The Surgeon's One Night to Forever

by Ann Mcintosh

  The sharp retort was so surprising Liz only just stopped herself from gaping at her mother.

  “What? When did I do that?”

  “All the time. You’d quote that odious Nanny Hardy at me. ‘Better to be useful than decorative.’” Lorelei made a sound as close to a rude one as Liz had ever heard from her. “And, of course, it’s important to be a useful member of society. You becoming a doctor was the proudest moment of my life, because you worked so hard for it. But the way she went about it gave you a complex about your appearance, and that was unforgivable in my book. How I despised that woman.”

  “If you hated her so much, why did you keep her on?”

  All the fire seemed to go out of Lorelei, and she turned to look out over the park. Although her back was ramrod straight, she seemed to droop.

  Liz suppressed the sigh rising in her throat. “Mom, it’s been a long day. Do you want to sit down?”

  Lorelei shook her head. “I’m fine, Eliza. Why do all of you treat me as though I’m made of glass? I’m far stronger than any of you seem to think.”

  The echo of Cort’s words gave Liz the courage she hadn’t thought she’d ever be able to find. For so many months she’d avoided asking the questions she needed to ask to move through it, afraid of what she’d hear. Now she was ready, if her mother was willing.

  “Mom, will you tell what happened all those years ago with you and Dad and Robbie? I really need to know.”

  Liz saw her mother’s lips tighten, and then she nodded.

  Turning so they were face to face, she said, “After you were born, I suffered from postpartum depression. Worse, I learned that, because of an infection, I would never have any more children. The only way I knew how to deal with it was to stay busy, take on more charity work, keep moving and be out all the time.”

  She lifted her chin, not defiantly but as though taking ownership of something she hadn’t been able to at the time.

  “I was drinking too much, wouldn’t even discuss what I was going through with your father, who tried to get me to go to therapy. It was as though I was outside myself, watching my life disintegrate around me, and could do nothing about it.”

  She fell silent for a moment, reached for Liz’s hands. Gripping her mother’s fingers, Liz waited, her heart heavy with sadness for all Lorelei had been through.

  “We were young, Eliza, your father and I. I was barely nineteen when you were born, your father not even twenty-one. It’s not really surprising we couldn’t handle what was happening. I knew he was having an affair, even through the fog in my head, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything.”

  “Oh, Mom.”

  “One night I came home, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I took a handful of sleeping pills with a glass of vodka and lay down, ready to get it all over with.”

  Without conscious thought, Liz stepped forward and hugged her, holding on as hard as she could, horrified by the knowledge she’d almost had to grow up without her mother.

  Having her had never seemed that big a deal before, but now it did.

  “Dad found me in time, and I was admitted to a treatment center.” She pulled back, out of Liz’s embrace, so she was once more looking into her daughter’s eyes. “This is the important part, Eliza. We forgave each other, and made a promise to be honest, to stick together and never shut each other out again. Our love was strong enough to weather the storm of all that had happened. Made us strong enough to come out on the other side.”

  “But what about Robbie?”

  “Brant broke off the relationship with his mother, and she left the firm without telling him she was pregnant.” Lorelei shook her head. “I don’t think she would have ever told Brant about Robbie if she hadn’t got sick and been given a short time to live. I’ll be honest, I was angry at first, but then I realized he was just a little baby who was about to lose his mother. I had enough love to give to both of you. How could I refuse to take him in? But...”

  Something in her expression made Liz’s stomach clench, brought a wave of defensiveness she couldn’t seem to subdue.

  “But what, Mom?”

  Lorelei’s eyes gleamed with tears. “But by then we’d realized you were the one affected most by what had happened.”

  “Me? How?”

  “While we were running around, actively trying to ruin our marriage and life together, who was looking after you? For the first four years of your life we weren’t there for you, weren’t the loving, caring parents we should have been. That’s why I kept Nanny Hardy as long as I did. I may not have liked her, but she was the one constant in your young life. How could I deprive you of that?”

  Liz searched her mother’s face, her eyes, unable to fully process what she was saying, her mind whirring with thoughts, memories, snippets of time she’d never consciously examined before.

  Her first memories, not of her parents but of the nanny, the stern-faced woman who hadn’t believed in hugs and kisses. Of being wary of the tall man she’d seen infrequently but had learned to call Daddy, and the beautiful stranger who had sometimes flitted into the nursery and then disappeared again.

  All that had changed when Robbie had come, and she’d always thought it was because of him, his smiles and laughter, the love he so easily gave, that they had become a family. Now her mother was saying that wasn’t the case, and Liz didn’t know how to process this new information.

  “All I wanted was for my children to love and admire me,” her father said softly from behind them, having approached so quietly Liz hadn’t known he was there.

  She turned toward him, and her heart ached anew to see his face lined with worry. “I was afraid that once you heard the story you’d resent me, and that would break my heart. I... I hope you can forgive me, Eliza. I was so young, and so stupid. I didn’t mean to cause any of you pain, and it’s been the regret of my life to think I have.”

