Loving Bad

by Regan Ure

  "While my mom was drowning her sorrows with an endless supply of alcohol, I was left to fend for myself."

  It was hard to think of him as a small boy with no one to look after him. It was heartbreaking to listen to.

  "Slater was pretty much in the same situation I was. His father was a drug addict and his mom could barely make ends meet. Whatever money his mom made went to pay for the drugs his father needed."

  It made me sad to think that children grew up in situations like that. I'd always taken for granted my loving parents and my happy childhood up to the point where my parents had died.

  "We got involved with a gang."

  He paused for a moment.

  "There were no options. We did what we had to, to survive," he finished.

  Listening to his childhood made my heart ache.

  "I'm sorry you had to grow up like that," I said softly, meaning what I said. I couldn't comprehend it.

  "I'm sorry too."

  He held my gaze and I watched as his tongue flickered against his lip ring.

  "We didn't enjoy doing any of the things that were expected of us," he explained. "But there was no walking away from it—we needed the money."

  "Are you still working for this gang?" I asked. Was that why Jeff worked for him? I didn't know how I felt about it if he was still in the gang.

  "No," he said, shaking his head. I felt relieved.

  "Connor said Jeff worked for you?" I asked, wanting to know the story behind that.

  I was tired and I yawned as I waited for him to answer the question.

  "You're tired," he stated. "Why don't you sit down?"

  I looked around before I sat down on his bed, facing him. He pulled up a chair in front of me and sat down.

  "Yes, Jeff works for me," he answered.

  That didn't fit in with what I knew about him and it made me wonder how well I knew this guy whom I'd fallen in love with.

  "I don't understand."

  He let out a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair.

  "I told you about my father," he started and I nodded.

  "While he was alive I'd never met him or had any contact with him, but when he died I inherited everything he had," he revealed, watching me closely for a reaction. My forehead creased as I tried to take that piece of information in.

  "His lawyer called me up out of the blue one day and told me about my inheritance."

  "But what about his wife and kids?" I asked. It sounded strange that the guy who'd fathered him and who hadn't wanted anything to do with him or his mother would leave him everything he had.

  "His wife died before him and they never had any kids. In his will he left me everything," he explained with a shrug. He obviously didn't understand it either.

  "Wow," was all I could say. A guy who hadn't wanted anything to do with him in life had left Sin everything he'd owned. Talk about messed up.

  "I didn't want to take the money, but I didn't have a choice. Slater and I were getting deeper into the gang and it was becoming more serious. We'd gone from petty crime to dealing drugs and we knew it was going to get worse. It was the only way to get us out before we got in... too deep."

  I didn't like the sound of that so I shot him a questioning look.

  "I don't want to talk about it," he said, refusing to elaborate. "That part of my life is over. The money gave me the freedom to give myself a new life and I could help the people I cared about. Slater and I left the gang. Jeff—the guy who found you—left with us. Whenever I need something done, he is the guy I call."

  Jeff had fit the image I'd always carried of a gangster. It had probably been the reason why I'd struggled to trust him when he'd first found me. But despite my mistrust, he'd saved me.

  "I'm not judging," I quickly said as I reached out to cover his hand with mine. I didn't want him to think he had to explain to me why he'd taken the money. It didn't taint the picture I had of him in my heart.

  "I never wanted to be seen as a trust-fund baby. I wanted people to care for me, not for the money I had."

  His statement explained why no one had any idea he was well-off. It didn't matter to me. Money gave you freedom, but it never guaranteed happiness. His gaze dropped to my hand that covered his. His other hand covered mine and he looked at me.

  "My mom had started to get sick. The years of alcohol abuse took its toll on her body. I've set her up with the best medical care money can buy. I try to visit her often, but it's hard trying to care for someone who never gave a shit about me until she sobered up."

  I didn't understand that at all. Both of my parents had loved me unconditionally—the way parents were supposed to love their children.

  "I want you to know that I never wanted to deal drugs. It wasn't something I was proud of," he said with sadness in his eyes. I wanted to hold him tight and tell him everything would be okay.

  "I know it's a lot to take in," he said as he stood up. I stood up.

  "It was hard to read your file," I replied. "Seeing what you had to do to survive was difficult to comprehend."

  It made me angry that his mother and Slater's parents had done that to them—left them alone in the world to fend for themselves. It was heartbreaking.

  He looked solemn as he nodded his head.

  "I understand why you got so upset when you saw the folder and I understand why you ran," I said, feeling the emotions tied to those two events begin to creep up and take hold of me.

  He dropped his gaze, unable to look at me anymore.

  "Look at me," I whispered, needing to tell him how I felt about it.

  His eyes lifted to mine and I felt my heart ache again at the broken look he gave me. He was still expecting me to walk away from him.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Taylor

  I reached up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his. His lips remained still under mine as I kissed him gently before I pulled back and looked up at him. He was holding still, waiting to see what I was going to say. He looked scared and I saw a glimpse of the hurt child in the depths of his blue eyes.

