The Summer We Loved

by Wendy Lou Jones

  The nurse travelling with her told her it was a ‘she’ and her name was Penelope.

  “Penelope? What a pretty name for a unicorn,” Jenny said. “Is she keeping you company while you’re in here?”

  The girl nodded, her eyes wide, taking it all in.

  “I bet she gives good cuddles. Oh, excuse me.” Jenny leaned in closer. “Penelope says you give good cuddles too. Is that true?”

  The little girl smiled and squeezed her toy against her. And then the far door opened.

  “Goodbye, Penelope, take care of her, won’t you?” she said and the little girl was wheeled inside the lift and the doors closed around them.

  A minute later, the lift returned and just as the doors were closing behind them, Fiona, from physio, hopped in. She said hello and they stood in silence waiting for the lift to ascend. At the second floor, the lift opened and all four of them made their way out: the porter pushing the patient and Jenny and Fiona following behind.

  As they stopped by the door to the ward, Fiona passed behind Jenny to get out of their way. “Oh, I forgot to ask, how’s it going with you and Mike, Jen?” she said.

  Jenny turned around to look at her. “Oh, that was over ages ago. It was only a couple of weeks at the beginning of the year. Complete disaster.” Then she smiled. “Keep up, will you.” She turned back and, waiting to come out, with the door held wide open for them, was Dr Florin. Jenny felt her cheeks flare. He was looking at her and he wasn’t smiling. Time to bluff it out.

  “Thank you,” she said and they pushed the patient down onto the ward and parked him up in his room. Damn! She didn’t know why, but she felt uncomfortable with Pete having overheard that. There was no question he must have heard it, but why was he so disapproving? Finding no answers, she got on with settling the patient on to the ward and then headed back to the nurses’ station to sort out the paperwork.

  Pete got home, hung up his jacket and leaned his forehead against the wall. That was so inconvenient. He knew it was wrong to have read even a snippet of Jen’s diary, but it had made him more sensible, thinking she had a boyfriend. It had been January 1st he had looked at. Jenny had been so excited about going out with him. But it had obviously just been a flash in the pan. She wasn’t attached, well not to him anyway. She was – potentially - free. God, that made things so much more complicated. He wanted her, that was a given, but thinking he couldn’t have her… shouldn’t have her, had made him toe the line. Now that line had snapped.

  He supposed he should really do the honourable thing and pull away. He didn’t want a relationship and she was too tempting to be around now she was free. But she was stubborn. He could also find himself a girlfriend, but he didn’t want a girlfriend, that wasn’t his thing. And she had been so good to him too, had been all along, even when he had been wretched. Could he manage to keep his hands off her and be a gentleman? It had to be in him. Somewhere. He remembered. He really needed a drink.

  Pete searched around his flat. Bloody woman! He must remember to get some alcohol the next time he went to town. He looked under his counter, to an array of baked goods growing old in their tin. He wanted to see her and knew only one way; he’d better get through some more of his work and give her something to test him on.

  It was a long time waiting for Friday night, when Jenny was free to come and see him again. He rushed in from work, showered, changed and brushed his teeth, and then with every attempt to appear nonchalant, waited for her to arrive.

  At six o’clock she knocked. Pete called out. He had left the door on the latch so that he could look studious and focused when she arrived, but his heart rate kicked up a notch at the sound of her voice calling out as she closed the front door and walked in.

  “Hello. Where are you?”

  Suddenly the plan seemed ridiculous. His desk was in his bedroom. Not a great place to summon her if he was trying to be good. He hadn’t done ‘good’ in a long while. He was rusty. He shot up and skipped out into the living room. “Hi. I was just doing some studying.”

  “Of course. What is it at the moment?”

  “Maxillofacial.”

  “Ooh, tricky?”

  “It’s not too bad, actually. Would you like a drink?” He was on edge, he could feel it. He was turning into a blabbering fool. What was it this woman did to him? Was it that she was hot but not interested? Was it that she was too good for him? The forbidden fruit to claim and conquer? Whatever it was, she was doing it well. It was doing his head in. He breathed deeply.

