Be My Baby

by A. L. Michael

  ‘She said that?’

  ‘She said she was sad,’ Chelsea sighed.

  ‘She did?’ Mollie’s face crumpled, shaking her head and breathing deeply. ‘Why can’t I sort my shit out Chels? I’m making more mistakes now as a grown up than I did as a teenage mum!’

  ‘Well, it’s more complicated now. That just involved keeping her fed and clean and happy. She needs a lot more now. And so do you.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘Meaning Jamie RSVP-ed to the wedding and he’s bringing someone, and I think you should ask that Max guy.’ Chelsea said simply. ‘Don’t even start me on my husband-to-be being an idiot who shouldn’t have invited him in the first place, but...’

  ‘No,’ Mollie shook her head, ignoring the lump in her throat, ‘it’s fine. You’re right. I need to move on. Maybe I just needed to see him again to know that.’

  ‘So you’ll call the sugar daddy?’ Chelsea grinned.

  ‘He’s not–’

  ‘Whatever! Live in hope!’ Chelsea stood up, ‘I’ve got to go and deal with meeting the monster-in-laws at their hotel, where I shall be criticised to within an inch of my life. But at least they’ll all get so drunk they’ll pass out and I can come home. Love you, call me if you need. And don’t forget to call the hottie.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Mollie nodded glumly, ‘okay.’

  ‘Bye Ez!’ Chelsea called as the young girl plodded back down the stairs, clutching her notebook. She nodded and smiled briefly, ‘Thank you for my dress!’

  ‘You are most welcome, beautiful girl!’ Chelsea waved, looking at Mollie meaningfully.

  When the door closed, Esme turned to her mother and sighed deeply.

  ‘Look, I know I was naughty and everything, Mum, and I’m sorry. But I’ve written some letters to people, to apologise and I want you to send them please.’

  Mollie looked at the folded pieces of paper and nodded, looking back at her daughter. Esme pushed her glasses up and stared. ‘I didn’t have to ask you, I could have asked Evelyn. But I want you to know that I am actually sorry, I’m not just saying I’m sorry, okay?’

  ‘Okay,’ Mollie said, ‘I know you’re sorry baby. I know you wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.’

  ‘It’s a bit of a mess.’ Esme said simply, shrugging, turning as she heard the doorbell ring, ‘That must be Evelyn. I’ll work hard.’

  ‘I know you will,’ Mollie kissed her daughter’s forehead before she could scamper off, her jeans scuffed and tatty at the back from where she’d been treading on them. Evelyn poked her head around the door and waved, before disappearing again, looking as glamorous as ever. Mollie knew the time at Evelyn’s would mainly consist of Esme disappearing into the library of the grand old house (‘English’) and then being told stories about all the crazy parties and goings on of high society from Evelyn’s youth (‘History’) but the older lady had stories to tell and wisdom to impart. And it gave Mollie time to finish the peppermint bark favours for the wedding.

  She looked at the three letters in her hands, names scribbled on folded lined paper. The first was addressed to Penelope, and a quick peek at the first line confirmed that was the girl with the broken nose. The second was to Mrs Clements, apologising for her behaviour but explaining that the school did not have a very good bullying policy. Mollie grinned. She would definitely be posting that. The third... Dad was written in Esme’s careful scrawl. She flittered, fanning the page open and then closed. She shouldn’t read it, it was an invasion of privacy. What if her daughter said she hated her mother, and wanted to live with him? What if she was angry with him and told him she didn’t want further contact? What if Mollie made everything worse by reading something she was not meant to read?

  Fuck it. She opened it out and began to read:

  Dad,

  Everything is a bit of a mess right now, isn’t it?

  I’ve been having a think about everything, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I blamed you for the boxing. I asked you to show me, and I promised not to use it. I really, really never meant to.

  I just wanted it to end. I thought I’d throw a punch and all the kids would see and leave me alone. They’d see I was strong and no one would mess with me, like what happened to you. But they just hated me more. Those kids are horrible and stupid and I’d had this lovely morning with Mum on TV and it was the most fun ever, and I wanted to tell you all about it, and then we had a fight about the phone... Evie says I’m a little too grown-up for my own good, but I didn’t feel very grown-up. I felt angry and just fed up.

  I’m sorry Mum’s angry with you. You both seem so sad.

