I Need You Too: Stand Alone Novel, Contemporary-Erotic-Suspenseful Romance, Psychological Thriller

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  I could feel tears form at the corners of my eyes – happy that my sister approved, for once, of the guy I was seeing. Granted, we’d been forced together by fate, but things always have a way of working out.

  I started thinking back about the time James and I started dating; no one ever liked him. I guess I was stubborn or going against the grain to prove a point, but now that I’ve “lived and learned” the hard way, I pay more attention to my family’s assessments since they’ve proven to be spot on.

  I’d seen or heard from every one of the family members over the last several days, with the exception of Jackson. It wasn’t like us to go more than a few days without him calling, even if it was just for a few minutes. I’d hoped he wasn’t mad at me for my decisions concerning the new guy in my life, but I was an adult and he needed to get over his preconceived ideas of Ethan.

  While the guys finished warming up dinner, my sister filled me in as to why Jackson’s been silent. “He’s a bit shaken by the events affecting our family. You have to admit, we’ve been put through the ringer with everything over the past couple of years.

  “He’s admitted that he hasn’t dealt with his grief over losing Gabi – instead trying to compartmentalize it and pushing it aside for later but never really getting around to it. His whole focus has been on his daughter, Nicola, and work. The realization of how many family members he’s come close to losing has shaken him to the core. He’s been spending the past couple weeks at his parent’s house with Nicki, only going into work when necessary, and talking with Kent to try and finally deal with his loss.”

  She put her hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “He finally understands that Ethan was just as much a victim as Gabi. He’s laying the blame totally on Tom, but also accepts the fact that Gabi’s life was meant to be short-lived.” Her lips trembled as she confessed, “It’s a hard realization to accept and as a result he’s an emotional wreck. When he heard you and Ethan had been poisoned, he just about lost it. Just give him some time and space to work out his issues.”

  I nodded, feeling the tears dripping onto my hands in my lap. “If you see him or talk with him, please let him know that we’re here for him; that’s what family is for. If he tries to argue that we’re no longer family, then throw the friend card at him. We’ve all been friends for as long as I can remember.”

  “I agree. Whether he wants to look at us as family or friends, we all stick together no matter what.” I watched as Gianna’s shoulders seemed to relax. I guess the issue with Jackson was more intense then she’d been letting on.

  “Dinner’s ready,” Nate yelled out, as I watched Ethan setting the table for all of us. “I hope you don’t mind us eating with you. We don’t know how isolated you’re going to get, with everything going on, so we figured we’d grab some time with you while we could.”

  Ethan looked my way and I nodded. “We don’t mind, bro. I haven’t spent much time with you lately anyway, other than to talk about the accounting software. Life’s kept us busy lately, so feel free to call me on it.”

  It was odd seeing Ethan in such a chipper mood. Was it the sex? Was it the realization that he didn’t have to hold onto his guilt anymore? I was about to ask what had gotten into him, when I noticed a book over on the sideboard. I couldn’t quite make out the title, but it was a guide to dominance and submission. I had to smile and laugh. Nate must really want us together to loan out his treasured book to Ethan.

  Gianna used to go on and on about the ideas he’d come up with from reading that book. It actually made me a little wet thinking about the delicious things my guy could learn and maybe apply to our relationship.

  Dinner was pleasant and I enjoyed the chance to catch up with Gianna and Nate, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t happy to see them leave. As soon as the door closed behind them, Ethan had me pressed up against it, with his tongue plunging into my mouth, leaving me breathless. I could feel his arousal pressing hard into my stomach. My nipples hardened to near pain as they rubbed against the lacy material of my bra.

  He finally pulled back, letting us both catch our breath. He leaned his forehead against mine. “I want you so badly, but I’m guessing as tight as you were last night, you’re probably sore tonight.”

  I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned my head against his chest so I could listen to his heartbeat. I wanted to lie - to tell him I could handle it, goodness knows my underwear was soaked just from sitting with him at dinner. He kept running his hand up and down my inner thigh while we sat eating at the dinner table, and brushing up against my center every so often, causing me to shift in my seat. I’d felt embarrassed, but had caught Nate, on more than one occasion, doing similar things to my sister at dinner.

  “I’m tender. I’ll admit it, but Gianna brought over some bath salts that are supposed to help. I don’t know how well it works, so all I’ll say is,” I looked up in to his eyes, as my tongue traced his lower lip and nipped at it, “I’m interested. I just don’t know how far we can go.”

  He grabbed hold of my hand and walked us into his room. “If you want to get the bath salts out of your bag of goodies, I’ll get the water going and we can have a bath together.”

  I looked up at him, wondering how he knew. “I was going to help put your things away, but Ethan warned me off of the bag. Of course you know that just made me curious, so I started opening the bag as I was walking into the bedroom.”

  I raised my hands up over my face, feeling mortified. “I shouldn’t have asked them to bring anything. I thought since we were stuck here and you wanted training, there’s no better time to start than the present. If you’d rather do something else, I’m open to suggestions.”

