Looking for Captain Poldark

by Rowan Coleman

  ‘Er … yes,’ Ray said, after a very slight pause. ‘That pretty much covers it.’

  ‘Was it very hard, being in the army, being gay?’ Lisa asked, thoughtfully.

  ‘Well, I mean, yes, and no,’ Ray said, lowering his gaze. ‘Lisa, I’m just a sad bloke who lives at home with his mum and has a Demelza wig in his bag. That’s the person you’ve been talking to on Poldarlings all this time. That’s me. I’ve never written anything that isn’t true about me, or what I think about the series, or the characters, or actors, or the books. And I thought you and me, we got on pretty well, had a laugh. It will be just the same, over the next few days, I promise. Except we won’t need Wi-Fi to talk.’

  Lisa opened her window a little more and looked into Ray’s brown eyes, which were warm and steady and sweet. Once, Lisa had been able to trust her own instinct about people. Once, she’d been able to look into a person’s eyes and decide whether or not to get to know them. That was until she’d got it so completely wrong that she never trusted herself or her instinct ever again.

  Was Ray as nice and as kind as his eyes seemed to suggest? She had no idea. What she did know was that she had two options. She could turn around now, go back home and let everyone down, and give up on looking for Captain Poldark. Or she could go all in, and take a chance. At least she was ready for it all to go wrong. That was the one upside of living in a state of constant anxiety – she always had an exit plan.

  What’s the worst that could happen? Lisa thought, looking at Troll. Apart from becoming a murder victim in a lay-by, that is.

  After all she had prepared herself for setbacks like this along the way. She had known from the moment that she’d suggested the trip that there would be times when she would be frightened, and would want to give up and go home. She just hadn’t expected one of those times to be so soon, and dressed in a white ruffled shirt.

  ‘So am I going to have to fight you for Captain Poldark then, hey Demelza?’ Lisa asked Ray, with a tiny smile.

  ‘Oh there won’t be a fight,’ Ray said, breaking into a grin. ‘He’s all mine.’

  ‘Funnily enough, I think our next companion might have something to say about that,’ Lisa said.

  CHAPTER THREE

  ********************

  ABBY

  Location: 24 Emmeline Pankhurst Way, Hemel Hempstead

  Radio station: Mix 96

  Track playing: ‘Ghost Town’ by The Clash

  Miles travelled: 290

  Miles until Captain Poldark: 253.5

  ‘It’s round here somewhere,’ Lisa said, as they circled the block one more time looking for the address @MarryMeAidan78 had given her. ‘She said look for Germaine Greer Avenue and turn left at Marie Curie Drive …’

  ‘I haven’t seen one of these for years,’ Ray said, holding the road atlas open on his lap, scratching his neck where the lace collar of his shirt was chafing. ‘I didn’t think anyone still used them. Not that you even have to use satnavs any more. It’s all on your phone these days. The whole world is on your phone these days.’

  ‘Not on my phone, it isn’t,’ Lisa said, pointing at her 2003 Nokia, which sat in the cup holder between the driver and passenger’s seat.

  ‘But …’ Ray picked it up and stared at it. ‘That should be in a museum. How does it even still work?’

  ‘Very well,’ Lisa said. ‘Calls and texts, that’s all I want. I don’t want the entire world knowing where I am all the time. I don’t want people to be able to find me. I don’t want all the crap on the Internet streaming into my pocket. I don’t want people to know what I had for lunch or what kind of mood I am in, via a picture of a smiley or frowny face. I don’t want the government reading my emails.’

  ‘Yeah, but if you’ve done nothing wrong you’ve got nothing to worry about.’

  Lisa shook her head. ‘That isn’t the point at all. What if the people who are looking at all your stuff are the bad guys, out to get you. It’s much better to keep your head down, keep a low profile, try not to get noticed. I only use the Internet at home, and I’m not too keen on that. If it wasn’t for Poldarlings, I might not use it at all …’

  ‘Do you wear a tin foil hat too?’ Ray joked, and Lisa shot him a look.

  ‘But seriously what are you worried about? Who do you think is after you?’

  ‘Where do I begin?’ Lisa said. ‘Fraudsters, thieves, perverts, the government, people who want to … Wait! There it is!’ She pulled into a small car park, behind a new-looking apartment block. ‘This is where @MarryMeAidan78 lives. It looks OK … Or at least it doesn’t look like a crack house, or organised crime syndicate.’

