay," he murmured to me as he gently eased the straps off my shoulders and took it off.

  His eyes took in my naked form.

  "You don't have to be shy; you're perfect," he whispered as he leaned down. He took a nipple into his warm mouth and sucked gently. I felt the ache, the need for him grow. The sight of his tattooed arm against my plain pale skin was such a turn on.

  "I...." was all I could stutter before his mouth closed over the other nipple. He repeated the action, and I closed my eyes as I gasped. By the time he trailed farther down to my panties, I grasped the sheet beneath my hands. His hands skimmed down my thighs and opened them gently.

  "Any time you're not comfortable with something, all you have to do is tell me to stop and I will," he whispered to me. His voice was husky and velvety.

  "Okay," I managed to reply when I felt his kiss just above my panty line. I bunched the sheets in my hands as I waited in anticipation.

  He placed a kiss on the inside of each thigh before I felt his fingers reach for my panties and slowly eased them off me. I was naked, and I'd never felt more vulnerable. I felt my body tense.

  "Relax," he instructed softly. He licked my sensitive core, and I gasped. I felt something building up, and I tried to move, unsure of what I was feeling. He kept me firmly in place as he slid a finger into me.

  With his tongue and finger, he had built me up and then I felt myself explode. I bit down on my lip, but I couldn't muffle my gasp as I felt waves of pleasure hit me. I held onto the sheets as I drifted back, dazed and satisfied.

  He is good!

  I looked up at Sin. He hovered above me. His lips touched mine as he pressed his hard need for me against the apex of my thighs, and I ground against him. Despite the fact that I was still enjoying the after-effects of my first orgasm, I needed him inside of me.

  "Are you sure?" he whispered as his eyes held mine.

  "Yes," I whispered. I wanted him.

  He moved to get a foil packet off the side table and tore it open. He got up and dropped his boxers on the floor. It was the first time I'd ever seen a guy naked and I couldn't help but trail my gaze from top to bottom. He was gorgeous. When my eyes settled on his member, I couldn't help thinking it was bigger than I'd expected, and I felt a little nervous about how it would fit. I tried to ignore the nerves building up inside my stomach as he moved onto the bed above me. He kissed me as he settled between my thighs.

  "I'm going to go slow so I don't hurt you too much," he told me softly as I felt his tip nudge at my opening.

  Nervously I nodded as his mouth covered mine while I felt him press into me. Inch by inch I felt him move deeper and then he stopped. The fullness I felt was overwhelming.

  "Are you sure?" he asked, straining himself. He was giving me one last out. I pressed my lips to his as I felt him push totally into me. My breath hitched when I felt the brief pain.

  "Are you okay?" he whispered as he held still.

  "It's okay," I assured him. I'd expected the pain.

  Slowly he moved out and then he began to enter me again. With the slow movement in and out, the pain began to ease. Then I needed to feel him, so I wrapped my legs around him.

  He took my hands in his and held them above my head as he began to move faster into me. The headboard began to bang against the wall, but I didn't care. All that mattered was reaching that peak that would give me the release I needed. The friction built up inside, and I bit my lip to keep from screaming out as I climaxed for the second time.

  Sin thrust into me a few more times and then I felt him tremble as he came.

  I lay there not wanting to move. I just wanted to enjoy the moment as Sin kissed me one last time and rested his forehead against mine.

  "For your first time, you were pretty awesome," he whispered to me.

  I smiled at him.

  "You weren't too bad yourself," I teased and he laughed as he rolled off me. He disappeared into the bathroom and then when he came back he lay down next to me. He pulled the covers over us. Tired and satisfied, I drifted off to sleep.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Taylor

  When I woke up, it was still dark. I hadn't meant to fall asleep. I wasn't sure if it was okay to spend the night or not. I turned to look at Sin. He lay on his stomach, peacefully asleep. I smiled at the sleeping guy who had given me such an earth-shattering experience. My cheeks blushed at the memories of what we'd done.

  I was still a little tender between my legs, but I felt empowered. I had taken control of my life and made the decision to lose my virginity. And now that I had, I felt more confident and sure of myself. Little by little I was building up the person I wanted to be, the person who lived life to the fullest. It was wasted life to hold back because of fear. I believed in the saying, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I was living proof of it. Surviving a horror in my childhood had taught me that.

  In the darkness, I slipped out of the bed and began to pick up my clothes. I got dressed as quietly as I could, trying not to wake up Sin. I wanted to be able to slip out without having that awkward moment with him if he woke up. Besides, what did you say to the guy who helped take your virginity? "Thank you" just didn't seem right.

  Once I was done, I walked to the side of the bed. For a moment, I looked at Sin still sleeping in the bed. I smiled and let my eyes drift over him. He had been mine for one night, and I savored it for a few more moments.

  Our night was over, and he wasn't mine anymore.

  Quietly I slipped out of his room and made my way downstairs. The house was dark and quiet. I descended the stairs and walked to the front door.

  "Leaving so soon?" I heard Slater's voice. I gasped as my heart slammed into my chest from the fright. I was still clutching my chest when I turned to glare at him. I found the outline of his form sitting in a chair in the living room.

