by A. E. Murphy
“What’s wrong with you?” I snap and pull myself free of his arms. “Let me get you something to bring down that fever.”
“You’re not fucking listening!” he exclaims suddenly and sits bolt upright in bed. He winces and presses his hands to his head. “I need you to marry me, please. It’s simple. We can have a party in a couple of months but I want to make you my wife.”
Damn it. This is crazy. He’s delirious.
“Promise me,” he sounds out of breath.
I nod, not saying the words but sort of meaning them. “Okay.”
He sags back, his body too heavy for his lack of energy right now. I take this chance to rush into the bathroom and wet a lot of towels. When I place them over his skin he cries out. My panic increases. “What’s wrong? What is it? I think I should call an ambulance.”
“No!” He almost shouts and his hand wraps around my wrist. “I’ll be fine in the morning, it’s just the flu or something.”
“I don’t know Caleb,” I admit and place a wet flannel on his forehead.
His eyes come to mine, “Please Gwenny. No hospitals.”
I sigh and agree, he’s right, it’s probably nothing. I’ll just have to keep a close eye on him.
“I almost forgot,” he whispers and motions me closer. “Bring him here.”
On a giggle I move up the bed and bring my naval up to his face.
“Love you baby Weston,” he says and I feel his lips press against my stomach. Seconds later he’s fast asleep and I’m changing the towels. His temperature is so high the water in the towels is now lukewarm. That’s crazy. Now I’m really worried.
The morning comes and Caleb is much better. His fever broke in the night, I know this because I didn’t sleep at all. I don’t want him to go to class and I’m shocked when he so easily agrees and spends the day with me in bed watching movies and eating junk.
Then he reminds me of what he said last night and my heart starts racing. “We’re getting married Wednesday.”
I roll him onto his back, “What’s the rush?”
“You’re pregnant with my son, I want to do this properly.”
I frown and think on it for a moment. I want to walk down an aisle in a stunning white dress. I want the after party and the confetti. I don’t want to get married at a registry office just for the sake of getting married.
He sees my thoughts churning and gives me a little shake, “I hate to pull this card…”
“What card?”
He rubs his hands over his face and flips us over so I’m on my back, “If you don’t marry me then I’ll think you don’t love me.”
Drama. “Stop being an idiot.”
His face falls, I see the desperation in his eyes. “Please Gwenny. Please.”
Now I’m really panicked, “What’s going on Caleb?”
“Nothing…”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I had a dream,” he blurts and pecks me on the lips. “I had a really bad dream and I can’t remember it but I know I want to marry you and I don’t want to waste another minute.”
“Damn it,” I groan and turn my head. “Fine. Fine. Wednesday we’ll get married.”
“You swear?”
“Ugh.”
“Swear it, Gwenny or I’m never eating you again.”
My mouth falls open in horror, “You bastard.”
“Swear it.”
“Okay, okay, I swear it!”
The smile that lights up his face is mesmerising, he kisses me deeply before rolling back onto his back and pulling me tightly to him. “Love you Gwenny.”
“Love you too.” Even though we’ve agreed, something in my gut just isn’t right. There’s something going on here and I want to ask him but I’ll give him time to get better first. He looks exhausted, sounds exhausted and is clearly unwell even if his temperature has broken.
“Let’s just stay in bed until we get married,” he murmurs, his lids hooded and sleepy looking. “How does that sound?”
I nod, “I still have to work your shift though.”
“Ask someone to cover it. Don’t leave my side for a second.”
I’m about to ask what he’s talking about but I’m distracted by a strange thumping sensation in my stomach. My heart accelerates along with my excitement. “He’s kicking,” I whisper and press Caleb’s hand to my stomach.
We wait and just when I think it’s not going to happen, I feel him tap. “Oh my god,” Caleb laughs and looks at my stomach in wonder. “That’s…” he moves down the bed and rests his cheek on my naval. “He just did it again.”
