Looking for Captain Poldark

by Rowan Coleman

  ‘Oh.’ Lisa turned to Abby who didn’t seem nearly as bothered by the frightening Mrs March as she was.

  ‘No worries, I can sleep in the car,’ Ray said.

  ‘Or I can,’ Abby said. ‘I can sleep anywhere. I once slept standing up inside a hollow tree. Best night’s sleep I ever had.’

  Lisa thought about handing over the keys to her little car to someone she’d only really known for a few hours and clasped them tighter in her fist.

  ‘No … No, it’s OK. I’m sure we could work it out. Though I think Kirsty should share with one of us. What do you think?’ she asked Abby.

  ‘Well, he’s not likely to ravage us in our sleep, is he?’ Abby said. ‘And even if he is, one simple chop to the throat, quick double-eye jab, and I’d fell him like a tree.’

  ‘Can you decide?’ Mrs March said, looking at her watch. ‘Some of us would like to go to bed before dawn.’

  ‘Toss you for him,’ Abby said, fishing a fifty-pence piece from her combat trousers.

  Lisa lost the toss.

  ‘Why Poldark?’ Ray’s voice cut into the dark, just as Lisa was about to drift off to sleep. Of all the things she had expected from sharing the tiny twin room with a virtual stranger with a penis, she hadn’t expected it to be so … well, so easy.

  They’d barely spoken a word to each other since they’d shut the bedroom door. Ray had waited politely on his bed while Lisa had changed into her PJs in the small bathroom. Then Lisa had got into her bed and pulled the covers up to her chin as she’d listened to Ray clean his teeth.

  When he’d eventually emerged, wearing jogging bottoms and a T-shirt, he’d gotten into bed and they’d turned out the light. Lisa had lain in the dark marvelling at herself.

  If anyone had said to her that tonight she’d be sharing a room with a strange man and actually feeling pretty OK about it, she’d have laughed in their faces. But here she was, being crazy, carefree and playing with fate, and she liked it.

  Closing her eyes she imagined herself in a crowded ballroom as Ross Poldark swept in, glowering at everyone there, until his gaze fell on her. Unable to tear his eyes away from her, he moved towards her, took her into his arms and …

  ‘Why Poldark,’ Ray asked again. ‘I mean why does it mean so much to you?’

  Lisa thought for a moment. She wasn’t exactly sure how to explain it.

  ‘Escape,’ she said after a while. ‘For a long time I’ve been … sort of trapped, I suppose. In my house, in my job – I’m a school librarian. In my life, in my head. Afraid. Books open doors and windows for me. They let me look out at the world. Then I started to read the Poldark books when the TV series came back on, and … well, to be honest I fell in love. With the places and the characters and the stories. But most of all, most of all I fell in love with Ross. He’s so strong and brave. He’s not perfect. I know that. He’s moody, impetuous, hot-blooded …’

  ‘Not real …’ Ray said sleepily.

  ‘I know, I know he’s not real.’ Lisa smiled in the dark. ‘But … I don’t know how to explain it, except that I think that’s part of the reason I love him. A book boyfriend can do everything to make you happy, and nothing to hurt you. If a book boyfriend looks like he’s going to be trouble, all you have to do is shut the pages, and then they can’t get out. They can’t come after you. And when I think about Ross – and his hat, and his horse – I feel safe. I suppose that sounds kind of crazy, doesn’t it? Ray?’

  A gentle snore came from under Ray’s covers, and Lisa smiled to herself. She rolled over onto her side, turning her back on him. If she pretended very hard, she could imagine that the roar of Ray’s snores was the crash of the waves against the wild Cornish coastline.

  Now Captain Poldark, she thought, where were we?

  CHAPTER SIX

  ********************

  Location: On the road (B3139)

  Radio station: Radio Now FM

  Track playing: ‘I Want to Break Free’ by Queen

  Miles travelled: 393.3

  Miles until Captain Poldark: 150.2

  The Micra cruised down the B3139 taking the long way round, via Glastonbury. The sun broke through the clouds and turned the tarmac to silver. Lisa put down the window an inch or two.

  ‘What are you going to say when you meet him?’ Abby asked Lisa. ‘My future stud-muffin/ husband man-meal … Aidan, I mean.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Lisa replied. ‘It’s complicated.’