  I felt his breath against my face. He pulled my hands away and forced them around his back, while he grabbed hold of my hips, drawing me as close as possible. “I want you to look at me, Marjorie.” His voice shifted to an edge of dominance, making my submissive nature respond immediately.

  “Yes, sir.” I don’t know why I said that, except it had been a part of me for so long. I glanced up toward his eyes, already darkening into melted caramel swirled with chocolate.

  He pressed a light kiss into my hair before leaning against my forehead. “From what you’ve told me, you had to hide your true feelings, wants, and desires from your ex, depriving yourself and only serving him. Is that right?”

  I nodded.

  “I don’t want that. I need to know your thoughts - what you need from me in life and in the bedroom and I’ll try to do the same with you. I know we’re both still sorting through some issues, but this isn’t going to work if we aren’t completely honest with one another.”

  His lips began to trail a path down my neck while his hands unbuttoned my shorts and started lowering the zipper. “All the rules you had with him, they’re gone. We’ll follow our own path and do what makes us happy. What do you think?”

  I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with emotion. I didn’t know whether to cry, to smile, or just jump up and down with joy. All I could manage was, “I’d love that.”

  His hands continued to undress me until I was standing there with nothing on. “I want to take care of you tonight. Let me know what you want and need.”

  The rest of the evening was magical. I’d never felt so treasured, so loved in all my life. I was too tender to do anything, but we found alternative ways to help each other relieve stress and connect on a deeper level. We ended the night curled up in one another’s arms, reading through portions of the book Nate had left. Ethan had several questions, wanting to find out everything that peaked my interest and discovering the lifestyle had more to offer than he’d originally thought.

  WE’D SPENT THE PAST two weeks inside my condo and were starting to feel the effects of cabin fever. We didn’t tire of one another; actually, the opposite happened where we couldn’t seem to get enough of one another. Between working from home, day-to-day chores, and a few hours devoted to understanding more about the BDSM lifestyl
e, we managed to find plenty of ways to keep busy.

  Granted, we did have one small argument when Marjorie wanted to run back to her place to get something. She contended that since it was only a floor away, it shouldn’t be a problem. Under normal circumstances I’d agree, but things had been eerily quiet in regards to her stalker, and I didn’t want to take any chances.

  That was the first night we’d spent sleeping in separate rooms and the first night we realized how our relationship had taken on a co-dependency. When we were together our nightmares were light to non-existent; however, being apart was another story. We decided, after sleeping in other rooms and being jarred awake by one another’s screams, once was all we needed to prove we should never go to bed alone or angry with each other.

  Kent stated co-dependent relationships were typically unhealthy, but given our past and the issues we were working through, it might be a blessing in disguise. All I knew was my feelings for Marjorie were intensifying. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life or in my bed.

  While the security team was working hard to figure out who was behind our temporary isolation, I discovered my ideas toward the family’s lifestyle were all based on television’s misinterpretation of reality. I’d believed that the BDSM ways of life were more along the lines of how James had treated Marjorie. He’d been a controlling bastard who believed in punishment at the drop of a hat, total charge over his woman, and a desire to have everyone bow down to him. In short, he was the epitome of an abusive husband and a poser, but not a Dom.

  I’ve come to learn that my need to have some form of control in my life was typical dominant behavior. I’d talked with Kent and understood that the older group had gotten into the scene to liven up their marriages and bring a little spice back into their lives. In turn, they found fulfillment in the ability to either control or surrender to things in the bedroom, whereas they had a lack of control in their external working environments.

  Nate, Dane, and Rafe had all turned to dominance for similar reasons. Their workloads were excessive and lacked total control, so the one place they had ownership of their lives was in the bedroom. It surprised me to find out that Nate and Rafe were into more of the kink, while Dane mainly used the whip as a means of focus and control over his own psyche. I guess we all had issues we were dealing with in one fashion or another.

  Carol had explained that a woman’s desire to submit and surrender her body over to her dominant was not the need to be controlled, but the need to be loved and cared for. She’d gone on to elaborate how a lot of high-powered women in the workforce dealt with excessive amounts of stress in their day-to-day lives, making decisions that had huge affects on others. Because of this, they didn’t want to make any decisions when it came to the bedroom. They wanted someone to do things for them; to be able to depend on someone else.

  This admission had floored me. I couldn’t understand why someone who was normally in control could easily hand it over to someone else.

  That night Marjorie had a surprise for me when we went to bed. I’d come into the bedroom expecting her to be waiting for me naked in the pose we’d agreed upon, where she’d stand with her feet shoulder width apart, hands clasped behind her back, and her head lowered slightly. When I heard how James had always forced her to kneel on the floor or crawl on all fours, I let her know she’d never kneel again unless she desired it.

  I was astounded to see her standing by the bed, dressed in a black lace teddy with a built-in garter belt, fishnet stockings, and red stiletto heels. My cock hardened, to the point of pain, at the sight before me. But the items she held in her hand had me questioning my sanity and why I’d agreed to training. The idea of a blindfold frightened me, especially, after hearing James had used it during punishment. She’d already told me that blindfolds were a hard limit for her as a result, so I wasn’t sure how to feel about using one.

