Madness or Purpose

by Megan Perry

  The sun is bright as I step outside the door and all the guys are still trying to figure out what to do.

  Gavin and Dean are trying to organize. Jaron and three guys I don’t know are digging for logging chains and Dominic is heading in their general direction. I make my way to Gavin’s truck and I remember I shorted it out. I toss our bags in the back of the cab. I lay my hand on the hood and concentrate.

  “Start…start…engine start.” I keep focusing on how the engine sounds. A moment later it starts under my hand. I open my eyes and start laughing. I had no idea I could do that. I actually felt the sparks leave my finger tips and the surge of power from my body before the engine roared to life. Each man in the clearing turned to stare at me with their mouth gaping at least a little bit.

  Grinning from ear to ear I ask, “want my help now boys?” I end my question with a wink.

  Gavin busts out laughing and Dominic joins him. Dean and the rest just shake their heads. The guys join me by the truck and most just keep shaking their heads. “I can’t be sure I can move them all, but I can probably line them up a bit straighter for the tucks.

  I could use some help though. If Gavin and Dominic would be willing, I could use some added juice to get the job done faster. So, we got a plan?” Jaron and Dean chatted for a bit pointing and scratching their heads. The rest of the guys move the vehicles to a safe distance. Gavin’s truck, it is well, sort of trapped. I turn the engine off by the key after a while when I am sure the battery has a bit more charge. “We got it figured out Zoe.” Dean shouted and motioned for me to come over. Jaron and Dean spent the next 20 minutes explaining to myself, Gavin, and Dominic the best way to set the trees up to drag out of the way the quickest.

  “Alright boys, let’s get this show on the road.” Gavin takes my right hand and Dominic my left. The remaining men stand behind us out of fear and for safety. “Ok, guys just hold on and close your eyes. I’m going to mentally picture the process and I want you to think through the process with me. I’ll keep my eyes open to be sure it’s working. Whatever you do, don’t stop concentrating until I tell you. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Both nod and I take a deep breath. I drop my walls and the boys both enter my mind. I start by focusing on the downed trees.

  I go through the process of each one lifting from the ground and returning to the ground in a new position facing the trucks head on so the logging chains can be attached. In a few moments time the most accessible one shivers. The branches quiver and the trunk groans. To my amazement the tree begins to hover and moves to the right over to the open spot facing the vehicles.

  After the first tree the process seems to move quicker. With each one I can feel the drain on my body. I know I am the main power behind this, but I couldn’t do this without the guys. They hang on and I can hear their groans and feel the sweat coating their hands. I can feel my own perspiration roll down my face and neck. My arms begin shaking and a dull throbbing begins at the back of my skull as the last tree begins to move. The pain intensifies as the process continues. I come crashing to my knees with the pain and just as the tree moves into position I clamp my eyes shut and rip my hands from the guy’s. I cover my temples with my hands and a horrifying scream escapes my lips as blood trickles down my cheeks from my eyes, nose, and ears. I feel Gavin and Dominic hovering over me in panic.

  Though both are physically and mentally drained from helping me they feel the need to aide me. I pass out and the pain leaves with the blackness.

  I start to come to and I can feel a breeze across my face. Underneath me is a hard cold surface and covering me is a scratchy odd smelling blanket. At first my vision is blurry and everything I hear sounds like blown out speakers. I can make out two outlines I assume are Gavin and Dominic. Someone lifts a container to my lips and I feel cool water dribble down my chin. Once I realize it’s water I open my mouth and drink. Once the water hits my stomach all I want to do is throw it back up. My stomach wrenches and I fling myself forward to my knees and vomit the liquid into what I think is a truck bed. Someone pulls my hair from my face and pats me on the back. My vision starts to clear and I am sure I just vomited in the bed of one of the trucks; I’m assuming Gavin’s. The ribbed bed liner comes into focus and the voices begin to clear as my stomach settles. “Zoe, can you hear me?” I hear Gavin in my head and a sharp pain shoots through my temple and all I see is white. I lose the strength in my arms and come crashing down to the truck bed. Just before I hit arms shoot out and pull me back up.