“Yeah,” Tears fill Caleb’s eyes, his lips pinch together as if suppressing them. He looks up at me, his eyes full of hurt and sorrow. “What’s wrong baby?” I ask and hug him as tight as possible. His body starts to shake and a sob escapes him. Now he’s crying it’s almost like I can feel his pain, my own eyes begin to tingle and burn. “Talk to me.”
He shakes his head, “I’m just so happy.”
“That’s a lie, I know you and I know these aren’t happy tears.”
“I’m so sorry, Gwenny.”
“Sorry?”
“Oh god,” he chokes out and sobs tear through him. Sobs of the likes I’ve never heard. They torture my very soul.
His arms hold me tighter with each second and my chest becomes wet from his tears. My own tears stain my face as I try to figure out what’s wrong with him but nothing comes to mind. “Talk to me,” I beg, closing my eyes to push out another tear. “Please baby. Talk to me.”
“Don’t ever lose yourself okay?” He whispers. “Promise me.”
“What are you talking about? You’re scaring me.”
“You’re perfect the way you are. Don’t ever change. Never leave me. Never. I know it’s selfish but I…”
“Hey,” I soothe him and stroke my fingers through his hair. “I’ll never leave you I swear it.”
******
Sasha and Tommy have agreed to be our witnesses for the wedding tomorrow. I’m nervous and excited and nervous and even more excited. Caleb hasn’t brought up last night and I daren’t. Seeing him so tortured has killed me. Maybe everything has just gotten on top of him at last. He wasn’t bothered when his parents disowned him, or maybe he was and he just bottled it up. He’s always so happy. To see him so devastated… it makes me sick just thinking about it.
I never want to see him like that again. My heart can’t stand it.
Now I know what he means when he says seeing me cry breaks his heart.
He looks happy enough although I know he has a headache because he’s wearing sunglasses indoors and he’s going through painkillers like they’re sweets. I keep telling him to go to the doctor’s but he won’t listen. He assures me it’s nothing but this can’t be normal.
As promised I haven’t been to work or classes, I’m yet again curled up with Caleb watching crappy TV with Sasha and Tommy who are insisting they drink in front of me seeing as I can’t join in. Caleb isn’t drinking either, he says he wants to suffer with me. I love him even more for it.
“I can’t believe you’re getting married,” Sasha sighs wistfully and downs the rest of her glass. Tommy leans over and fills it with white wine. “You two were meant to be.”
“You’re so soppy,” I joke, throwing a scatter cushion at her.
“I’m serious. I’ve been single for a year. I’m sick of it now. I want what you have,” She wags her eyebrows at Caleb. “Sure you don’t want me instead? I’ll teach you things you didn’t know were physically possible.”
We all start laughing when she tries to hook her ankle behind her head, fails and falls to the ground with an oomph.
“I’m sure you’re hot Sasha but Gwenny blows my mind.”
“I’m sure she blows something,” Tommy mumbles, earning a glare from me and a cackle from Sasha.
“Oh my god, I only just got that. That’s funny,” Caleb starts laughing a few seconds later, earning a glare from me and a cackle f
rom Sasha and a high five from Tommy.
Caleb starts drifting asleep on my shoulder after a few more minutes. This concerns me because he’s not normally this tired by nine at night. I say my apologies to Tommy and Sasha and take him up to bed, even more worried when he leans on me the entire way. My panic is overloading when I have to help him get undressed.
“I just need to shut my eyes for a while,” he says softly as I kiss his cheek. “Hey, I almost forgot.” I lift my shirt and smile when he kisses my small bump. “I love you baby Weston.”
“Caleb,” I whisper and sit beside him. “Are you okay?”
He looks me straight in the eyes and nods, “Yeah Gwenny. Hurry up and come to bed, I want to hold you until…” His voice trails off as he drifts to the land of nod.
I rush to say goodbye to the others and rush back to bed. I’m getting married tomorrow and that’s the furthest thing from my mind. What’s wrong with Caleb? Is this a lasting effect of his illness?
