Journey of the Heart

by Mills, DiAnn; Darty, Peggy;

  Peyton pointed in the direction of Black Mountain, the tallest of its kind, and the beautiful Wild Rose Pass.

  “See up there.” Peyton pointed to Black Mountain. “When I see the beauty of that canyon pass, then I know I’m nearly home.”

  “I wish you could send me a signal, so then I could stop praying and fretting about you,” Katie said.

  “Did you know that you are the first person I rush to see after I’ve reported to the colonel?” Peyton said. “Of course I clean up first, or you would smell me coming.” They had stopped to admire nature’s sculpture and enjoy the unseasonably warm fall temperatures.

  “I wasn’t aware of such things.” Katie pretended to be unimpressed. “But thank you, especially for the bath.”

  A slight breeze met their faces, and the two quietly enjoyed the refreshing touch of fall. Soon winter, with all of its whistling winds and freezing temperatures, would keep them huddled around a warm fire.

  He took her hand and together they strolled by the stream that fed Limpia Valley. “After being a part of Miles and Lauren’s wedding I now wonder how Comanches marry.”

  “It’s quite different,” Katie said. “Comanche couples are not supposed to ever talk, but they usually devise ways to meet in secret. If a warrior has serious intentions, then he simply presents the maiden’s family with gifts, usually horses. If the parents accept the gifts, then the couple begins living together and they are considered married. Sometimes the warrior will try to sneak into the bride’s tent to snatch her away. Providing he’s successful, then he has a wife.”

  “I think their way sounds better than ours,” Peyton said, obviously amused. “Except you must have a lot of horses to win your lady’s hand. What if the girl doesn’t want to marry the warrior?”

  “She can urge her parents not to accept the gift. But if her parents approve, she’s stuck with her husband.”

  “I change my mind,” Peyton said. “I like the idea of courtin’ a girl instead of buying off her parents.”

  Katie laughed, and he squeezed her hand.

  “You’re on my mind most all of the time.” Peyton faced her squarely, and his endearing look caused her heart to pound furiously. She didn’t tremble like before but silently captured her own feelings and admitted to herself much more than a mere attraction to him.

  “I would like to pull you close to me,” he said softly. “Except the last time I frightened you.”

  She turned away then bravely met his ardent gaze with her own shy longings. “I won’t stop you this time.”

  Peyton reached to hold her close, and she felt his breath brush against her cheek. She hoped he didn’t hear the rapid beating of her heart, for she felt certain it would give away the secrets she needed to safeguard.

  “We need to talk.” He wound his fingers through her hair. “There are things, important things I must tell you.” He gingerly released her and stepped back, studying her. “Katie, I care for you very much—more than caring, I love you.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but his fingers silenced any response.

  “Wait, let me finish, because I may not have the courage to tell you this again. Love for you hit me hard the night we learned about Jacob and Emily’s family. Any other woman would have steered clear from such a nightmare, but you bravely insisted upon coming with me. When I saw the look of compassion upon your face at the sight of Jacob holding his little sister, I knew God had set you apart from all other women for me.” He paused before beginning again. “Even though you didn’t have Jesus in your life, a lot of folks, besides myself, were praying for you. And when you did accept Him, I realized God had put you into my life for a purpose.”

  “But there are things you don’t know about me,” she whispered.

  “I know enough to see God’s purpose in the both of us together,” Peyton said. “And I, too, have things to tell you—some of which I regret, but they must be told.” He gently grasped both of her hands and held her at arm’s length from him. “I’m not proud of what the army has always asked of me, Katie, and one of the areas of duty has caused me to deceive you.”

  She could only stare at him in fearful wonder. Had he led patrols of men to destroy old men, women, and children living in Indian villages? Had Lone Eagle been killed? Peyton didn’t know of her relationship with the Comanche warrior, unless Uncle Seth had told him. Had Peyton been transferred to another post and was now hesitant to tell her? His face appeared pained, and she couldn’t imagine what could possibly disturb him so greatly.

