Loving Bad

by Regan Ure

  "I've missed you," he whispered as he stared into my eyes.

  "I missed you too," I whispered back. "I can't help feeling that if I'd just let you explain, we would’ve been able to sort things out sooner."

  I felt guilty that I hadn't given him a chance to explain when I was in the hospital. I could have saved us both from being miserable for the last couple of weeks.

  "Let's not think about that," he whispered, dropping a kiss to my cheek. "All that matters is that we have sorted everything out now and we’re together."

  He feathered another kiss to my cheek and I closed my eyes, loving the feel of his soft lips against my skin, which tingled beneath his brief touch.

  My mouth opened slightly as his lips covered mine and I groaned as his tongue caressed mine. I gripped his shirt tighter in my hands, wanting more of him. As his kiss grew harder, I wrapped my arms around his neck. He lifted me by the waist and instinctively I wrapped my legs around him, grinding my hips against him.

  He broke away and I unwrapped my legs. Standing on my wobbly knees, I watched as Sin reached for the hem of my shirt and lifted it up. I helped him remove the piece of clothing and then I reached for his shirt.

  He removed it quickly, throwing it down on the floor. His intense eyes held mine and I felt my skin tingle under his gaze. I wanted him so much. My fingers went to his jeans and I began to undo them. They dropped to the floor.

  Sin's hands went to my jeans and he unzipped them. Slowly with the slight trail of his fingers against my skin he pulled them down my legs. I held on to his shoulders to keep my balance. Standing in front of him in my underwear and bra, he glided his hands up my leg to my waist before pulling me against him. I smiled as his lips descended onto mine.

  I felt his hands unclasp my bra and pull the straps gently from my arms. The feel of his hard chest was so good that I opened my hands and felt the hard edges of his toned body beneath my fingertips.

  I would never get tired of the feel of his body against mine. He backed me up to the bed and he laid me down gently. I bit down on my lip as he reached with both hands to my panties and began to slowly pull them off of me. The anticipation was killing me.

  He pulled me gently down to the edge of the bed as I lay down, waiting in anticipation at the sensitive touch of his tongue against my core. I gasped as I felt the insistent lick of his tongue pushing me into a frenzy of need. I threaded my fingers through his hair, unsure of how to handle the intense build up. He pushed a finger into me and I felt myself explode as a rush of intense relief crashed over me. I closed my eyes and my body trembled with my release.

  He reached for the pocket of his discarded jeans and ripped open a condom packet. Once the protection was on, he knelt in front of me. I reached for him and he covered my body with his. I felt him nudge my entrance. My breath hitched as he pushed into me. I held on to him as he began to slowly move in and out of me.

  He kissed me and I groaned against his lips, loving the feel of him against me. His strokes increased. I lifted my hips to meet his. I felt the build up again and I began to gasp as his movements became more insistent.

  "You feel so good," he whispered, sounding like he was nearing his climax. His thrusts were harder and faster as I began to feel the crash of my own orgasm.

  A few more thrusts and Sin closed his eyes as he reached his orgasm. Holding his weight with his elbows, he pressed a kiss to my forehead before he rolled off me and got up to dispense with the condom. Moments later he returned and got back into bed with me.

  Afterward, we lay on my bed. I looked at him and my heart swelled, about to burst from my feelings for him. He was still breathing hard. Sweat beaded his forehead.

  "I love you," I said, needing to say it again and needing him to hear it.

  He let out a sigh and turned to face me. Even though we'd talked everything through and any problems between us had been sorted out, I couldn't help feeling nervous at the look on his face.

  "I want to be able to say those words to you and mean them," he began to explain. I watched him struggle to find the right words to explain further. "Most people know what love means because they've experienced it, but I haven't."

  I felt so sad that his childhood had been that bad. I wanted to reach out and put my arms around him and shield him from the horrible memories of his childhood.