  The arms put me in a sitting position against some sort of rolled up bundle. I manage to clear my throat.

  “Don’t do that please. Just speak out loud.” My voice is raspy and every word burns. “I’m so sorry, I thought you couldn’t hear and I wanted to know if you were ok,” Gavin apologizes. I just nod in response because even the thought of speaking hurts. I can see Dominic out of the corner of my eye. He looks concerned and a bit scared. How am I going to talk to him about whatever issue he has later tonight, well, I just don’t see it happening. “Zoe, nod if you are ok, but need more rest.” Gavin instructs. I nod once and let my head fall back over the rolled up, well, whatever it is. I listen to the sounds of chains, diesel and cracking limbs for a while and then I pass out again.

  When I come to I find myself in the back of the cab all tucked in with a warm blanket around me. I hear two hushed voices from the front seat and because I don’t want to chance hurting my voice I simply listen to Gavin and Dominic. “I told you, she shouldn’t have done that. I mean I know I saw her doing a similar thing in the cabin to tidy things up, but huge trees like that? Why didn’t you stop her?” “Me? You didn’t stop her either. I mean you saw her doing it inside, why didn’t you say anything?” “Dominic, why would I let her do something that I knew would hurt her? I wouldn’t! If anything happens to her it will literally kill me! How fucked up do you think I am man? She’s everything to me! You wouldn’t understand, you don’t have another half of your soul to worry about!” Gavin’s voice rises in volume, and he turns to glance over the seat, so I quickly close my eyes. He doesn’t see that they were open and I hear Dominic answer him. “Oh, fuck you man! You don’t even know me and I do have another half! I just haven’t found her yet. I wouldn’t want to hurt Zoe anyhow, she’s pretty kick ass and she’s like going to help you save us all and shit!” The cab goes dead silent and I can almost hear the wheels in Gavin’s head turning.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just, well scared. I can’t lose her, she’s all I have. I mean I have parents, but they aren’t really my parents and well, yeah.” Gavin’s tone is full of fear and regret for his outburst. “Don’t worry man, I get it, I really do. Just you know, take care of her.” Dominic really does seem to care for me and I don’t know why.

  Maybe he just needs a friend around here. I mean the guys know him, but I guess guys need a few chick friends to even out all the testosterone. They don’t speak the rest of the way home and every time they look back to see if I’m awake I close my eyes. I just want to rest without blacking out and I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. The pain in my head subsides and really, it just feels numb, my whole head. My throat starts to feel less like it’s on fire and more like I need a drink. I figure I can wait a bit longer, especially after the whole vomiting episode.

  I hear the truck pull into the gravel parking lot, but my eye lids are too heavy to open. I feel Gavin lift me from the truck and my head falls over his arm. The air is cool on my skin and the ground rumbles with the music from surrounding clubs and bars.

  Gavin carries me inside and up flight after flight of metal stairs. I hear a wooden door creak open and I’m hit by a wave of stale air. I’m laid down on a lumpy mattress like cushion and someone opens a window just enough to circulate the air in the place. “Are you sure you don’t mind her resting up here while we work?” I hear Gavin ask. “It’s really not a big deal, she can rest and we will just be down stairs so it’s not like we are that far away. She’ll be fine.” I hear Dom
inic assure him. I hear their shoes scuff across the floor as they leave and the door clicks shut. “I know you’re not sleeping.” Dominic is sure to wink in my mind before he disappears.

  He really is much better than I gave him credit for. I’ll have to remember to tell him sometime, but without inflating his ego. As they leave I feel myself slipping back into the quiet darkness. I wake sometime later. A cool breeze hits my cheek and I shiver under the blanket. The apartment is warm, but the window is open just slightly to offset the rising heat from the bar. I don’t want to move, but I’m awake and bored. I keep my eyes closed but let my mind wander. I remember what Dominic said earlier about needing someone to talk to. As soon as I think about him I realize I can see myself moving down the stairs towards the bar below. I mean I’m still physically on the couch wrapped in a blanket, but some aspect of consciousness is traveling towards him. “You’re awake now huh?” I hear him ask. “Yeah, but what am I doing? I mean I’ve never been outside my body while still in it and conscious.” “Some people call it dream walking, but you don’t actually have to be asleep.” He smiles. “Can anyone else see me?” I ask. “Why don’t you go over there and try,” he says wiggling his eye brows. The girls at the bar swoon over him thinking he is making eyes at them from his bar stool in the corner.

