Bittersweet Ecstasy

by Taylor, Janelle

  During the evening meal in the tepee of Gray Eagle, Powchutu was introduced as his half brother Eagle’s Arm. The men talked while Shalee and Tashina served the meal they had prepared, the five men eating first as was the Indian custom. Gray Eagle told them, “On the new sun, we will feast my brother’s return and we will make plans to break winter camp. Stay, my friends, and share this happy time.”

  Soul-of-Thunder and Tashina exchanged smiles at the thought of having more time together, but only Shalee noticed. She sighed happily, for she could think of no one more suited to her granddaughter than the son of Windrider, best friend to her son Bright Arrow. Their union would forge a bond between friends and allied tribes. She was glad her son understood about Powchutu and accepted him as part of their family. She knew the same would be true of Sun Cloud when he was enlightened.

  The meal passed leisurely, and the men lit their pipes and slipped into genial conversation. When the talk shifted to news or concerns over the soldiers’ actions, Shalee innocently and slyly asked Tashina if she would fetch water, and if Soul-of-Thunder would go along to protect her in the darkness. The two rose quietly and left. She was not overly concerned with Sun Cloud’s absence, as Gray Eagle had explained his mission, and she knew her son always obeyed his father’s orders.

  At the stream, Tashina filled the water skins. Moonlight danced off her dark brown hair which had an auburn cast in the sunlight and was always wildly disobedient when wet or when the air was filled with moisture before a rain. She turned to find Soul-of-Thunder watching her.

  Tashina straightened and returned his probing gaze. For a time, they seemed spellbound, as if content to do nothing more than look at each other, or more so as if that was all they could do. Her golden brown eyes softened, as did his darker brown ones. Lips parted, but neither spoke. A sensual heaviness seemed to surround them. It was as if each was waiting for the other to say or to do something.

  Moonlight filtered through the trees, casting shadows upon their faces and bodies, creating an aura of sensuality and mystery. Sweet smells of wildflowers and heady pine filled the air around them. It suddenly seemed warm and peaceful near the stream. Their breathing heightened, and still they did nothing more than stare at each other, as if each was afraid that moving or speaking would break the romantic spell which encased them in a private world, or as if each was the only one caught up in the magic of this moment.

  Soul-of-Thunder wanted to reach out and snatch Tashina into his arms, to cover her lips with kisses. He wondered if this was the time to make his manly desires known. They had been friends for so many years, but she was consumed by her father’s life these days. They had met when he was three and she was less than two, and they had shared many childhood adventures because their fathers were best friends. But since her mother had vanished last year, she had seemed to think of nothing and no one except her father and his pain. Perhaps he should give her more time to accept the loss of her mother, more time to give her hints of his feelings for her as a man. If only her father would find another mate and would release her from her sense of duty to him, he could approach her and reveal his love. They had had so little time together during the last year, and he wondered if she had missed him as he had missed her. So many braves and warriors from her tribe, and others, desired her, for Bright Arrow had told Windrider of the many offers he had received for her. Why, Soul-of-Thunder worried, would she select a nineteen-year-old warrior who had not yet submitted himself to the Sun Dance, and who carried the careless scar from an enemy’s knife across his right shoulder, over famed and seasoned warriors who had much to offer for her and to her? If she felt only friendship and sisterly affection for him, it could spoil their relationship if he exposed deeper feelings and desires for her. Every time they held hands or embraced, his body burst into fiery need for a union with hers. He could not seem to look at her or be with her enough. He asked himself what she would do if he covered her mouth with his.

  Tashina watched Soul-of-Thunder as he watched her. She wondered if he realized how much his gaze and nearness affected her, for her body was trembling and tingling. This last year had demanded a great deal from both of them; her with her father, him with their white foes. So many maidens hungered for him and trailed him like she-wolves with the mating fever! His father had trained him to be a superior hunter and fighter, and any female would be honored and overjoyed to call him her mate. They had spent so much time together while reaching these ages, but a strangeness had fallen over their relationship during the past two winters. They spoke less and seemed to be secretive. They watched each other slyly and curiously. Maybe he was confused and alarmed by her new behavior toward him. She tried to comprehend why he seemed so nervous and reserved around her each time they were alone. She fretted apprehensively. Did he fear she would throw herself at him or try to entrap him with girlish wiles?