  “Peyton, my feelings for you are new, and despite my awkwardness in all of this, I want you to understand you can tell me anything…because I care for you very much. I’ve fought any type of emotion for you, and I can’t believe I am admitting it to you now. What I am trying to say is it sounds like we both have things from our past to tell the other, but it shouldn’t change how we feel.” Katie wiped the tears slipping down over her face and trembled. She stepped into his embrace, and he wrapped his arms around her. “Peyton, I feel so guilty and ashamed about living with the Comanches. Uncle Seth and Aunt Elizabeth say I shouldn’t, but every time I see someone who has been hurt by them, I despise myself.”

  “Sweetheart, God knows your heart. How can you blame yourself for their actions? You were a child living with those who treated you with love and kindness.”

  “And I loved them.”

  “Is not love the greatest commandment? Don’t ever regret the time you spent with them. You learned how they think and what they feel. Too bad the rest of us can’t do the same thing. Maybe then we would have peace. Katie, listen to me for one moment. I have not been truthful with you….”

  A shout from the distance alerted him. A young boy rode in their direction. The couple watched the rider approach and recognized Lauren’s brother.

  “Miss Colter, you’re needed at the reception,” he said breathlessly. “Lauren is ready to toss her ribbons to the next bride, and she won’t budge an inch until you get there.”

  Chapter Ten

  Katie caught Lauren’s ribbons. She blushed and denied any truth in an upcoming wedding with Sergeant Sinclair, but Peyton only grinned and refused to comment. As the wedding celebration continued until after dusk, Peyton and Katie didn’t find an opportunity to speak further. Once they attempted to leave the festivities for a few moments, except Miles spied them and urged them to stay a while longer.

  Evening shadows forced everyone to their homes, and Peyton reluctantly informed Katie of a patrol scheduled to ride out before sunup. The soldiers would be gone for three weeks, escorting several wagons carrying provisions and supplies through Comanche territory.

  “Don’t you go getting into a sour mood,” he said. It had become his favorite parting remark, and the words always made her smile.

  He walked her to the cabin door. “I will do my best to stay sweet.”

  Peyton said good night and started to walk away, but he abruptly turned to face her. “Katie, I have never kissed you. I’ve certainly thought about it enough. Every time I’m ready, something or somebody interrupts us.”

  “There’s nothing stopping you now,” she whispered. “Unless you don’t want to.”

  “Oh, I want to. Guess I’d better take advantage of the dark while I can.”

  Katie thought her heart would burst through her chest. Surely Peyton could hear it flutter as his lips descended upon hers so slowly and gently, as though he wanted the kiss to last forever. He took her face into his hands and brushed a kiss to her forehead, the peak of her nose, and lightly against her lips.

  “I love you, Katie Colter,” he whispered and then he was gone.

  Late into the night her mind lingered on the events of the day. What a perfect day for a wedding, and she felt so happy for Lauren and Miles. What had Peyton wanted to tell her that was so important? It had seemed urgent. Peyton stood for all that was right and good, but maybe something had happened during a battle.

  Katie didn’t intend to cry with
his departure, but alone on her mat she muffled the tears. She had been ready to tell Peyton about Lone Eagle and the Kiowa scout. Her tears fell in fear for his safety. Why hadn’t she told him about her relationship with the warrior? Now she must wait to uncover the ugly truth about herself and hear what he wanted to say.

  As before, Katie threw herself into any work or activity that would keep her mind occupied until the patrol returned. She comforted herself by memorizing psalms, allowing their words to flow through her until she felt the blessings of praising God. Many times she daydreamed of Peyton and his endearing words of love. She prayed for guidance and direction with Peyton, certain God wanted them together.

  “Katie, child, you certainly have been smiling a lot here lately,” Aunt Elizabeth said as they tidied the cabin. “Does the sergeant have anything to do with this?”

  “Well, I don’t know.” She tried to appear surprised at her aunt’s statement.

  “Yes, you do.” Aunt Elizabeth attempted to conceal a smile. “You have the glow of a lady in love.”

