I feel like the wind is knocked out of me, “crystal, sir.”
I knew coming here, I would have a lot to face, but never expected this. I didn’t think I would ever be able to talk about my sister, Bianca, with anyone. I feel relief at having shared the events with someone, but I don’t want to talk about any of this ever again. I know Harrison is going to want his own conversation with me, but I just don’t want to deal with him. I just want to have time to be with Maggie before I depart for rehab.
Maggie
Brayden and my dad stayed out in the shop talking for two hours. When he entered the house, my heart flutters at his mere presence. I still don’t know what to do about our relationship. Seeing him, I am equally full of love and anger.
Brayden comes over to me after greeting my mom. For the longest time, he just stares at me saying nothing.
“Maggie, I know it’s late, but can we go for a walk down to the beach and talk?” He finally asks.
I look at my dad for a sign as to whether I should go or not. He gives a subtle nod and I decide to go. My parent’s house is 5 houses up the street from Dina’s. Their house is walking distance to the beach, whereas, Dina’s house is right on the water.
We walk out I shiver, not from the air, but from Brayden’s presence. I grab a blanket on the way out for us to sit on. We walk past Dina’s, all the lights are out but a soft glow from her bedroom. I smile inside knowing that my friend is finally coming to a peaceful place. She still stays in her childhood bedroom, leaving her parent’s master suite as a guest room. Maybe in time, she will learn to enjoy the house again for more than just beach access.
As I am thinking of all the heartache my best friend has overcome, I realize how much she has learned about herself. In the end, she has managed to find happiness. Thinking of all of this, I come to a decision about my relationship with Brayden, at least for the near future. I know what I have to do.
We arrive down to the soft sand, stars twinkling overhead. I lay the blanket out and sit down. Brayden sits beside me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders to pull me close. I don’t know how long we sit like this in silence just taking in the waves, stars, sand, and salt in the air. It is peaceful, it is my confirmation. Regardless the sun will rise and set again. I have to live with the decisions I have made in all of this.
Brayden begins to speak, “Maggie, I love you. I have messed up and I am so sorry. I want to get clean, make things right between us. I….”
“Stop talking Brayden, now is not the time to go through all of this.” I interrupt. “Right now, I need the man I love to take me, hold me, kiss me and give me all the passion and emotion in him.”
He leans in and slowly kisses me, almost timidly. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him into me. Together we lay back with Brayden resting his weight on his forearms, chest against me, his leg nudging between mine. I peel his shirt up, maintaining eye contact with him as I did. I gently run my fingers up and down his back and sides as he tenderly kisses my neck. Then ever so carefully, he pulls off my sundress, leaving me naked on the blanket only his body covering mine. I cherish every moment, every touch committing it to memory.
He trails feather like kisses down my breasts, only sucking when he finds my nipples. The trail continues as he pulls my hands off him placing them to my sides as his begins a journey south. He grants both inner thighs equal attention before beginning to deliberately and delicately kiss my most intimate part. His tongue is leisurely licking my clit and core. I arch my back pressing him for more, demanding, taking, craving, wanting, seeking out that connection and that orgasm that is building ever so slowly and delicately inside of me. As I explode around his mouth, I can feel my body already building in anticipation for more.
He pulls close to me, tenderly kissing his way back up. He pushes my hair out of my face, and just looks me in the eyes.
His voice trembling as he says, “Maggie, I love you baby, always have always will. My fire and ice, my wild and my calm, you are the only good I have ever had in my life.”
Before I can respond, he is kissing me in a slow teasing manner. I can taste the salt in the air on his lips, the taste of myself, all mixed with the familiar taste of Brayden. Our tongues dance together in the way we both have grown accustomed to, like a routine in which a ballerina has practiced for years, knowing every millimeter of his mouth, but still feeling like it’s never enough. I feel him remove his shorts and lay over me, skin on skin, and I feel on the brink of explosion already and he hasn’t even started.
