The Surgeon's One Night to Forever

by Ann Mcintosh

  She’d needed time to sort it all out in her head, and hadn’t really had the chance to do so properly, with the aftermath of the wedding and her parents’ visit being extended.

  Yet, in between working and time spent with her parents, she’d had a lot to ponder. Brant and Lorelei’s story had explained so much, not just about why Brant had strayed but also about why she had felt somewhat disconnected from her parents. It truly was a moot point whether her character had come about through nature or nurture, but now she had no doubt it had been, at least in part, formed during those years in Nanny Hardy’s care.

  Knowing her parents were proud of her, even though they rarely expressed it, had also lifted a weight off her heart.

  There was a sensation of being renewed, of being given a different perspective. She was still working through it but was looking forward to discussing it with Cort. In the past, she’d have called Jojo or one of her other close friends and talked to them. Now she felt as though only Cort would truly understand. After all, he was the one who’d given her the courage to speak to her mother.

  Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.

  How true those words were, and taking the spirit of them into her heart she admitted, for the first time, that she loved Cort.

  Not with the young, puppy-like devotion she’d lavished on Andrew, but with the deep, selfless, abiding love that lifted and elated, while never diminishing. Now she knew love didn’t have to be a weakness but could be a river of strength.

  This wasn’t part of their deal, for her to fall for him, so she’d keep that to herself. It seemed unfair to burden him with her emotions. He’d made it clear that New York was just a waypoint.

  Like her.

  She’d texted him earlier and he’d said he’d come by, but he was late and now Liz found herself on edge. Caught up in her own ruminations and activities over the last week or so, it was only now that she realized he’d seemed a little distant.

  Finally the doorbell went, and she went into the foyer to let him in.

  It felt like forever since she’d seen him and, with her self-revelation fresh in her heart, she wanted to hug him, but something about his posture stopped her in her tracks.

  “Hi,” she said instead, hovering just inside the hallway, her heart suddenly pounding and her palms damp.

  “Hello,” he murmured in reply, locking the door and then turning to face her.

  A cold lump developed in her stomach at his stern expression.

  “Bad day?” She knew how it could be. A patient you thought you’d saved suddenly succumbing to their injuries, or one who you knew from the start was a long shot, but had hoped would recover simply couldn’t be saved.

  “You could say that,” he replied, but didn’t elaborate.

  Normally she could tell what Cort was thinking, or at least gauge his mood, but today was different, and Liz wished she knew why.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  Why was she being so hesitant? Normally she’d go in, guns blazing, demanding to know what had happened, but this time she didn’t want to.

  Cort shook his head. “Not really. And not right now. I have something else I need to talk to you about.”

  Silently, she led the way back into her living room and sat on the couch. Instinctively, she knew whatever it was he was about to say wouldn’t be good. Bracing herself, she allowed all the changes that had come over her in the last week and a half to fade, being replaced by the cold, stoic persona she’d carefully cultivated over the years.

  Crossing her legs, she looked up at him as he paced a few feet into the room and stopped. Keeping her expression noncommittal came surprisingly easily, old habits reasserting themselves without effort.

  “What is it?” she asked, pleased by how cool she sounded.

  “I heard from an old army buddy that they’re looking for trauma surgeons, and I’m planning to reenlist.”

  There was no reaction inside her, except for a thickening of the ice already building in her chest.

  “Hawaii?” she asked, in a mildly curious voice.

  His eyebrows rose slightly, as though surprised she remembered what he’d said all those months ago.

  “No, Germany.”

  “Well, that’ll be interesting too.” How distant she sounded, as if she didn’t care, while inside she was dying. “Maybe the elusive Hawaii transfer will follow.”

  For a moment his stern façade seemed to crack, and she glimpsed something dark, painful behind his gaze. It touched something deep in her soul, melted the ice around her heart.

  This was, after all, Cort. The man who’d broken her hard shell into so many pieces she doubted she would ever truly be able to put it back together, no matter how she tried. The man who’d given her the courage to face up to her fears, comforted her when her demons had torn her apart, given her the type of uncomplicated, passionate friendship she’d secretly dreamed of but had never believed she’d find.

  Taken her battered, closed heart, both soothed it and opened it wide. Reawakened her to love.

  He’d never lied to her either. She’d known this day would come, and had to let him go without revealing the tears building behind her eyes, the burning pain in her heart.

  For once in her life her restraint was appropriate. He didn’t deserve to see her pain.

  With a deep breath, she said, “Cort, I’m going to miss you. What we’ve shared has been so special, so real and true, at least to me. I knew this day would come, and if this is what you want, I’m happy for you. I hope you find joy on your travels.”

  Dark fire gleamed in his eyes for an instant and then died, and he said, “Liz, I wish I could stay longer, but I can’t.”

  She held up her hand, stopping him. “I’m not asking you to. I made myself a promise never to expect anyone to give up their dreams for me. I know how that feels, how it can sap your determination, your courage and ambition. I... I just needed you to know how I feel.”