  "Do you have to keep doing that to me?" I said as I glared at him.

  "Yes," he replied. "It's fun."

  "What are you doing sitting in the living room in the dark anyway?" I asked.

  "I couldn't sleep so I came down here. I like the dark," he replied lazily. That had been twice that he'd caught me leaving the house at an early hour.

  "You don't sleep much, do you?" I asked.

  "No," he replied with a sigh. An awkward silence settled between us. He wasn't going to elaborate on why he didn't sleep.

  "I’d better go," I said as I turned to leave.

  "Do you have a car or are you walking?" he asked.

  "I'm walking." It wasn't far from the dorm.

  "You can't walk home now," he said, standing up. "It's like four in the morning and it's not safe."

  "I'll be fine," I tried to insist. I had a can of mace in my bag. When I'd made my decision to leave home to go to college, Connor had bought it for me. He'd insisted I carry it in my bag as a precaution.

  I didn't want still to be in the house when Sin woke up. He might think I was one of those girls who couldn't let go, and I didn't want him to think that. I knew what happened between us was never going to amount to anything more than one night of great sex.

  "If you insist on leaving now, I'll have to walk you," he warned in a serious tone.

  "Really, I'll be fine," I insisted again, reaching for the door handle. I opened the door and stepped outside. But when I tried to close the door, Slater stopped me. He'd followed me out.

  "You really don't have to do this," I said, feeling exasperated that he wouldn't listen to me.

  "Yes, I do," he said with a determined voice.

  "Fine," I said as I began to walk. He caught up with me and walked beside me. For a few minutes, we walked side by side in silence.

  "So, what made you decide to go to college?" he asked conversationally.

  I contemplated his question. I shrugged my shoulders.


  "It's what most people do when they finish high school. Why did you decide to go?" I turned his question around on him. He was silent for a little while.

  "Sin and I wanted to build a better future than our parents had. We grew up living next door to each other," he answered.

  I glanced at him for a moment. I didn't have to read people well to see there was a lot more behind that sentence than met the eye. His answer made me want to share more with him.

  "I wanted to come to college to experience all the things I never had," I added. He glanced at me.

  "I've led a very sheltered life and I always felt I was missing out on those little life experiences kids my own age took for granted," I explained further.

  "Sin and I had the opposite. There isn't much we haven't done," he replied. I didn't miss the sad and hard look in his face. I remembered Sin telling me that they weren't good guys, but bad guys didn't watch over a girl they didn't know because she was so out of it, and bad guys didn't walk girls home to keep them safe.

  I wanted to ask him more about his childhood, but I knew if he shared more I would have to as well and I wasn't ready. When people found out about my childhood and the horror I'd faced, they treated me differently. I wanted to be treated like a normal college student, not someone who had seen the worst side of humanity and lived through it. We were silent for the rest of the short walk. Outside the dorm building, we turned to face each other.

  "Thanks for walking me," I said. It didn't matter that I hadn't wanted him to.

  "You're welcome," he replied. "See you around, Tay."

  No one but my brother had ever called me that. I smiled at him as he turned to leave. I entered the dorm building and opened the door to the staircase. I was really beginning to get annoyed that the elevators hadn't been fixed yet.

  Halfway up the stairs, I heard someone else's footsteps besides my own. I thought it was a little strange so early in the morning. Maybe someone else was also doing the 'walk of shame.' I stopped for a moment and so did the other footsteps. I hesitated for a moment, hoping to hear the footsteps again. Silence.

  Strange.

  I felt a slither of fear up my spine, and I hastened my steps up the stairs even though I knew I was probably blowing it out of proportion. It could be anyone. The sound of the footsteps again made me climb the stairs faster than before as I began to panic. When I got to my floor, I pushed the door open and hurried down the hallway to my room.

  It was only when I got to the door of my room that I turned to look down the hallway. There was no one. I shook my head and let out a deep breath. I was doing it again. I was allowing what happened to me as a child affect me. Feeling angry with myself for reacting the way I had, I opened the door and walked into the dark room.

  I kicked my shoes off and climbed into bed, hoping to get a few more hours sleep before Jordan was awake and wanting all the details from my one night with Sin. It took me a while to calm myself down enough to fall asleep. The brief scare in the stairwell had opened the lid to the dark memories I'd buried deep inside of me. And as much as I'd tried to brush it off as an overactive imagination, it had really spooked me.

  My dreams turned into nightmares, and I woke up breathing hard, tangled in my sheets, with a concerned Jordan peering over me.

  "It was just a dream," she soothed as she hugged my trembling body to hers. She tried to calm me with words, but it didn't work. She didn't know that they weren't just dreams—they were the real life events that I relived in my dreams. It wasn't just a nightmare that would be forgotten about. What had happened had changed my life forever. It didn't matter how much I ran or how deep I buried the memories, they had marked me forever and there was no escaping them.

  Jordan peered at me over her coffee with concern as she took a sip. We were sitting in a coffee shop having something to drink. After my nightmare, I'd been trying to avoid talking about it, but she wasn't letting it go. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear while I stirred my sugar into my coffee.