  ‘Not unless gangsters like their window boxes full of flowers,’ Ray said.

  Lisa looked at him. ‘Let’s just hope she is who she says she is, and not a truck driver called Cyril.’

  ‘All right?’ @MarryMeAidan78 opened the door and nodded at them, offering a very firm handshake. ‘I’m Abby, Abs to my mates.’

  Abby looked about thirty. Her blonde hair was tied into a short ponytail, pulled back tightly from her round face. She seemed to be dressed as if she were about to storm an embassy. She wore a black T-shirt and combat trousers tucked into biker boots.

  ‘Hi, I’m Lisa, @CornwallLover. And this … well, this is @I_Am_Demelza, who is sort of a bloke. Well, no sort of about it. He is one. A man.’

  ‘The fuck?’ Abby said, looking hard at Ray. ‘Demelza’s a dude!’

  ‘Yes, but he’s gay,’ Lisa said quickly. ‘He’s called Ray.’

  ‘And Ray is gay, huh?’ Abby looked Ray up and down very slowly. ‘Shame, you’re quite fit for a ginger.’

  ‘He just got out of the army,’ Lisa added, as if that somehow explained everything.

  ‘Serve in Afghanistan?’ Abby asked him, suddenly standing up a little straighter.

  ‘Yes,’ Ray said.

  ‘Still got all your bits?’ Abby asked.

  ‘Seem to have,’ he said.

  ‘I’m in the army,’ Abby told him. ‘Territorial Army – TA. Not official TA, more like a club. Not a big club – mostly it’s just me – but it’s just as good as the TA, if not better. We … I … go up to the common every third Saturday, practise survival skills, living off worms that sort of thing. You ever lived off a worm?’

  ‘Not recently …’ Ray said. ‘I had a can of beef stew that was four months out of date once.’

  ‘Right.’ Abby nodded. ‘Well, as long as we are all being honest about ourselves, I think I should tell you I’m schizophrenic. Diagnosed when I was nineteen. Anyway, I’m fine now. When I say fine, I mean I’m still schizophrenic, but I’ve got a lot of support, meds, a counsellor, friends, some of whom actually exist!’

  Ray and Lisa exchanged a look.

  ‘That was a schizophrenia joke,’ Abby said. ‘The thing is, I know people are scared of mental illness. I know a lot of people think it means violence and danger. So if you guys don’t want me to come, then I understand.’

  Lisa thought for a moment.

  ‘Well, I spent all of last night sleeping under my bed,’ she said. ‘I don’t think I can tell anyone else what normal is.’

  Ray smiled. ‘Yeah, what Lisa said.’

  ‘Well, it’s good to be on board, Ray,’ Abby said, punching him so hard on the arm that he winced.

  ‘I’m ready when you are,’ she said, showing them into her neat living room, which was filled with a mountain of luggage. ‘I’ve packed the basics: tent, sleeping bag, gas burner, tins of beans times four, emergency chocolate bars times twenty-four, Chardonnay, two bottles. It’s Tesco own brand. I don’t drink, but it’s for you – and it can double up as an antiseptic in an emergency. Right, Ray?’

  ‘If you say so,’ Ray said as Abby hefted one of two backpacks onto her shoulders.

  ‘Thing is,’ Lisa said, slowly, ‘I only have a small car and we still have to pick up @PoldarkGoals. And although I really admire your planning, I think some of this will have to stay behind. Maybe th
e tent. I’ve booked us places to stay already, remember? I sent the links in my email to you all.’

  ‘I don’t like to leave the tent,’ Abby said, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. ‘I always think a tent is key in a “Woman against nature” survival event. Although I suppose we could make a shelter from branches …’

  ‘It’s just that we booked places to stay …’ Lisa said again.

  Abby shrugged. ‘Right then, we’ll leave the tent. Adapt, that’s the key. Adapt. And anyway, if something goes wrong with the bookings, what’s better than sleeping outside with a view of the stars?’

  ‘Almost anything,’ Lisa said.

  For a few seconds the three of them, Internet friends, stood there in silence, none of them sure what should happen next.

  ‘So then, Team Poldark,’ Lisa said at last. ‘Let’s hit the road, get ready to roll and burn up the highway!’