  "I love you," I whispered to him. Happiness shone in his eyes for a couple of seconds but vanished when I realized he was waiting for a 'but.'

  "You don't think you’re good enough for me," I said, watching his expression, which was veiled so that it was hard to see exactly what he was thinking.

  "I know I'm not good enough for you," he stated, still not showing the emotion I knew he was feeling.

  "Yes, my parents were murdered by two young guys that were high on drugs at the time. Did the drugs put the gun in their hands and pull the trigger? No. Not every person who gets high on drugs murders someone. It wasn't the drugs that ended my parents’ lives."

  I paused for a moment.

  "You had a tough childhood and I can’t imagine what it was like. It physically hurts to think of what you had to go through," I said and reached for his hand, taking it into mine. "I understand why you did the things you did and I would never judge you."

  He swallowed as he held my gaze, still unsure.

  "You are good enough for me," I whispered to him, letting him know that I wasn't going to be leaving.

  I watched as my words sank in and the realization hit him. In an instant his arms wrapped around me and hugged me tight. I smiled as my head rested against his chest and I allowed myself to feel the happiness that we both deserved.

  I tried to pull away, but his arms tightened around me.

  "Give me a minute," he breathed into my hair.

  Closing my eyes, I savored the feel of him holding onto me so tightly, scared to let go. A few minutes later he pulled away and looked down at me.

  "I was so scared I was going to lose you," he said, his voice hoarse with the emotion.

  "I'm not going anywhere," I stated, making sure he knew that I was here to stay.

  He bent down to kiss me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. I felt like I was alive again in his arms, being so thoroughly kisse
d that it left my knees a little weak and my heart hammering in my chest.

  Breathlessly, he pulled away and leaned his forehead against mine.

  "I've never done this before," he said softly.

  "What exactly are we doing?" I asked, needing to know what this meant to him. I needed to know that we were on the same page.

  "This is going to be more than one night," he explained as his mouth tugged into a playful smile. "No hooking up with other people."

  My smile faltered slightly at the fear that, despite how much I loved him and how much he cared about me, we were going to go back to our original arrangement. I wanted more than that.

  "We get titles as well," he teased.

  "Titles?" I asked, not sure what that meant.

  "Yeah," he said as his smile widened. "Girlfriend."

  He kissed me on the lips and I felt relief at his words.

  "Does that mean I get to call you my boyfriend?" I asked as I broke the kiss and looked up at him.

  He nodded his head at me.

  "I never thought I'd ever want more, but I do with you."

  "It scares me," I admitted. I loved him so much and I couldn't help but feel nervous about starting something more with him.

  He'd never dated a girl before. I believed it was why he went through girls like he had, because he struggled to form emotional attachments with them. He'd never done more than one-night stands and I wasn't sure if he would be able to do the whole monogamy thing with me. I was scared to love someone who had no idea how to love me back.

  "Don't be scared," he soothed. "The way I feel about you is nothing like I've ever felt before."

  As nervous as I was, I felt my heart inflate at his beautiful words.

  "When I heard that you'd been taken, it felt like someone had ripped my heart out of my chest," he admitted and I felt the pain in his words. "I've never been so scared in my life."

  That really meant something to me. He hadn't had an easy road and I'm sure he had plenty of really scary moments in his life, but the thought of losing me had been his worst.

  "I never want to feel that again," he added as he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. "I felt so guilty that I'd left you and then you went missing."

  "There was nothing you could’ve done to stop Eric."

  I knew telling him that wouldn't erase the guilt he felt, but I still needed him to know.

  "Maybe...maybe not."

  He wasn't convinced by my words.

  At that moment I felt so much happiness. He'd hurt me more than once, but I was willing to put my heart on the line for him again because I knew it would be so worth it if everything worked out.

  "I won't lie—I have no idea how to do this, but I promise to try to do everything I can to make you happy," he promised me as he wrapped his arms around me and hugged me close.

  "When I first saw you, I never imagined we would end up where we are now," I said, looking back at our journey to get to where we were.

  He pulled away and looked at me.

  "From the first time I saw you, I knew there was something different about you," he revealed as he held my face on either side.

  "Really?" I asked. I thought he hadn't even really known I'd existed at that point.

  "Yes," he assured me. "And then you came to see me, wanting me to 'take advantage' of you."

  He smirked at me and I blushed. I still couldn't believe I'd had the courage to do what I'd done.

  "But why did you turn me down?" I asked, still feeling the sting of his initial rejection.

  "You were so innocent," he explained as he trailed his knuckles down my face. "And I wasn't. You deserved so much better than me."

  I shook my head at him.

  "I'm so glad you were my first," I said to him.

  "I tried to do the right thing—I really did—but I couldn't stop thinking about you," he revealed. "And then I saw you drinking with Slater and I couldn't handle seeing you with someone else."

  "You were jealous?" He smiled and nodded his head.

  "I think I was and then I knew that, even though you deserved better, I couldn't let you go," he said softly. "I couldn't stand the thought of you being with someone else. I knew I would have to step up and give you what you wanted or I would lose you."