  Tashina could not help but think of her white blood, enemy blood. Even if she wanted to deny it existed, it was impossible, for her colorings and features made it known. She hated the word “half-breed,” but she had been called that many times in secret by other children. To her, all that mattered was she was Indian, Oglala, in heart and life. Her sister Little Feet was lucky, for she passed as Indian and she had won the heart of Racesthe-Buffalo, chief of the Sisseton tribe.

  Many braves and warriors had asked for her hand in joining, but why? Because she was a chief’s granddaughter? Or because she was Tashina? Besides, the only man she wanted was standing before her, and she dreaded how her white blood and looks might affect his feelings. He was willing and eager to be her friend, but would he become more? If only he would view her in the same light in which she viewed him. If only she dared to make her feelings known, but that meant risking their closeness…

  Soul-of-Thunder and Tashina simultaneously took a few steps toward each other, but each was only aware of his or her advance. Just as they reached for each other, a rider noisily approached the stream. Both reacted as if caught doing something naughty and moved away from each other. They watched Sun Cloud dismount and let his horse drink after the long ride. They could tell he was distracted, for it was a few minutes before he looked at them and spoke.

  Sun Cloud was not so self-engrossed that he failed to realize he had interrupted a romantic scene between his brother’s daughter and the son of her father’s best friend. He wondered if Bright Arrow knew about their relationship and if he thought it was wise to throw them together so frequently, and often alone, for they were still young, and young blood often raced too hotly and rapidly in the body. He and Soul-of-Thunder were friends, but Soul-of-Thunder had not exposed such intense feelings for Tashina to him. Perhaps he should discuss this matter with his friend later.

  The two warriors spoke as Tashina’s eyes went from one to the other. At nineteen and twenty-three, both were handsome and strong, and both were males to enslave a woman’s senses. She wished her young uncle had not intruded at this particular time, and she wondered what he had witnessed and might tell her father. Reminding herself how close in age she was to Sun Cloud and knowing of his alleged conquests with women, she asked herself if she should entreat Sun Cloud to explain men and their feelings to her. Perhaps her uncle could tell her how to win Soul-of-Thunder’s attention and heart.

  Just before telling Sun Cloud his uncle Eagle’s Arm had arrived, she decided it was best for her grandparents to share that news with him. She did inform him of her father’s guests and said she had come to fetch water for her grandmother. “I will tell Grandmother and Grandfather you have returned to camp. We saved food for you.”

  Sun Cloud smiled at his niece, and knew something was brewing inside her lovely head. If they were not related, she would make a perfect choice as his mate; she was beautiful, intelligent, giving, strong, and gentle. Tashina knew she was a woman, and she was proud and happy to be one. She did her chores with skill and without complaint. He was very proud and fond of her.

  “Tell Mother I will be there shortly. I mus
t tend my horse and refresh my body. Guard her well, Soul-ofThunder,” he remarked genially to the warrior at her side, “for she is beyond price and words.”

  “You are too kind, Uncle, but your words and feelings please me. It is good you are home safe. Grandfather has a surprise for you,” she helplessly hinted, then boldly winked at the man she loved.

  The Cheyenne warrior grinned and nodded agreement. He was moved by her control, for most females would have blurted out news of an uncle’s unexpected arrival. More and more he realized how special she was. He followed her into camp, wishing Sun Cloud had arrived later..

  Sun Cloud dropped to the ground while his horse drank his fill of water. All the way home he had thought of nothing but Singing Wind and of what had, or almost had, transpired between them in the forest. He had been stupid not to comprehend her abrupt change of heart and her rejection. He realized he had been blind and foolish. He had spoiled everything with innocent words. It was exasperating to have to guard one’s tongue at a time like that. He had offended her and challenged her, without meaning to do so. Soon, he must correct her mistaken impression and appease his growing hunger for her…

  Chapter Three

  Early the following morning, Windrider and his son left the Oglala camp to return home. Tashina and Soul-of-Thunder had been given no time alone after their brief encounter at the river, nor the privacy for either to speak the feelings in their hearts. After the men left camp to hunt game for the impending feast to celebrate the arrival of Gray Eagle’s half brother, Tashina went to visit with her grandmother.