  ‘Complicated!’ Abby laughed. ‘It’s not that complicated. I’m going to get him to sign my boobs. With his tongue. What about you, Kirsty?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Kirsty turned towards the window. ‘I’m not really into the whole groupie thing.’

  ‘Groupie thing!’ Lisa laughed. ‘I’m not a groupie. I’m a … fan. I’m a Poldarling. And that’s why it’s complicated. I mean, on the one hand, we’re off to where they are shooting the next series. We want to see them filming. We want to meet the cast. But it’s not really Aidan Turner that I want to meet …’

  ‘Although she wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating biscuits! Hey, Ray, hey?’ Abby leaned forward and patted Ray on the shoulder.

  Ray laughed so heartily that he made the Troll quiver.

  For some reason he had kept his seat next to her. None of them had moved from their places on day one, and Lisa had to admit she liked that. It beat the inflatable man she kept in the glove box for the evenings when she came home late from work and didn’t want people to think she was driving alone. Especially since her inflatable man had got that puncture which made his head a bit floppy.

  ‘Well, anyway,’ Lisa said, ‘as nice as Aidan is, it’s not him that I love. It’s Ross. It’s Ross whose eyes I want to look into, whose hands I want to grip me so hard I …’

  ‘Whoa, hold on now,’ Ray said. ‘I mean you realise that’s not going to happen, don’t you? If we are lucky enough to meet any of the cast … well, they’re real people, not characters. All I’m saying is that you don’t want to get yourself a restraining order as a souvenir.’

  ‘I had one of those once,’ Abby muttered. ‘Daniel Craig gave it to me. Got it framed.’

  ‘Well, that’s rich coming from six-foot Demelza,’ Lisa said. ‘Why are you on this trip, Ray? What’s in it for you? Why do you like Poldark so much?’

  Ray didn’t answer for a moment. He dipped his chin as he lifted a buttock and searched for a stick of chewing gum in his back pocket.

  ‘I suppose it’s not Captain Poldark I’m searching for,’ he said. ‘I suppose it’s me.’

  ‘You?’ Abby leaned forward. ‘What you talking about, soldier?’

  ‘Look, I know you’ve got that hat and everything, but you do see that that’s role play, right?’ Lisa joked.

  Ray rolled his eyes. ‘Obviously. What I mean is, I do relate to him. I mean me and Poldark … we both went to war, fighting for a cause that we didn’t really understand. We came back and we weren’t the same. The people we thought would always be there for us, they’d moved on. Left us behind. Ross Poldark, he finds a place for himself again, a reason to go on. He thinks he’s never going to feel anything. for anyone. Or do anything important again. But he does. He found himself, love and a sense of purpose on the cliffs of Cornwall. So … if he can, then maybe I can too. Because, I don’t know, I just don’t think I’m going to find myself in Dudley.’

  ‘Oh my god, the Little Chef that time forgot!’ Abby said, pointing out of the window. ‘Pull over, Lisa. I’m starving. Ray might want to find himself in Cornwall, but I want to find myself tits-deep in an all-day full English.’

  ‘I liked what you said, before,’ Lisa said to Ray over a milky coffee. Abby had gone out for a fag, and Kirsty had been in the Ladies for a very long time. ‘About coming on this trip to find yourself. I’m sorry I got a bit snappy. It means something to you, and I like that.’

  ‘Do you?’ Ray said. ‘I like you too.’

  Lisa poured another sachet of Sweet’N Low into her
coffee. That wasn’t exactly what she had said, or what she had meant. It was nice that Ray was so friendly. But it was confusing too.

  She had purposely kept men out of her life ever since Him, and now … well, of course Ray didn’t like her that way. After Him she wasn’t sure if she wanted any man, any real man, to like her that way again. But even with Ray, even with a bloke who would only ever be her friend, she was unsure.

  Hanging around with people was nice. It was fun. She’d laughed more in the last day and a half than she had in a very long time. But what if she let these people into her life, and called them her friends? What if something terrible happened again? What if when you really needed the people you thought you could count on, they weren’t there?

  Lisa didn’t think she could go through that again.

  ‘I think you’ll do it,’ she said to Ray. ‘Find yourself. Or at least find another beginning, anyway.’

  ‘You’re a lovely person, Lisa.’ Ray smiled.