  "That doesn't mean, though, that you aren't the most important person in my life. I will do everything I can to make you happy and keep you safe," he whispered to me. His beautiful, expressive eyes held mine as he reached out and touched my cheek. His voice filled with emotion. He couldn't put a label on what he felt for me, but I knew he felt the same as I did. He didn't have to put it into words because I could tell from his actions how much he cared for me.

  "I'm sorry I can't say it to you," he said and I could see the look of sadness in his eyes that he had when he spoke about his childhood.

  I appreciated his honestly.

  "You don't have to say the words," I reassured him softly as I leaned over and kissed him gently. "It doesn't change what we have together."

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  Taylor

  As soon as I walked into the apartment, I dropped my bag and kicked off my shoes. My feet ached and I was tired. I headed straight for the sofa and collapsed into the soft, comfortable leather. Closing my eyes, I savored the quiet for a moment.

  "Rough day?" Sin asked. I opened my eyes and looked up to see him peering at me from behind the sofa. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. He smelled like he'd just showered and his hair was still damp.

  "Yes. I'm tired," I replied, letting out a heavy sigh. My last shift at the restaurant had been brutal.

  "You know you don't have to work," he reminded me and I shook my head at him.

  It was my way of staying independent. I wanted to be able to make my own way in life.

  There was a restaurant just off campus where I'd gotten a job. I only worked part time. Connor had argued with me about it, but my mind had been made up. Sin had assured me that I didn't have to work. He'd been on my brother's side in that specific argument, much to my annoyance. I'd refused to allow them to talk me out of it, though.

  I wanted to be able to start paying my own way. I didn't earn a lot, but what little money I made was mine and that meant a lot to me. It was tough going to college and working part time, but I was managing.

  Sin pointblank refused to allow me to pay him rent, so I'd offered to buy the groceries. He hadn't really liked that idea either, but I'd refused to move in with him unless I paid for something, so he'd relented.

  His hands settled on my shoulders and he began to massage me. I sighed as his firm hands eased the tension from my body.

  "You know, if you didn't work, we would have more time to spend together," he tried to persuade me. He'd tried using that on me before, but I'd refused to be tempted.

  A month after we'd started dating, Sin had sold his house and bought an condo close to campus. I'd been relieved because I associated the house with Eric and memories of my kidnapping. I'd tried to hide it from Sin, but he'd noticed and he'd been determined to do whatever he could to make sure I wasn't unnecessarily reminded of Eric or my ordeal.

  I hadn't expected him to go as far as selling the house, but he had. He'd bought a two-bedroom condo, which was really nice.

  For someone who had never even dated, he'd surprised me when he'd asked me to move in with him. He'd wanted it just to be the two of us, so he'd rented another condo on the same block for Slater. Connor hadn't been happy with the idea of the two of us moving in together even though the two of them got on really well. His reasoning had been that I was too young.

  Maybe he was right, but it was my decision to make even if it turned out to be a mistake.

  "Mmm," I murmured as I ignored him and concentrated on how good his hands felt on my shoulders.

  "You're not listening to me, are you?" he asked and I mumbled a yes.

  I protested when he rem
oved his hands and he joined me on the couch. He was so good-looking and I took a moment to appreciate him. It was still hard to believe that he was mine.

  "You like what you see?" he asked with a knowing smirk.

  "Yes," I replied, smiling at him. It was difficult to believe that even though we'd been together for six months, we still found it hard to keep our hands off each other.

  "Why did you stop?" I asked. It had felt so good.

  "Because you weren't listening to what I was saying," he answered as he took my hand in his. I had been listening, but I didn't want to have to defend my decision again.

  "It's because I can't think of anything but you when you touch me," I admitted. When he touched me, nothing else existed, only him.

  "Really," he said with a mischievous grin as he leaned closer.

  "Yes," I whispered as he drew closer still. My stomach fluttered in anticipation as I held my breath, waiting for the moment his lips touched mine. At the moment they did, I came alive beneath his touch, wanting and needing more. My arms snaked around his neck and pulled him closer. He deepened the kiss and caressed my tongue. I moaned against his lips. And then he pulled away and I was left breathless, wanting more.