  I used to dream when I was a little kid that you’d turn up, that you’d say sorry for leaving and you wanted to be with me, and you, me and Mum would live together. I think all the other kids in Badgeley had that dream too. But you’re much nicer than my dream version of you. I don’t want you to go away again, and I don’t want you to get hurt. I’ve only just got to know you and it’s not fair! Please, please, please don’t go away. But if you do, and you get hurt or you... if you’re not here any more, I wanted to say that I love you. And I’m really glad you’re my dad.

  Love, Esme

  xxxxxx (times infinity)

  P.S Cuddles from Jamie the Penguin.

  That afternoon, when Esme got back, Mollie simply handed her the mobile phone.

  ‘Go call your dad,’ she said.

  ***

  The day of the wedding arrived, and Mollie didn’t have time to worry about Jamie. Instead, she had Chelsea sitting in their kitchen, sipping on coffee and daintily eating an almond croissant, as Evie went through the playlist on her phone to find the right ‘sounds for the day’.

  ‘You’re incredibly calm,’ she said to Chelsea, who shrugged and grinned, licking her sugar covered lips and holding up her glass of Buck’s Fizz.

  ‘Not a bad start to the day to be honest,’ she grinned. ‘I’ve got food, I’ve got booze, I’ve got my girls.’

  ‘Got tunes,’ Evie added as Going to the Chapel started playing, and Chelsea bobbed her head cheerfully.

  ‘And we have a day of wearing pretty dresses, eating tasty food and dancing. Plus I get to kiss and cuddle that fella of mine and be as smushy as I like!’ Chelsea sang, winking at Esme who had just appeared in the kitchen doorway, ‘And I’ve got the most beautiful flower girl in the world.’

  Esme shuffled in, already wearing her tiara with her leopard print pyjamas.

  ‘Liking the headwear Ez,’ Evie nodded. ‘It’s important not to limit excellent accessories to just outside clothes. Every day should be a crown day.’

  Esme giggled, and kissed Chelsea’s cheek, ‘Happy wedding day!’

  Chelsea cuddled her close, ‘Thank you sweet girl, do you want a croissant? They have gluten and sugar and butter! Quick, before your mum says anything.’

  Mollie rolled her eyes, ‘Hello, who do you think went to the bakery yesterday to get them?’ She pointed at herself. ‘This mug. In between finishing your wedding cake and perfecting the favours, and checking on the midnight snacks for this evening!’

  Chelsea looked luminous, smiling at her, ‘You’re my angel Molls, you always were.’

  Mollie rolled her eyes, handing Esme a glass of juice as she climbed up on the breakfast bar stool.

  ‘Speaking of angels, or devils...’ Evie grinned, ‘we got you something.’

  ‘Aw you guys,’ Chelsea clapped her hands, ‘I’d say “aw shucks, you shouldn’t have” but screw that, yay presents!’

  Evie presented the small, worn green box, with a massive gold bow on top.

  Chelsea clicked it open and her jaw dropped. Evie and Mollie shared a look.

  ‘How did you get this?’ She lifted out the silver necklace with the square red stone in the middle, ‘It looks the same!’

  ‘Ruby sent it to me – she said she wore it on opening night. Her first proper show,’ Mollie grinned. ‘That was the last package I got from her. Said she was starting a new life.’

&nb
sp; Her smile faded a little, but she shrugged.

  ‘Do you remember when she nicked it?’ Evie laughed, ‘I thought I was gonna explode!’

  ‘Yeah because she set you two up in a fight so you caused a distraction!’ Mollie laughed, ‘You were accomplices without even noticing!’

  ‘And what about you Miss Mollie?’ Chelsea bared her teeth and laughed, ‘What was your role in the grand jewellery heist?’

  ‘I was trying to stop you punching Evie!’ Mollie laughed, ‘And I can’t even remember what the fight was about. She dropped a bomb and left you at each other’s throats!’

  Chelsea frowned, trying to think, ‘You know, I can’t remember either. Eves?’

  ‘No bloody idea! But here’s to Ruby’s ingenuity,’ she raised her glass.

  They clinked glasses and cheered.

  ‘So you obviously don’t have to wear a piece of tacky costume jewellery Ruby stole when we were teenagers... but we thought it could be your something old,’ Mollie shrugged.

  Chelsea grinned, unfastening the clasp, wrapping the necklace three times around her wrist and fastening it again. ‘There, perfect!’ She hung lifted her hand and let the red stone hang over her thumb, glowing in the light.