  "So are you going to tell me what your nightmare was about?" she asked as she set her coffee cup down on the table. I knew that she thought she was helping by pushing the subject, but she wasn't. I'd been through this with enough shrinks to know that some things could be 'fixed,' but some things were scarred into your soul and there was no fixing that. You just had to learn how to live with it, and I had. Most days I was fine.

  People dealt with stressful events differently. What should have crushed me made me stronger, and I promised to make sure every day counted. I'd turned it around and used it to drive me to live life to the fullest. But that didn't mean that I liked to think or talk about the event that had changed my life.

  "I don't want to talk about it," I replied firmly as I wrapped my hands around my cup.

  "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push it," she said. "It's just that you're my friend, and I don't want you to hurt."

  I reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

  "I know that. I'm okay," I reassured her. "Most of the time I'm okay, it's just that something yesterday seemed to trigger it again."

  "What happened?" she asked as she took another sip of her coffee. I bit my lip for a moment.

  "Nothing, forget about it," I said, deciding that it was my overactive imagination working overtime. Her forehead creased slightly as she frowned.

  "You sure?" she asked. I nodded my head at her.

  "I'm surprised you haven't been at me for details of my night with Sin," I said, effectively changing the subject.

  "I hadn't forgotten about that. I want details," she said, happily changing the subject.

  "It was..." I paused for effect. "Earth shattering."

  Her smile widened at my blushing face when I remembered how good it had been.

  "He just never struck me as the type to do a virgin."

  Well, in the beginning he wasn’t. I still didn't know what had actually made him change his mind.

  "When I first asked him he turned me down," I revealed to her.

  "Really," she said, looking at me curiously. "I wonder what made him change his mind."

  I shrugged. I had no idea. If I thought back to our conversation, I think it was the fact that he was scared that someone with bad intentions would do what he'd refused to. I didn't know why he'd cared. The main thing was I wasn't a virgin anymore, and the experience had been amazing. My stomach fluttered at the memories.

  Later that day, I was doing laundry when I realized a couple of items of my clothes were missing.

  "Have you seen my purple underwear and matching bra?" I asked Jordan when I got back to the room. I thought the missing items might have gotten mixed up with her stuff because I remembered wearing them.

  "No," she said, shaking her head. She was sitting on her bed with a couple of books open doing some studying.

  "You can look through my stuff if you want," she offered.

  "No, it's fine. I'm sure I'll find them," I mumbled as I began to look through my clothes. A half an hour search through my stuff still didn't turn up the missing items.

  Connor phoned to check up on me, and I forgot about the missing underwear. We had our usual conversation. He asked me about college and my classes, and I asked him about work and his non-existent love life.

  "Come on, let's go to movies," Jordan suggested a little later that day. "I can't look at another book and I'm tired of being cooped up in the room."

  I was lying on my bed reading a book. I closed it and sat up.

  "Sure."

  The walk to the theater wasn't far. We were walking side by side when I looked up and saw Sin. The sight of him jolted me unexpectedly. He was standing just outside a popular bar that was just down the street from the movies. It was the first time I'd seen him since we'd had sex. I couldn't stop the flutter of butterflies in my stomach at the sight of him. He was dressed in jeans and a black top that emphasized the tattoo sleeve on his arm.

  The fluttering butterflies died a slow and agonizing death when I spot
ted him chatting to a girl. The girl had long auburn hair that nearly reached her waist. She was beautiful. I didn't know if it would make me feel any better if she weren’t. It probably wouldn't. It didn't matter. Pretty or not, he was with another girl.

  He was just a one-night stand, and it wasn't supposed to hurt. But against all my logical thinking, it did. I wanted to look away and pretend I never saw it, but I couldn't pull my eyes away from them. Jordan slowed down beside me. Her eyes followed mine to Sin and the girl. I knew what I was getting into when I'd suggested the one-night stand, but I hadn't planned on seeing him move on to another girl the next day. It was hard to watch. He smiled at the girl, and I felt like someone had knocked the wind out of me.

  Jordan gave me a sympathetic look. They were directly in our path, and I just wanted to turn around and go back to the dorm room before he saw me. But I stopped myself.

  You're not going to turn around and run, I told myself. You're going to walk past him, and you're going to say hi. And then you are going to walk away with your head held up high.

  "Do you want to go back?" Jordan asked gently, and I shook my head.

  I can do this. I swallowed hard, not sure I'd be able to do it without showing how hurt I felt. I took a deep breath and expelled it.

  "Okay," I said before I changed my mind and ran.

  We started walking again. Sin noticed me first, and he smiled at me. It was a knowing smile, that type of smile that said he knew every inch of my body. And, well, he did. I couldn't help imagining him doing the same with the redhead he was talking to, and I felt like someone had gutted me. I gave him the best smile I could muster. It was a tight one, which never reached my eyes.

  "Hi," he greeted us and the girl he'd been talking to turned around to look at us. She was dressed in a short miniskirt and a crop top that showed off her firm midriff. I felt frumpy dressed in a pair of jeans and a loose shirt.

  "Hi," I said, trying to keep my voice calm, but I was feeling so much I had no idea if I was actually holding it together.