  “Are you all right?” she asked. “You seem… uneasy. I haven’t come at a tricky time, have I? You did say six.”

  It was always a tricky time seeing her, for him anyway. “No, you’re absolutely fine. I’m fine. Let’s get you a drink and we can sit down.”

  They took their drinks over to the settee. “How was your week?” he asked.

  “Busy. There’s a bug going round. Staff off everywhere. How was it in theatre?”

  Pete was watching the words forming on her lips. Her neck as it arched down towards her collar bone. The hollow just above. His eyes drank in the sight of her and then slid on up to the lobe of her ear and the sexy diamond earring at the top. Her skin was tanned and aching to be kissed. He swallowed. Hard.

  “Pete? Are you sure you’re okay? Have you had another nightmare or something?”

  She was talking to him. He had to snap out of it before he embarrassed himself. A surreptitious pinch to his thigh and his eyes met with hers. “Theatre? Yes. Okay.”

  “I think you might have been overdoing it. Are you sure you’re up to me testing you?” she asked him. She looked concerned.

  He swallowed again. “Yes. Absolutely.” Mentally, he slapped himself. “I’ll go and get my things.” Pete walked back into his bedroom and silently screamed. “You stupid idiot!” he whispered and sucked in a deep breath. “You can do this. She’s just here to get you through your exams, that’s all. As soon as you get this over and done with she’ll be satisfied and you won’t have to see her again,” and he slapped himself a few times about the face and then reached for his books.

  “Are you all right in there?” she called out as he emerged from the bedroom with a sunny smile in place. “Only it sounded like you dropped some papers, or something.”

  “No.” He put the work down on the living-room table. “Here we are.” He handed over the study notes and pointed out which bits he needed testing on.

  “How are you doing for biscuits?” she asked him.

  “Almost gone,” he said and rested back against the side of the settee, ready to pay attention.

  About an hour later they were discussing the ins and outs of the laryngoscopy and bronchoscopy when Jenny’s stomach started to rumble. “Haven’t you eaten?” he asked her.

  “No. But I’m all right. Don’t worry.”

  Her stomach rumbled again. “No, you’re not. How stupid of me. I’ll order us some pizza.”

  “Do you ever live on anything else?” she teased.

  “Would you like something different?”

  “No. Pizza is fine. You’re very jumpy, Pete. Do you think you’d better take a night off?”

  Would that mean she would go back home or the dangerous temptation of losing his focus? Neither was good. He valued her friendship and couldn’t screw it up. “No.”

  “But you’re working this weekend, aren’t you?”

  It made no difference. If he didn’t work tonight she would either walk away, or they would have to spend an evening together for real. “I’m good. I’ll get an early night. I’ll just ring for that pizza. Same as last time?”

  Jenny nodded. “Okay, yeah.” She licked her lips and his head almost exploded.

  Hydrogen, Helium, Lithium, Beryllium, Boron, Carbon, Nitrogen, Oxygen. He could get through this. He breathed out and dialled the number.

  When he sat down again, he chose a seat across from her in an armchair. She looked quizzically at him. “Where were we?”

  They car
ried on working until the arrival of the pizza 20 minutes later, when Pete lost all control of his thoughts. Watching Jenny gorge herself only a few feet away from him was about as erotic as it could get. She might as well be stretched out naked in front of him, rubbing baby oil into her soft, heaving breasts the way his hormones were raging that night and Jenny seemed to be entirely oblivious to the situation. And thank God for that! If she had shown any sign of having the same thoughts going through her mind as he had through his, he would have had her stripped naked and under him in seconds.

  In the end he called it a night and, barely able to breathe the entire way home, he dropped her at her house and he could swear there was a moment’s hesitation as she went to get out of the car. She hovered, but then she was gone, and his heart flipped out watching her walk up the tiny path to her front door. She waved goodbye and he waited till she was inside, before slumping over the steering wheel and then driving back to his flat to dunk his head in a bowl of ice-cold water and drag himself off to bed.