  ‘So, now that all that mushy stuff is out the way, shall we get on with getting you hitched?’ Evie laughed.

  The rest of the morning passed in a joyful, excited state, with the hair and make-up artists coming to the flat, and Celia arriving to get ready with them. Esme looked angelic, her hair curling beneath her tiara. Evie sat getting her hair done as Mollie’s make-up was fixed.

  ‘Psst,’ she hissed, ‘Molls!’

  ‘We’re not at school, Eves, we’re allowed to talk,’ Mollie laughed.

  ‘Is that Max coming tonight?’

  Mollie exhaled, ‘I asked him. He said he’ll pop by. He was actually really happy to hear from me. I was surprised.’

  ‘The guy’s asked you out a good few times now, I don’t know why you’re surprised.’

  She shrugged and made a face, and the make-up artist stepped back, waiting for her to stop moving. ‘He’s just that type of guy, isn’t he...’

  ‘Bit of a knob?’

  ‘Charismatic!’ Mollie laughed.

  Evie made a face and shrugged.

  ‘You guys said I should invite him!’

  ‘No, Chelsea said you should invite him. I personally want to knock your head together with Jamie and get you to admit that you still fancy each other. And then you get married and have more babies and live happily ever after.’

  ‘You’re a soppy cow today.’ Mollie shook her head, ‘It’s just too... just because someone got me pregnant years ago, it doesn’t mean they’re my soul mate.’

  ‘No, but in spite of that, maybe he is anyway,’ Evie said, ‘I don’t know why you’re so set against it.’

  ‘It’s too risky Eves. I got into a really bad place last time he left. You don’t know how bad I was... plus, he’s being deployed soon, let’s just leave it, can we? I’m making a smart choice.’

  ‘What’s a smart choice?’ Chelsea poked her head around, her make-up perfect, her normally poker straight blonde bob softened, Evie’s diadem placed on her head.

  ‘You look beautiful!’ Mollie beamed, feeling herself getting a little tearful.

  ‘You ever think we’d be here, all those years ago? Sitting getting pissed in the park in Badgeley, drinking cheap cider and wondering why nothing ever happened?’ Evie laughed, ‘And look, look at this life!’

  ‘God you’ve gone soft!’ Chelsea nudged her, ‘Come on soppy, let’s get me into this dress and get onto the dancing and food bit of the day!’

  Mollie nodded, a smile pasted onto her face, but her thoughts were flittering between Max joining her at this event and exactly who Jamie was bringing as his date. But it was easier to smile prettily for the camera, and focus on the cakes.

  ***

  ‘This is dumb,’ Mollie laughed, her hands around Jamie’s neck as they swayed side to side, as Paolo Nutini sang that it was his last request. The golf club down the road from the school had been almost-nearly ‘transformed’ with the addition of disco lights and silver crepe paper. And a disco ball, obviously.

  ‘It’s not dumb, it’s a rite of passage. Now that the UK is American enough to have proms, we have to enjoy it.’

  ‘It’s not a prom,’ Mollie rolled her eyes, looking around at the girls’ short dresses and the boys’ jeans. ‘Did anyone turn up in a limo or crown someone prom king?’

  ‘No,’ Jamie’s laughter tickled her ear, ‘but there was nineties-style breakdancing earlier, and Smithie’s spiked the punch bowl.’

  Mollie laughed, leaning her forehead against his chest as he raised one hand to stroke the back of her neck, those pressure points where she held every moment of stress. She sighed gratefully.

  ‘It just seems pointless,’ Mollie said gently. ‘We’re about to do the most grown-up thing anyone has to do, and we’re standing in a golf club with some fucking shiny paper attached to a wind machine so people can pretend they’re in a teen movie? I’d rather be at home.’

  ‘Of course you would,’ Jamie held her close. ‘And you will be, when you’re too fat and terrifying to be moved from the sofa, because your ankles are puffy and you’re screaming at me to get ice cream at four a.m. But for now, just celebrate leaving school and this stupid place behind, right?’

  Mollie fixed him with a stare, ‘You know that’s all cliché, right? I’m probably not going to ask for ice cream.’

  ‘You can ask for whatever you bloody want, woman, it’s my job to get it.’

  ‘I’ll hold you to that when I’m big and cranky.’

  ‘I hope you do!’ He laughed, making her spin and pulling her back to him, holding her close as they swayed.

