Loving Bad

by Regan Ure

  I was dumbfounded and speechless as he stormed out of the bathroom. I had no idea how the conversation had gone wrong so quickly. He hadn't even given me a chance to explain. He'd jumped to his own conclusions and judged me. Before I left the bathroom, I splashed some water on my face and dried it with a towel. I was on my way back downstairs to see if I could find Sin to tell him why I'd stopped him.

  I was halfway down the stairs when I spotted him kissing some random girl in the corner near the dance floor. It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. For a few moments I stood rooted to the spot, watching him make out with a girl just minutes after he'd kissed me in the bathroom.

  Well, there didn't seem to be any point in trying to explain anything to him now. I descended the rest of the stairs and found my group. By the time I took my drink from Jordan, I had masked my hurt and I took a sip of the alcohol hoping it would numb the pain inside. I tried to keep myself from looking for Sin and the girl he was with, but no matter how hard I tried I found myself watching them. He leaned closer and whispered something in her ear and she beamed up at him. I wanted to throw up.

  "Are you okay?" Caleb asked with concern. I looked up at him.

  "I'm starting to get a headache." I said the little white lie with ease. I couldn't stand to be there anymore; I needed to get away.

  "You want to go home?" he asked as he scanned my features. I nodded my head. I was taking the easy way out.

  "What's wrong?" asked Jordan when she overheard Caleb's offer.

  "I'm just not feeling very well," I lied again, rubbing my temple a little to make my lie a little more believable. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sin kiss the girl again. I needed to leave now. I couldn't watch it anymore.

  "I'm going to take her home," Caleb told Jordan as he held me by the elbow. "I'll come back later to take you home."

  "Don't worry, I'll get her home safely," Slater stated. Jordan looked at him for a moment before she turned to Caleb.

  "Slater will take me home," she confirmed. Caleb nodded briefly at them.

  "Are you sure you're going to be okay on your own?" she asked.

  "I'll be fine," I assured her.

  Caleb walked in front of me and led me through the crowd of drunken people. I couldn't keep myself from looking back at Sin one last time as I walked behind Caleb. His eyes clashed with mine. His eyes flickered to Caleb before they settled back on me. He looked angry. The girl he'd been kissing stood in front of him with her arms around his waist and her head against his chest. Jealousy flared up inside of me, but I pushed it down.

  I had no reason to be jealous of her. He wasn't mine, he never had been. I pulled my gaze from his as I followed Caleb out of the house. I was quiet and subdued for the ride back to the dorm. Caleb gave me a few concerned side-glances as he drove. Irrespective of what happened with Sin and me, I still needed to have a talk with Caleb.

  When he pulled up in front of the dorm building, he was about to get out of the car and I stopped him.

  "I need to talk to you," I began before I could chicken out.

  "Okay," he replied as he turned to face me. I clasped my hands together as I suddenly became very nervous.

  "You're a really nice guy," I began as I looked at him. He was good-looking and nice. He was everything any girl could want.

  "But…" he prompted, obviously having a good idea where this talk was headed.

  "I'm sorry. It's just...you're a great guy, you really are...you're just not the guy for me," I told him, feeling horrible that I might be hurting his feelings.

  "I have to be honest. It sucks," he said as he let out a sigh. “Thanks for being honest.”

  I had hurt him. It was evident on his face and it made me feel terrible.

  "I'm sorry," I mumbled as I put my hand on his. It sucked that I couldn't choose who I felt things for. He looked at me for a moment and he reached out and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

  "Don't be sorry," he said. "Can we at least try to be friends?"

  I smiled at him, my burden of guilt feeling a lot lighter.

  "I'd love that," I replied.

  "Come on, let's get you inside," he said as he opened his car door and got out. I climbed out the passenger side. He walked me to the door of my dorm building.

  "I'll see you in class," he said as he gave me a forced smile.

  "Sure," I said and then I entered the building. I turned back to see Caleb walking back to his car. It was better to hurt him now than lead him on and hurt him more.