  Jenny closed the door behind her and sank back against it. What was she thinking? It had all started as a chance to help him, to pay him back for what he had done for her; now she was besotted with the guy. The proximity of him took her breath away. She had been grateful, if a little puzzled, when he’d moved a space away from her. He smelled so good and her mind was playing all sorts of tantalising tricks on her, heightening her senses and ramping up her pulse rate.

  But he had been on edge, she was convinced of it. Perhaps he was backing off, fed up of her checking on him. Or maybe he could sense her attraction and was pulling away. Was she making matters worse, going round there and interrupting all the time? At least he seemed to be enjoying her baking.

  She swallowed what was left of the saliva in her mouth. He was on call this weekend, anyway, so they would have some time apart from each other to see if that helped them both; him to have a break from her and her to tamp down her feelings for him.

  Heather walked into the room. “You all right? You look a bit flushed. Been running again?”

  Jenny was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with sandals. It amazed her how someone so unobservant could end up in their profession. “Yes,” she said.

  Five minutes later, Flis came crashing through the door. She flounced across to the settee and flumped down. “I’m back. I’m back. The wanderer returns. Oh, I’m exhausted. You won’t believe the things I’ve been up to these last two weeks,” and she proceeded to regale them about the many places she had visited and people she had met whilst she was getting loved-up in London. It took a while, but Jenny was grateful for the diversion.

  “So, anything interesting happen around here while I’ve been away?” she asked when she had finished telling them everything about herself.

  Jenny had warned Chloe about Flis’s entanglement with Pete on the day that he had left their house, but panic gripped her as she suddenly realised she had forgotten to mention it to Heather.

  “No, all quiet here. So how are you and lover boy, then?” Jenny said, trying to switch the attention straight back to Flis.

  But Heather was excited. “Well, apart from the whole Dr Florin thing.”

  Chapter 10

  Jenny wanted the ground to swallow her up. Flis turned and looked at Heather.

  “What?”

  “He went missing, didn’t you know? Jenny went off on a crusade, found him and brought him back here. He was looking pretty rough for a couple of days. But he’s all right now, isn’t he, Jen?”

  Flis looked straight at Jenny and her face looked as though it couldn’t decide whether to be perplexed or furious.

  Jenny took a deep breath and played it down as much as she could, but Heather, bless her cotton socks, just kept dropping her further in it.

  “Still, she’s been keeping the house smelling lovely with all the baking she’s been doing for him.”

  Jenny could swear there was fire coming out of Flis’ eyeballs now. She wasn’t looking directly at her, but she could feel the heat from them. Jenny focused her attention on a stubborn pizza mark on the edge of her t-shirt.

  “How could you?” Flis said at last. “You know what that man put me through and you go and throw yourself at him. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for you or betrayed.”

  Although in her mind she had done plenty, the reality was quite different and Jenny felt she had to defend herself against the attack. “It’s not what you think, Flis. Nothing’s happening between us. I’m just helping him out.”

  Flis snorted. She obviously did not believe that for a second.

  “Honestly. He doesn’t think of me in that way. He never has,” and that was the point. It was true and it hurt. “He’s more of a big brother to me, and he was having a hard time-”

  “The poor dear!”

  “-and I… I was the only one who had any time to reach out to him.”

  “You’re breaking my heart.”

  Jenny was getting frustrated. Why the hell did she have to justify herself to Flis anyway? “Nothing’s happened!” She made an effort to calm her voice. “Besides, why do you care so much? I thought you were all hunky-dory with lover boy?”

  Flis sagged back, her smile trying to reclaim its position on her face. “I just worry about you, Jen. Don’t let him use you, will you?”

  Was that true? Jenny wasn’t convinced, but she would take the peace that it offered. “I won’t,” she said, but she was not at all sure she would say no if he tried to claim his one night with her too. She knew full well he would break her heart if she let him, so she needed to keep a safe distance. She looked earnestly at her friend. “I won’t,” she assured her.