  “Do I?” Katie said then laughed in spite of her resolve to appear coy.

  “So, tell your dear aunt what happened the day of Lauren and Miles’s wedding. You have been radiant ever since.”

  “You don’t think it’s because I’m happy for Lauren?” Katie said, picking up a corn husk broom to sweep the rough stone floor.

  “No, miss. So you might as well tell me—I won’t stop pestering you until you do.” Her aunt stood with one hand on her hip and pointing her finger with the other.

  Should she tell Aunt Elizabeth? She hadn’t told a soul about her and Peyton’s conversation. “Well…it’s very good…. He told me he cared for me, and I told him I felt the same.”

  “Something tells me those weren’t the exact words.”

  “Probably not, but they are pretty close.” Katie laughed. “Honestly, Aunt Elizabeth, both of us feel God has put us together, and we are very happy.”

  “Any mention of marriage?”

  “Not the word marriage, but a hint of it.” Katie lifted her chin stubbornly. “And that’s all I can say until Peyton gets back and we have time to talk.”

  “I’m so happy for you,” Aunt Elizabeth said with tears in her eyes. She shook her head as if to ignore the drops falling down her cheeks.

  “I still have to tell him about Lone Eagle. And I will as soon as he gets back.”

  “Yes, it’s best to be honest about everything with those you love,” Aunt Elizabeth said. “Seth and I started our marriage with that belief, and I believe its sound advice for all couples.”

  Admitting out loud her love for Peyton made it real. The words spilled out like a bubbling waterfall, and she didn’t care who could see or hear it. The patrol couldn’t arrive home too soon.

  Three weeks turned into four and still no word from the supply train or the army patrol. Katie gave the soldiers three more days’ grace to allow for broken wheels or any other reasons why they would be delayed. On the morning of the fourth day, she chose to go see the colonel herself. After all, Colonel Ross should know why they were late, and he might answer her questions.

  She nervously knocked on the officer’s door. When she didn’t hear a reply, she knocked again a little harder. Each time her knuckles rapped against the wooden door, her impatience mounted.

  “I said, come in,” the colonel bellowed behind the door.

  She stepped inside and noted Colonel Ross hadn’t reduced the stack of papers on his desk from the last time she was there. In fact, the mound of documents looked larger. He glanced up, and surprise etched the lines around his eyes.

  “Miss Colter, excuse me. I didn’t expect it to be you. Do sit down.”

  She seated herself on the ladder-back chair in front of the desk. “I won’t take much of your time, Colonel Ross. I just have a few questions.” She took a deep breath and willed her voice to stop shaking.

  “You can have all the time you need. Is it about your land? If so, I haven’t gotten the paperwork back from the territorial land office.” He leaned back in his chair and eyed her curiously.

  “It’s not about the land,” Katie said.

  “I didn’t think so. You look too upset.”

  “The patrol is very late,” Katie said as slowly and precisely as possible. “I was wondering if you had heard any word from them.”

  The colonel sighed deeply and picked up his pipe. “No, I haven’t, but as soon as I do, I will be happy to inform you of their status.” His manner was so formal that she wondered how many others had requested the same information.

  “I realize you are busy, I’m just concerned.”

  “Your interest is understandable. Any number of reasons could delay them.”

  She rose to leave with no more assurance of the patrol’s safety than when she entered his office. “Thank you, sir, for your time. I will continue to pray for their safe return.”

  “I’m sure the men appreciate your prayers, Miss Colter.”

  “Colonel?” Katie said with a degree of hesitancy. She latched on to the back of the wooden chair as though it would support her impending question.

  “Yes.”

  “Why does Sergeant Sinclair accompany every one of the patrols?”

  “Well, that’s simple,” the colonel said. “He’s the only enlisted man who speaks Comanche.”