  I let out a sigh. Suddenly I was starting to develop a real headache. It had been an eventful evening and I was feeling drained. I felt nervous and skittish when I entered the stairwell. I climbed the stairs as quickly as I could. When I reached my floor I got out of the stairwell and entered the busy hallway that led to my dorm room.

  Once inside my room, I lay on my bed and tried to figure out how things had gone so wrong with Sin. I couldn't stop thinking about him and the girl and why he'd stormed out of the bathroom without giving me a chance to explain anything. It made me angry that he'd just jumped to conclusions and stormed out. Minutes later he'd been stuffing his tongue down another girl's throat. I knew I should just forget about it and put it down to a lesson learned, but I couldn't.

  Lying in my bed staring at my ceiling, I wished I'd stayed and talked to Sin. But then if I had stayed I wouldn't have had a chance to talk to Caleb to tell him that I didn't want to date him. I tossed and turned for another thirty minutes before I had a thought. Unlike before, I was free to do what I wanted and I could easily clear up the misunderstanding with Sin.

  So what was stopping me? Nothing. I got out of bed and pulled on the clothes I'd been wearing earlier. I put some shoes on quickly and grabbed my purse and phone. It was too late to try and walk even though it wasn't far. I wasn't stupid enough to risk that especially with all the strange things that had been going on lately. I was on the phone calling for a taxi. It was late, but ten minutes later I was in a taxi and on my way to Sin's house. I glanced at the time on my phone. It was eleven. It was the one time I was really thankful that my brother had made me program a couple of taxi company names into my phone. It had been his way of trying to make sure I never got stranded.

  The party was still going when the taxi pulled outside the house. I got out and for the first time since I'd made the decision, I began to question myself. Nervousness built up in the pit of my stomach. I had no idea if Sin would even give me a chance to listen to what I had to say. I took a deep breath and expelled it to try and stop myself from chickening out. Life was short and there wasn't time for indecision like this. What was the worst thing that could happen? He could refuse to talk to me and then at least I'd know I'd tried. I didn't want this moment to end up being a 'what if' moment that I would constantly question for the rest of my life.

  Determined, I walked up the porch steps past a couple of happy drunk guys. One did try to put his arm around me, but I managed to maneuver out of the way. Inside, the music was still pumping and people were dancing like they didn't have a care in the world. My eyes scanned the faces as I looked for Sin, but I couldn't find him. I didn't come this far to turn around and leave, so that wasn't an option.

  There was no sign of Sin and there was no sign of Jordan and Slater either. Someone stumbled against me as I stood at the bottom of the stairs deciding what to do next. I grabbed the railing to keep from falling over.

  "Sorry," the guy mumbled as he stumbled toward the bathroom.

  If Sin was still in the house there was only one more place he could be. Nerves and fear mingled together as I made up my mind. Before I had a chance to change my mind, I climbed the stairs quickly. The closer I got to my destination, the stronger my nerves and fear grew.

  Outside his door, I paused for a moment before I knocked. There was no going back now. I heard movement on the other side of the door as I held my breath. I had no idea if he was alone or not. The door opened and Sin appeared.

  "Ah,
you're back," he remarked.

  "I need to talk to you," I said in a calm voice, hiding the nervousness I felt. He didn't step aside to let me in. I didn't really want to have this conversation in the middle of the hallway.

  He cocked his head to the side and studied me for a moment. The tip of his tongue flickered against his lip ring. Then to my surprise he stepped aside and motioned for me to enter his room. I walked inside his room and he closed the door. He turned and leaned against it and surveyed me from head to toe, which sent tingles through me. I stood a couple of feet away from him with my arms crossed over my chest defensively.

  "So talk," he instructed firmly. I licked my bottom lip and his eyes fixed on the motion.