  If that didn’t scare me, the small purple flogger and the scarf did. All I could ask was, “Why?”

  She smiled and stepped toward me, looking uber sexy in her get up. “I spoke with Kent and wanted to show you two very opposing sides to things in our world. I’d like to put you into sight deprivation so your other senses are heightened. I’d also like to restrain you so you know what it feels like to give up control of your body to someone else. I want to show you what it’s supposed to feel like and, if you’d like, give you a small glimpse into the world I’d existed in with James.”

  Her body was now pressed against mine – the scent of her arousal was my undoing, easily handing myself over to her guidance. “I can’t promise I’ll like any of this, but I’ll do it so I can understand this world and you a bit better.” I glanced down at the flogger which looked harmless, but I’d read it can pack quite a wallop on the skin. “Won’t that hurt?” I asked as I pointed to it.

  Marjorie stepped back and grabbed one of my hands, turning it palm upward. She ran the strands of the flogger back and forth over my palm letting me get a feel for it. “See, it’s quite a soft and sensual feeling against the skin. It can be used to tease and pleasure your submissive by pinking their skin to make it super sensitive, which can add in heightening a sexual experience.” Then before I could respond, she flicked it against my hand. It stung a little but not bad.

  Her eyes looked up to mine, a sense of pain and remorse filling them. “I know you equate many of the implements used in play as abusive. I’ll be the first to admit, with the wrong person, they can be very painful. You’ve seen my scars and been told how easy it is to lose control. There’s always that fine line existing between pleasure and pain.

  “But with the right dominant whose foundations are based on love and compassion, it can be a rewarding experience for both the Dom and the sub. As your trainer and lover, I want to show you the difference between things and help you understand our world a little better.”

  I could see her mind was remembering dark times, as her body started shaking. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and held her tight to my chest. “You don’t have to do this. I can have someone else teach me.”

  She settled within moments. “I know you could get someone else to train you, but I’d be jealous. Carol told me about potential triggers that might fuel my fear with these items. As it turns out, they’re definite triggers; however, the only way I’ll be able to get back into the lifestyle and move past them is to face my fears head on and start associating things with pleasure rather than pain – replacing the bad memories with good ones. I only want to do that with you, Ethan.”

  She lifted the blindfold toward me, “I still have the blindfold on my list of hard limits. I just can’t do it at this point, but that doesn’t mean I’m not willing to move it to another list at a later time. As for everything else, I can only promise to try and be everything you want and more.”

  It finally dawned on me; the whole aspect of dominance and submission could be summed up in one word - trust. I trusted Marjorie to train me to become a dominant, while she trusted me with her body and mind, surrendering it over with her submission. I’d thought, based on the reading, I’d feel an ultimate sense of power, but instead I felt my heart fill with even more love and adoration for this woman. I guess this is the feeling Nate and Kent talked about, an ultimate sense of awareness, a connection in this world.

  Marjorie and I had gone beyond friendship into the realm of a sexual relationship. We hadn’t talked about exclusivity; I’d thought it was implied, but I guess I needed to put her jealousy, which was a total turn on, to rest. I knew I wanted her and no one else in my bed or in my life. Mine. The word kept running through my mind, and tonight I wanted to show her what it meant.

  I grabbed hold of her ass and pulled her center against me so she could feel how hard she’d made me. Her eyes looked up at me with surprise. I rubbed myself against her. “You feel that, love?” Her head nodded.

  “I want you to use your words, Marjorie. I need to hear you.” I leaned down, the scruff of my unshaven face brushing against
the side of her neck as my teeth nipped at her ear. “Let me ask this again. Do you feel me?”

  Her breath caught as I pressed myself hard against her. “Yes, sir.”

  I’d told her she didn’t have to call me sir, but it was growing on me and made me feel whole inside.

  I began nibbling down her jaw and placing soft kisses on the corners of her lips, wanting to tease her. “There’s no need for jealousy, little one. I’ve wanted you, only you, for some time now. If anything, I’m thankful this happened, forcing us together much sooner. I already know who you are as a person, but now I want to know the sensual side of you. I know we haven’t discussed things, but as far as I’m concerned, we’re exclusive. I don’t want you around any guys, outside of your family.”

  I pressed my nose and forehead to hers, where we could see deep into one another’s souls. “I think of you as mine, Marjorie. I want you. I want to know every thought that runs through your mind, what I can do to make you wild with need, what your forbidden desires are, and then leave you breathless and wanting for more. I’ll surrender to you only to learn more about your world, but I want you to be exclusively mine the rest of the time.”

  Her breathing picked up and I could feel her heart racing against my chest. “What do you say, love?”

  Her emerald eyes were dilated and hooded with desire. A wicked grin stretched out across her face as she spoke the words that would seal my journey into her world, “I’m yours, sir, only yours.”

  I wanted to push her onto the bed, rip out the crotch of her teddy, and drive deep inside her center to show her how much she meant to me. But I held back, just barely, and instead dropped to my knees, bowed my head, and whispered, “I submit to you for your guidance into this world, but know that once trained, I want to dominate your nights in my bed.”