  I was so happy listening to him talk about how much I'd affected him when I'd thought we were nothing more than a one-night stand. Listening to him reveal his feelings made me understand some of his actions.

  "And then after our night together?" I prompted.

  "One night with you was never going to be enough," he stated. "I was always going to want more."

  "But I saw you with Slater and that girl," I reminded him as I remembered feeling so hurt. My brain knew the decision I'd made was for one night, but my heart had hurt anyway.

  "I didn't like the way you made me feel. I felt vulnerable and I hated feeling like that. I tried to move on, I really did, but there was no getting over you."

  "Did you sleep with that girl?" I blurted the question out before I could stop myself. I knew if he said yes that it would hurt.

  "No, I couldn't do it."

  I felt so relieved that I let out the breath I'd been holding.

  "I haven't slept with anyone else since our first night together," he admitted softly. My eyes widened in shock.

  "Really?" I asked, feeling a little stunned at the unexpected revelation.

  "Yes."

  I was speechless.

  "When I saw you with Caleb, I was so angry," he said. I felt a little guilty for making him feel that way, but I had no way of knowing at the time how he felt about me.

  "And you thought I needed a rich, preppy boy?" I asked, remembering what he'd said to me.

  "I tried to convince myself that was the reason why you were with him. It would’ve hurt more to know that you were with him because you liked him," he admitted.

  "I was trying to fill the hole that you left in my heart and I shouldn't have used someone else to do that."

  Hindsight was always so clear. We'd both done so many things wrong and the chances were good that we weren't done making mistakes.

  "There were more than a few times after you went missing that I thought I would never be able to hold you again," he said. In that moment, in the depths of his eyes, I saw the fear that he'd felt.

  "You don't have to think about that anymore," I reassured him, taking his hands into mine. "I'm okay now."

  "Everyone was getting more and more scared that you weren't coming back, but it wasn't something I could accept," he explained. I remained silent. He clearly needed to tell me.

  "I called Jeff as soon as I found out you were missing. I told him to find you."

  There was a solemn silence that settled between us at the reminder of what I'd been through. I looked at him as he watched me for a reaction.

  "I was so scared when he found me in the street," I said, trying to block the fear that encompassed that moment.

  "If the cops hadn't gotten to Eric first, I'm not sure I could’ve let him live for what he did to you," he said in such a deadly tone that I knew without a doubt he meant every word.

  "Then I'm glad the cops got him first," I replied.

  He studied me for a moment.

  "If I hadn't killed him, I definitely would’ve made him wish he'd never touched you," he told me.

  "And you would have been up for assault. With your previous criminal record they wouldn't have been lenient," I reminded him.

  He gave me a look that said he would have still made Eric regret what he did.

  "It's finished," I said, but the truth was it wasn't. I was hoping that Eric would just confess so I would be able avoid a trial and the press that came with it.

  "But I'm so thankful that you are here with me now," he whispered as he pulled me closer, and I put my hands against his hard chest.

  "Me too."

  There had been so many times through that ordeal when I hadn't believed I would ever survive it. What h
appened just reinforced the idea of living my life to the fullest and relishing every moment I had. And now that I had someone as special as Sin to share it with, it would make every moment sweeter.

  His hands settled on my hips and I waited with anticipation as he leaned closer. He kissed me. His lips covered mine and I felt the gentle sweep of his tongue on my bottom lip. As I opened my mouth, my tongue touched his and he slipped his tongue inside. I gripped around his neck tighter, needing him closer.

  By the time we broke apart, we were both breathless.

  "Do you want to meet me at my apartment and we can spend the day together?" I asked, knowing exactly how I wanted to spend the day with him.

  "Yes," he replied with a smile that made my stomach flip. It was on his mind too. Sin walked me to the car where Matthew was patiently waiting.

  "Hey," Matthew greeted us. As much as I tried, I couldn't wipe the stupid wide smile off my face. I was so happy and it was hard not to show it.

  "I see you guys have sorted things out," he observed as he smiled at us. Sin gave him a brief nod and said, "Thanks."

  "You're welcome."

  Sin opened the car door for me and I got inside.

  "I'll see you soon," he said as he pressed a brief kiss to my cheek and watched as Matthew reversed the car.

  It still felt so unbelievable that everything had gone so well and that we were dating. I was floating on cloud nine and when Sin arrived half an hour later, I couldn't have been any happier.

  Once we were inside my bedroom, he closed the door and leaned against it. The way he smiled and held my gaze let me know exactly what was on his mind and I had to admit I could think of little else but being close to him.

  "I think you have way too many clothes on," he said as he stepped forward, and I smiled.

  "Really?" I asked. "What if I'm cold?"

  "Then I'll keep you warm," he promised as he reached out with one hand that settled on my hip and pulled me closer.

  I didn't care that Matthew was in the next room. All that mattered was the two of us.

  I let him pull me closer and I put my hands against his chest as I looked up to him and smiled. He gave me a teasing smile as he kissed me and I felt a fluttering in my stomach. He cradled my face in his hands and he feathered a kiss to my lips. I fisted his shirt in my hands.