  “I hope you can forgive us,” her mother added, laying a hand gently on Liz’s arm.

  “There’s nothing to forgive, Dad, Mom,” she said, her voice rough with the tears she was holding back. “I turned out okay, didn’t I?”

  It was a cry from the heart; a plea born of years of feeling disconnected, of thinking herself a disappointment to two of the people she loved most.

  “Oh, baby.” Her father pulled her into a hug so tight her ribs ached a bit. “You turned out perfectly. Far better than we ever deserved. And if we ever made you feel otherwise, it was probably because we were trying too hard to make up for what we’d done.”

  She didn’t really understand what he was saying, too full of emotion to make sense of it all. But something broke free in her, releasing the kind of tenderness that cracked her hard shell of a persona only infrequently.

  Leaning back in his arms, she reached up to smooth down his hair, and whispered, “Love you, Daddy.”

  And it was all worthwhile to see her father smile through the tears on his cheeks, as he pulled Lorelei into the circle of his arms too, for once the three of them in perfect accord.

  At peace.

  “‘Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage,’” her mother murmured.

  Liz leaned back, blinking away her own tears, laughter rising in her throat as she said, “Mom! When did you start quoting Lao Tzu?”

  Her mother sniffed delicately. “Please continue to underestimate me. I quite enjoy it.”

  * * *

  “She’s very special,” Robbie said to Cort as they watched parents and daughter embrace. “And more than special to me.”

  Despite his warning, Liz’s brother had made no effort to “interrogate” Cort. Instead, the conversation had been general, a kind of getting to know each other Cort wasn’t sure was even necessary, since it was doubtful they’d meet again. As much as he’d enjoyed parts of the day, the one thing the
experience had solidified in him was that he didn’t belong, at all, in this world Liz so easily navigated.

  It had felt surreal to see the way these people lived; like something out of a movie, where everyone was beautiful and money was no object.

  And although he’d met some nice folks, he’d also been very aware of the pointed looks he’d received, and the snubs. There had even been a few comments, not directed at him but said in such a way he couldn’t help hearing, wondering what Liz had been thinking, having him there.

  Cort had wondered too, more than once, during the day.

  “You don’t have to worry,” he told Robbie. “Liz and I really are just friends.”

  Leaning back in his chair, eyebrows raised, the other man gave him a considering look.

  “I don’t know you well enough to figure out whether you’re a fool or you think I’m one.”

  Cort shook his head, looking once more over to where Liz and her parents stood, connected by bonds so strong they were almost visible, talking quietly together. The sight made him so happy nothing else mattered. Whatever they’d spoken about had obviously bridged the divide between them, and he knew how much it must mean to Liz.

  “Your sister is an amazing woman, and I...”

  Love her.

  It wasn’t a revelation. Not really. Cort was beginning to think he’d fallen for her from that first night in Mexico, and his feelings had grown with each subsequent encounter. But it was the first time he’d allowed himself to think it, to acknowledge it, because he’d known that doing so would just increase the inevitable heartbreak exponentially.

  “You...?”

  Startled out of his reverie, Cort said, “I’m sorry. What?”

  Robbie replied, “You said Liz is an amazing woman and were about to add something about yourself before you stopped. I was curious to know what you planned to say next.”

  There was no way he’d share what he’d actually thought. He cleared his suddenly tight throat and replied, “I’m honored by her friendship. It means more to me than I can express, and I’ll always treasure it.”

  “You should.” The charming, smiling façade had fallen away from Robbie’s face, revealing a shrewd, serious man. “She doesn’t give her friendship easily, or lightly. When she loves, she loves with her whole heart, even if she doesn’t express it the way most people expect.”

  The mention of love made Cort’s heart clench with longing, and his gaze was drawn, magnetically, back to Liz.

  How beautiful she was, with her face shining with joy as she looked at her father. She wasn’t smiling, but that didn’t matter. Anyone who knew her well would recognize her happiness, and Cort counted himself lucky to be in that number.

  It was a sublime moment, but beneath his joy for her was his own inescapable aloneness. The knowledge he’d never known, and never would know, the kind of bond these people shared, one with the others.

  Robbie sighed, a contented, happy sound. “I’m glad she’s made up with Dad. In the end, family’s all you have, you know?”

  No, I don’t.

  But suddenly their affair made sense to him. Liz’s distance from her father had left an emotional void in her life that perhaps, in some small way, her friendship with him had filled. Liz had needed something, a kind of intimacy, to distract from her anger and pain.

  He’d done the same with Mimi, hadn’t he? Using her as a crutch after Brody’s death? Was he still doing the same with Liz? It felt different. He’d drifted into the relationship with Mimi, never feeling very strongly about her, or longing to see her when they’d been apart. On the other hand, Liz filled every corner of his mind, his heart, his soul.

  For a moment, just a fleeting instant, Cort allowed himself to imagine what it would mean to be truly loved by Liz Prudhomme, not just as a friend and a sexual partner but as the one person made just for her. The thought overwhelmed him, elated him before he descended, with a crash of common sense, back to reality.