His hand finds its way down, gently, slowly circling my clit. I burn with desire to be one with him joined together rising to ecstasy and coming down consumed in one another. As he inserts one finger, he begins ever so delicately moving in and out of me, his body is positioned on mine in such a way preventing me from rising up much to reach my climax. The throb and hunger in me is growing as he adds a second finger. He finally picks up the pace enough to send me over the edge again.
This time as I am riding the waves of my orgasm, he enters me. He is unhurried, making my body crave more. I can feel the tears rising up to the back of my eyes as he moves in and out of me. The love and rawness radiating off of him is shaking me to my core. He starts a gradual increase in pace as I am once again on the verge of another climax. I can feel his body begin to tense and just as the trembling in me begins, he finds his release. Together we lay tangled in one another, coming down from the most passionate and emotional sexual experience we have ever encountered together.
Brayden
She hasn’t yet said the words, but I can feel it as we lay here. Maggie has given up on me, on us, and this is goodbye. I hold her close as long as I can. I feel her body shutter in my arms, not from aftershocks of our orgasms but from her silently crying. Finally, knowing I can’t prolong the inevitable, I reach for her dress putting it back on her as well as dressing myself.
I take her by the hand and pull her to standing in my arms. I gently rub her back and her hair. No longer is she trying to hold back the tears. I feel the burning in my eyes as I know I have broken her heart as well as my own.
I whisper, “Maggie, I get it, you don’t need to say the words. Let’s get you home. Harrison wants to speak with me, so I will wait up for him and then take a cot in your dad’s shop. Tomorrow, I will see about getting a hotel until Ryder is ready to leave.”
She sobbed, I continued, “It is okay, baby, it is my entire fault. You deserve better than me. Maggie, I want you to be happy, with or without me. My behavior as of late, gives you no reason to want to find happiness with me and I understand that.”
I can feel the hot tears streaming down my face and I don’t even care. This woman is everything good that has ever been in my life and she wants to be gone.
She looks up at me and says, “Brayden, I love you more than I can ever put into words. I am not saying it is over for good, but it is over for right now. You need to get clean. I need to find myself again. I was so lost in the illusion of our future I ignored our reality and missed the signs of your drug use. I want to be with the Brayden I fell in love with four years ago, the Brayden that wasn’t looking for an escape. The Brayden that would hold me and talk to me for hours on end about everything, give me that Brayden back.”
She holds me tight for a while. Then she pulls away, gathering up the blanket so we can walk back. Before we get to the stairs to get of the beach, she says, “Brayden, let’s just take the time you are rehab to find ourselves again. We can talk after you are clean. One day at a time, no promises and no regrets. If we do find our way back to each other, I want it to be forever with no hesitations.”
All I manage to do is nod. With that we headed back to her parents so I can face Harrison.
Brayden
After a quick shower I make my way out to the back shop to pull out one of Maggie’s dad’s cots to sleep on. Maggie and I didn’t say anything else to each other, as there honestly isn’t anything to say.
Harrison joins me n
ot too long after that. It is now well past midnight, I want to sleep and now I have to deal with grumpy big brother.
Without even a hello, he starts, “What is the deal with you and my sister?”
I sharply retort, “Simple, I messed up bigger than shit, now there is no more me and your sister. What’s your next question?”
He looks at me almost as if he was judging the integrity of my answer. The reality of my situation seeming to dawn on him, I almost sense some sympathy from him. He says, “No more you and Mags, huh? Then what’s the situation with Ryder and Dina? I have only met Ryder a few times through you, is he going to mess her over?”
“Really Lawson, really, it is way too late for this bullshit. Your sister doesn’t want to be with me right now, possibly not ever. As for Ryder and Dina, well she is blissfully happy; shouldn’t that be what matters given all she’s been through? You want to know what kind of guy Ryder is and what his intentions are with Dina, ask him your damn self.” I say staring him down.