  Lisa felt a tiny thrill start somewhere at the base of her spine, and tingle up towards her neck. Suddenly her heart was thumping … not from excitement but fear. Standing up suddenly, she knocked over Kirsty’s glass of flat Coke, which ran off the table top and right into Ray’s lap.

  ‘I just need to …’ Lisa pointed towards the Ladies, hurrying away before Ray could see that her hands were shaking.

  What had he done? What had he said that had frightened her so much? Lisa knew the answer of course. She knew it, but she didn’t want to admit it. He’d smiled at her, and it reminded her of Frank. Of the way Frank used to smile at her – like she was the only woman in the world. And now she was shaking and she wanted to go home. She wanted to bolt and triple-lock the door, shut all the curtains, climb into bed with a book and just forget the world.

  But Lisa was very far from home.

  Pushing her way into the Ladies, she rushed into a cubicle and locked the door. It would be tricky, she thought frantically. But if she could wait until all three of them were busy, paying the bill or something, she could sneak out of the fire door. Then she could leave their stuff in the car park and just go home.

  She could just drive to the next roundabout, make a U-turn and go home. Go back to her little flat, and her little job, and her little life and stay there, where she would be safe. Safe from harm, safe from smiles and laughter. There wasn’t an option. There wasn’t another way to stop this fear that had come up from her toes, and was gripping hold of her heart so hard that it hurt. The only thing that would work would be to go home.

  ‘Lisa?’ Kirsty’s voice, whisper-thin and full of tears, came from the cubicle next door. For a moment Lisa wondered about not answering. But she could see Kirsty’s feet under the cubicle wall. Which meant that Kirsty could probably see hers.

  ‘Yes?’ Lisa replied, hoping that Kirsty didn’t notice the tremble in her voice. She just had to wait for Kirsty to leave and then, as soon as she had, she could still make her planned getaway.

  ‘Can I … can I tell you something?’ Kirsty asked, her voice echoing off the tiles.

  ‘Do you want me to come out?’ Lisa asked.

  ‘No, just stay there. It’s easier to say if I don’t have to look at you.’

  ‘What is it?’ Lisa frowned. For a moment her own sense of fear faded. ‘What’s easier?’

  ‘I’m really sorry – I really am – but I lied,’ Kirsty said. ‘And the thing is, I’m in a terrible mess and I don’t know what to do. And I don’t want to get you into trouble too, but I don’t know what to do …’

  ‘Lied about what?’ Lisa asked her.

  ‘About being @PoldarkGoals,’ Kirsty said. ‘I’m not her. Well, I am, sort of. But it’s Donna who is the Poldark fan. She’s the one who is crazy about Poldark. She’d be on the forum a lot, and sometimes she’d leave her laptop around. I was trying to find a way out. I had a bit of money saved and I was going to see how far I could get on a train with it, while she wasn’t looking. And that’s when I saw the Poldarlings forum, and you were posting about the trip … I set up my own profile and hoped you’d let me come with you. I know it’s wrong but I was so scared, and I just couldn’t think what to do.’

  ‘Wait a minute, who’s this Donna?’ Lisa was struggling to keep up with the sudden flow of information.

  ‘She works at the place where I live,’ Kirsty told her. ‘I live in a care home.’

  ‘A care home?’ Lisa turned to face the chipboard wall that separated her from Kirsty. ‘That’s where you work, you mean?’

  ‘No,’ Kirsty said, and Lisa’s heart sank. ‘No, that’s where I live. Lived, until I ran away, with you guys. And the thing is … I’m not … I’m fourteen.’

  ‘Bloody hell!’ Lisa unlocked her door and walked out. ‘Bloody hell, Kirsty! You realise what this means, don’t you? This means we’ve accidentally abducted you!’

  After a second, Kirsty opened the door and stepped out. As soon as Lisa saw her she knew exactly what the poor girl was feeling. Kirsty looked so afraid, so lost, that all the anger and anxiety that Lisa had felt one moment before melted away.

  ‘Come here,’ Lisa said, opening her arms to the girl. ‘You look like you need a hug.’

  After a moment Kirsty walked into her embrace. Although the girl’s arms stayed by her side, Lisa felt Kirsty’s muscles relax a little, and her breathing became slow and steady.

  ‘I’ll help you,’ Lisa said. Thoughts of her own escape were already fading away. ‘But you have to tell us – all of us – what it is that you are running away from. The last thing this trip needs is any more lies.’