  Jenny stopped writing in her diary from that point on, afraid her confessions would burst her fragile bubble of hope. She didn’t want to confront her growing feelings for this man and most certainly didn’t want to consider his. Time to put her head in the sand and let life drift on by and hopefully things would be clearer after he’d passed his exams.

  But Pete wasn’t the only thing she was blocking out of late. Her trip home was also weighing on her mind. She would have to make a decision soon, but what was she to do? Pete and her aunt seemed convinced she should go. But going back…? She took a deep breath. Could she actually face that? Her room. Her parents. The tiny grave on the hill? Face up to your fears, that’s what he had said. It had been troubling her more of late. It had started with Kate and Selena, but the things Pete had said about Lizzy had made her think too. Yes, he was right, she had to go; she couldn’t block it out any longer.

  Jenny retrieved the letter from the wastepaper basket in the corner of her room and checked her rota. Wednesday 21st? She was free that day. She was even on a late the next day in case she was back late at night. She flipped open her laptop and checked for train times. Yes. It was doable.

  She had not been back to see Clara since she’d left. She had done her best to pretend it was all some bad dream, but it had crept back in, slowly, quietly, pulling her down and whispering to her heart. It was calling to her now, stronger than ever. She had to go, for Clara.

  The next day Jenny rang her aunt to tell her to let her family know she was coming. She booked train tickets and rechecked her rota. Yes she could do this and she would be okay. She had nothing to be sorry for, except to Clara, for not holding on tightly enough to her fragile life. It was time to go back and see her. It was long past time.

  The weekend went by very slowly. Pete was in work and his distance from her felt all the more difficult when she was free.

  She cleaned a little, shopped and saw her friends. She visited her aunt, who was pleased to hear she was going, but her mind kept coming back to think about Pete. She tried to write, to take her mind off everything hurtling in on her, but she was missing him. She knew she was going to get burned now. It was inevitable. But she yearned to see him more than ever. Reason had taken a holiday and it wasn’t coming back any time soon. She tried to remind herself that this wasn’t going to
end well for her, that she wasn’t his type, but it made little difference, she wanted to be. No. She wanted him to be hers.

  By Monday evening she was desperate to see him again. She rang him the moment she thought he would be out of work, to see if he needed any help with his revision, but he said he had been so busy over the weekend that he was completely whacked out and was just going to hit the sack, so Jenny wished him a good night’s sleep, closed her phone up and burst into tears.

  What was wrong with her? At what point had she turned into an emotional wreck? She was a strong woman, able to withstand a hurricane and move on with her life, or at least she thought she was. She needed to get a grip. It was probably everything else coming back to her again. One more night and she would have other things to concentrate on. Wednesday morning she was going to take the 7.50 to Birmingham New Street and then the 9.33 to Oxenholme. She would catch a cab from there. She should get there around midday and, if she played her cards right, she would be home again for tea.

  On Tuesday morning, Jenny was in work. She threw herself into her tasks, immersing herself in other people’s lives in an attempt to block out her own. Pete walked on to the ward to check on his patients before the morning list. She smiled and waved hello as Amanda took him around the ward and she watched him from a distance. He was a lovely, gentle man. She could see the warmth in his patients’ eyes; they felt safe with him. He exuded confidence and showed nothing but kindness, if only he could stop being such a player. He hadn’t been, once upon a time; Rachel had said so.

  She grabbed a colleague to check some controlled drugs with her and heard footsteps coming up behind them. She turned around and there he was. He smiled and Jenny could feel her cheeks burning.

  “I need your help with some cases this evening,” he said. “Around six?” She nodded and he walked away and Jenny tried to focus on the pills in her hand.

  Getting home just after three, she had three whole hours to kill before Pete got home. Flis was in too. How could she get past her? She didn’t want to run to Pete’s that night; she would turn up hot and sweaty and have to shower again. Not advisable with her hormones raging like this. She realised she hadn’t done any baking and he said not long back that he had almost run out. Quickly she set to work, using whatever she had in the house to be able to take something with her. Shortbread would have to do; she had enough for that.