  As the two women carried out their morning tasks, Tashina told Shalee what did, and did not, take place last night. “I fear I was too bold, Grandmother. I was about to approach him and confess all when Sun Cloud returned. Perhaps his intrusion was for the best. Perhaps my move to him was coming too swiftly and rashly. If only I could read his feelings as he reads tracks upon the face of Mother Earth.”

  “Do not worry so, little one. If the Great Spirit wills the joining of Tashina and Soul-of-Thunder, no power can defeat it. Many times I have told you of the forces which tried to keep me from Gray Eagle’s life and side, but the Great Spirit destroyed them and we became as one. You must have patience and faith,” the older woman encouraged.

  “It is hard to wait, Grandmother, for other maidens desire and chase him. He does not know I think of him as a man. If he chose another, I could not bear it. Soon we will leave our winter camp and the distance between us will be greater. As troubles with the whites grow larger, his time for visits grow smaller. He has just left my side, and I miss him as if it has been a whole season.”

  “Does your father know of such feelings for the son of his friend?”

  She glanced away guiltily as she confessed, “I have not revealed such things for I feared he would see danger in leaving us alone. And I did not think it wise to speak such words if Soul-of-Thunder does not feel as I do. If Father approached Windrider and his son with my secret, it could spoil things between them if Soul-ofThunder rejected me. We have been friends for many winters, and I do not wish to cause trouble.”

  “You are wise and kind, Granddaughter, for the pride of a man is often too large and blind where his family is concerned. You must seek the truth from your love before you reveal it to others.”

  “But how do I seek this truth?” Tashina inquired seriously.

  “Time will answer your questions. If his feelings match yours, he will be unable to conceal them for many more moons. Watch his eyes and listen to his voice, for the secret will be exposed there first.”

  “What if my father accepts trade for me before that moon?”

  Shalee laughed affectionately. “My son would never accept trade for his daughter without her approval and knowing. If your father comes to you to speak of such matters, you must speak from your heart. He knows the powers of love, and he knows only one special person can claim a heart. Even if your victory seems dark or distant at times, you must not lose hope, as Gray Eagle and Shalee did not, and Bright Arrow and Wahea did not. If Soul-of-Thunder does not make such feelings known before the Sun Dance, we will find a way to ensnare him.”

  “You would help me win my heart?” the eager girl probed.

  “When we reach our summer camp, I will find a way to open your love’s eyes, to show him only Tashina is the mate for him. It has been a long time since I was a young girl trying to steal a man’s eyes and heart. I will think hard and remember how it is done. If we are clever like the raccoon, you will capture your prize.”

  Tashina hugged her grandmother tightly. “My heart nearly bursts with love and pride for you, Grandmother. I will do all you say.”

  In the Blackfeet camp, Singing Wind was arguing with her brother Silver Hawk. “I owe no words to you, brother. I come and go as I wish.”

  The twenty-seven-year-old warrior glared at his audacious sister. He inhaled deeply and straightened, trying to make his body look taller than its five feet eleven inches. He possessed eyes which could send forth messages of fire and ice or conceal forbidden emotions. The knife scar which ran from above his left brow to beneath his cheekbone was startlingly white against his dark skin. He was lucky the knife wound had not blinded him as it had sliced through his eyebrow, leaving a tiny section where no hairs grew. Even so, the mark had not disfigured him, for he had inherited his father’s looks and features, and few men had been as handsome and manly as Brave Bear.

  Silver Hawk warned, “If you do not learn to hold your tongue in respect, sister, you might find it missing. Three Feathers revealed your boldness on the last sun. Why did you not come to me with news of the whites? I could have counted many coup on them.”