“Point made, lunch tomorrow, you, me, dad, and Ryder. Noon at the Emerald Plantation, that restaurant in the back the girls love so much. I should kick your ass right now. I want to beat the shit out of you for hurting my sister. You seem to be beating yourself up enough though. Get some sleep.” And with that he was gone back into the house.
Left alone with nothing but my thoughts, I just let myself drown in emotion. My mom is right, it should have been me. I am no good for anyone. Normally, I would want the escape, the high, but right now I am so broken even that won’t numb the pain. I sit up on the cot knowing there will be no sleep for me tonight. This has to be what they refer to as rock bottom.
Maggie
I wake up from the little sleep I managed, still full of conflicting emotions. I thought by making a decision concerning Brayden I would feel relief, but instead I feel empty.
I make my way to the kitchen for breakfast. My mom gives me a knowing glance. My dad comes around and hugs me.
“Where is Brayden at now?” He asks.
“He spent the night outside in the shop. He is going to stay there until Ryder leaves or he can find another way back to Charlotte. I don’t want him to go back without Ryder and then end up getting high. I can’t be with him right now, I need to find myself, sort some things out, but I still love him with every part of my being.” I answer with a shaky voice trying to contain the tears.
Harrison comes in looking tired, Tiffany trailing behind him. He immediately hugs me tight. He says in all seriousness, “Your boy, Mags, he is a hot mess out there. You love him, he loves you, but you don’t need to be together while he is fighting whatever battle he is fighting in his head. Just so you know, Dad, Ryder, Brayden and I are going to RJs for lunch today. I will be nice to Brayden, as for Ryder, he and I need to come to an understanding about Dina.”
With that he backs away from me to go kiss our mother on the cheek. She made an amazing breakfast of country ham, sausage, scrambled eggs, dip eggs for my Dad, grits, homemade gravy and biscuits. So we all sit down to enjoy the spread before us.
I eat silently, my mind wondering over to Brayden. I just want things to go back to the beginning when it was all so much easier.
Tiffany tries for small talk with her annoying girly high pitched, super fake, rack my nerves voice. She is so snobby about everything that I just ignore her every word. I can’t believe Harrison brought her home with him. For this being the first girl to meet our parents since he was in high school, she isn’t what I would consider a match for my big brother. He needs someone more independent and less critical. There is just arrogance around this girl that I can’t work past. Harrison is smart this can’t be too serious; she must just be a great piece of ass. That has to be it, a good roll in the sheets because she has nothing upstairs.
Ryder
Palms sweating, nervous anticipation coursing through me, I hope Dina doesn’t catch on. Maggie comes to the house, so I quickly kiss Dina and head out for lunch with the guys.
I go by and pick up Brayden. “What’s up, bro? You look like hell.” I say as he gets in my car.
“Maggie and I broke up. It is what is best for her with me leaving in just a few days. Harrison is coming to lunch just so you have a heads up man.”
“Damn it, I mean I like Lawson and all, but this is not a conversation I want to have with Maggie’s brother around. I am nervous enough about talking to her dad. Those two know me but only as your friend, it’s different to be in a serious relationship with Dina and have to deal with them.”
We arrive at Emerald Plantation shopping center, its only three stoplights up from Dina’s street. I find a parking spot that I hope is far enough out no one parks around my Camaro. We walk past the grocery store, the tourist shops, a pizza place, and head back to the restaurant.
Inside we are greeted by the hostess but just head back to the bar area. We grab a booth so we can still be at the bar but have a little privacy. Not long after, Harold and Harrison arrive. We each order a beer except Brayden who just gets sweet tea. I tell our waitress to make sure I have a basket of croissants to go, as Dina left me with specific instructions since we are dining at her all-time favorite place.
Harrison starts with an almost smug look on his face, “Davenport, good to see you and all but cut the shit, what is your deal with Dina? Is this serious or are you playing her like all the other females you left in your wake?”
