Only Tyler

by Jess Dee

  It didn’t help.

  Tyler’s voice rose too. “How can you possibly consider a future with a man you’re not in love with?”

  “I do love him, and I considered it in great detail. You know what, Ty? It seemed like a damn good option. It seemed like a safe, secure future. Like a future that wouldn’t get up and walk out on me. Like a future I could live in very happily.”

  Tyler stared at her with obvious disbelief. “Are you honestly saying after last night you’re still thinking about marrying Steve?”

  She returned his incredulous gaze. “Of course I’m thinking about it.

  It’s the only thing I’ve thought about since you got here. You’re back, and I’m marrying someone else.”

  Tyler pushed himself off the bed. Her gaze fell on his chest, on the tension that radiated through him. She had to plant her feet firmly on the floor so as not to throw herself at his nude form.

  He stood beside the mattress shaking with anger. “You spent last night in my arms. You made love to me. And now you’re talking about spending the rest of your life with him?” His voice was tight, controlled.

  He was beautiful. The way he stood, wearing nothing but his contained fury, took her breath away. “You’re expecting me to give up my future based on one night of sex?”

  “Strangers have sex. We made love.”

  “What do you want from me, Tyler?” He demanded too much. She struggled under the pressure. “Do you want me to change my life? To cater to your whims and needs because you’re not going to develop Huntington’s? You want me to break the heart of a man I love dearly because you’re okay and you want to start living again?” She pressed a finger against one eye and a thumb against the other, trying to make sense of things. “You think it’s okay to ruin Steve’s life because we’ve found each other again? Do you? Well, I don’t. I made a commitment to him. I can’t just back out now because you’re home. I can’t.”

  “What do you think?” he asked bitterly. “That Steve’s going to want to stay with you after you slept with another man? You might not want to hurt him, Katie, but you re too late. You already have. We both have.”

  Shame stabbed maliciously at her chest, and she lost her breath.

  She pressed her hand against her heart and gave a strangled cry. Her knees gave way and she sat heavily on the bed, trembling.

  How could Steve ever forgive her for cheating on him?

  Tyler dragged his hand through his hair again. “I need to take a shower.”

  “If you’re trying to wash away your guilt, don’t bother,” she said resentfully. “It won’t help. I just tried.”

  His eyes flashed. “I can’t wash off the guilt, Katie. Water can’t reach the places where it’s lodged.” He turned, faced the wall for a minute, then looked back at her. “Steve may be my best friend, but that doesn’t mean he can have the only woman I’ve ever loved. I’m taking a shower to wash away the scent of our lovemaking. The last thing Steve needs is to meet me smelling of you.”

  And with that he stalked into the bathroom.

  FIFTEEN

  He might not smell like Katie anymore, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t branded across his skin. He couldn’t take a goddamn step without thinking about her. What the fuck was she thinking, considering staying with Steve after last night? Any satisfaction he’d gotten from their lovemaking was lost in Katie’s uncertainty and in the dread that sat like a rock in the pit of his stomach.

  He parked his bike and checked the lot for Steve’s car. Why, of all the places he could have looked for his friend, did he have to choose the one beach drenched in childhood memories? They’d spent countless early mornings surfing at Maroubra. Christ, Steve had not only taught him to surf he’d been the one to pick him up whenever a wave knocked him down.

  That part of his life was almost officially over. The friendship they’d once shared would very soon cease to be. As much as he wished it weren’t so, this meeting would be the final nail in the coffin. He’d chosen Katie over Steve.

  Sacrificed twenty years of friendship for a woman and he despised himself for it.

  There. Steve’s car. Parked in the same spot as always.

  Okay, so Tyler may have stretched the truth when he told Katie he had a meeting with Steve. His friend had made it perfectly clear he wasn’t ready to speak to him. When Tyler had called yesterday, his response had been something to the effect of, “Fuck off and leave me alone. I’ll meet you when I’m damn good and ready to meet you.”