  "You never gave me a chance to explain why I stopped you," I said. The tip of his tongue flickered against his lip ring again and I couldn't help thinking of what he'd done with that same tongue to make my world shatter into a million pieces. I averted my gaze for a moment to regain my hormones and when I looked up at him, I kept my eyes fixed on his so I wouldn't be distracted. I had expected him to interrupt me, but he didn't. He remained quiet with his features veiled so I had no idea what he was thinking.

  "Caleb and I went out a couple of times." He didn't really need to know that it had only been once. "I didn't want to start something with you before I could make it clear to Caleb that I just wanted to be friends and nothing more."

  "With me it's not ‘something,’ it is just sex," he stated. I felt my stomach dip at the word sex. It was what I wanted from him.

  "I know," I replied.

  I was going into this with my eyes wide open and my fairytale dreams of love and marriage were firmly stuffed in the back of my mind. This thing between us would be purely physical. Sex with him was so hot I couldn't pass it up. It would also give me a chance to gain experience and that was what I wanted. I waited nervously for him to say something, but he remained silent. Then he walked toward me, holding my gaze. The confidence that oozed from him was nearly enough for my panties to melt from anticipation.

  "This thing with you… I want more than one night," he said softly as he stopped in front of me.

  "Okay," I replied.

  Then I remembered him and the girl downstairs earlier on making out. I had one rule that I had to lay down before we started anything.

  "This has to be exclusive, though. I don't want you to touch another girl while this is going on between us," I explained firmly. There was no way I was going to share him while we had this arrangement in place. He mulled it over for a few moments.

  "Fine. Exclusive fucking," he stated without batting an eyelid. Just what he said made me hot and aware of my own body. My body wanted him and I could feel the ache between my legs at the thought of what was about to take place.

  "Any more rules you want to put in place?" he asked.

  "No," I said.

  "No feelings, just sex, and when it ends we walk away," he said as he took another step closer. He was so close I had to look up to hold his gaze.

  "Yes."

  He reached for me slowly and I waited anxiously as I felt his hands thread through my hair and I felt the butterflies begin to flutter inside my stomach as I felt his warm breath against my lips.

  Then his lips touched mine. I felt his lips move against mine as I reached up and snaked my arms around his neck. His tongue swept against my bottom lip and I opened my mouth. My tongue met his as I felt his hands reach for my waist and lift me off my feet.

  I wrapped my legs around his waist as he stroked his tongue against mine. I expected him to lay me down on his bed, but he didn't. Instead he opened the bedroom door and walked down the hallway to the bathroom with me still wrapped around him. Once inside the bathroom, he sat me down on the counter. He pulled his lips from mine so he could close the door and lock it. I felt nervous and unsure. He opened my legs and stepped between them.

  "I want to pick up where we left off," he murmured just before he started to kiss me again. I felt his hands ride up my skirt and grip the sides of my panties. He pulled them off and dropped them to the floor.

  He reached for my top and took it off, dumping that on the floor on top of my panties. My body came alive under heat of his gaze. His lips slammed against mine and I felt an excitement begin to grow as his kisses became harder and more desperate. He trailed his lips from my mouth to the side of my jaw and I groaned, loving the way that small action sent a shiver through me. This time he didn't bother to take my bra off; instead, he pulled the bra down and flickered his tongue against my nipple. I gasped at the sensation that it sent through me. He smiled as he watched my reaction. I wanted and needed him.

  "Are you ready?" he whispered against my mouth as I felt his hand between my legs. He pushed a finger into me and I gasped against his mouth.

  "Yes," I gasped as he slid another finger into me. I moved against his fingers, needing the release he could give me.

  "Tell me what you want," he said as he pumped his fingers inside of me.

  "I... want," I tried to say, but I was unsure of how to say it.

  "You want me here," he said as he pressed his finger harder into me.

  "Yes," I panted.

  I felt disappointed when he pulled his fingers out of me but then realized what he was doing. He undid his jeans and dropped them to the floor. And then he pulled his boxers down. In his hand was a foil packet that he opened with his teeth, and then rolled on the protection that had been inside. I gripped the edge of the counter as he leaned forward and kissed me hard. With his hands, he opened my legs wider and then he stepped between them.