He pulls me into him so my head rests on his chest and my thigh across his legs while my hand teases the hairs that travel from his navel to below his boxers. Normally he’d jerk and laugh but this time he remains peacefully sleeping. Sigh.
“I love you baby,” I say and kiss his lips.
“Love you too Gwenny,” He murmurs and tightens his arms around me. I thought he was sleeping, I guess not.
Nuzzling into his chest I stop playing with his trail of hair and instead I hold him as tight to me as possible.
******
The sun hasn’t risen yet. Why am I awake? Ugh, morning sickness.
Leaning over Caleb, I check the clock. Five fifteen in the morning, great. I’ll never get back to sleep now. I’m one of those people who when they wake they’re awake and that’s it.
I can feel the smile cross my lips as the mirage of thoughts flit through my sleepy mind. Today’s my wedding day. I’m marrying the man I’m truly madly in love with. I’m pregnant with his child. I’m going to be a mother.
Mrs Guinevere Weston.
Life is so perfect.
With a happy sigh I stretch out my arms and legs, the wonderful relaxing feeling is interrupted when I feel a dampness with my toes, near Caleb’s knees. Slowly I sit up. I instinctively know something is wrong. The bed feels cooler, there is a sweet sickly smell that hits the back of my throat and aggravates the nausea I already feel.
Caleb’s still, sleeping form lies next to me. Looking at him he looks peaceful, but I look more closely and my throat catches. I can’t see his chest rise and fall, no wait there’s a twitch in his arm. I let out a sigh, of course I’m being silly. I touch his arm to wake him and tell him about my stupid thoughts. I touch his hand; it’s cold, not like ice, but cold like we have been for a walk down the beach in winter and need to wrap our hands round a cup of hot chocolate to warm them. His skin has an almost pearlescent look to it. It’s too pale.
“Caleb,” I whisper and push myself off his chest. “Caleb?” I notice his arms by his sides rather than holding me which is odd for him. “Caleb,” I say louder this time and push his chest.
He doesn’t stir. That’s odd. Maybe he’s still sick.
“Caleb!” I say even louder and tap his cheek. His head rolls to the side, he doesn’t make a noise. My heart hits my ribs and sharp tingles spread through my chest. “Caleb!” I shake him violently this time and switch on the lamp.
“No.” I whisper and place my hand an inch from his mouth whilst staring at his chest. This isn’t happening. He’s not… “CALEB!” I grab both of his shoulders and shake him vigorously. “CALEB! Please. This isn’t funny!” His eyelids don’t even flutter. Oh my god. He’s not breathing.
I place my trembling fingers to his neck.
“NO!” I scream, my eyes burning and my lungs constricting. “Baby, please, wake up now.” No. No. No.
I kick the blanket from the bed and cry out at the mess on the sheets. A choked sob sticks in my throat and my body trembles as I try to comprehend what I’m seeing.
I pull at his body, he still feels warm but he is a dead weight in my arms. No this can’t be happening. You can’t be dead. We have to get married today, you have to see your child be born. I’m going to be all alone.
“Wake up!” I scream, ignoring the pain it brings to my throat.
Ambulance I need to phone an ambulance but I’m torn I don’t want to leave him but I need to get my phone from my bag down stairs my legs feel leaden as I stumble down the stairs. It’s going to be fine they will help him, they can bring him back I dial the number my fingers quick and clumsy on the small buttons.
“He’s not breathing I can’t wake him,” I sob to the woman on the phone but she isn’t understanding me, she tells me to stop take a breath think about what I want to say and repeat slowly.
“What happened?” She’s asking me. What do I tell her? I tell her whatever it is I’m seeing, my address and his name. She’s still talking but I can’t hear her, I need to do something.
He’s… no… he’s not dead. “You’re not dead! Wake up. Wake up right now. This isn’t funny.” I breathe into his mouth while pinching his nose. I throw my phone and start doing chest compressions. Come on baby. Come on. “Please Caleb. Please.”