  He took the last swallow of the Scotch in his glass, letting the fiery liquid slip down his throat, the burn reminding him that everything in life, no matter how delicious, had an attendant pain.

  And nothing, especially anything good, lasted forever.

  Now that Liz was reconciled with her family, it was only a matter of time before she realized how little he had to offer, and she left him.

  Everyone else of importance in his life had done it. He didn’t envision her being any different.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CORT WAS TOTALLY unprepared for the effect that going to Liz’s brother’s wedding would have on his life. In his world a wedding was just a private event, and he’d had no idea Robbie and Giovanna’s would also be a media circus, with repercussions that echoed into his work life.

  At first he didn’t know what was causing the shift in the way some of his co-workers acted around him, and tried to ignore it. Only after one of the nurses actually came out and asked him about it did it sink in that the entire hospital knew he’d gone to Robbie Prudhomme’s wedding with Liz.

  It turned out there were photographs and videos of the event all over the internet. Society websites had shots of the Prudhommes and their friends, while the mainstream media and gossip sites were more interested in Giovanna and her famous friends. To cap it off, some of the attendees had taken candid shots and uploaded those too. While Cort had stayed out of most of the pictures, there were enough of him and Liz together to get the hospital tongues wagging.

  The worst of it came later in the week when he was cleaning up after an emergency small bowel resection.

  Dr. Malachi, the anesthesiologist, who was washing up at the other sink, said, “You’re a sly one, Smith. Going for the long money shot, huh?”

  Surprised and confused, Cort looked at the older man, who was grinning over at him. “Excuse me?”

  “Getting in good with the Prudhommes. It’s a sound investment. After all, Hepplewhite was founded by one of their relatives, and it’s their money that in part funded the hospital’s renovations. If you hitch your wagon to that star, you’re probably guaranteed a berth for life, like our ER specialist.”

  There was no mistaking the malice behind the statement, but it wasn’t the implication aimed at him that made Cort contemplate exactly where he wanted to punch Malachi.

  Aware of the surgical nurse, who’d stopped dead in her tracks, probably too surprised to pretend to be discreet, Cort reached for a towel to dry his hands, giving himself a moment to get his temper under control.

  Then he stepped into the anesthesiologist’s personal space, knowing he was looming over the shorter man in what could only be considered a menacing manner. But he kept his voice conversational, as though discussing the weather.

  “Are you implying that Dr. Prudhomme is anything less than a stellar medical practitioner?”

  Malachi blinked up at Cort, the grin fading from his face, to be replaced with a mingled look of fear and anger. “What? No—”

  “Or that she wouldn’t have every hospital in the city, hell, probably the country, clamoring for her to join their staff if she decided to leave Hepplewhite?”

  Malachi took a step back but was stopped short by the wall behind him. His mouth moved but no sound came out.

  “I know for a fact you’re not suggesting that Dr. Prudhomme or her family felt it necessary to purchase her place on the staff here. Do you know how I know that, Dr. Malachi?”

  “How?” the other man said in a weak voice, when Cort raised his eyebrows and waited for a reply.

  “Because I believe that would be slander, and I refuse to think that any member of staff at a hospital I work for would be capable of that.”

  Without waiting for a response, Cort turned and strode out of the room. Keeping his expression calm was a job in itself. Inside he was fuming and embarrassed.

  Was that what people t
hought of him, that he was currying favor with Liz because of her family’s wealth? Just telling himself those people didn’t know him, so couldn’t properly judge, didn’t help. In reality it just fed into his own sense of unworthiness, solidifying the knowledge that he was, and would always be, an outsider, an interloper in Liz’s world, and he believed she’d come to realize it too.

  She had been distant since the wedding. Well, to be fair, she’d been extremely busy, back to working twelve-hour shifts and, on top of that, her parents had decided to stay in New York for a few extra days. Most of her free time was spent with them. He didn’t expect that she’d want him hanging around with her parents, but Cort had hoped she’d find a little time for him. Yet, although she’d texted and they’d seen each other around the hospital, there’d been no mention of getting together.

  Everything seemed to be pointing to the end of their relationship, as he’d suspected, and, as prepared as he’d tried to be for it, his heart had ached at the thought. Now, with the run-in with Malachi still fresh, and anger simmering beneath his skin, he almost looked forward to it.

  It was time to end things with Liz, on his terms, before she got tired of him and told him to go. Abandoned him, the way everyone else in his life had.

  At least this way he could salvage what was left of his pride, even though there was no hope for his heart.

  * * *

  Our love was strong enough to weather the storm of all that had happened. Made us strong enough to come out on the other side.

  The words her mother had spoken at the wedding reception kept playing in Liz’s head. They’d been revelatory for her. For a while, after their talk, she’d felt strange, as if the moorings tethering her to life had loosened or slipped, leaving her floating just above the ground. Everything had changed since Cort had come into her life, and she knew herself to be on the brink of a huge emotional shift. If she hadn’t already gone over the precipice.