  No it hadn’t. He’d simply said he’d needed time. His tone, and Tyler’s guilt, had implied the rest. Steve did not want to see him, but Tyler couldn’t keep the truth from him any longer. It was pointless letting Steve come to terms with their past if he was just going to get knocked down again by the rest of the story. He deserved to know everything.

  Or as much as Tyler was capable of sharing with him anyway. Pen would never forgive him if he told Steve about the Huntington’s.

  Fortunately, Steve was a creature of habit. If there was one place Tyler was bound to find him before work, it was surfing. He checked his watch.

  Seven-fourteen. Which meant Steve would be walking across the beach right about now.

  He headed towards the sand. The sea was dotted with surfers and the waves were a good meter and a half in height. He scanned the beach, carefully scrutinizing the indistinguishable figures in wetsuits, inspecting each one until his eyes settled on the unmistakable blond hair darkened by seawater.

  His stomach nose-dived, but he kept walking. Steve faced the other way. He’d stripped his suit to his waist and slung a towel around his shoulders. His board lay beside him on the sand.

  “Surf any good?” Tyler asked needlessly. The surf looked frigging brilliant, but he had to break the ice and this was as good a way as any.

  Steve shrugged, but did not turn around. “It’s okay, I suppose.”

  “Catch any good waves?”

  “A couple.”

  “Maybe I’ll join you tomorrow…” Yeah right, and maybe the pope would announce his conversion to Judaism.

  “What do you want, Tyler?”

  He pursed his lips, reluctant to say anything. “There are a couple of issues I need to explain to you.” Damn, he wished he could explain them all, but his hands were tied. He would not renege on his word to Pen.

  Steve’s shoulders tensed. “Don’t bother. Kate already explained them.”

  The contents of his stomach churned. “That was Katie’s side of the story. I owe you my side. Or part of it at any rate.” The part he could speak about.

  “You slept with my fiancé. What more do I need to know?”

  Tyler stared at the waves, watching them crash and break into billions of salty white bubbles that raced up the sand before ebbing slowly back to sea.

  “I didn’t sleep with your fiancé two years ago, Steve. I slept with a woman I was very much in love with.”

  “Go away, Tyler. I don’t want to hear it.”

  Tyler wasn’t going anywhere much as he wanted to get the hell out of there.

  First he had to justify his actions to Steve and to himself. “I loved her for years before I slept with her.”

  “Whoop-de-do for you.” Steve wasn’t interested.

  Too bad. If everything was going to work out the way Tyler hoped, he had to hear this. Too many people’s lives depended on it. His, Steve’s, Katie’s and hopefully Pen’s too.

  “I should have told you from the start. I didn’t, and that was a mistake. I apologize. You had a right to know how I felt.” If Steve had known they’d never be in this predicament now. “I fell for her the night you introduced us. I just refused to acknowledge it.” Even then he’d believed a long-term relationship with a woman wasn’t an option. Not while the threat of Huntington’s hung over his head. “Besides, we all became friends I didn’t want to fuck it up by sleeping with her. Sex destroyed friendships bottom line.”

  Steve shifted from one leg to the other. It
was the only indication he gave that he listened.

  “It all changed in Noosa after I told you I was leaving. Even then I tried to fight it, but, Christ, Steve, Katie came to me. I… I couldn’t refuse her.”

  He’d hungered for her for five long years. A saint wouldn’t have refused. “I didn’t want to anymore.”

  “Good for you,” Steve said sarcastically. “So you slept with her and left. Fucked it up anyway, didn’t you?”

  “I didn’t want to go. I swear.” He had longed to stay and live out the rest of his days with her. His fear of inheriting Huntington’s prevented it but he couldn’t tell Steve that. “I wanted to be with her.

  But I had commitments, and it was too late to get out of them. I thought if I just left I’d get over her. Forget about her. I didn’t.”

  Steve finally turned to him, slowly. His expression was stony. “You had seven years to tell me about this. Seven fucking years. Why am I finding out two months after I proposed?”

