The Summer We Loved

by Wendy Lou Jones

  Heather came down as she was lifting it out of the oven. “Mmm, that smells nice. Can I have some?”

  “Sorry.”

  “Oh, you off to Pete’s again?” she asked.

  Flis looked up from where she was sitting in the living room. Her radar ears had overheard. “You’re not baking for him again, are you? She appeared around the kitchen door. “I thought nothing was going on between the two of you?”

  “It isn’t, but I’m keeping him supplied with cookies on the understanding that he lays off the booze and hot women.”

  Flis burst out laughing. “And you think some home-made cookies will stop him wanting to shag anything in a skirt, do you? Why didn’t I think of that before?”

  Jenny felt suddenly foolish. Who was she kidding? Flis was right, although she could have phrased it more kindly. She looked down at her shortbread lying flat on the tray in front of her. Heather shot Flis a look and rested a hand on Jenny’s shoulder.

  “I’m sure he’s very grateful for everything you’re doing for him, Jen. Have you got something to put that in?”

  It was a slow walk over there that evening and when she arrived, Jen didn’t know what to do. Should she drop the biscuits off and make her excuses, or help him with his studies, torturing herself even more, but doing what she said she would do? She knocked on the door.

  A second later the door swung open and Pete was standing there with a smile as wide as the ocean. “Come in. I hope you haven’t eaten.”

  Something was different. The lighting in the flat was subdued and Jenny noticed the table had been laid out for two. Hesitantly, she walked inside.

  “I wanted to show you I can cook, when the pizza place is shut.”

  “But it’s not shut on a Tuesday,” she said, slightly confused.

  “I wanted to cook for you, Jen. To say thank you.”

  Jenny’s stomach clenched. Was this a romantic thank you or just a thank you before a goodbye? Or was it just a thank you… with mood lighting, and was that…? “That’s Nina Simone!”

  Pete smiled. “I got curious. She’s not bad, actually.”

  “Not bad? She’s pure gold.”

  He chuckled. “Take a seat. It should be almost ready. Red wine?”

  Jenny looked at him.

  “There’s just one bottle, I promise. You can check if you like.”

  “That would be lovely, thank you.”

  Feeling slightly uncomfortable, Jenny took a seat. A few minutes later, a bowl of spaghetti bolognaise and a salad were placed in front of her and garlic bread was put down by her side.

  “Garlic bread? No kissing for you tonight, then,” Jenny quipped and then instantly realised what she had said and blushed crimson.

  “Only with those who’ve had it too,” he told her.

  Oh God, oh God, Oh God! Why had he said that? She tried to swallow a mouthful of spaghetti while Pete poured the wine.

  “Cheers,” he said and they clinked glasses, their eyes holding each other’s gaze. And in that moment, Jenny could swear he was looking at her with something far stronger than friendship or lust. She took a swig and it went down the wrong way. She choked and thumped her chest. At least it broke the tension, but it was not something she wanted to repeat.

  Throughout the rest of the meal, normal service was gradually resumed, so that by the end, Jenny felt comfortable enough to stay and help out with his studies. They settled into the living room, with Jen on one side and Pete on the other. She asked him questions and he answered, trying to cover everything he needed to know.

  At ten, Jenny’s phone started to bleep. She picked it out and turned the alarm off. “I’ve got to be getting home, I’m afraid,” she said. “I’ve got a train to catch in the morning.”

  Pete looked confused.

  “To see my parents.”

  “You’re going, then.” He sounded pleased.

  “Yes. I decided it was time.”

  He smiled. “Good. I’m glad. Are you going to be okay?”

  You know, she really thought she was. “Yes, I think I am.”

  She started to gather her things and Pete took his work back into his bedroom. Jenny retrieved her bag from beside the door and Pete walked back in and looked at her.

  “Thank you,” she said. His eyes ate her up from across the room. Sexual tension crackled between them, a whole world away from the bickering intolerance there had once been. Her nerves were clattering down the length of her limbs. She had to get out of there. She was scared.

  Facing a car journey in close proximity, she decided to bail out and with a fleeting smile and an almost whispered goodbye, she made a move for the front door.

  Pete spoke up from behind her, confusion rippling his voice.

  “Jenny?”

  “I need to go. Sorry,” she called back as she trotted quickly down the first flight of steps. “I’ll let you know how it goes.” She prayed he wouldn’t follow. Her ears were on alert, listening out for any sound from above her, but focusing on getting clear, she kept her eyes forward.

  Footsteps came up quickly behind her, catching her at the top of the final flight of stairs. He grabbed her arm and pulled her around, his gaze searching her face for explanation.

  “Why are you running away from me, Jen?” His breathing was more laboured than hers. His head crowded in on her as his body slowly pushed her back against the wall. His breath was hot on her neck, causing her to shiver.

  “Don’t run away from me.”

  Jenny thought her heart was going to give out, it was thumping so hard inside her chest. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, she-

  Pete put a finger under her chin, lifting her head to look up at him, but she couldn’t. She didn’t trust herself. Did he really want her, all of her?

  “Look at me, Jen.”