  "As much as I want to take you to bed, we have plans for tonight," said Sin, still breathing hard. I pouted as I crossed my arms.

  He laughed at me and pressed a quick kiss to my lips before pulling away.

  "You're no fun," I said, hating the fact that he was right.

  "Come on, I'll start the shower for you," he offered as he pulled me to my feet. I was still feeling tired, but I didn't want to skip the night out. With college and work, it was hard finding the time to be together, so I was going to make the effort to go out.

  I followed Sin into our bedroom and opened the wardrobe to find something to wear. It was at times like these that I missed Jordan. She would always help me find something to wear. I chose an outfit and put it out on the bed. Sin walked out of the bathroom.

  "Your shower is ready," he informed me and I kissed him briefly, trying to keep my control.

  I went to take my shower as I thought about how lucky I was to have him in my life. For someone who had never been emotionally attached before, he was an awesome boyfriend. He was caring and thoughtful. Sometimes I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

  When I got out, I dried myself and wrapped the towel around my body before I walked back into the bedroom. Sin was lying on the bed with his hands behind his head, watching me. The look he gave me made me smile. His eyes darkened at the sight of me in the small towel and I smiled seductively at him.

  I knew if I dropped the towel, we weren't going anywhere.

  "Out," I told him. He studied me for a moment before he let out a sigh and got up.

  "You're no fun," he said, using my line on me, and I shook my head at him.

  "I'll be out soon," I told him as he left the bedroom, reluctantly closing the door behind him.

  I got dressed quickly and put some makeup on. With practice, I'd gotten better at doing my own.

  "You're so hot," Sin said as I stepped out of the room.

  "Don't look at me like that," I warned him as his eyes caressed me. I knew what he was thinking because I was thinking the same thing.

  He reached for me and settled his hands on my hips, pulling me closer. He leaned closer to kiss me, but I moved my face so his kiss landed on my cheek.

  "We need to leave now or we'll be late," I told him as I pulled away from him.

  "Is Jeff coming with us tonight?" I asked as I followed Sin to the door.

  "No. I'll be around so we don't need him tonight," he told me and I nodded.

  That was one thing Sin had insisted on. Matthew had moved on to another job and, even though I didn't feel the need to have someone to watch over me, Sin had assigned Jeff to watch me. I never went out alone—Jeff was always with me. I liked Jeff. He'd saved my life and for that he had a lifetime friend in me.

  Sin opened the door and I walked out. I felt the usual nervousness when I left the safety of the apartment. Even though I knew I had nothing to be scared of, I couldn't help the apprehension that filled me when I went out.

  Sin reached for my hand and held it in his. His eyes met mine for a moment. He understood and he gave me a moment to take a deep breath. I knew with time it would get easier and that memories of what had happened with me wouldn't be so vivid in my mind.

  Gently, by the hand, Sin led me down the hallways to the elevator. As we waited for it, I tried to hide my nervousness.

  "Relax," Sin instructed as he studied me.

  "I'm good," I assured him, giving him a weak smile. I pushed through my nervousness and fear, not allowing it to dictate my life.

  He pulled me closer and put his arm around me. I leaned my head against him as we waited for the elevator. I had nothing to worry about. Eric was locked up and he couldn't get to me anymore. I had to remember that. I'd been stunned when Eric had pleaded guilty. I'd been so relieved I wouldn't have to go through with the trial and relive the horror of my experience. The press would have covered it because of my past.

  It was only later that I'd found out Sin had somehow persuaded Eric to plead guilty. When I'd asked him, he'd refused to tell me anything. Maybe there were some things I didn't need to know. Instead of questioning him further, I'd thanked him. The stress of possibly having to go to trial had started to take its toll on me and I was thankful I didn't have to go through it.