  “You deserved to know.” There is no way around it. He brushed his hand over his mouth. “I shied away from talking to you about it. It would have made it all too real. I didn’t want to love her, mate.” He’d believed he hadn’t been in a position to love anyone then. “You know me the ultimate bachelor. I fought it for five years. Discussing it with you would have forced me to acknowledge it openly and I wasn’t ready to do that.”

  Because then he’d have had to openly acknowledge the Huntington’s as well.

  And even though Tyler planned on coming clean with Steve about most issues, his risk for developing Huntington Disease was the one thing he could never reveal. Not if he intended to keep Pen’s secret.

  “Sleeping with her didn’t make it real? That’s bullshit.”

  “Katie wasn’t just another conquest. I loved her. I didn’t want to talk about sleeping with her. Some things you don’t share with your best mate.”

  Regardless.

  Steve eyed him warily before nodding.

  Tyler knew he would. Steve had waited months before he’d told him about his relationship with Pen, but that didn’t make his friend any more approachable now. His eyes were like ice. Cold and clear. Clear enough that Tyler could see the exact second the truth dawned on him.

  The knowledge lodged like broken glass in his blue irises.

  It was here. The moment of reckoning. The final nail in the coffin.

  “Bastard,” Steve hissed. “You still love her.”

  Tyler simply nodded.

  “That’s why you’re in Sydney. For her.”

  “You’re my best mate, Steve. I’d do almost anything for you. But I can’t lose the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

  Steve lost his cool. “Fuck you, asshole. You left her.”

  “Because I was an idiot. I’m back now.”

  “Too late. She’s my fiancé.”

  “Not too late. Not yet. If she were already your wife I wouldn’t do this.” As if that made him more scrupulous.

  “She’s as good as. Don’t screw this up, Bonnard.”

  “She’s not meant to be with you, Steve. We both know that.”

  “You think that. We know differently.”

  “Your future lies with Pen.” Tyler would never say it if he didn’t believe it unequivocally. Steve’s enduring feelings for Pen weren’t an excuse he’d clutched to make him feel better. Steve belonged with his sister. Tyler believed that from the bottom of his heart.

  “Leave Pen out of this.”

  “You still love her.”

  “This isn’t about her. It’s about Kate.”

  “You going to marry Katie knowing you still love Pen?”

  “You’re treading on thin ice,” Steve warned Tempers were fraying.

  The situation was too volatile each of them had too much invested to keep their sentiment on an even keel.

  “Damn straight I am,” Tyler threw back at him. “You’re marrying the woman I love.”

  Steve sneered. “That right? Well, if you love her so damn much, why did you leave her?”

  “Because I thought I didn’t have a choice,” Tyler snapped before he thought about it. Damn, he was getting too worked up to watch his tongue.

  “Yep, you and your sister both. You had to get on that plane and leave. There was no alternative.” Sarcasm dripped from his tone.

  Tyler flinched. At the time there had not seemed to be one other viable option. Not for Penelope, and not for him. Not when Huntington’s Disease shadowed their lives. Jesus, if he could just tell Steve that, if he could just tell him the truth like he’d told Katie.

  He couldn’t. He’d never betray his sister. Not when he understood every one of her reasons for withholding the truth. He might no longer agree with her reasoning, but it was not his place to reveal her secret.

  Instinctively he knew Steve still loved his sister. He also knew his friend was strong enough to deal with the Huntington’s. If anyone could get Pen through this, it was Steve. They belonged together, but Pen was too fucking stubborn to let Steve share her predicament just like Tyler had been too fucking stubborn to include Katie in his.

  It was a mistake. He could see that now. He just wished he could open Penelope’s eyes as well.

  Tyler didn’t respond to Steve immediately. He had to make damn sure he had his wits about him when he did. It would be all too easy to give Pen’s secret away. “For someone who’s about to get married, you’re still surprisingly bitter about your ex leaving you,” Tyler told him.

  “She dumped me, mate. I have a right to be bitter.”