  Singing Wind knew it was too late for her brother to go after the trappers, for the son of Chief Medicine Bear had informed him of the war party which had left upon her return home with her information. She knew her brother was furious with her, but she did not care. She had gone to live in the tepee of Medicine Bear at two winters, but Silver Hawk had been adopted by the war chief when he was five. Only blood said they were from the same parents, for feelings and actions did not. He had always been mean and spiteful to her, jealous of her place in the chief’s tepee. She knew he was bitter and cruel, traits which were frowned upon in their culture, but he wisely concealed them from most members of their tribe. Four winters past, he had married Shining Feather, daughter to a Cheyenne chief, only to find she could not bear children. “I did not choose which warriors to send from camp, only the chief can do so. It would be wrong to sneak to your tepee and allow you to ride out before the band chosen by our chief. Many times your heart and mind are not Blackfeet. The sun must come when you enter the sweat lodge and purify yourself of such wickedness.”

  “And will you sit beside me, sister, and purify yourself of your defiance and evil? I am not the child of Brave Bear who brings dishonor to his name and camp. You make a fool of Singing Wind each sun. When you have cast away your darkness, then speak to me of mine. Why did Sun Cloud not count coup on our enemies?” he asked, changing the subject. “I am told no fear lives in his body, or within yours. Surely you two could have defeated them,” he scoffed.

  “We could have defeated the whites, but he did not wish the help of a woman, and the odds were too many for one warrior to challenge,” she informed Silver Hawk coldly, still angry with Sun Cloud, and not wanting her brother to think her a coward or a weakling.

  To vex his sister, the warrior teased, “Sun Cloud makes no secret of his thoughts of you. He laughs and scorns Singing Wind, and makes jokes with others when you look the other way,” he lied. “How can you allow him to shame you and use you for fun? Many will soon follow his lead and Singing Wind will have no warrior seeking her hand in joining. Sun Cloud should watch and hear his brother Bright Arrow to learn of wisdom and kindness. It is wrong to shame a chiefs daughter even when she is bad, as you are many times. Bright Arrow is strong and true; he will make a good chief. If you wish to claim great honor and t
o prove Sun Cloud’s words of you are false, seek to join with Bright Arrow. It will be good for a chief’s daughter to join a chief’s son and to unite our tribes with such a bond.”

  Singing Wind’s eyes enlarged as she listened to her brother’s suggestion. “Open your eyes and see how I have changed, Silver Hawk. I try to be as all expect me to be, but it is hard. I only wish to help our people. Is this so wrong? What you say is strange, for Bright Arrow does not know I live as more than the child of his mother’s brother. He mourns for Wahea and looks for no other mate.”

  “He cannot mourn for another season. He is a man, and a man must have a woman for many reasons. He is a great warrior and women find his face and body desirable. It is long past the time for Singing Wind to choose a mate. Who better to join than a future chief?” he reasoned, delighting in the thought of getting her out of his life and camp. Besides, she had too many eyes and could ruin his plans…

  “Is it not true Sun Cloud is to follow his father as chief? Bright Arrow gave up his right as first-born when he joined a white woman and left his tribe. I am destined to join a chief,” she reminded him.

  “That was long ago, and times have changed. When Gray Eagle rides the ghost trail, Bright Arrow will become chief. He is older and wiser, and he is no longer joined to a white woman. It is his right and duty to become chief. Others would look more favorably on his choice if he is wed to the daughter and granddaughter of chiefs.”

  Singing Wind stared at Silver Hawk in disbelief. “You wish me to join Bright Arrow to help him become chief?” she hinted. “All know of Gray Eagle’s vision which says his first son will never be chief. It is wrong to battle the will of Grandfather.”

  “Bright Arrow is my friend, and I must do all to help him obtain his rightful place. If your heart is good and true, you will do the same. Think of how your joining to Bright Arrow will prick Sun Cloud as buffalo berry thorns. As the wife of Bright Arrow, never would he laugh at you or scorn you again. You must think and decide quickly, sister, for Bright Arrow will soon take another mate.”