  Cort nodded, seemed set to say something more but, instead, turned and walked away.

  The closing of a door had never sounded more final.

  She cried then, wishing she could have told him how she truly felt. Wishing it wouldn’t have made him feel badly to know she loved him and wanted him to stay.

  Forever.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  HE SHOULD BE RELIEVED, glad that Liz had taken it so well.

  Instead, his insides were in constant turmoil, and he couldn’t get more than a couple of hours’ sleep a night, bedeviled by memories, pain, sadness.

  It was the right thing to do. He’d told her from the beginning he wouldn’t be around for long, that he’d learned not to get attached to anyone. He wasn’t even sure what he felt for her was love. How did you recognize something you’d never experienced? Never known?

  No, he’d learned his lesson long ago.

  Nothing worthwhile lasted.

  Better to move on before she did, or before he couldn’t.

  Seeing Liz around the hospital was agony. He’d been expecting her to give him the cold shoulder, but she simply acted the same way she had all along, with cool professionalism and no drama whatsoever. The rest of the staff watched them, since the rumor mill had them pegged as a couple, and he got the impression many of them were disappointed when there were no overt displays of affection. If only they knew how many places in the hospital Liz and he had snuck to and made love!

  But that was something he tried very hard not to think about. Bad enough when he turned a corner and was sideswiped by a memory of Liz, hands upraised, gasping as he held her on the edge of passion.

  They’d laughed about the day they’d almost got caught in the old isolation ward, once it was far enough in the past for him to find it amusing. Liz teasing him about how angry he’d been.

&nb
sp; If anything, it was her companionship, the shared laughter he missed the most. Liz had become such an important part of his life he was lost without her in it.

  It would get better once he was out of New York City, back in the military milieu. The army had suited him. The discipline. The order. Life would go back to normal after he reenlisted.

  He’d already received the paperwork from the army medical corps command. They were sitting on his desk, ready to be signed, and he’d been contacted to ask when he would be available to report for duty. He’d explained he’d need to give ample notice to Hepplewhite and had been informed the army would do whatever was necessary to assist him getting out of his current contract asap.

  He’d put off signing the paperwork for weeks, although he’d made up his mind to do it. It was, he told himself, because he dreaded facing Gregory Hammond. The older man had recently been singing Cort’s praises and broadly hinting that, in a couple of years when he retired as head of surgery, he hoped Cort would take his place.

  His army friend who’d told him of the need for trauma surgeons had called the night before and told Cort, in rather inelegant terms, he had to make up his mind immediately.

  “Time waits for no man, Cort. And the army waits even less.”

  Now, seeing Liz in the hallway, leaning on the nurses’ station desk as she checked a chart, cemented his determination.

  It was the way his heart painfully contracted and his stomach clenched that did it. The time to move on was past. If he didn’t get it done now, he might be stuck mooning over her for another five months, until his contract expired.

  He didn’t think he could stand it.

  Getting an appointment to see the chief of surgery the next day should have been a relief. Yet he spent the entire night staring at the window of his bedroom, absolutely sure Liz’s scent was still on his sheets, despite them being freshly washed.

  The following morning he went in early and stood for a moment outside the hospital, looking up at the building. No matter how much he told himself he wouldn’t miss it, or the city, he knew it was a lie. It had grown on him, giving him a sense of home he’d never had before.

  “Hey.”

  And that was why.

  He turned to see Liz walking toward him, the car that had dropped her off driving away.

  “Hi,” he replied, not trusting his voice to say anything more.

  “I’m glad I saw you,” she said, her cherries jubilee voice wrapping around him, enticing and arousing. Yet there was a hint of hesitancy in her voice as she continued, “I have something for you.”

  “Oh?”

  For a moment she looked unsure, and then her chin came up and she gave him one of her straight-on, clear-eyed looks.

  “Yes,” she said, in her decisive way. “I... You mean a lot to me, Cort, and knowing you’re leaving, I wanted to do something for you. Something you probably wouldn’t do for yourself.”

  Mean a lot to me. The words would have made him laugh if the pain in his heart wasn’t so severe. It sounded so tepid in comparison to how he felt. Standing there, her fresh, sweet scent washing over him, he just wanted to lose himself in her eyes, in her arms, her body.

  He blinked, glanced away in an effort to get himself under control.

  “You didn’t have to do anything for me, Liz. You’ve done more than you can ever know.”

  She had taught him to love. Given him joy, and hope, and this terrible agony, knowing she would never love him back.

  “I wanted to anyway.”

  There was something different in her voice, a dark emotion roughening the already deep tones. He looked at her in time to see her take a deep breath and push her shoulders back, as though bracing for his reaction.

  “I know you said you weren’t interested, and it made no difference to you, but I was talking to Robbie, and he said that knowing where he had come from had made a huge difference in his life. So I hired a private detective, and I think she’s found your parents.”