His lifeless face doesn’t twitch, my heart shatters. He’s not dead. He’ll wake up and start laughing.
Minutes pass before I hear sirens and rush down stairs to open the door. I don’t wait for them to come in before I run upstairs and continue forcing him to breathe.
I peel open and eyelid, a glassy lifeless pupil stares back at me, the iris bigger than I’ve ever seen it. My lips tremble and a cry escapes me.
My body burns. “Please Caleb, don’t leave me!”
The paramedics come inside and I’m pulled out of the way. I watch them work on him, and I’m escorted to the side as they begin CPR and defibrillation. I watch on helplessly as they pass electric currents through his heart. They work for what seems like only seconds instead of the minutes that actually pass.
I’m so sorry a woman says as they call his death.
They call it.
They just call it.
“NO! Keep going!” I yell at them but no one listens. The police arrive and one of them tries to take me out of the room. “He wouldn’t leave me! He’s fine! People just don’t die in their sleep!”
“Please Miss,” the officer says in my ear, trying to get me to move. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing we can do, he’s gone.”
“No,” I fall to my knees as they surround the bed. “No! Please. Don’t stop trying. You can’t stop.”
I can’t hear anything they say after this. I see the men start to lift him.
“No,” I cry and throw myself towards his body. “No you can’t take him.”
The tears that trickled begin to cascade down my face I can’t stop them and I don’t want to.
It’s not fair why him why? There are others out there with less to live for why couldn’t they have died instead.
“We’ll let you have a few minutes sweetheart.” I don’t know who says this and I don’t care.
A few minutes? I was meant to have a lifetime with this man, we were going to grow old together.
Everything is so surreal and the fast erratic thoughts on why this is happening soon slow and turn to an empty numbness. My whole world feels like it has just collapsed. Nothing seems to matter apart from the fact he has gone.
Nothing.
I’m left looking over his body I have heard people describe a dead body as a shell of the person they once knew, this isn’t even a shell of the man I’ve lost. Gone is the warmth of his almost chocolate gaze and the vibrancy this body once held. Even in his sleep he was captivating, now all that essence has left, he’s left and I’m left with nothing.
I look at the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen as he’s placed on a stretcher and covered with a sheet. They cover his face. They can’t cover his face he’s not dead. Why won�
�t they listen?
They keep asking me questions. Who my family and friends are, who his family and friends are? I can’t answer. I can’t do anything but sob.
“Where are they taking him?”
I’m surrounded by people, police officers and people I don’t know as I tear out of my house. I have no sense of time or place, my eyes are on his lifeless body.
“Stop!” I scream but they keep going.
Someone grabs me around the waist and holds me tight. Tommy’s here, when did he get here?
“We should sedate her,” someone says. “She’s pregnant, be careful.”
“Why are they taking him? They need to help him!”
“Hey,” Tommy says softly in my ear and pulls me towards an ambulance.
I try to pull free but my energy levels are non-existent. I’m non-existent. This isn’t happening to me, it’s happening to somebody else.
Twenty three year old males just don’t die in their sleep the night before their wedding.
“What happened, does anybody know?” Tommy asks whoever is here.
“They think it may have been a heart attack but they won’t know for sure until they get him to the hospital.”
Numb overcomes me, numb. I turn in Tommy’s arms and cling to him, my body shaking like a leaf, my mouth emitting noises I’ve never made before.
He’s not gone. He’s not. They’ll get him to the hospital and they’ll see.
Everything goes black, I’m not sure how or why, I just drift.
I wake up in an unfamiliar bed. I’m in the hospital. Why am I here?
“Hey you,” Tommy says and I see Sasha beside him.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Tears spill and the sobs that plagued my body once already, come back immediately. Sasha rushes to my side and envelopes me in her arms. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers and I feel her own tears fall onto my hair.