  Steve was right. He had every right to be bitter. How could he not be without knowing the whole story? “You’re bitter because you still love her.”

  “Fuck you, Tyler. You want to hear that so that it’ll make it okay for you to love Katie. I’m not here to ease your conscience.”

  “No, you idiot. I’m trying to get you to fight for my sister. She needs you. You can’t ease my conscience. I’m screwing over my best friend. There is no way to alleviate my guilt.”

  “Oh well gee, Ty. I think I might cry for you.” Steve’s upper lip curled with cynicism.

  “Don’t waste tears on me,” Tyler responded in a similar vein. “Cry over the soon-to-be end of your engagement.”

  He should have seen it coming, but he didn’t. He was too busy watching Steve’s face harden. The fist caught him in his right eye, knocking him off his feet. He went down fast.

  “Fuck!” His ears rang, his eye burned and his face throbbed.

  That was it: the punch that ended their friendship.

  Steve stood above him, glowering. “You can’t have her, Tyler. I won’t let another Bonnard screw up my happiness.”

  He was now the enemy. Just like Tyler fought for what he wanted, Steve protected what was his and their objective was the same: Katie.

  Briefly Tyler contemplated getting up and exacting revenge. Hell, he wouldn’t just smash his fist into Steve’s nose, he’d make good and sure he broke the damn thing. Then he’d move on and blacken his eyes and remove his teeth.

  Steve wasn’t the only one with a right to be pissed. The bastard was marrying the only woman Tyler had ever loved.

  He stayed down, pretty sure they’d kill each other before either one of them admitted defeat. Besides, a part of him relished the beating. He deserved it.

  “I’m sorry it’s come to this, Steve.” Sorry was an understatement.

  He was gutted. Twenty years of friendship was over, and all because of a woman. No.

  Not because of a woman. Because of him. he’d killed their friendship. He’d given Steve reason to hit him. “I love you, mate. You’re like my brother, but I won’t give up Katie.”

  Steve ignored the brother comment. “Neither will I.”

  Tyler nodded, touched his eye and winced. It was war. “Then may the best man win.”

  Steve looked down his nose at him, gave a sharp nod and picked up his board.

  The conversation was over.
>
  Tyler watched his ex-best friend walk away. His eye pounded like the devil but that wasn’t what concerned him. He was screwed and he knew it. When it came down to basics, there was no question. Steve was the best man.

  SIXTEEN

  To Katie’s horror, Steve didn’t show up at the medical rooms. The only reason she knew he wasn’t coming in was because Tina told her he’d requested she cancel all his appointments.

  Katie phoned him immediately. She tried him at home and on his mobile phone.

  No answer. She phoned him every thirty minutes for the rest the day. Nothing.

  She phoned Tyler. Same story.

  Katie tried her best not to panic. The men had been together this morning.

  Maybe they were still together. Maybe they’d put their differences aside and gone skydiving.

  Maybe not.

  What had Tyler told him? How had he responded? She cursed the shackles that tied her to her office and counted the minutes until she could go home and get some answers.

  There weren’t any. Her house was deserted, with no indication as to where the men might be. Now she was not only tortured by the decision she had to make between Steve and Tyler, she was also irrationally terrified she might never see either of them again.

  How could her life have taken such a complicated turn? How could her two closest friends now be the cause of so much torment?

  Sex. It ruined everything. Took three uncomplicated, special friendships and threw them into disarray. If she’d never confessed her true feelings to Tyler before he’d left, he’d never have returned to her. If she’d never accepted Steve’s marriage proposal, she wouldn’t be anguished about breaking someone’s heart. If she’d just kept her hands and her heart to herself, none of this would have happened.

  She hadn’t. She’d told Tyler she loved him, she’d accepted Steve’s proposal and she’d slept with them both. Granted, until last night, the acts had taken place two years apart, but she’d still slept with them both. Sex had ruined her friendships with two men and it was about to ruin a third friendship: Tyler and Steve’s.

  Where the hell were they anyway? The sun was setting outside.