  I walk up to one of the strangers and stick my tongue out and put my fingers in my ears. She doesn’t even blink; she is too busy starring at a guy across the room. As I turn Gavin’s eyes are right in front of me. I swallow hard guilt plastered all over my face. I can hear Dominic chuckling from his stool. Gavin signals one of the waitresses and she walks over to pick up some drinks. He doesn’t even notice me and until his arm passes straight through my shoulder I’m not convinced he wasn’t seeing me. Dominic’s chuckle turns into full blown laughing attack.

  Marching up to him I slap him in the face. My hand passes right through his head, but he winces. “Woman that stung, you behave! I told you that you were dream walking. No one can see you but the person you walk to. Why are you coming down here after me anyhow?” “Well, you said you needed to talk to someone. I was thinking about it and now I’m here! So you better start talking before I evaporate or electrocute you,” I threaten. “You sure are testy.

  You sure it isn’t your time of the month,” he asks and I just glare. “You should know that can’t happen until well I don’t know, until the bond is complete…I think.” He just laughs more.

  I start to move back towards the stairs before he calls out. “I’m sorry, seriously, stay. I could use a good ear and a chick’s opinion.” I turn back and sit on the floor beside his little bar stool. He must be acting bouncer tonight. I mean he looks lanky, but not buff. I guess neither is Gavin or Jaron, but they are pretty strong.

  Besides, Gavin said this isn’t your typical bar; it’s more of an escape or sanctuary. “So, what’s on your mind Dom,” I ask. “Well, for starters I’m not so sure I care for that nick name.” I stick out my tongue. “I’m not sure you get to care,” I reply. “Anyhow, well, you know I have another half too right?” He asks. “I believe you have mentioned it and somehow, I can just sense it, but go on.” “Well, I think she is here, somewhere. I mean I didn’t come to this city for Dean. I mean, he’s awesome and all, but something else told me to pack my bags and head this way.” He stares off into the distance and something I can’t see and he takes a deep breath like he is savoring the smell of the bar.

  “I left to get away from a bad situation, but I came here for a whole other reason. I can smell her on the wind now and sometimes I think I walk to her. I mean it feels so real, but I’ve never actually been to the place I go to her most. The first few times it was like she called me out of my own mind and I just knew where she was. Part of the reason I keep that window open is because the breeze carries her to me, well that and that place turns into a freaking furnace. I’ve never seen her anywhere, but if I did I would know. It feels like she is so close and I can’t find her. It’s so frustrating, like something is hiding her from me or she is hiding. I didn’t know you could hide from your other half.” He sighs and looks at his red slip on shoes.

  Those things are just, well he can pull them off but yeah. I shake my head a bit. “Dom, I well, I don’t know. I mean you know more about this whole mind thing than I do and I’m supposed to like save the guardians and the world as we know it. I’m just barely an adult and my whole life is just messed up. I mean Gavin and everyone are awesome, but I’ve had a lot of shit happen and things just keep adding to the puzzle and freaking me out! I’m sorry, enough of me, let’s get back to you.

  Do you remember any land marks or like have you smelled her like really strong in one part of town?” “I remember a building and a design on some kind of sign. I think it might mean something, but I’m not sure yet. You know, you haven’t had it easy, but I’m sure things will get better.” Dominic says with a soft smile on his features. “How about we look for the place sometime? You could remember the memory and I’ll watch and see if I know the place.” I offer. “Yeah, maybe that would help. Thank you.” He replies. “No problem Dom!” He wrinkles his nose at me and I laugh. “It’ll grow on you, trust me!”

