A Home for the Redeemed

by Sue Behnke

  The documentary was a relevant synopsis of the recent medical issues that affected the gay, lesbian, and transgender community around the world. It was rather impartial and objective, looking at the progress of some diseases and pointing out a few interpretations of legal issues surfacing around the health care systems in some countries. Instead of the outraged speeches the media focused on, it took a realistic, levelheaded, and caring view of diseases that were afflicting those who had adopted a gay lifestyle. For an hour people were mesmerized, listening intently, sometimes whispering to one another in agreement or in anger at the subject at hand.

  Maria could not help but be impressed by the documentary. It did not seek to condemn or shatter the audience. It looked to inform them of some harmful consequences of the homosexual lifestyle. It did not presume to be a judgment but more of a gentle and concerned wake-up call. Maria hoped the audience would see it the way they did—an opportunity to connect, the start of a conversation.

  When the documentary ended, refreshments were served, and the lawyer stood and mentioned a couple of points more relevant to the local laws, tidbits that the documentary had missed or omitted for time’s sake. The law differed so extravagantly from place to place, he said, that it was impossible to cover a lot of ground in such a short time. Someone asked him to make a legal point regarding discrimination in his workplace. The lawyer commented briefly and compassionately.

  The doctor took the stand right after. He commented on the challenges the medical community was still facing in silence, away from the media. He maintained a gentle demeanor and a calm approach. A distraught mother asked him about some remedies to a disease that was ravaging her son’s body. The doctor expounded a bit more on the disease and some of the medications on the market and their side effects. Maria found herself wiping her tears at the pain she was witnessing.

  An old man rose up after the doctor and addressed the small crowd. “Hello, welcome one and all. My name is Bob Moody. So glad to see you all here tonight. I will take five minutes to speak about the poor relationship between the church and the gay community.”

  Angry muttering answered him. Bob smiled and continued, “The church has made many mistakes since its inception. We can mention the Crusades and the Inquisition just to list a couple of disasters eagerly undertaken. It is easy to say these were not truly speaking for Christianity, but I guess that would be a cop-out.

  As of late, the gay, lesbian, and transgender communities have been quite hurt by people who profess to love. I’m quite sure it has been devastating. It has become crucial to understand the nature of this dilemma.”

  He paused and looked at the faces in the room. He wanted their full attention. He also wanted to ensure they received his love.

  “I’m standing here first and foremost to ask for your forgiveness. We, as the church, have collectively made a lot of mistakes. Some of our people have hated on you and wagged a mean finger at you, professing that God did not love you enough or is cursing you.

  “I’m a pastor myself, and as such, I can stand on behalf of the church and maybe try to explain. We cannot possibly endorse your views. We cannot forsake the God we love and serve and walk away from the instructions of the Bible, but that does not mean we hate you. Our stand is not or is not meant to be one of judgement. We are being forced to take a stand against our morals, our beliefs, and our God. We are simply trying to say we can’t follow where you and society are trying to lead us.”

  A few people got up and left, one making an obscene gesture on his way out. Bob turned to those who chose to stay.

  “Every person in this room who welcomed you and has served you refreshments is a pastor or a leader in their respective churches. We wanted to let you know that while we cannot follow where you choose to go, it certainly does not mean that we want to hurt you.

  “The pastor who was pointed out by the media as a hateful bigot is one of the main supporters of this event and will be in the back to answer any question you may want to address to him. We are hoping you can draw your own conclusions about us and not let the media lead you in hype and confusion.”

  Bob signaled to the back, and pastors came out with trays, handing out the content to the surprised audience.

  “Also, a group of Christian artists have heard of this event and have made each and every one of you a small painting, an original and unique painting to express their love. These gifts are to remind you that you are a beautiful creation and that you are precious to God and to us. They are being distributed now.

  “We would love to open the floor today to answer any questions you may have. If you would allow us to give you a hug or just listen to you, we would consider it a privilege. We are here today to connect with you and create an opportunity to start a dialogue.

  “Thank you for listening. We hope you had a wonderful evening.”

  Maria could barely wait. As soon as Bob stepped down, she headed toward an elderly lady and started a conversation. The bewildered lady was hesitant at first, apparently still in shock.

  Other pastors, emboldened by Maria, walked to people, renewing their welcomes and thanking them for coming and participating. Some attendees angrily said out loud it was all a ploy, and they left quickly. A few stayed, appearing curious and guarded but still receiving the love and attention lavished on them.

  Maria was standing by Carl when one young man asked to talk to him. He was pretty upset. He could not understand why Christians could be so cruel. He had been personally hounded by a relative, consistently told he was going to hell. Carl listened respectfully, allowing the man to purge his heart from the pain and the rejection. The young man was not interested in advice, so Carl did not offer any. He simply looked at him with kindness, enjoying his confidence. He invited the youth to visit his office anytime to chat. The man took the pastor’s business card and left.