  After Eric had been taken into custody, he'd been given a psychiatric evaluation. It didn't take a lot to see that he wasn't mentally stable and after a while they'd figured out that his mental problems had been the reason why he'd become so fixated on me. Instead of going to jail he’d been sent to a psychiatric ward.

  During the trial years ago, the stress of his uncle's part in the murder of my parents had taken its toll on his family and his once stable childhood had disintegrated. It had impacted him severely and his fixation with me had begun.

  I didn't know why it had been me. Maybe it was because I'd survived the event that had torn both of our lives apart.

  I wanted to be able to forgive him, but I just couldn't. I knew in some way it hadn't been his fault. At eleven, he hadn't been able to handle things, but that didn't diminish the horrific things he'd done to me. There was a chance I would never be able to forgive him.

  "You sure you're okay to go out? If you'd rather stay at home, I'll cancel our plans tonight," Sin offered, looking down at me with concern.

  "I'm fine," I told him as I pulled away from him and took hold of his hand. The elevator doors opened and we got on.

  I'd been looking forward to seeing our friends for a while, so I didn't want to cancel the evening. There would still be moments that were hard to manage my fears, but I tried to push through those times. I would get past it eventually; it would just take a little time.

  By the time we got to the bar, our friends were waiting at the table. Slater and Jordan were sitting on opposite sides of the table. They could barely look at each other.

  They'd made up and broken up a couple of times and they were on the outs again. I really wished they could work through their problems because they really suited each other.

  Matthew was sitting beside Jordan. It was so good to see him. He was so busy with his new job that I didn't get to see him as often as I wanted.

  Jordan's face lit up as she spotted us walk through the front door. I smiled at her and Slater as we walked up to them.

  "You made it," Jordan said as she stood up and gave me a hug.

  Sin greeted Slater and Matthew. Jordan released me and I hugged Slater.

  "Good to see you," he murmured as he hugged me back. I pulled away and turned to Matthew.

  "I'm so glad you made it," I said as he smiled and hugged me.

  "I'm sorry I've been so busy with work. It's been hard to get time away," he said as he released me.

  He didn't really talk about his new job, so
we didn't ask questions. All I knew was that it was a girl. I couldn't help but wonder if he was getting attached to her because he always seemed to be on edge when he wasn't working. I wanted to ask him about it, but I'd decided I'd wait until he brought it up.

  "I'm going to get you a drink," Sin said as he and Slater walked to the bar. I sat down opposite Jordan and Matthew.

  "How is Connor?" Matthew asked as he folded his arms.

  "He’s good. He's always busy with work and stuff. I kinda wish he'd meet someone," I said, wishing my brother could experience the same happiness I had with Sin.

  "He'll find the right girl one day," Jordan piped in.

  "Maybe," I murmured. I think he'd already met the right girl, but things hadn't worked out. I shrugged it off.

  Connor had started to ease up on controlling all aspects of my life. He still phoned regularly but not to the extent that he used to. He was learning to let go and I appreciated it because it allowed me to live my own life.

  Sin and Slater returned from the bar and Sin put a drink down in front of me as he sat down beside me.

  "I have a surprise for you," Sin said, whispering into my ear.

  "What?" I asked, looking at him.

  "Your surprise just walked into the bar," he said and I turned to see Connor walking toward us. I hadn't expected to see him. I got up and hugged him just as he reached our table.

  "What are you doing here?" I asked, still feeling a little stunned that I had no idea my brother was coming to visit.

  "You will have to ask your guy that question," he said as he shook hands with Sin. They shared a knowing look and I was still confused.

  Connor sat down in the chair as he watched me turn to Sin for an answer. He stood in front of me and took my hands in his. Suddenly he looked so nervous.

  "I have no idea if I'm doing this right or not," he said as his eyes held mine.

  I wanted to ask what was going on, but I kept quiet, giving Sin a chance to explain.

  "From the moment I met you, I knew you were going to change my life. I just had no idea how much," he said and swallowed nervously. His eyes dropped to my hands being held in his.