  I felt him push against me. I held my breath as he entered me slowly at first. He gripped my butt and pulled me closer to the edge of the counter as he slid totally inside of me. The feeling of him inside of me gave me a sense of fullness.

  "I can't take it slow," he murmured in warning as he pulled back and thrust back inside me harder. "I need to fuck you," he rasped as his fingers dug into my hips, holding me in place as he slammed into me harder.

  I panted as I held onto the counter when he began to pound against me. But as hard as he was thrusting into me, I needed him to do it harder.

  "Harder," I told him, feeling the buildup inside that needed release.

  His actions built me up. He brushed his tongue over his bottom lip as he watched me with fascination. Then I exploded and I felt my body shudder against his. His actions became more frenzied and he pushed into me a few more times before I felt him reach his peak. Afterward, I leaned against him for a moment as I struggled to catch my breath.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Taylor

  Sin dispensed with the condom while I got off the counter and grabbed my panties off the floor. I felt nervous as I slid them on again and Sin pulled up his boxers and jeans. It was a little awkward and I wasn't sure what to say.

  "It's hard to believe you haven't done this much," he said as he stood before me. I shrugged, unsure of how to respond to that comment.

  "I’d better go," I mumbled, feeling nervous and awkward as I reached for the door handle of the bathroom and opened the door.

  "It's too late," he said as he stopped me with a hand on my wrist. "Besides, I'm not finished with you yet."

  My stomach fluttered at the last comment and I ran my tongue along my bottom lip as my eyes met his. I let him lead me by the hand back to his bedroom. Inside his room, he released my hand and walked over to get his phone from his desk.

  "What's your number?" he asked.

  I gave him my number and he programmed it into his phone. Once he was done, he put his phone back down on the table.

  "Give me your phone," he instructed and I handed it to him. He programmed his number into mine. I wasn't sure how this arrangement between us was supposed to work. Did we call each other when we had an itch to scratch? The only way I was going to know was to ask him the questions.

  "So how does this work?" I asked as he handed my phone back to me. His eyes darkened as he looked a
t me. It was the same way he looked at me when I was naked beneath him and wanting more. It made me feel so aware of my body when he looked at me like that.

  "Whenever we need relief, we call each other," he began to explain and I felt myself blush slightly. He smirked at me as he took a step closer. He reached out and caressed my cheek with his knuckles.

  "And no hooking up with other people," he said, voicing the rule I'd put into place. "No feelings, just mind-blowing sex. And when we're done, we both walk away."

  He leaned forward and kissed me. His tongue pushed into my mouth and tangled with mine. I felt my toes curl. His kiss was hard and seductive. My hands reached out and splayed across his hard chest.

  We'd just had sex and I couldn't believe that I felt that ache of need between my legs so fast after the last time. I wanted him again. As he kissed me he walked me backward until my knees felt the bed and he lay me down and covered my body with his.

  That night he made me shatter two more times and afterward, sated and tired, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep with Sin lying naked beside me.

  It was still dark when I woke up. I tried to move and realized something heavy was keeping me in place. Sin was sleeping on his stomach with his arm wrapped around my waist and his leg placed over mine. I wanted to stay there wrapped up nice and warm in his arms, but this wasn't part of our arrangement. Cuddling wasn't part of what we'd decided and if I was going to keep my heart intact, I needed to remember that.

  Besides, if I waited till the sun came up and Sin woke up with me still in the bed, I might come across as wanting more than we'd agreed. I slipped out of the bed as quietly as possible without making sudden movements so Sin remained sleeping and oblivious to my departure. I got dressed as quickly as I could and I left without waking him.

  Downstairs, I looked for Slater. But unlike the previous two times, he wasn't there. He was probably getting some sleep. I let myself out and called a taxi. It was three in the morning and I waited nervously outside in the dark for about fifteen minutes before the taxi arrived.