Man, sometimes, he pisses me off. Harrison and I have never had issues. I know he is just as ready to brawl for the people he loves as I am though. His time in the Marines built his body up just as much as mine, so we are quite the pair sitting here having a pissing match over my relationship with Dina. To answer his question, I reach into my pocket, pulling out the little black velvet box, opening it and setting it on the table, dead center, contents facing out to both Lawson men.
“That serious,” I say with sarcasm dripping off my tongue. “Mr. Lawson, Harold, I apologize, this is not how I wanted this conversation to go. I respect you; I respect the friendship you had with Dina’s dad. As he is not here to ask, I am asking you for permission to marry Dina.”
I make sure to lock eyes with the older Lawson so he can see just how serious my intent is. He is silent for what seems like forever, Harrison too, they can’t seem to form words for a moment.
Harold takes a pull from his beer then setting it down, never breaking eye contact with me. Then finally he speaks.
“Ryder, I don’t know you well, but over the years, I can see you have worked hard and have your shit together. I think that you and Dina’s dad would have gotten along well. Seeing that you are this serious, I can say yes, you have my blessing son. Dina’s parents would have loved you and are looking down watching over their baby girl and smiling at the happiness you have given her.” His eyes are slightly glassing over in unshed tears.
Then he looks at Brayden, “Brayden, your time will come, get clean, Maggie and you will work this out. She loves you, she is just hurt and lost right now.”
We all sit and eat, continuing in idle chit chat. Harrison looks at me, “Ryder, just so we are clear, my dad may happy for you, but you hurt Dina, I will rip you a new one, you feel me? She has been through enough.”
He looks to Brayden, “You, Brayden, just need to grow the hell up, be a man and fix your shit. Nuff said on that.”
The Lawson men leave after we eat with quick goodbyes. Then Brayden asks, “You sure you are ready to commit to that level, bro?”
I smile, “Never have I been more sure of anything. We are getting older now, no more college parties, time to settle down, start a family. Are you going to be okay without Maggie?”
He shakes his head, “I don’t know if I will ever truly be okay, but I don’t have a choice but to move forward. I am happy for you and Dina, man, if this is what you want. Damn, I never thought you would be getting engaged before me.”
We head out so I can get back to Dina. I am going to leave and go back to Charlotte t
onight. Brayden is having a hard enough time with the break up no need to rub salt in the wound by making him stick around.
Maggie
Dina and I have spent our day sun bathing on the beach. She has been quiet about my break up with Brayden, just saying she loves me and is here for me.
Late afternoon, we head in where she makes us some sandwiches. She sits at the table across from me. We are silent for a bit. Then she begins.
“Maggie, just so you know, Ryder is leaving tonight to take Brayden back so he can have some time before rehab. If you feel settled back in our house in Charlotte, I would like to move in with Ryder. I am here for you always, but if you are serious about this whole finding yourself then this is a chance for you to be completely independent. If you aren’t sure though, speak up now and I will stay.”
I smile, “You are right, I need to become independent. I am scared to be alone, but maybe the down time and quiet will allow me to find myself again. How much do you want me to pay for rent? I will get the utilities switched to my name this week.”
“No rent for the first three months, Mags, I know Brayden wiped you out. After you get settled you tell me what you can afford comfortably and that will be the cost, okay? Next question, when do we go car shopping?” She is laughing at her last thought. That girl loves to buy a car.
“I don’t know maybe an SUV this time. It would come in handy at work too for the few times we have to tote around big stuff. What would you suggest?” I ask
“Oh, yea, come on, girl, let’s get dressed and go to dealerships. We may not have a good mall down here on the coast in comparison to Charlotte shopping, but we can find a car. And I want to test drive one of those 4 door Jeep Wranglers. They have lots of room and options. You love to accessorize Mags, just think with that Jeep you could change the tops and all.” She says as she gets up to go shower and change.
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