  Suddenly, there was a hush in the room when a woman charged at Bob, screaming obscenities at him and his God. Maria watched her wag her finger furiously, defying Bob to change her, accusing him of bigotry and hatred. Bob stayed calm and let her vent for a while. When he had a chance to insert a word, he just asked her calmly, “Why do you need me to approve of homosexuality for you to be gay?”

  A sense of shock registered on her face. She appeared too emotional to process this on the spot though, so she kept swearing and ranting that she did not need anyone’s approval. Bob did not react to her temper tantrum. She screamed a few more curses against pastors and bigotry. “What is your problem? Answer me. What is your problem?” She kept yelling.

  “I asked you first. You need to answer me. Why do you need my approval to be okay with being homosexual?”

  She stood for a minute, a blank look on her face, and suddenly, she turned on her heels and stormed out of the door in a rage.

  Bob kept a quiet composure. To Maria, though, he looked quite drained.

  After the last person left, the leaders could breathe a collective sigh of relief. There was a new burden on the shoulders of the bold leaders. They had touched the pain and grief out there, and they vowed to keep meeting to pray for the healing of the hurting hearts and embrace a strategy to bring to them the love of a wonderful God they did not know.

  Chapter 70

  A Nightmare at Home

  Amber knew her husband wasn’t well. When he disappeared for two days, she did not call the police. She knew he did not want to be found. Besides, the man knew old hangouts where the police did not care to go.

  She just waited in fear, a small whisper in her heart hoping he would not come back. He did return though, his face somehow looking darker, his tone slightly more menacing.

  She spent a lot of effort keeping her daughter safe, devising stories to keep her at a distance from her beloved papa, and keeping an illusion of safety.

  Brendan went on rants often, blaming his boss and his coworkers of low-life behavior, cursing them out loud. He screamed that the church had let him down and used him as a scapegoat. He vili
fied his parents daily, blaming all his problems on the upbringing he had been afflicted with.

  She did not dare contradict him because she didn’t want him to get even louder, and she hoped the neighbors would be patient with the noise.

  Sometimes she would notice him looking at her with mean, squinty eyes, looking for an excuse to scream at her or worse. She would cower in her heart, but still keep her demeanor defiant, her eyes seemingly indifferent and strong.

  There was that time where he accused her of infidelity just to instigate a response.

  He kept screaming, “Who are you seeing now, huh? Who is he? Are you planning to leave? Who is he?”

  Even though she replied fiercely, which calmed him, she no longer dared to take walks or go shopping on a whim. She was petrified of his accusations and retaliation.

  She had to protect her child at all times. Any small misdemeanor seemed to trigger his loud emotional outbursts. Life was quickly becoming a living nightmare.

  Chapter 71

  Benjamin in the Valley of Decision

  Benjamin was bewildered and grieved. He had hoped for astounding answers from the seasoned pastor. This is not how he pictured his walk with God. He asked Jane not to call any of his parents.

  He enjoyed praying with Bob, who offered a lot of sympathy and encouragement regarding the enmity with his family over his newfound faith. Ultimately, the decision before Benjamin was twofold. Was this faith real to him? Was it worth losing his father’s respect if need be?

  Benjamin meditated on the matter and called his mother after a few days. She was very cold and condescending. She informed him that they felt let down by his choices.

  Something broke inside him. He figured it was his heart, his mind still wavering between anger and numbness.

  “Mom, I thought you guys loved me. It was an assumption I made.”

  “Of course we do. This is not what we’re talking about! You are throwing away your life!”

  Benjamin wanted to cry out, “If you did truly love me, I should feel loved, shouldn’t I? I should feel respected. I have made choices you don’t agree with. If I was throwing away my life, isn’t it my life? Shouldn’t I feel free to throw it away if I’m convinced it is right for me? Would you not respect me anyway?” But he didn’t respond. It was useless to argue with his folks.

  An uncomfortable silence lingered. He had to say something. “I’m not asking you to follow my path or embark on any journey with me. It is my life!”

  “All right, if that is the way you choose to live. We won’t condone it though! We thought you could rise so much higher than this! I suspect it was Jane who swayed you in this direction! We are not pleased!”

  “I’m sorry you should feel like that, Mom. Just know that Jane did not sway me. I made my own decisions.”

  “Well, she might have used subtle ways! You can still step away from this nonsense. Your father is incensed!”

  “Mom, we have catered to Dad’s whims all our lives. I will do so no more! The way I see it, this is one of his domineering bouts. He will no longer control my life. This phase is over. If I have to walk away from you two to become my own man so that I can live by my own convictions and rules, so be it. Good-bye, Mom.”

  He felt he was hanging up on an entire lifetime. His heart was sore in his chest. His mother did not call him back that day. It was clear she had made choices too.

  Chapter 72

  An Urchin Sinking

  Amber’s sister Patty was expecting Brendan to knock on her door anytime that day. She had been warned that he might look for her there. Still, when the doorbell rang, she jumped. She looked at her husband nervously. She went to the door and looked through the peephole. It was him all right, haggard and dirty, maybe even slightly drunk or stoned.