  ‘Via Reading train station first, though. Yeah?’ Abby said, remembering the last pick up.

  ‘Yes, totally via Reading first,’ Lisa said.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  *******************

  KIRSTY

  Location: Reading train station

  Radio station: BBC Radio Berkshire

  Track playing: ‘It Must Have Been Love’ by Roxette

  Miles travelled: 335

  Miles until Captain Poldark: 208.5

  Lisa pulled into the dropping-off zone and scanned the pavement outside the station. When she left that morning, she hadn’t expected any problems with working out who @PoldarkGoals was. Lisa had been told she’d be wearing purple Converse, and wearing her hair in braids. However, that was before Ray, who was not a girl, and Abby, who liked eating worms. The worms worried Lisa more than Abby’s mental health issues.

  Kirsty had been the last to join the trip, and Lisa had been wary about accepting her. @PoldarkGoals was only rarely on the forum, and when she was, she barely commented at all. You’d just see her there in the background, her cursor blinking.

  Lisa, Ray and Abby had discussed the details of the trip in a private Internet group that Lisa had made for them, over a couple of weeks. During that time, Lisa had changed her mind about going through with it, almost every hour. She knew she needed to find Captain Poldark. She knew she needed to see him and look into his eyes, and that when she did, all her fear, all her anxiety, would drain away for a few seconds at least.

  It didn’t even matter that the man she was looking for wasn’t anything like the Captain Poldark in her head. What mattered was what finding him would mean to her. And, even if it was just for those few seconds, it would be worth it. Just to feel half a minute of peace, to know that just once in her life she hadn’t been afraid.

  Then right at the last minute @PoldarkGoals said she suddenly had some time off work, and could she please come too? She said she had money, and a credit card, and there was just something, something in between the words she typed on the forum that seemed so … full of need. And Lisa wasn’t about to turn down someone for that. She’d welcomed @PoldarkGoals to their trip. She’d loosely arranged a time to meet and had told her the colour and make of her car.

  There were several young women, and a couple of lads hanging about outside the ticket office. Two girls were part of a group and one was on her own, standing by a rubbish bin, her shoulders hunched, her chin down. She was tall and slender, and she was carrying a small floral rucksack. She clutched the straps tightly, her pretty face narrow, pale and pinched. There was no purple Converse in sight, and yet there was something about her.

  Lisa watched as the girl scanned the cars that came and went, before focusing on Lisa’s Micra. Glancing over her shoulder, she ran towards the car, opened the back door and jumped in.

  ‘Whoa there,’ Abby said, as the girl slid in next to her. ‘You shouldn’t surprise me like that. I’m a yellow belt. Anything could happen.’

  ‘Sorry,’ the girl said. ‘I’m Poldark Goals. My real name’s Kirsty? I’m sorry I’m not wearing the trainers. I was at work, and I forgot them and I ran out of time to go home, so … who’s he?’

  Lisa twisted round in her seat and looked at Kirsty. She’d said on the forum that she was twenty-one but she looked much younger.

  ‘He’s @I_Am_Demelza,’ she said before Ray could answer. ‘But it’s OK, he’s gay.’

  ‘Right,’ Kirsty said. ‘So he’s OK?’

  ‘I think so,’ Lisa said.

  ‘Seriously,’ Ray said. ‘Not all men are evil, you know. I’m a Poldark fan, just like you.’

  ‘And anyway,’ Abby said, smiling at Kirsty, ‘if he turns out to be a dickhead, I’ll break both his legs and we’ll leave him in a hedge.’

  ‘OK,’ Kirsty said. ‘Seems fair.’

  ‘Are you OK?’ Lisa asked. ‘You look … well, a bit stressed out.’

  ‘Fine, fine. I rushed here, after work, and forgot a few things. I was worried I might miss you, or you’d go without me because of the trainers. Should we get going?’

  Lisa smiled, wanting to reassure the younger woman. ‘Well, you’re here now. And we’re all set. We’d better get on the road if we want to make our B&B before dark.’

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ********************

  Location: Restful Haven Bed and Breakfast

  Radio station: BBC Radio 2

  Track playing: ‘Knowing Me, Knowing You’ by Abba

  Miles travelled: 350.3

  Miles until Captain Poldark: 193.2

  ‘All I’m saying,’ Ray said, ‘is that Restful Haven sounds a bit like a funeral parlour.’