  For a moment all the air left his body. Light-headed, he stared at her, wondering if he’d heard her correctly.

  “It’s not as bad as you thought, Cort. If these are your parents, and all the indications are that they are, they didn’t abandon you. You were kidnapped.”

  There was a low wall behind him and he eased down onto it, unsure whether his legs would continue to hold him up.

  “Liz...why...?”

  She tilted her head, her eyebrows scrunching together in a frown.

  “You deserve to know, Cort.” She hesitated for a moment and then her lips firmed. “You told me you’d learned not to get attached, and I know how badly it hurt you to lose your friend, but everyone needs to have people on their side. People—family—they can turn to in times of need, or sorrow, or happiness. I... I wanted you to have that, if it was possible, even if it isn’t with me.”

  Still numb, he took the outstretched envelope from her hand and lifted the flap. The report was several pages thick, but it started with a summary. It took him a moment to be able to focus, to make sense of the words, and gather the threads of the story.

  Child Sean Gallagher, went missing from the home of his parents, Kevin and Florence Gallagher. Signs of break-in. Father’s ex-wife, known drug and alcohol abuser, was also missing from the small town in Wyoming, and suspected of taking the child. The ex-wife was eventually found, deceased, in Seattle, Washington. While the child was not found with her, some articles of clothing and a stuffed animal known to have belonged to Sean were found with her body. Attempts to trace where the woman had been in the two months prior proved fruitless.

  “How can your PI be sure these are my parents? What makes her sure?”

  He didn’t want to acknowledge the hope gathering in his chest. Nothing good lasts forever. Don’t place your hope in people, because they always let you down, hurt you. Leave you. These were the mantras he’d taught himself, that life had taught him, and he didn’t want the pain of finding out this was wrong. That this family wasn’t his.

  “The timing is right,” Liz said gently. “And Kevin Gallagher came to the States from Ireland, while Florence is from the Shoshone tribe. The DNA matches too.”

  It was too much. Too unexpected. Too promise-filled.

  Could it really be that once he’d had a home, been a part of a family that had wanted him, loved him, perhaps, thinking he was gone forever, mourned him? It all but broke him, thinking of it, as longing he hadn’t known still existed inside his soul washed through him, like a storm.

  No. That was a lie. He’d known the longing was still there. He’d felt it every time he looked at Liz, held her in his arms, experienced the passion flowing between them. That longing was what had frightened him so much, made him determined not to give in to the love.

  Then her words came back to him, making his heart stumble over itself again.

  She’d said she wanted him to have a family, even if it wasn’t with her.

  The fear of rejection should have made him keep his mouth shut, but hope and want and need overwhelmed him and he had to ask, “Did...did you really want to be my family, Liz?”

  “I did,” she said, almost defiantly, holding his gaze, even as hers filled with pain. “I never meant to love you. I knew you would leave, and I should have guarded my heart better, but—”

  He didn’t let her finish, just pulled her into his arms. “I’m glad you didn’t. Tell me it’s not too late, that the home I’ve found in you is still mine.”

  * * *

  Liz didn’t hesitate.

  They’d wasted too much time already.

  Hardly able to believe what was happening, she held him as tightly as she could.

  “Of course it is. Forever,” she whispered into his ear.

  “I love you,” he said, burying his face in her neck, neither of them caring about the other staff me
mbers coming and going nearby.

  This was too important to worry about propriety and hospital gossip.

  “Tell me you love me again.”

  “I love you, Cort. I always will. Even if you have to go.”

  He shook his head. “How can I give up the best thing that’s ever happened to me? I haven’t signed the papers, and now that I know you love me too, I won’t.”

  She pulled back, so she could see his eyes, and replied, “If you really want to reenlist, and you wanted me to, I’d go with you. Being with you is more important than anything else.”

  She needed him to know she was serious. He knew how much she loved New York, and Hepplewhite, and hoped he recognized she would give it all up for him if he wanted her to.

  Cort swept a finger over her cheek.

  “I don’t want to reenlist, love. That was my fear making me run. Even though I’ve never known what love is, I knew I’d fallen for you, and was afraid of the heartache.”

  Tears stung her eyes as she shook her head. “You might think you didn’t know what love is, Cort, but everything you do, the way you deal with people, your compassion and strength, tells me you have so much of it to give.”

  “It’s all for you,” he said, turning his hand to capture her fingers.

  “Perfect,” she replied. Then she took a deep breath, knowing there was one last thing they had to get out into the open. “What’s been happening around the hospital...”

  “You mean the speculative looks I’ve been getting because of your brother’s wedding?”

  She cringed, having heard about his encounter with Dr. Malachi. She knew he’d been subjected to sideways looks and not-so-subtle questions from some of the staff who’d seen the pictures online.

  “Yes. Please don’t let it bother you. People’s reactions have been completely ridiculous.”

  He gave her a lopsided grin. “It hasn’t been easy, having people question my motives regarding our relationship. But I’ll get over it. You’re too important to lose over something so stupid.”