  “So, I know you electrocuted Gavin. He isn’t so good with keeping his mental thoughts guarded; we need to work on that one. What happened?” Dominic asks. “Well, if I tell you then you have to keep it to yourself.” I say unsure of whether or not I should tell him, but I had to tell someone besides Gavin. I just can’t keep this sort of thing locked up. “Cross my heart. I just bore my soul to you so to speak, I owe you at least that.” He replies with a wink. “What do you know about me?” “Well, you are meant to save our kind. Your dad was murdered. Ummm…you’ve been valed. Yup, that’s about it.” “Ok, well then, listen up it’s a long one, might take until the bar closes.” I rattle on and on about my life and my parents and how my mom isn’t really dead and how I found out I have a brother, and he’s in danger and the key to saving us all.

  Crazy stuff like that is well, it’s just my life. As I finish Dominic’s eyes look huge and slightly confused. “Makes your head hurt huh,” I ask. “Maybe it does a little. Ok, maybe a lot. You are a wreck!” I glare at him in response. “Seriously though, that is some crazy stuff. So when do we go find your brother?” “Well, yeah only you and Gav know. We need to move soon though or well, we might not be able to find him or save him.” I just shake my head. “I’m going to go sleep some more.” I say before move back to the stairs and float up to the couch. Dominic nods before I disappear.

  I wake up in Gavin’s arms as he carries me to the truck. He smiles and kisses my forehead. “You keep sleeping,” he says and lays me across the back seat in the truck. I stir one more time as he places me in the bed and crawls in behind me wrapping his arms around my waist. Gavin’s bare chest warms me and his even breathing sends me back into a deep sleep. In the morning I’ll have to tell him I told Dominic and possibly tell him about the whole “dream walking” thing too. Somehow, the fact that I didn’t come to him is probably going to bother him, but if I tell him I didn’t know how it worked and now I do maybe he will be ok. I mean I could show him and then well, yeah he’ll love that. I’ll try it tomorrow. With that I let Gavin enter my mind and we dream together. Everything is peaceful and quiet.

  It’s nice after a day like today.

  I wake up because I’m sweating bullets and I feel Gavin’s lips along my neck. He’s nipping and kissing pulling me from my sleep. As soon as my eyes open his lips are on mine and the urgency of his kiss is maddening. He wants to possess me and claim me.

  Everything about his movements tells me he needs this, needs to mark our bond with a physical act. He must have had some nightmare and is freaking out.

  Even though I was asleep peacefully, his urgency is transferred to me through every touch and soon I am as crazy with lust as he is. I glimpse his eyes as they flash to solid red and he reaches down and rips the thin camisole from my body. The fabric tears ea
sily and the abrupt change in temperature makes me shiver from head to toe. Gavin’s fingers automatically rub over my cold nipples. As he flicks them and leans down to kiss me again our marks touch and the world goes white. All of my senses go into overdrive and I let Gavin take me as he pleases. He rips off my panties next and slides inside of me. I am sure glad he was tending bar tonight, because I loved that camisole and he’s definitely replacing it!

  In his mind I see his nightmare, he fears Dominic and I are too close. He sees images of us together and of me leaving him. I try to convince him with my body that no other man will ever have me. He is rougher than normal and I let him dominate me giving him all the power. Usually I would be against this sort of arrangement for the sheer fact that I’m very capable of pleasing him and I feel it’s better to give pleasure than to take it. The odd thing is I like this jealousy, this fear. He takes control and makes contact with every inch of my body. Every time I think I’m at the brink, he pauses just long enough for me to almost catch my breath and then he begins again. Gavin is definitely reacting according to his emotions, but he is not so out of control that he is lighting things on fire.

  To egg him on a bit more I shock him just briefly. I know it isn’t nice to tease and egg him on in such a state, but sometimes a girl just needs it. Gavin finally allows me to finish and he rolls over onto his back. I can hear his labored breathing. As I wait for my eye sight to clear and my breathing to slow I reach down and intertwine my fingers in his.

  “You know, that will never happen, Gavin. I find no attraction to any other man. I never have, even before I knew what I was. You have always been my best friend and greatest ally. I will never choose someone over you. I have no feelings for him. You know he has another half as well. He is nice to talk to, but there are qualities he possesses that I do not find appealing. Gavin, without you I would be lost and alone. You are my other half! Don’t worry. Did you enjoy yourself though?”