  She mustn’t.

  “Look at me.” His voice was firm and urgent. His breath was all around her, his seductive masculine scent destroying her resolve. Heat was burning her up as she finally lifted her eyes and they met with his.

  “God, I want you,” he whispered and his soft lips met hers as the world around her tipped and delicious, forbidden sensations melted her to her bones.

  Powerful fingers held her face so gently and then one hand moved to the back of her head, threading through her hair and pulling her to him. The kiss deepened and her hands came to settle on his chest. Hesitant at first, she managed to cling on to the last shred of self-control, until his body pressed in on hers, making her aware of how much he wanted her. Hot, hard muscle wrapped in fabric urged her on and she flattened her palms. She could feel the beating of his heart as it kicked and fought to keep up with him. She let her bag fall to the ground, and, unable to fight it any more, she gave in. She had fought against this for long enough; she was exhausted.

  In the blink of an eye he swung her up into his arms, caught her bag in his fingers and carried her back up the stairs to his flat. His eyes were fixed on hers with an intensity she had never known. She was powerless to tear her own gaze away. She was afraid, but she had relinquished all power to the inevitable. This had always been going to happen, she knew that now, and tomorrow she would be happy to pay the price, but tonight, she was his.

  Chapter 11

  With the taste of her still on his lips, Pete lay back, breathless. His pulse was still pounding in his veins. He turned his head and looked at her, his mind reeling. He had never felt such a connection in his life. He couldn’t peel his eyes away from her; her supple body, the way her eyes shone like the wings of a butterfly in sunlight. His body was shaking and he was filled with need. God, how much did he want this woman? Fear like he hadn’t felt in years curled around him at the thought of her power over him. She might yet reject him. She knew his reputation and his past, well, some of it. Enough to make her run in the opposite direction if she had any sense. He was staring at her and he couldn’t help himself. She, on the other hand, looked serene. What had he done? He hadn’t just crossed the l
ine. He had pulverised it. He was in uncharted territory.

  She swallowed, and the slow, lazy undulation made him want her all the more. He was losing control and that terrified him.

  “I-” she started.

  “Shouldn’t have done that?” He put on a smile, trying to ignore the overwhelming panic that suddenly filled him.

  She paused. “I was going to say: had not seen that coming. You’ve never wanted me before. What happened?”

  What was she saying? He had always wanted her - in his bed - from the first time he set eyes on her. It was the danger he felt looking into her eyes that had kept him away. Before, when he had known her just a little, he had focused on her weakness as a reason to put him off, but with his return, he had found a stronger woman. She was vital and daunting, and the thought of having a real relationship with her terrified him. He shook his head. “You were off-limits.”

  Jenny rolled onto her side to face him, her eyes deftly searching his soul. She tucked the sheets up over her, in some small way hoping to cover her modesty. Did she not know he could look at her for eternity?

  “Kate had such a go at me after Flis. But then Soph got hitched and it was only you.”

  Jenny looked at him then, seeming to speculate on his reasons for breaking the pact. Up close her eyes were not grey at all. They were a mixture of blue and light brown, with flecks of green and the light dancing within them lit the touch paper of his heart. He felt guilt and love and need overwhelming him, and he was afraid.

  “But now that doesn’t matter any more?”

  “No, I mean yes, but… I thought… I thought…” Hell, who was he kidding? He would have sold his soul to the Devil that night for just one moment of passion with Jen.

  Her eyes were so searching, he couldn’t bear it. “Didn’t you want it too?” They closed now, and when they reopened they were focused on his body, not his face, so he couldn’t read them.

  “Pete, I have wanted you ever since the very first day I met you.”

  What?

  “I just needed something more than you seemed willing to give.”

  And there it was. He had been right. She was too decent to be toyed with. It was all or nothing with this girl. And that was something he wasn’t even sure he was capable of, not any more.

  “But you know me now, more than anyone.” Doubt suddenly flickered across her eyes, causing a tide of shame inside his heart. “Please don’t hurt me.”

  Pete pulled her against him, to comfort her, but also to prevent her from looking into his eyes.

  She took a breath. “I’m not looking forward to tomorrow, it’s going to be really hard for me, but perhaps, if I know you’ll be here when I get back, with a warm shoulder to cry on, I think it could be something to cling on to if it gets tough out there.”

  ‘Cling’, the word in itself made him panic. He thought again about her reunion. Something about her split with her parents still didn’t add up. Maybe now was the time to ask her. “Why have you stayed away for so long, Jen? You’re such a forgiving sort of soul, why haven’t you been able to make peace with your family in all this time? What is so bad back there that’s keeping you away?”

  Jenny rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling and he didn’t know whether to touch her or to give her space. And then she knocked him sideways.

  “I haven’t told you all of what went on back then. Some of it is very painful for me, even now.”

  Silence again as he fought to contain his breathing.

  “I was pregnant. That was what the whole stink was about. Simon’s parents wanted to send him away, to keep his future unhindered and my parents just seemed to go along with it.”

  “But why? You’d think, if anything, they would have wanted him to step up and marry you.”