  ‘No, it does not,’ Lisa said, as she peered out of her windscreen at the guest house. Its walls were black against the darkening sky. ‘Restful is a nice word. Haven is a nice word. There is nothing deathly about either. That’s why I chose it! If it was something to do with funerals, it would be Green Meadows, or Heaven’s Gate or …’

  ‘Restful Haven,’ Abby said, unhelpfully from the back seat.

  ‘Well, it isn’t,’ Lisa said with more confidence than she felt. The spiky outline of the house did look a little creepy against the moonlit sky. ‘And it beats sleeping in the car.’

  ‘You OK?’ Lisa asked Kirsty, the last to get out. She looked tired, as if she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a very long time. There was something else about her too, that Lisa couldn’t quite define. But whatever it was it troubled her. It didn’t frighten her exactly, which would had been normal, for Lisa anyway. No, instead for some reason Lisa felt protective of Kirsty, frightened for her. And then she realised why.

  Kirsty reminded her of herself, the way she’d been after her mum died and everything went wrong. And that surprised Lisa. She’d thought for a long time that she’d been stuck in that moment, ever since. But that wasn’t true. She didn’t have the same look that Kirsty had any more. And yes, her journey from there to here had been long, twisted and mostly in the wrong direction, but still she’d got this far. Which meant that maybe, just maybe, she could get even better. She could even perhaps become the person she had once been.

  As soon as Lisa had that thought it terrified her. That person had been the reason she’d got into this state in the first place. Being that person again simply wasn’t an option. Keep your head down, stay invisible, and keep an eye on Kirsty, Lisa thought. That you can do.

  Kirsty smiled feebly. ‘I’m fine.’ It was the most she’d said since she got into the car. She’d sat silently in the corner listening to Ray and Abby argue over the best way to skin a rabbit. And after that Abby had told them an unlikely story. She had once got all the way to Gary Barlow’s dressing-room door, she said, and had rung the bell before security threw her out.

  ‘It is a bit weird, isn’t it?’ Lisa said, trying to get Kirsty to talk. ‘Going on holiday with a bunch of strangers.’

  ‘A bit.’ Kirsty shrugged. ‘But it’s not as bad as it is at the home.’

  ‘The home?’

  Kirsty shrugged again. ‘Home, just home. It’s
just … I just broke up with my boyfriend, that’s all.’

  ‘Oh I see. I’m sorry.’ That made sense to Lisa. When you were Kirsty’s age, boyfriends seemed like the most important things in the world, the be-all and end-all.

  Of course, what with not going out, not using social media, and barely using the Internet, she hadn’t had a boyfriend of her own since … well, since the last one, which was almost six years ago now.

  But honestly, Lisa didn’t care. She didn’t need a real man in her life, not when she had someone a thousand times better than reality could ever create. She had Captain Ross Poldark to wrap her in his manly arms and throw her wantonly onto a four-poster bed and rip off her top any time she wanted. In her head anyway.

  ‘Are you two going to stand there gabbing all night?’ Abby called from the doorway of the B&B where a lone bulb flickered over the entrance.

  ‘Coming!’ Lisa called back, hooking her arm through Kirsty’s. ‘Try and put it out of your mind. Just think this time tomorrow we’ll be halfway to Captain Poldark!’

  ‘Yay,’ Kirsty cheered, but somehow her heart didn’t seem in it.

  ‘Two twin rooms, yes?’ Mrs March, the landlady, said. She yawned to show them exactly how late it was. It was only just after nine, but apparently at Restful Haven guests who hadn’t checked in by seven were frowned upon. She slid two keys with large numbered tags across what wasn’t so much a reception desk as a reception coffee table.

  ‘Oh! That was before we found out Demelza was a man!’ Lisa said, biting her lip.

  ‘I beg your pardon?’ Mrs March, narrowed her eyes. ‘All bookings are non-refundable.’

  ‘Yes, I see. It’s just that …’ She turned around and looked at Ray. ‘Well, our party changed at the last minute and I’m not sure that any of us feel comfortable about sharing with a gentleman. Do you have any other rooms?’

  ‘Fully booked,’ Mrs March said, darkly. ‘Only got three rooms. You’ve got two and I’m keeping my husband in the other until he sees the error of his ways.’