  Her face paled. She fought a sick feeling in the bottom of her stomach, and the room seemed to spin. It couldn’t be true, but she’d heard Colonel Ross state so: Peyton spoke Comanche. No wonder he rode with every soldier who rode in and out of Fort Davis. His skills were vital in conversing, even surviving, with the Indians. Obviously the Kiowa scout didn’t know Peyton spoke Comanche, or he wouldn’t have spoken with her.

  “Why wasn’t I told this the afternoon Peyton escorted me to your office? Surely you remember when the Kiowa asked to speak with me?” Her voice sounded distant as though someone else spoke through her lips.

  “I didn’t feel it necessary,” the colonel said.

  “You didn’t feel it necessary.” Her voice rose. “Did you think I might reveal some valuable information you could use against the Comanches?”

  “I believe you misunderstood—”

  “I do understand, Colonel Ross. You wanted to make sure I wasn’t some kind of a spy. Goodness, Jeremiah Colter’s daughter must have been sent here to get information for the Comanches. Was the Kiowa’s request a trap? And is his absence from the fort a way to make the meeting look real? Thank you, Colonel, for the confidence. I’m sure your interpreter gave you a favorable report.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Katie didn’t remember walking home after the meeting with Colonel Ross. Neither did she recall anyone she passed. Her thoughts were fixed on the colonel’s truth and the likelihood of Peyton befriending her for the army’s use. She didn’t want to believe he would deliberately use her affections to gather information for the army, but the colonel’s words made it appear so. Blinding, stinging tears humiliated her, and anger burned like a raging prairie fire.

  At home Aunt Elizabeth tried to get her to explain what happened, but she simply paced the floor and shed tear after tear. Finally she picked up Emily and attempted to rock her. When holding the toddler didn’t bring comfort, she held Emily close and wept more. Jacob patted her on the shoulder and whispered, “It will be all right,” much like she had done with him.

  “Has something happened to Peyton?” her aunt said, kneeling beside the rocking chair.

  She shook her head.

  “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what is wrong.” She pulled a wet strand of hair from Katie’s face and tucked it behind her ear.

  Katie took a deep breath. “I just found out that Colonel Ross and Peyton arranged a meeting with a Kiowa scout to see if I would send information back to…” She couldn’t finish with Jacob standing so near.

  “Surely not. It has to be a mistake.”

  “The colonel just told me,” she sai
d between sobs and carefully retold the accounting, making sure to leave out certain words that would alarm Jacob.

  “There has to be a reasonable explanation, surely a misunderstanding,” Aunt Elizabeth said. “But right now, you need to get alone with the Lord. You will be miserable until you pray and find the courage to forgive both of them.”

  “Forgive them?” Katie startled. “How can I ever forgive or forget?”

  “Not on your own strength, but with the power of God.” Her aunt picked up a brown package and placed it in Katie’s lap. “Here, we’ve been saving this for you. It’s a new Bible, a gift from your uncle and me. We planned to give it to you this evening, but you have greater use for it now.”

  Aunt Elizabeth lifted Emily from Katie’s lap and watched while she untied the heavy string around the package. Katie drew a brown leather Bible to her chest and mouthed a tearful thank-you.

  “Go on into our room,” her aunt said. “Spend time alone with the Father. Only He can comfort you.”

  Katie seldom entered her aunt and uncle’s bedroom. She and the children slept in the main part of the two-room cabin and found no need to step inside her aunt and uncle’s small bit of privacy.

  Sitting in a wooden chair on which a quilt had been draped over the back, Katie wiped the tears from her eyes and silently prayed before opening the Bible.

  Oh, heavenly Father, I hurt so badly. I feel like my whole world has just fallen down around me. I don’t know why Peyton didn’t tell me he spoke Comanche, and I don’t know why he couldn’t trust me enough to tell me he understood the Kiowa’s words. I feel so horrible, and the ache in my heart is worse than when Pa died. At least he didn’t have a choice, but Peyton chose to deceive me.

  She stopped in the middle of her prayer. Peyton had used the word deceive when he tried to tell her something before he left on patrol. It had to be this; nothing else would have affected him with such urgency. Opening the Bible, she prayed for God to speak to her through His Word.