  “But they didn’t. I don’t know why. Probably a pile of money changed hands. Some deal must have been done. And I guess I was an embarrassment.”

  Pete shook his head in disbelief. “How old were you again?”

  “Seventeen. But that wasn’t even the worst of it. I kept her, you see. I had a little girl. Clara.” Jenny fiddled with the earring at the top of her ear. “She was beautiful, Pete. Perfect. Such tiny little feet. Except she wasn’t… She was just a day old when I lost her. Some long, complicated disorder. After that I couldn’t face them. They couldn’t face me.” She took a deep breath and shrugged. “They sent me to live with my aunt.”

  Pete pulled her to him, wrapping her in his arms, as if by bringing her heart to rest against his, he could fix everything. But he couldn’t and now, more than ever, he realised his mistake. He didn’t have it in him to be everything Jenny wanted him to be, what she needed him to be, and because of that he was going to be damned to hell. What could he do? “Will you stay the night?” he asked, not knowing quite what he was hoping for.

  “I’d like to…” she said, “but I can’t. I have to be up early to catch the train.” And so, with an awkward flourish of dressing, he escorted her down to the car and drove her home.

  Outside Jenny’s house, he pulled up and stopped. More beautiful than ever, she leaned across and touched his lips with her fingers. She pulled his head towards hers and heaven caressed him. Her kisses were something he had dreamed about but never tasted, until now. Whole worlds of possibility rose up around him. She wanted him, and right then, in that car, he wanted to be all that she needed.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she whispered and he nodded, biting his lips. She got out and as she leant down to say goodbye, words failed him, so he smiled and watched as she put her key in the door and went inside, and then he drove off at a pace that got him far enough away as quickly as possible.

  Pete parked the car and walked back up to his flat. What had happened to him? It wasn’t like him to lose his head over a woman, let alone his heart. Women normally gave whatever he wanted to take. Jenny had been different. He hadn’t set out to sleep with her that evening, though God knows he’d wanted to. She had grown on him, like a climbing rose, curling herself around his heart until to remove her felt like losing a limb.

  That night Pete was restless. He knew he wasn’t a good bet for Jenny. His ability to ‘love ‘em and leave ‘em’ was second to none. He was wrong for her. Loose women were fair game; who was he to deny himself what they were so willing to offer? Maybe it would be better for her if he cut and run. She could easily find someone else. Could he actually do this? He thought about it for a while and then rolled over and turned out the light.

  Wednesday morning, Jenny was up early. It was with mixed emotions that she left the house. She was feeling determined and stoical, sure that she had to see Clara’s grave after so long. She knew it was going to be desperately upsetting, but she needed to go.

  Facing up to her parents after all this time was not something she was looking forward to. Fourteen years she had kept them at arm’s length and now Pete had stepped in and made her think about the things she had hoped to keep hidden. Through talking with him, she had uncovered herself, but he had been right: sometimes you just have to feel the pain, rip off the plaster and see. Jenny just hoped the bleeding had stopped. But to see her sister again was exciting.

  So many emotions whirling around in one brain, at least when the journey was under way, she could settle for a bit and put Pete to the back of her mind. She could see him tonight and finally give him the shortbread she had found still lying in her bag on her return home the night before. They had made love and he had held her, as if life had depended on it. She was in love with him and, God help him, he seemed to be in love with her too.

  She remembered the way his body made her feel. When they touched, it was as if she was burning with a sensual fire. It melted her and shot sparks through her veins, right to her heart. She had been cautious about sleeping with men over the years, but even from her limited experience, it had been… spectacular. She sighed, determined to put her niggling doubts about their future to the back of her mind and be content at least with
the present. Now to sort out the past.

  The station wasn’t a long walk, so she bought her ticket from the machine on the wall and wandered onto the platform to wait.

  The train pulled in and a gust of wind brushed across her face, disturbing the dust around her. It was almost empty and so, walking along the centre aisle, she found a nice spot with a table and sat down. She hadn’t done much reading of late; couldn’t seem to concentrate. At least now, with her love life finally blossoming, she might be able to try and so she reached for her book and waited to set off.

  As the train pulled out of the station on the shorter stretch to Birmingham, Jenny settled in to her story. Ah yes, John was just keeping watch on the crows’ nests for the sign to come and rescue his love…

  Before she knew it, Jenny was changing trains and after checking with a guard that she was on the right route, she settled down again for the longer part of the journey.

  It was a lot busier by then and it wasn’t long before there was standing room only. Jenny was starting to get peckish, so she bought some crisps and a sandwich from the lady with the trolley and put her headphones in her ears. The fields that passed brought some tranquillity with them as she ate her meal and listened to Patsy sing. But the words were seeping into her, reminding her of her loves: of Simon and Clara, and Pete. Nobody in between had meant half so much. But Simon had prized his career over her and even his own child. He didn’t deserve her sadness. Pete. She hoped for so much more from Pete. It made her ache just to think of him.

  She couldn’t think about Clara for now. Not in public. Not on a train. There would be time enough for that later. She blinked back the tears, removed her headphones and then hurriedly finished the last of her food and settled back into her story.