  “Brendan, I will not open the door. Your family isn’t here. They’ve been hidden by some organization in a shelter. We were not given any name or address. She just called to tell us they went into hiding.” Patty was outright scared. She never trusted Brendan and warned her sister many times against that marriage.

  “She can’t take my daughter from me! I want to see my daughter.” His tone was menacing.

  Patty was grateful Brendan did not look her up at work … or find her in a dark alley.

  “Brendan, I promise you they’re not here. She never set foot in this house. She just called us so we wouldn’t worry about her. I wish I could help you.”

  Brendan was cursing loud. Patty was concerned for her neighbors. What will they think of her?

  “Brendan, she’s my sister, and you didn’t treat her well. We thought you became a Christian and turned your life around. We’re so shocked at the change we’re seeing. I don’t know what’s happening. Shouldn’t you go to church and let them help you? Why did you turn your back on God? You were doing so well, Brendan. What on earth?”

  “It is none of your business! No one is going to tell me what to do! Is that what you told her? Is that why she left? I don’t care about her! She will not take my daughter. I’ll find her. Make no mistake. I’ll find her!”

  “Brendan, I’m calling the police now. They should be here in a few minutes. If I were you, I would leave before they show up.”

  Brendan walked away, threatening and cursing. Patty hoped that was the last she had seen of him.

  Chapter 73

  Heartbreak

  The question of picking two new elders to replace Ted and Paul was on the table. Carl had a wild hope of inviting Bob to join the team, and he put it before Jamie and Finn. Much debate followed.

  Carl was not even sure Bob would be interested, not having much to offer him in way of position or remuneration. He just knew they needed him. He tried to make concessions. The elders wanted a lot more reassurance. It was a difficult spot, but Carl prayed furiously into this matter, asking that God’s will would prevail so that Bob could become part of the team, of course.

  It seemed either God was not in a hurry or the elders were not listening, but the matter took three full weeks of deliberations with other names brought for consideration. More scenarios were discussed and solutions examined. It was enough to drive a grown man, even a pastor, to frustration and annoyance.

  Another meeting was in progress, Jamie and Finn expressing new concerns and rehashing old ones. Carl was too tired to protest or repeat his encouragements.

  “Gentlemen, we have been through this so many times. I think I would like to propose choosing one elder for now. It seems that we’re trying to fill vacant seats instead of looking at what the church needs to grow and where the Lord is leading. Insecurity should not stop us from doing what we know is right. Can we at least approach Bob and determine if he is interested, set up an interview if he is, and see how that fares?”

  Geena interrupted the meeting to inform Carl there was an urgent call waiting for him.

  Carl was grateful for the interruption. He looked at the elders for a quick decision regarding Bob, and they reluctantly agreed. Carl was left to summon Bob for a meeting.

  Carl could not make much sense of the conversation at first. The voice was vaguely familiar. He could not place the caller immediately. He was reluctant to ask for a name until she mentioned the name of her husband. This was about Brendan.

  “Pastor, it has been a nightmare.” Amber started sobbing uncontrollably. Carl waited, heartbroken, while she cried and convulsed, unable to speak.

  She finally was able to speak amidst her despair. “He’s evil! He has turned evil! I can’t leave a child in this environment. It’s not right the way he screams and torments me. He has regressed to something worse than I’ve known him before his salvation. I had to run.”

  Carl was at loss for words. He finally just asked for an address and promised to do what he could. He hung up in tears, got his coat, and left in the cold to find his friend.

  Chapter 74

  Journaling Grief

  Jane was craving a time alone with her journal. She needed God’s comforting pres
ence. Her world was spinning again. Benjamin’s grief shattered her.

  My dearest love,

  I feel like we’re the aliens of this world. We walk the earth yet are not of it. I watch the people out there. They seem to have a vacant look in their eyes as if they didn’t really see me. They seem to inhabit another dimension. As a child, it caused me to wonder and live in constant terror of insanity. That taste of horror is still in my mouth when I allow it to rise in me.

  What have we done to deserve to be hated like this? This is a question that haunts my heart. It empowers the fears that dominate me. Could I possibly fall into such abominable error and lose my sanity? I need to take a deep breath to steady my mind.

  As I’m sitting with you today, I’m aware of the violence of the anger that rises in me. What have we done to deserve this? This question rages in me like a storm. I, in turn, feel like I’m raging at you. I’m struggling to control myself, aware of the fear of that mortal sin that can invite insanity closer to me. Terror of insanity is thrashing about in me, releasing waves of emotions. This will not be easy. It is good that I know you are close and that you don’t judge me.

  You know, I do owe you an apology, a sincere, heartfelt apology. I’m looking at this as some sort of punishment you deliver, and I know this is not the truth. As I look at you, I wonder how you are not daunted by all the accusations that are hurled at you by every single one of us.

  I have a secret question to ask of you. I would not dare ask anyone else. I would be petrified of them. What is normal? Am I normal? I sometimes feel so fragile. I wonder if all is well. I wonder what it would take to break me.

  Please help me stay together. Please help my Benjamin come through. I desperately cling to you. Let your great mercy wash over us.

  We are desperate. Please don’t delay.