  Another round of milky coffees and another glass of flat Coke. And this time some doughnuts, which nobody touched once Lisa explained what Kirsty had told her.

  ‘Fuck!’ Abby said. ‘This is serious shit. This is black ops, deep-cover shit. We need to get some wigs.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re exactly understanding the problem here,’ Ray said. He poured another sachet of sugar into his untouched coffee – and that made four, Lisa noticed. ‘We three adults have a missing minor in our car with us, who hadn’t even met us the day before yesterday. That looks bad, and could get us into serious trouble.’

  ‘Except for one thing,’ Lisa said. ‘We aren’t scumbag evil bastards. We’re the good guys, aren’t we?’

  ‘Straight-up heroes,’ Abby agreed. ‘We’re like the A-Team in a hatchback.’

  ‘It’s the bad guys and the people who have let her down that she’s running away from,’ Lisa went on. ‘And she needs our help. Kirsty, tell them. Tell them what you told me.’

  Kirsty looked away. She gazed out of the window at the quiet road and its high hedge. Her light eyes were focusing on something only she could see.

  ‘I met this guy, Charlie,’ she said eventually. ‘Or, more like he met me. He’d always be there, round the shopping centre after school. I thought he was cool. He had stuff … a car, phone, nice clothes. He knew some of my friends, some of the older girls from the home. They all wanted him to look at them. But he kept looking at me. It felt … nice.’ Kirsty shook her head. ‘I know how it sounds.’

  ‘It doesn’t sound like anything,’ Lisa said.

  ‘When you’re in care, you get so used to people looking past you, like you’re nothing,’ Kirsty said. ‘When he looked at me I felt … happy, I suppose. He was older, a lot older, but he didn’t act it. He made me laugh, told me I was pretty. He’d buy me things, little things, but nice. Things just for myself. He’d take me on dates and treated me nice. At first it was perfect, like you see in movies. Romantic.

  ‘He told me he loved me and he wanted me to show him I loved him … so I did. But then he changed after that. He wasn’t sweet any more, or kind. He was always angry, and I was always letting him down. He said, if I wanted him to be happy again, for things to be like they were before, then I had to do something for him and his friends.’ Kirsty kept turning her glass of Coke round and round between her palms. ‘And I knew what it was h
e wanted me to do. He was arranging this party, and … I had to get out, I had to.’

  ‘Christ, Kirsty I’m so sorry.’ Ray dropped his head into his hands.

  Abby reached a hand across the table, stopping just short of Kirsty’s. ‘Bastard,’ she said, gently. ‘Well, he can’t get you now. You’re safe now.’

  ‘That’s the point though,’ Lisa said. ‘She’s not, not in the eyes of the law. She’s in a car with three strange adults she met on the Internet. STRANGERS FROM THE INTERNET. I mean we know we’re not evil, but police and social services don’t. And they’ll be looking for her.’

  ‘Kirsty, we have to take you to a police station,’ Ray said. ‘I know that’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the only option.’

  ‘When I told him I wouldn’t do it, that I’d tell, Charlie said if I ever tried telling someone, they’d just say I was making it up. He said that no one would believe me. Especially not after … well, I thought he was my boyfriend,’ Kirsty said. ‘They’ll say it’s my fault. No one cares about people like me.’

  ‘We care,’ Lisa said, looking at Ray. ‘And we’ll make other people care. Kirsty, what else can we do except get you legal help?’

  ‘There’s a reason I wanted to get to Cornwall,’ Kirsty said. ‘As soon as I saw where you were all going, I thought it was like a sign or something. When I was little – before Mum got so into drugs, and went to prison – she said my dad had a half-sister down there, in Bodmin, where you’re going.

  ‘Mum was always going on about how we’d go there on holiday one summer, although we never did. She was always chasing money, chasing the next hit. It was when she got into dealing that things really got bad. That’s when she got sent down.’

  Kirsty paused for a moment, as if she was letting everything that had happened in her short life catch up with her. ‘Mum said my auntie’s name was Alison. I thought I could find her. I thought maybe she might let me stay with her. Bodmin can’t be that big, can it? If I ask around. For an Alison who had a half-brother called Pete? I know she works in a café, or at least she did. Please, I don’t know what else to do. If Charlie catches me … I really think he might kill me.’