  ***

  Mollie was focusing. She was focusing on walking down the aisle behind Esme and Celia. On standing at the front of the church with Evie. On smiling tearfully without smudging her make-up, and cheering when they were pronounced husband and wife. She was not focusing on the memories from a decade ago that seemed to pop up whenever they felt like it. This was Chelsea’s day, and she was going to make sure it was everything her friend wanted.

  Kit looked painfully handsome in his blue suit, and Mollie was relieved they’d managed to talk him out of the top hat and tails he’d originally wanted. The man was a giant, he would have looked like a caricature. Chelsea beamed and glowed, laughing as he kissed her, swinging her back almost to the floor, cradling her so that she gripped at his neck with both hands. It looked romantic, but Mollie knew Chelsea was going to squawk about that later.

  As they walked back down the aisle together, to the sound of applause and cheering, Mollie caught Esme’s eye. The little girl tilted her head behind her and winked, before walking off down the aisle, radiating innocence. Mollie followed her nod, and saw Celia, walking down the aisle, arm linked with Tyler. Tyler who had managed to grow out his hair a little, and wore a suit that fitted, instead of jeans halfway down his arse. Mollie blinked. Tyler was handsome. Who knew? He grinned at Celia, whispering as they walked along and Mollie saw it instantly, what Esme had been telling her about. That secret way of talking people have when they can’t get enough of each other, thrilling and joyful, like the simplest story is the key to another world, where you finally learn what makes that person tick and why they intrigue you. She also couldn’t wait to see Kit’s mother’s response when she found out about Ty. Fireworks.

  They took photos, their pale green dresses ruffling in the breeze, shivering a little in the cool morning air. Chelsea grinned and told them to grab their jackets. And so there they were, Mollie wearing her sleek fur coat, Evie with her leather biker jacket, and Chelsea stood in between them, coatless and not shivering at all, roaring as she held up Ruby’s necklace, swinging from her wrist like a totem. Mollie knew that no matter whether the photograph looked awful, they would all want a copy.

  Chelsea held th
em close, and Mollie could feel her hiccuping a little bit, tears threatening, ‘I love you girls, thank you so much!’

  She and Evie looked at each other and snorted, cuddling in even closer.

  ‘Can we go in now, it’s fucking freezing!’ Evie stamped her feet, sticking her hands in her coat pockets.

  ‘And I want to check the caterers are set up properly,’ Mollie added. ‘We’ll head back to the studio to make sure everything looks right. See you soon, Mrs!’

  They walked back together, Evie and Mollie, arms linked. Esme stayed with Killian and Evelyn to watch photos being taken. Mollie guessed it was more that her daughter wanted to be in quite a few more of them.

  ‘I will bet money that Esme forces them to get a picture of Ty and Celia together,’ she laughed, pulling her coat around her as they marched even more quickly.

  ‘And she’ll be making comments about the next wedding...’ Evie snorted, ‘You realise you’ve actually raised a fifty-five-year-old busy body, who just happens to be in the guise of an eleven-year-old?’

  ‘The thought has occurred to me once or twice,’ she snorted.

  ‘Well you know what occurred to me?’ Evie grabbed the studio key from her jacket pocket and thrust it triumphantly in the air. ‘First ones back get a secret glass of bubbly each, for making sure the wedding runs so smoothly.’

  ‘Excellent plan!’

  The caterers had done a fantastic job, and the studio looked like a wonderland, with so many different treats on tables around the edges. The light filtered in through the conservatory, and Mollie grinned at the sight, the huge pompoms that Evie had spent evenings making, desperately yelling at her glue gun to ‘just hold out’. And Esme helping her put those chocolate bark pieces into cellophane bags and tying them with yarn. The rose gold balloons that said ‘Just Married’ and the sweetie cart in the corner that Esme had her eye on from the moment it arrived. It was small, and cheerful and lovely. And exactly what Chelsea wanted.

  Soon, people started filtering in through the red door, some of them still hovering in the square to take pictures next to the vintage red bus they had hired to bring them over from the church. Their neighbours from the square looked over in interest, waving and wishing their congratulations. Chelsea grinned and smiled, waving and blowing kisses, playing the part in every way, and enjoying it more and more. Kit held out a hand and she took it, walking towards the front door. He suddenly stopped, shook his head and grabbed her around the waist, over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift, crossing the threshold to cheers and laughter.